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# 2022-01-23 - A Foxy Old Woman's Guide To Traveling Alone by Jay
# Ben-Lesser
Fascinating book found in a thrift-store. The awareness exercises
remind me a little of Kim's Game.
Kim's Game @Wikipedia
They also remind me of my ealier log entry
Techniques for restoring biophilia
# Introduction
Most importantly, Part One teaches you how to enrich your life by
improving the use of your senses through specific awareness
exercises. If you choose not to do the awareness exercises, you'll
miss much of the value of this book. Experienced travelers who
follow and practice the awareness exercises will find that their
everyday lives and travel become brighter, clearer, and more
colorful. Sensational living and traveling are rewards.
A traveler wants to become broadly acquainted with life on this
planet, as well as with the planet itself. A traveler wants to
return home changed in some profound way.
Enthusiasm comes from the Greek en theos, "in God". The God within
us must be present in our yearning... Passion, vigor, elan, spunk,
verve, vitality, zest, delight, diligence, and zeal will carry us
through the most exhausting, frightening, or ecstatic travels.
Curiosity is the mother of finding our relatedness to our world.
Without curiosity we are doomed to isolation and poverty of
experience.
Travel is not for everyone. Traveling can be hard work, requiring
time and energy perhaps better spent on the realization of some other
desire.
[In a philosophical or symbolic sense, we are all travelers passing
through our lives on this planet, our human experiences, and the
ideological flow of who we are and what we are all about.]
Part One
# Awareness Training
These exercises are designed to increase your ability to use your
senses: to see where you are, to know what you are doing NOW, to
hear, smell, and touch your real world--TO WAKE UP.
* * *
Go to the library [or another public building].
# Awareness Exercise 1: How Awake Am I?
While sitting in the library, close your eyes and feel the hard/soft
seat beneath you.
* Listen to the sounds around you.
* Do you smell anything?
Sit quietly a short while, then open your eyes and begin to look
around at the people.
* How many are watching you?
* What are the others doing?
Pick one person and look at him or her very carefully. Let your eyes
move slowly from head to feet. Close your eyes again and describe
silently to yourself what that person was wearing.
* Head: hat, glasses, jewelry?
* Upper body: blouse, jacket, long sleeves, dress, over-alls?
Colors? Textures?
* Lower body: pants, skirts, shorts, tights? Colors? Textures?
* Legs and feet: hose, short socks, knee-length socks, boots,
shoes, sandals, bare feet?
* Arms and hands: covered, jewelry, wristwatch?
* Anything else you remember about the person--age, sex, size,
pleasant, sad, etc.
Take a deep breath and open your eyes again.
* If the person is still there, what did you miss? And--how well
did you remember? How well did you really see that person?
* Were you judging her/him? Is judging a habit?
* Are you judging yourself now? Do you frequently judge yourself
harshly?
Close your eyes again.
* Listen to the sounds. Are there new ones? Are some missing?
Are the sounds coming from inside the building or outside?
* Do you smell anything? Do you know what it is?
* What is the temperature of the air touching your face? Are your
hands or feet cold? Warm?
* Is your posture comfortable? Are you more or less comfortable
than you were when you began the exercise?
Open your eyes.
Repeat this exercise often, in other places, really looking at a
variety of people. You will be surprised how quickly your awareness
becomes sharper--you will see more, hear more, smell more, and be
much more aware of what your body is touching.
You will begin to wake up--To your life here, to your life now.
Begin to travel now by experiencing your everyday world with the same
awareness with which you hope to experience new and exotic places.
Our culture and lifestyle have taught us to turn off our senses and
to judge whatever we do sense as good or bad. As a young child all
your senses were alive, and you were interested in your world, as it
was, without judging. Just as you practice any new or lost skill,
you will need to practice sensing with awareness and without judging.
To travel without awareness is a waste of time and money.
* * *
Go to a movie [or any other public activity]. Make the experience as
easy to yourself as possible. THEN GO.
