View source | |
# 2022-01-23 - A Foxy Old Woman's Guide To Traveling Alone by Jay | |
# Ben-Lesser | |
Fascinating book found in a thrift-store. The awareness exercises | |
remind me a little of Kim's Game. | |
Kim's Game @Wikipedia | |
They also remind me of my ealier log entry | |
Techniques for restoring biophilia | |
# Introduction | |
Most importantly, Part One teaches you how to enrich your life by | |
improving the use of your senses through specific awareness | |
exercises. If you choose not to do the awareness exercises, you'll | |
miss much of the value of this book. Experienced travelers who | |
follow and practice the awareness exercises will find that their | |
everyday lives and travel become brighter, clearer, and more | |
colorful. Sensational living and traveling are rewards. | |
A traveler wants to become broadly acquainted with life on this | |
planet, as well as with the planet itself. A traveler wants to | |
return home changed in some profound way. | |
Enthusiasm comes from the Greek en theos, "in God". The God within | |
us must be present in our yearning... Passion, vigor, elan, spunk, | |
verve, vitality, zest, delight, diligence, and zeal will carry us | |
through the most exhausting, frightening, or ecstatic travels. | |
Curiosity is the mother of finding our relatedness to our world. | |
Without curiosity we are doomed to isolation and poverty of | |
experience. | |
Travel is not for everyone. Traveling can be hard work, requiring | |
time and energy perhaps better spent on the realization of some other | |
desire. | |
[In a philosophical or symbolic sense, we are all travelers passing | |
through our lives on this planet, our human experiences, and the | |
ideological flow of who we are and what we are all about.] | |
Part One | |
# Awareness Training | |
These exercises are designed to increase your ability to use your | |
senses: to see where you are, to know what you are doing NOW, to | |
hear, smell, and touch your real world--TO WAKE UP. | |
* * * | |
Go to the library [or another public building]. | |
# Awareness Exercise 1: How Awake Am I? | |
While sitting in the library, close your eyes and feel the hard/soft | |
seat beneath you. | |
* Listen to the sounds around you. | |
* Do you smell anything? | |
Sit quietly a short while, then open your eyes and begin to look | |
around at the people. | |
* How many are watching you? | |
* What are the others doing? | |
Pick one person and look at him or her very carefully. Let your eyes | |
move slowly from head to feet. Close your eyes again and describe | |
silently to yourself what that person was wearing. | |
* Head: hat, glasses, jewelry? | |
* Upper body: blouse, jacket, long sleeves, dress, over-alls? | |
Colors? Textures? | |
* Lower body: pants, skirts, shorts, tights? Colors? Textures? | |
* Legs and feet: hose, short socks, knee-length socks, boots, | |
shoes, sandals, bare feet? | |
* Arms and hands: covered, jewelry, wristwatch? | |
* Anything else you remember about the person--age, sex, size, | |
pleasant, sad, etc. | |
Take a deep breath and open your eyes again. | |
* If the person is still there, what did you miss? And--how well | |
did you remember? How well did you really see that person? | |
* Were you judging her/him? Is judging a habit? | |
* Are you judging yourself now? Do you frequently judge yourself | |
harshly? | |
Close your eyes again. | |
* Listen to the sounds. Are there new ones? Are some missing? | |
Are the sounds coming from inside the building or outside? | |
* Do you smell anything? Do you know what it is? | |
* What is the temperature of the air touching your face? Are your | |
hands or feet cold? Warm? | |
* Is your posture comfortable? Are you more or less comfortable | |
than you were when you began the exercise? | |
Open your eyes. | |
Repeat this exercise often, in other places, really looking at a | |
variety of people. You will be surprised how quickly your awareness | |
becomes sharper--you will see more, hear more, smell more, and be | |
much more aware of what your body is touching. | |
You will begin to wake up--To your life here, to your life now. | |
Begin to travel now by experiencing your everyday world with the same | |
awareness with which you hope to experience new and exotic places. | |
Our culture and lifestyle have taught us to turn off our senses and | |
to judge whatever we do sense as good or bad. As a young child all | |
your senses were alive, and you were interested in your world, as it | |
was, without judging. Just as you practice any new or lost skill, | |
you will need to practice sensing with awareness and without judging. | |
To travel without awareness is a waste of time and money. | |
