Gopher is a great place to write about this. The web can be
anonymous enough, I suppose, but it's not the same feeling.
That, and my family is much more likely to stumble upon my
musings on the web than here. Right now, I prefer here.
To preface, I should share that I'm a religious person, who
believes in foundational morality and absolute truth. Not
popular notions in today's world perhaps, but still viable
and valuable ideas by any objective measure. I was raised
in a home where such ideas were taught by a single parent,
my mother, and where my brothers and I seemed to absorb the
ideas that were taught equally.
Fast forward through years of experiences to the matter at
hand today. Recently, one of my brothers has taken to
participating in things that conflict resoundingly with the
things we were taught as children. I say recently, but I
ought to clarify: he has been doing things for quite some
time in this vein, but recently he has taken to making his
activities more public and more egregious in my estimation.
Because of the recent change in his behavior, and because
of the public nature of his actions, my other brother and I
decided we would contact him and voice our disapproval, with
encouragement to change for the better. We prayerfully
wrote a letter together expressing our love and concern and
encouraging him to change.
Parenthetically, I want to note that we are all grown men
at this point, and while I realize that it is not my place
to make decisions for other adults, I do feel it is my
duty to attempt to help my family members in ways that I
feel are right. There is nothing dishonorable in following
the dictates of your conscience, without coercion or force.
The backlash from that email was intense, and a person that
I don't know came out of my brother in his replies. Without
addressing the actual issue at all, he proceeded to lambaste
my brother and I with railing accusations of every kind. I
was honestly not prepared for it, I had never been treated
this way by my brother.
Clearly he was upset, but since his activities were public,
I know he was not upset by our knowledge of his choices.
Rather, he was infuriated that we would dare to call him
out on them. Nothing useful was accomplished, so far as I
can tell.
Today I'm feeling a bit depressed about the whole thing.
I understand that everyone thinks and feels differently
about things, and that when it comes to morality and faith
in today's world there are no norms, but I consider it a
beautiful thing when people, even those I don't agree with
doctrinally, reach out to share their love and concern for
me. That is what I thought I was doing for my brother, and
I honestly thought he would appreciate the gesture, even
if it was a somewhat uncomfortable one. I was not expecting
the comprehensive barrage of abuse that I received.
The saga, unfortunately, is ongoing and unresolved. For my
part, I have no intention of abandoning my brother, or
being alienated from him. Things are more complex than I
have written here, since I'm not writing a novel, but the
one thing that I don't want to do is let this end in
needless isolation and grudges. Hopefully, I pray, things
will find an equilibrium that allows us both to be
genuine and real.