# Awareness Exercise 2: Who Is Watching Me?
Choose a time when you feel uncomfortable or conspicuous. Perhaps
you're walking down the street toward the movie theater or standing
in line for tickets.
Look around and see what other people are doing. Take your time.
When you have finished viewing the scene, ask yourself:
* How many people were watching me?
* How important do I think I am in their lives now?
* Have my feelings changed? Do I feel more conspicuous? Less
conspicuous?
Now close your eyes and sense the PLACE--weather, noises, odors,
safe, dangerous, pleasant, unpleasant. Keep your eyes closed.
* Is your body tight or relaxed?
* Are your shoulders hunched or relaxed?
* Are your jaws and mouth clenched, open, relaxed, tense?
You don't have to change anything, but you can if you want to. I
just want you to begin to be aware of your body--what your body is
saying to you, now, in this place, at this time, about this place.
Begin to trust messages from your body.
* * *
Choose a restaurant [or cafe, etc.] you have never eaten in and the
time that feels easiest and safest... THEN DO IT.
Enjoy the experience as much as you are able. If you are more
comfortable than you expected, repeat Awareness Exercises 1 and 2 and
see what effect increased awareness has on your pleasure.
Now it's time for a second meal out. Select another restaurant, a
different time of day, and a different meal. Be sure to carry along
a copy of Awareness Exercises 1 and 2.
After you have ordered your meal, take a long, slow look around the
room, then begin Awareness Exercise 1. I think you'll be surprised
at how much your awareness has improved already. Remember the first
time you did this exercise at the library? If time permits, do
Awareness Exercise 2.
If you're still waiting for your meal, begin to make up stories in
your head about a person in the restaurant who interests you, either
positively or negatively. Or think about how you'd redesign the
decor of the restaurant. How would you change it? What things would
you keep? There are many games you can invent that keep you PRESENT
and AWARE of the life you are living at this moment.
Pick the fanciest restaurant you can afford, but one in which you
have never eaten alone. Choose the day and time you want to eat,
preferably evening.
One to three days before the date you selected, call the restaurant
and ask for a reservation for one at the time you wish to eat.
On the day of your reservation, take plenty of time to get ready.
[Whatever preparations it takes to make you feel and look nice.]
Dress conservatively and elegantly, as you would when traveling out
of town or in another country. It's important that YOU be pleased
with how you look. You're dressing for no one else. You are your
own best friend, and tonight your dinner date is with YOU.
Arrive on time but not early, or you may have to wait. Tell the
host, "I have a reservation at 7:30 under the name _____." He or she
will lead you to your table or tell you that it's not ready. If your
table isn't ready, ask how long it will be before it is. Restaurants
can't control when previous diners will leave, but still can make a
good guess. You're asking the question to show the host that you
expected your table to be ready at the time of the reservation. Be
gracious and reasonable; don't get angry and spoil your evening or
make yourself uncomfortable. The host may suggest that you wait in
the bar. If you want to, go ahead, but remember that alcohol dulls
the senses, and we want this evening to be a sensual experience.
After you've been seated, take your time ordering. Don't be rushed
by the presence of the waiter. Ask any questions you have, about the
menu, the specials, how a dish is prepared, the size of portions,
etc. Ask what is included in the entree price.
Ask anything that will help you make decisions about what you wish to
order. TAKE YOUR TIME.
After you've ordered your meal, try Awareness Exercise 3.
# Awareness Exercise 3: Where Am I?
Relax, lean back in your chair and then look around.
First look at your table:
* Table: What is it covered with? Note the color, feel the
texture--pleasing? Cheap? Luxurious? Clean?
* Napkin: How is it folded? Size? Color? Texture?
* Silverware: What kind? How many pieces? Silver? Stainless?
Pick up the knife: How does the weight feel? Special handles?
* Flowers: Artificial? Fragrance? Vase? Color? Shape? Pick up
the vase and smell the flowers.