* * * | |
Go to a movie [or any other public activity]. Make the experience as | |
easy to yourself as possible. THEN GO. | |
# Awareness Exercise 2: Who Is Watching Me? | |
Choose a time when you feel uncomfortable or conspicuous. Perhaps | |
you're walking down the street toward the movie theater or standing | |
in line for tickets. | |
Look around and see what other people are doing. Take your time. | |
When you have finished viewing the scene, ask yourself: | |
* How many people were watching me? | |
* How important do I think I am in their lives now? | |
* Have my feelings changed? Do I feel more conspicuous? Less | |
conspicuous? | |
Now close your eyes and sense the PLACE--weather, noises, odors, | |
safe, dangerous, pleasant, unpleasant. Keep your eyes closed. | |
* Is your body tight or relaxed? | |
* Are your shoulders hunched or relaxed? | |
* Are your jaws and mouth clenched, open, relaxed, tense? | |
You don't have to change anything, but you can if you want to. I | |
just want you to begin to be aware of your body--what your body is | |
saying to you, now, in this place, at this time, about this place. | |
Begin to trust messages from your body. | |
* * * | |
Choose a restaurant [or cafe, etc.] you have never eaten in and the | |
time that feels easiest and safest... THEN DO IT. | |
Enjoy the experience as much as you are able. If you are more | |
comfortable than you expected, repeat Awareness Exercises 1 and 2 and | |
see what effect increased awareness has on your pleasure. | |
Now it's time for a second meal out. Select another restaurant, a | |
different time of day, and a different meal. Be sure to carry along | |
a copy of Awareness Exercises 1 and 2. | |
After you have ordered your meal, take a long, slow look around the | |
room, then begin Awareness Exercise 1. I think you'll be surprised | |
at how much your awareness has improved already. Remember the first | |
time you did this exercise at the library? If time permits, do | |
Awareness Exercise 2. | |
If you're still waiting for your meal, begin to make up stories in | |
your head about a person in the restaurant who interests you, either | |
positively or negatively. Or think about how you'd redesign the | |
decor of the restaurant. How would you change it? What things would | |
you keep? There are many games you can invent that keep you PRESENT | |
and AWARE of the life you are living at this moment. | |
Pick the fanciest restaurant you can afford, but one in which you | |
have never eaten alone. Choose the day and time you want to eat, | |
preferably evening. | |
One to three days before the date you selected, call the restaurant | |
and ask for a reservation for one at the time you wish to eat. | |
On the day of your reservation, take plenty of time to get ready. | |
[Whatever preparations it takes to make you feel and look nice.] | |
Dress conservatively and elegantly, as you would when traveling out | |
of town or in another country. It's important that YOU be pleased | |
with how you look. You're dressing for no one else. You are your | |
own best friend, and tonight your dinner date is with YOU. | |
Arrive on time but not early, or you may have to wait. Tell the | |
host, "I have a reservation at 7:30 under the name _____." He or she | |
will lead you to your table or tell you that it's not ready. If your | |
table isn't ready, ask how long it will be before it is. Restaurants | |
can't control when previous diners will leave, but still can make a | |
good guess. You're asking the question to show the host that you | |
expected your table to be ready at the time of the reservation. Be | |
gracious and reasonable; don't get angry and spoil your evening or | |
make yourself uncomfortable. The host may suggest that you wait in | |
the bar. If you want to, go ahead, but remember that alcohol dulls | |
the senses, and we want this evening to be a sensual experience. | |
After you've been seated, take your time ordering. Don't be rushed | |
by the presence of the waiter. Ask any questions you have, about the | |
menu, the specials, how a dish is prepared, the size of portions, | |
etc. Ask what is included in the entree price. | |
Ask anything that will help you make decisions about what you wish to | |
order. TAKE YOUR TIME. | |
After you've ordered your meal, try Awareness Exercise 3. | |
# Awareness Exercise 3: Where Am I? | |
Relax, lean back in your chair and then look around. | |
First look at your table: | |
* Table: What is it covered with? Note the color, feel the | |
texture--pleasing? Cheap? Luxurious? Clean? | |
* Napkin: How is it folded? Size? Color? Texture? | |
* Silverware: What kind? How many pieces? Silver? Stainless? | |
