I'm in a place somewhere between stressed and also quite blissful, trials
and also joys. I woke up this morning 3-hours early, around 5am. I
live in a suburb a few roads back from the nearest traffic
main-through road. As I lay awake, drifting in and out of the edge of
dreams, I could slowly hear the waves lapping as the day began to
break. The waves, of course, were the flowing hum of automobiles as
they started to build in number and frequency, from the most quiet
hours between 3-5 and then building towards the first early commuters.
I lay awake, and flightpaths in the distance above me began to light
up the sky as well, with their distant audible glide piercing the sky.
In the earliest of hours, I thought these sounds were waves. I wonder
if I need that - some shoreline away from all the internal combustion.
Stress. One of those moments where a number of factors conspire in
timing to jump into your world; a bug on a new kernal release causing
my main device to hang until some forums lit up with the answer for a
quick work-around until the full fix; the absence of any legitimate
forms of photo-ID (I don't have a passport, driving license - none of
that) tripping up my efforts to sign a contract for a new flat; my
whole team at work being off for the week, and my line manager more
frequently forgetting some big-deal work that's falling on my
shoulders; half-way through a course of psychotherapy... which has
been incredibly positive all-round, and I've been in really quite a
good place whilst going through this course - but still it's tough to
grapple with and focus on, confront these things about ourselves.
Patterns, relationships, 'information' (that which has *informed* us,
ourselves, our being, our mindset, our wellbeing).
Bliss. I'm finally working a job that I'm really into. It's problem
solving and skill-learning in a way that I'm placed very well for, in
both the current calibre of the role relative to myself and the stage
the organisation is at as well. Lots of learning opportunities. New
living situation: moving in with a few friends, back into town. This
opens up the possibility of the cycle commute again which I can't wait
for. I just had my road bike serviced for the first time in 2-years -
feels incredible to ride now (and yes I'd like to better learn to
service it myself). Friends, close friendships, confidence. This stuff
is riding strong right now. I take it day by day, but things have been
better for longer than they have in... years. For this I'm grateful. I
need to remind myself to find ways to go easy on myself, to make
things easier, to glide.