* What else is on the table? Any new ideas for your home?
Now look around the room. How do the room and decor affect you?
* Check out your body: Relaxed? Soothed? Caressed? Jangled?
Cold? Hot? Uplifted? Crowded?
* Are there odors? Noises? Music? Quiet? Activity? Colors?
* Drop your shoulders, take a deep breath, and look around SLOWLY.
* Who else is here? Slowly count the people in the room. Couples?
Groups? Single diners?
* How many people are watching you?
* What colors attract or repel you?
* Whom are you curious about?
* Make up stories about the diners and [waiters].
When the meal arrives, it's time to enjoy. Smile when the waiter
proudly sets your food before you, and remember to give thanks to
your waiter--and to yourself for taking this risk and treating
yourself to this uncommon night out.
Feast your eyes. Be sure to put on your glasses if you need them to
see clearly. Take in the colors, textures, and the arrangements on
the plate, and the design of the plate itself.
TAKE TIME.
Can you see a wisp of steam? Smell the tantalizing fragrance? If
you can't smell the food, move your face closer to the plate, or lift
the plate closer to your face. Is it hot? Cold? Does the food
smell as good as it looks?
TAKE TIME.
Now you are ready to taste the flavors, feel the textures, listen to
the crunch as you slowly savor your food.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
Taste each part of the meal separately, then all together if you
want. Look at the bread--smell it, feel it, and spread it slowly
with butter.
We need food to survive, physically and spiritually. Eating is a
sacred ritual. Everything we eat was once a living plant or animal.
Honor their sacrifice with time, appreciation, and joy. Make it a
sensual delight. Practice awareness at every meal.
When finished with your meal, which may include an elegant dessert...
ask for your check. Your waiter may have already placed it on your
table. Do not leave your table until you are absolutely ready, no
matter how many people are waiting.
Never skimp on the tip. Don't ruin your luxurious feelings by
getting uptight about money now.
You are now ready for more dining out alone--and for Awareness
Exercise 4.
# Awareness Exercise 4: Just Say "No"
This exercise will give you practice in saying "no" to your waiter.
Your first "no" may not represent your true feelings; this is just
practice. You may do one or all of these suggestions, but practice
at least one. The more you practice, the better you will be able to
say "no" when it really counts.
* When your waiter shows you to a table, say "No, I'd rather have
that table." No matter what the waiter says, do not accept the
first table offered. Even if you have to walk out and go to
another restaurant, you will probably discover that nothing
spectacular happens. Do not get angry. Just be clear and firm.
* Ask your waiter what he or she recommends: "What do you think is
good today?" Then clearly and quietly say, "No, thanks. I'd
rather have _____."
Keep eating out and keep practicing. Try a new "no" each time.
* Also practice asking for what you want. For example, ask to have
the music turned down or up, the heat or air conditioning turned up
or down, or ask to move away from a draft or noise from the kitchen.
Remember, you're paying for your meal with the same currency other
people use. Respect your rights and desires. No one else is
responsible for taking care of you.
# Awareness Update
Review and practice your awareness exercises, then stretch your
awareness a little further.
* Spend a full day concentrating on your sense of smell. Go to a
park and smell the flowers, grass, tree bark, water, rocks,
everything. Move about slowly. Next, go to a department store and
sample perfume, wander around awhile, then go smell the perfumes
for men. Next, go to a restaurant or grocery store and sample the
fragrances there.
* Now take a day for sounds. Concentrate on listening to birds,
motors, voices, radio, TV (without looking), wind, leaves rustling,
animals, rain, several types of music. Listen, listen, listen.
# Awareness Exercise 5: Touch Awareness
This exercise can be practiced anywhere. I liked to practice in a
park when I am camping. Other good places are department stores,
certain museums, your home, or your hotel room.
Use your hands first--the part of our body we use to reach out to
touch our world. Don't forget to practice with your bare feet, your
face, and your back. Indeed, learn to become aware of your whole
body and how it touches the world.
