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Add truth finder about why I was breached. - annna - Annna the nice friendly bo… |
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git clone git://bitreich.org/annna/ git://enlrupgkhuxnvlhsf6lc3fziv5h2hhfrinws6… |
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README |
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--- |
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commit 48d4c8568dcf6f0471b63a4b43e07b5ab7d1823b |
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parent 749c7ee3a0592724db97e102d06b9861c99f08e6 |
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Author: Annna Robert-Houdin <[email protected]> |
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Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2021 20:14:02 +0200 |
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Add truth finder about why I was breached. |
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Diffstat: |
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M annna-message-common | 7 +++++++ |
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A why-was-i-breached | 104 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++… |
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2 files changed, 111 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) |
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--- |
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diff --git a/annna-message-common b/annna-message-common |
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@@ -306,6 +306,13 @@ case "${text}" in |
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"${botname}, please pray for me.") |
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annna-say -c "${channel}" "${user}, here, for you: gopher://bitreich.o… |
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;; |
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+"${botname}, why was I breached?") |
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+ breachtext="$(why-was-i-breached)" |
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+ if [ -n "${breachtext}" ]; |
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+ then |
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+ annna-say -c "${channel}" "${user}, ${breachtext}" |
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+ fi |
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+ ;; |
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"${botname}, please say "*) |
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word="$(printf "%s\n" "${text}" | cut -c 19- | sed 's,\t, ,g')" |
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suri="$(printf "%s\n" "${word}" | bitreich-speak)" |
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diff --git a/why-was-i-breached b/why-was-i-breached |
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@@ -0,0 +1,104 @@ |
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+#!/bin/sh |
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+# |
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+# From: https://whythefuckwasibreached.com/ |
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+# |
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+ |
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+actors="Russians |
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+NSA |
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+FBI |
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+North Koreans |
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+Chinese |
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+Anonymous collective |
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+teenage hacking prodigies |
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+Iranians |
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+KGB |
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+industrial spies |
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+competition |
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+Europeans |
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+Americans |
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+cyber terrorists |
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+advanced persistent threats |
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+state actors |
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+rogue AIs |
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+APTs |
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+Fancy Bears |
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+foreign assets |
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+master hackers |
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+technology whiz kids |
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+script kiddies |
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+hacking activists |
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+hacking people |
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+security community |
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+internet crowd" |
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+ |
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+methods="0-day exploits |
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+unprecedented XSS vulnerabilities |
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+infiltrators |
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+overwhelming force |
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+botnets |
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+ransomware |
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+DDoS attacks |
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+IoT malware |
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+advanced techniques |
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+hacking drones |
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+cyborg bees |
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+digital nukes |
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+the open door in our basement |
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+that one vulnerability we were going to patch next Tuesday |
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+that other vulnerability we were going to patch next tuesday |
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+something something vulnerability |
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+vectors we really couldn't have prevented |
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+vulnerabilities in a 3rd party solution |
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+weaknesses in our vendors |
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+nefarious techniques |
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+an issue in Wordpress 1.0 |
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+Heartbleed |
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+a vulnerability in Windows XP SP1 |
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+pen and paper based social engineering |
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+an open window in the server room |
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+30 - 50 feral hogs" |
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+ |
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+targets="gain access to some data |
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+cause a minor disturbance |
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+potentially access some customer data |
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+cause an undetermined amount of damage |
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+partially disrupt our services |
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+breach our high security servers |
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+glimpse into our database |
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+transfer 7 petabytes of data |
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+extract some private keys |
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+do something, but we aren't quite sure what it is |
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+make a mess |
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+make us look bad |
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+force us to release this report |
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+hack the coffee maker |
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+install a C99" |
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+ |
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+mitigations="made everyone promise to be super super careful |
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+gotten ISO certified |
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+gotten PCI certified |
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+worked with industry leading specialists |
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+upskilled our cafeteria staff |
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+hired external consultants |
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+worked with law enforcement |
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+bought an IDS |
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+twiddled with our firewall |
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+been pretty good about security |
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+hired some people with 'CISSP' after their names |
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+watched a YouTube video on cyber security |
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+told them to not do it again |
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+said that we are very sorry |
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+copy-pasted a security policy we found on Google |
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+hired a Russian dude |
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+watched the movie Hackers 8 times back to back |
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+sent one of our guys to Defcon |
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+put a rotating lock GIF on our website" |
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+ |
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+selactor="$(printf "%s\n" "${actors}" | shuf -n 1)" |
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+selmethod="$(printf "%s\n" "${methods}" | shuf -n 1)" |
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+seltarget="$(printf "%s\n" "${targets}" | shuf -n 1)" |
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+selmitigation="$(printf "%s\n" "${mitigations}" | shuf -n 1)" |
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+ |
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+printf "The fucking %s used %s to %s. But we have since %s, so it will never h… |
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+ "${selactor}" "${selmethod}" "${seltarget}" "${selmitigation}" |
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+ |