Pick up the knife: How does the weight feel? Special handles? | |
* Flowers: Artificial? Fragrance? Vase? Color? Shape? Pick up | |
the vase and smell the flowers. | |
* What else is on the table? Any new ideas for your home? | |
Now look around the room. How do the room and decor affect you? | |
* Check out your body: Relaxed? Soothed? Caressed? Jangled? | |
Cold? Hot? Uplifted? Crowded? | |
* Are there odors? Noises? Music? Quiet? Activity? Colors? | |
* Drop your shoulders, take a deep breath, and look around SLOWLY. | |
* Who else is here? Slowly count the people in the room. Couples? | |
Groups? Single diners? | |
* How many people are watching you? | |
* What colors attract or repel you? | |
* Whom are you curious about? | |
* Make up stories about the diners and [waiters]. | |
When the meal arrives, it's time to enjoy. Smile when the waiter | |
proudly sets your food before you, and remember to give thanks to | |
your waiter--and to yourself for taking this risk and treating | |
yourself to this uncommon night out. | |
Feast your eyes. Be sure to put on your glasses if you need them to | |
see clearly. Take in the colors, textures, and the arrangements on | |
the plate, and the design of the plate itself. | |
TAKE TIME. | |
Can you see a wisp of steam? Smell the tantalizing fragrance? If | |
you can't smell the food, move your face closer to the plate, or lift | |
the plate closer to your face. Is it hot? Cold? Does the food | |
smell as good as it looks? | |
TAKE TIME. | |
Now you are ready to taste the flavors, feel the textures, listen to | |
the crunch as you slowly savor your food. | |
TAKE YOUR TIME. | |
Taste each part of the meal separately, then all together if you | |
want. Look at the bread--smell it, feel it, and spread it slowly | |
with butter. | |
We need food to survive, physically and spiritually. Eating is a | |
sacred ritual. Everything we eat was once a living plant or animal. | |
Honor their sacrifice with time, appreciation, and joy. Make it a | |
sensual delight. Practice awareness at every meal. | |
When finished with your meal, which may include an elegant dessert... | |
ask for your check. Your waiter may have already placed it on your | |
table. Do not leave your table until you are absolutely ready, no | |
matter how many people are waiting. | |
Never skimp on the tip. Don't ruin your luxurious feelings by | |
getting uptight about money now. | |
You are now ready for more dining out alone--and for Awareness | |
Exercise 4. | |
# Awareness Exercise 4: Just Say "No" | |
This exercise will give you practice in saying "no" to your waiter. | |
Your first "no" may not represent your true feelings; this is just | |
practice. You may do one or all of these suggestions, but practice | |
at least one. The more you practice, the better you will be able to | |
say "no" when it really counts. | |
* When your waiter shows you to a table, say "No, I'd rather have | |
that table." No matter what the waiter says, do not accept the | |
first table offered. Even if you have to walk out and go to | |
another restaurant, you will probably discover that nothing | |
spectacular happens. Do not get angry. Just be clear and firm. | |
* Ask your waiter what he or she recommends: "What do you think is | |
good today?" Then clearly and quietly say, "No, thanks. I'd | |
rather have _____." | |
Keep eating out and keep practicing. Try a new "no" each time. | |
* Also practice asking for what you want. For example, ask to have | |
the music turned down or up, the heat or air conditioning turned up | |
or down, or ask to move away from a draft or noise from the kitchen. | |
Remember, you're paying for your meal with the same currency other | |
people use. Respect your rights and desires. No one else is | |
responsible for taking care of you. | |
# Awareness Update | |
Review and practice your awareness exercises, then stretch your | |
awareness a little further. | |
* Spend a full day concentrating on your sense of smell. Go to a | |
park and smell the flowers, grass, tree bark, water, rocks, | |
everything. Move about slowly. Next, go to a department store and | |
sample perfume, wander around awhile, then go smell the perfumes | |
for men. Next, go to a restaurant or grocery store and sample the | |
fragrances there. | |
* Now take a day for sounds. Concentrate on listening to birds, | |
motors, voices, radio, TV (without looking), wind, leaves rustling, | |
animals, rain, several types of music. Listen, listen, listen. | |
# Awareness Exercise 5: Touch Awareness | |
This exercise can be practiced anywhere. I liked to practice in a | |
park when I am camping. Other good places are department stores, | |