## Touching #1
* As you read these words, become aware of the experience of
touching. Close your eyes. Begin with your toes--is anything
touching them? Shoes? Grass? Carpet?
* Move slowly up the soles of your feet, ankles, legs, knees,
thighs--stopping to sense any awareness of being touched--by air,
smooth cloth, tight hose, rough fabric, hard seams, heat, moisture,
cold.
* As you sit, how do you experience the touch of the chair or
couch? Is there pressure? Softness? Hardness? How about the
sides of your buttocks and lower back--can you feel the touch of
anything?
* Is your abdomen billowing out in front of you? Or is it flat and
hard? What does it feel like? Relaxed? Tight? Caressed?
Restricted? Are your clothes comfortable and nonrestrictive?
* Place a hand on your chest. Experience its rising and falling as
you breathe. How does the touch and weight of your hand feel to
the chest? How does the touch of the chest feel to your hand? Now,
take your hand away and become aware of your chest. Are there any
constrictions? Soft clothes? Tight clothes?
* Next, sense your shoulders, arms, and hands--in that order.
Slowly, with eyes still closed, lift the shoulders as high as
possible, up under your ears. Drop the shoulders. What does that
feel like? Repeat the lifting and dropping of the shoulders to
experience the difference between relaxed and tight muscles. What
is touching your shoulders? Upper arms? Forearms? Hands and
fingers? Do you feel jewelry? Sleeves? Air? Warmth?
* With eyes closed, sense your face. What is your expression?
Pleasant? Frowning? Corners of the mouth--up or down? Are your
lips touching? Teeth touching or apart? Jaws clenched? Can you
sense anything touching the skin of your face? Hair? Breeze?
Moisture? Dryness?
* Open your eyes and sit quietly, savoring the awareness of touch.
## Touching #2
Go to your closet, open the door and stand in front of your clothes
so that they are within easy reach. Close your eyes. Beginning at
the far left, using both hands, hanger by hanger touch the clothes
you find there--the fabric, the trim, the sleeves. Pay close
attention to the texture of each item. Is it fuzzy? Slick? Soft?
Harsh? Rough? Nubby? Metallic?
Before opening your eyes, stand quietly and become aware of your
reaction to this experience.
Open your eyes.
## Touching #3
In your back yard or a park, walk around and touch as many items as
you can. Do this for five minutes, touching rocks, tree bark, grass,
sand, metal, finished wood, plastic, etc.
Next, pick an object that attracts you--a tree, a rock, a flower, any
one item. For a full five minutes (a very long time) touch the
object in every way possible. For example--with each finger, back of
your hand, face, your back, feet, both hands at once. You will
discover many more ways of touching.
## Touching #4
There are many taboos about touching in our culture, and one of the
strongest is the taboo against touching oneself. In this exercise I
want you to begin to know yourself, your travel companion, through
the sense of touch. Sit or stand, in front of a full-length mirror
if possible. (Without a mirror is okay.) Touch your hair with both
hands--palms, fingers, front, back. Move to your forehead, eyebrows,
cheeks, lips, chin, ears, neck.
Retouch any part that interests you or feels especially good.
Continue to explore your body. Take your time. Don't leave any part
out. Don't judge. Just experience. Without this body you won't be
able to travel, so appreciate it, love it, and take care of its needs.
As you go about your regular day's activities, practice your
awareness exercises. Begin to see, hear, smell, and touch your world.
Awareness of where you are and what you are doing will enrich your
life and your travels. The time, money, and energy you expend
traveling will be worth it.
author: Ben-Lesser, Jay
detail: http://files.usgwarchives.net/ok/okmulgee/obits/mbenless.txt
LOC: G151 .B46
tags: book,non-fiction,self-help,travel
title: A Foxy Old Woman's Guide To Traveling Alone
# Tags
book
non-fiction
self-help
travel
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