Being middle aged (circumlunar.space), 01/02/2020
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So, I turn 42 this year. I was recently doing some online indexing of
the 1876 Missouri census (I figured, I live in this state, I should
contribute something), and found that the "Age" category was broken
down thusly:
Under 10 Years 10 to 18 18 to 21 21 to 45 Over 45
(As a side note, my wife used to say "thusly" and I at first thought
to myself, "that's not a word, what the heck is she saying?" But, it
is a word. I don't like it much, but it does work.)
As I went along with the indexing, I noticed that very few people
showed up in the "Over 45" category. Seriously few people, tragically
few. Without looking into any statistics, I'm guessing that the life
expectancy at that time and in that place, was low.
Around me I see and interact with folks who are in their 60's and 70's
quite frequently. Life expectancy is up, I guess. These people are
often quite youthful and exuberant for their ages. Learning their
ages, at times, was a shock, because they seemed young.
I can't help thinking to myself, "tfurrows, you probably have another
30-50 years, if you're lucky and you play your cards right." My father
died of cancer at 65, my grandfather on his side died of old age at
90, my other grandfather died in his late 60's or early 70's (we don't
know for sure) of some catastrophic health issue (again, we don't know
for sure.) I take care of myself, to a degree. 30-50 more years
doesn't sound outlandish.
Of course, no one knows for sure. There's always the proverbial bus
that could hit me tomorrow. There's any number of things that could go
wrong. But, barring all of those, maybe another 30-50 years tops.
Then again, science could save us all with eternal youth. Still, it'd
take forever to get that stuff through the FDA, then it'd cost a
fortune. Only the rich would live forever, it's certain. So, 30-50
years.
Now, with 41 years under my belt, I'm in a reasonable position to make
some plans for the next n years. That *ought* to be the case, at
least. I know the kinds of things I like (though, I could find more!)
and the kinds of things I don't like (though, I could change!) and the
sorts of subjects that interest me (though, you never know!). I should
come up with a plan. And, I should stick with it.
But, I'm not that awesome. I can hardly plan my day or my week, let
alone the next few decades. I'm going to have to go higher level, and
aim for larger targets.
Here's what I've got so far:
1. Career change. I know it's cliché, but it's where I'm at. To be
honest, this has been building for a number of years. I started in one
place career-wise, migrated through a few other places, and ended up
where I am. I'm not really willing to pursue this course any longer,
and want something else. This is a huge subject, which I'll probably
drone on about in some other post. The world of careers is like an
alien landscape to me at present, a distant and distorted vision, a
spectacle. I don't understand it, even though I've been a part of it
since '96. But, I know I need a change.
2. Education. Also cliché, I'm considering more education. Not
because I think it'll help with the career thing (I have no such
delusion; not to judge if you do, you may be right), but because I
want to be learning and growing throughout my life. I view it as my
privilege, as a part of the Information Age. I don't know what this
will look like; I'm fine with formal schooling, but I'm not convinced
it is the only way to achieve continual education- in fact, I think it
often stands in the way of education. All I know here is, I want to
continue a course of education that has some kind of focus.
3. Financial prowess. I'm a bumbling buffoon when it comes to personal
finances. I've gone to classes, read books, tried methods, installed
software, poked and swiped at apps, and done every other inane and
insane thing under the sun. I just can't get a grasp on it. This thing
that seems to come so easily to some, eludes me, slipping through my
fingers like water. In the next 30-50 years, I'd like to get a handle
on it.
4. Health. Clicé. This one is kinda important, if I actually want to
live 30-50 more years. Maybe; my grandfather on my father's side was
the poster child for bad health habits, but lived to 90. It's a crap
shoot. Still, if I *do* live longer, I don't want to live poorly. I'd
like my mobility, among other things, to be sustained for as long as
possible. My health is decent, but could be better. I've never been
purposeful about my health. I'd like to improve here.
That's all I've got, and it seems like enough to me right now. I'm
sure life will throw other things at me, as it is wont to do. It is
interesting, this particular time in life. When my father was this
age, he was reading all kinds of self improvement books. He quit
smoking, joined AA, and went nuts with building his business. It was
kind of cool to watch, as a kid. Maybe these are the kinds of things
we do when we get to be around 40, I don't know. In any case, it does
feel good, in a way.
