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# 2022-01-12 - S.T.A.R. Plan and The Five A's
Found this content in an educational context. I am also including
Wikipedia content on conflict resolution and I-messages.
# S.T.A.R. Plan
* Stop yourself from choosing to say or do something that will
cause conflict.
* Think about why you want to appeal--and about which words to use.
* Appeal in a respectful way, using I messages and questions to
communicate facts, concerns, and preferences.
* Respond respectfully and accept the decision whether the appeal
is or is not granted.
This resembles the self-regulation technique Stop, Think, Act, Review
and also the book titled Stop, Think, Act by Megan C. McClelland and
Shauna L. Tominey.
# The Five A's
1. Admit what I did wrong.
2. Apologize for how my choice affected you.
3. Ask for forgiveness.
4. Accept the consequences.
5. Alter (change) my choice in the future.
These map to The Five Languages of Apology.
1. Admit = I was wrong
2. Apologize = I am sorry
3. Ask forgiveness = Requesting forgiveness
4. Accept consequences = Making restitution
5. Change = Genuinely repenting
The Five Languages of Apology
# Conflict Resolution In The Classroom
1. Clarifying and focusing: problem ownership.
Problem ownership is defined as deciding who should take ownership of
the behavior or conflict in the issue. The main person who is
bothered by the root problem is also the "owner" of the problem, and
thus the owner of a problem needs to be the one who takes primary
responsibility for solving the issue. It is important to ask
clarifying questions to really understand the root causes of the
conflict.
2. Active listening
Active listening is attending carefully to all aspects of what a
person says and attempting to understand or empathize as much as one
can. Active listening consists of continually asking questions in
order to test one's understanding. It also requires giving
encouragement to the speaker by letting them tell their story, and
paraphrasing what the speaker says so that an unbiased conclusion can
be made. Responding too soon with solutions can shut down the
speaker's communication and leave an inaccurate impressions of the
source or nature of the problem.
3. Assertive discipline and I-messages
The listener's comments should be assertive, emphasize I-messages,
and encourage the speaker to think about the effects of her or his
behavior. They should not be passive, apologetic, hostile or
aggressive, but matter-of-fact...
4. Negotiation
Negotiating is defined as methodically deliberating various options
and deciding on one if possible. Even though negotiation demands
time and energy, it often demands less time or effort ultimately than
continuing to cope with the problem. The results of negotiation can
be valuable to everyone involved in the situation.
From:
Conflict resolution @Wikipedia
# I-Message
An I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values,
etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence
beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message",
which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person
spoken to. I-messages are often used with the intent to be assertive
without putting the listener on the defensive by avoiding
accusations. They are also used to take ownership for one's feelings
rather than implying that they are caused by another person.
From:
I-message @Wikipedia
tags: article,conflict resolution,self-help
# Tags
article
conflict resolution
self-help
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