certain museums, your home, or your hotel room. | |
Use your hands first--the part of our body we use to reach out to | |
touch our world. Don't forget to practice with your bare feet, your | |
face, and your back. Indeed, learn to become aware of your whole | |
body and how it touches the world. | |
## Touching #1 | |
* As you read these words, become aware of the experience of | |
touching. Close your eyes. Begin with your toes--is anything | |
touching them? Shoes? Grass? Carpet? | |
* Move slowly up the soles of your feet, ankles, legs, knees, | |
thighs--stopping to sense any awareness of being touched--by air, | |
smooth cloth, tight hose, rough fabric, hard seams, heat, moisture, | |
cold. | |
* As you sit, how do you experience the touch of the chair or | |
couch? Is there pressure? Softness? Hardness? How about the | |
sides of your buttocks and lower back--can you feel the touch of | |
anything? | |
* Is your abdomen billowing out in front of you? Or is it flat and | |
hard? What does it feel like? Relaxed? Tight? Caressed? | |
Restricted? Are your clothes comfortable and nonrestrictive? | |
* Place a hand on your chest. Experience its rising and falling as | |
you breathe. How does the touch and weight of your hand feel to | |
the chest? How does the touch of the chest feel to your hand? Now, | |
take your hand away and become aware of your chest. Are there any | |
constrictions? Soft clothes? Tight clothes? | |
* Next, sense your shoulders, arms, and hands--in that order. | |
Slowly, with eyes still closed, lift the shoulders as high as | |
possible, up under your ears. Drop the shoulders. What does that | |
feel like? Repeat the lifting and dropping of the shoulders to | |
experience the difference between relaxed and tight muscles. What | |
is touching your shoulders? Upper arms? Forearms? Hands and | |
fingers? Do you feel jewelry? Sleeves? Air? Warmth? | |
* With eyes closed, sense your face. What is your expression? | |
Pleasant? Frowning? Corners of the mouth--up or down? Are your | |
lips touching? Teeth touching or apart? Jaws clenched? Can you | |
sense anything touching the skin of your face? Hair? Breeze? | |
Moisture? Dryness? | |
* Open your eyes and sit quietly, savoring the awareness of touch. | |
## Touching #2 | |
Go to your closet, open the door and stand in front of your clothes | |
so that they are within easy reach. Close your eyes. Beginning at | |
the far left, using both hands, hanger by hanger touch the clothes | |
you find there--the fabric, the trim, the sleeves. Pay close | |
attention to the texture of each item. Is it fuzzy? Slick? Soft? | |
Harsh? Rough? Nubby? Metallic? | |
Before opening your eyes, stand quietly and become aware of your | |
reaction to this experience. | |
Open your eyes. | |
## Touching #3 | |
In your back yard or a park, walk around and touch as many items as | |
you can. Do this for five minutes, touching rocks, tree bark, grass, | |
sand, metal, finished wood, plastic, etc. | |
Next, pick an object that attracts you--a tree, a rock, a flower, any | |
one item. For a full five minutes (a very long time) touch the | |
object in every way possible. For example--with each finger, back of | |
your hand, face, your back, feet, both hands at once. You will | |
discover many more ways of touching. | |
## Touching #4 | |
There are many taboos about touching in our culture, and one of the | |
strongest is the taboo against touching oneself. In this exercise I | |
want you to begin to know yourself, your travel companion, through | |
the sense of touch. Sit or stand, in front of a full-length mirror | |
if possible. (Without a mirror is okay.) Touch your hair with both | |
hands--palms, fingers, front, back. Move to your forehead, eyebrows, | |
cheeks, lips, chin, ears, neck. | |
Retouch any part that interests you or feels especially good. | |
Continue to explore your body. Take your time. Don't leave any part | |
out. Don't judge. Just experience. Without this body you won't be | |
able to travel, so appreciate it, love it, and take care of its needs. | |
As you go about your regular day's activities, practice your | |
awareness exercises. Begin to see, hear, smell, and touch your world. | |
Awareness of where you are and what you are doing will enrich your | |
life and your travels. The time, money, and energy you expend | |
traveling will be worth it. | |
author: Ben-Lesser, Jay | |
detail: http://files.usgwarchives.net/ok/okmulgee/obits/mbenless.txt | |
LOC: G151 .B46 | |
tags: book,non-fiction,self-help,travel | |
title: A Foxy Old Woman's Guide To Traveling Alone | |
# Tags | |
book | |
non-fiction | |
self-help | |
travel |