Add truth finder about why I was breached. - annna - Annna the nice friendly bo… | |
git clone git://bitreich.org/annna/ git://enlrupgkhuxnvlhsf6lc3fziv5h2hhfrinws6… | |
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--- | |
commit 48d4c8568dcf6f0471b63a4b43e07b5ab7d1823b | |
parent 749c7ee3a0592724db97e102d06b9861c99f08e6 | |
Author: Annna Robert-Houdin <[email protected]> | |
Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2021 20:14:02 +0200 | |
Add truth finder about why I was breached. | |
Diffstat: | |
M annna-message-common | 7 +++++++ | |
A why-was-i-breached | 104 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++… | |
2 files changed, 111 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) | |
--- | |
diff --git a/annna-message-common b/annna-message-common | |
@@ -306,6 +306,13 @@ case "${text}" in | |
"${botname}, please pray for me.") | |
annna-say -c "${channel}" "${user}, here, for you: gopher://bitreich.o… | |
;; | |
+"${botname}, why was I breached?") | |
+ breachtext="$(why-was-i-breached)" | |
+ if [ -n "${breachtext}" ]; | |
+ then | |
+ annna-say -c "${channel}" "${user}, ${breachtext}" | |
+ fi | |
+ ;; | |
"${botname}, please say "*) | |
word="$(printf "%s\n" "${text}" | cut -c 19- | sed 's,\t, ,g')" | |
suri="$(printf "%s\n" "${word}" | bitreich-speak)" | |
diff --git a/why-was-i-breached b/why-was-i-breached | |
@@ -0,0 +1,104 @@ | |
+#!/bin/sh | |
+# | |
+# From: https://whythefuckwasibreached.com/ | |
+# | |
+ | |
+actors="Russians | |
+NSA | |
+FBI | |
+North Koreans | |
+Chinese | |
+Anonymous collective | |
+teenage hacking prodigies | |
+Iranians | |
+KGB | |
+industrial spies | |
+competition | |
+Europeans | |
+Americans | |
+cyber terrorists | |
+advanced persistent threats | |
+state actors | |
+rogue AIs | |
+APTs | |
+Fancy Bears | |
+foreign assets | |
+master hackers | |
+technology whiz kids | |
+script kiddies | |
+hacking activists | |
+hacking people | |
+security community | |
+internet crowd" | |
+ | |
+methods="0-day exploits | |
+unprecedented XSS vulnerabilities | |
+infiltrators | |
+overwhelming force | |
+botnets | |
+ransomware | |
+DDoS attacks | |
+IoT malware | |
+advanced techniques | |
+hacking drones | |
+cyborg bees | |
+digital nukes | |
+the open door in our basement | |
+that one vulnerability we were going to patch next Tuesday | |
+that other vulnerability we were going to patch next tuesday | |
+something something vulnerability | |
+vectors we really couldn't have prevented | |
+vulnerabilities in a 3rd party solution | |
+weaknesses in our vendors | |
+nefarious techniques | |
+an issue in Wordpress 1.0 | |
+Heartbleed | |
+a vulnerability in Windows XP SP1 | |
+pen and paper based social engineering | |
+an open window in the server room | |
+30 - 50 feral hogs" | |
+ | |
+targets="gain access to some data | |
+cause a minor disturbance | |
+potentially access some customer data | |
+cause an undetermined amount of damage | |
+partially disrupt our services | |
+breach our high security servers | |
+glimpse into our database | |
+transfer 7 petabytes of data | |
+extract some private keys | |
+do something, but we aren't quite sure what it is | |
+make a mess | |
+make us look bad | |
+force us to release this report | |
+hack the coffee maker | |
+install a C99" | |
+ | |
+mitigations="made everyone promise to be super super careful | |
+gotten ISO certified | |
+gotten PCI certified | |
+worked with industry leading specialists | |
+upskilled our cafeteria staff | |
+hired external consultants | |
+worked with law enforcement | |
+bought an IDS | |
+twiddled with our firewall | |
+been pretty good about security | |
+hired some people with 'CISSP' after their names | |
+watched a YouTube video on cyber security | |
+told them to not do it again | |
+said that we are very sorry | |
+copy-pasted a security policy we found on Google | |
+hired a Russian dude | |
+watched the movie Hackers 8 times back to back | |
+sent one of our guys to Defcon | |
+put a rotating lock GIF on our website" | |
+ | |
+selactor="$(printf "%s\n" "${actors}" | shuf -n 1)" | |
+selmethod="$(printf "%s\n" "${methods}" | shuf -n 1)" | |
+seltarget="$(printf "%s\n" "${targets}" | shuf -n 1)" | |
+selmitigation="$(printf "%s\n" "${mitigations}" | shuf -n 1)" | |
+ | |
+printf "The fucking %s used %s to %s. But we have since %s, so it will never h… | |
+ "${selactor}" "${selmethod}" "${seltarget}" "${selmitigation}" | |
+ |