Erasmus's life is crazy fun, but is also stressfull.
For the americans who dont know it, an erasmus is a period during your university
studies where you go to study in another country of Europe.
Of course we are all young and far from home so getting wasted in clubs and one
night stands are really common. it has been great, did a lot of experiences that
i never thought i would do. i think i'm a really different person than before
coming here. it will be hard returning back home with my parents. but i fucking
miss my friends, the ones from my city and the ones from university.
Lately i've been talking with a girl, she's a french girl and i got to know her
thanks to a friend who comes to university with me. i think i felt in love.
The day after i met her for the first time i told my 2 fwb that i wanted to stop
our thing and i never had anything sexual with other girls in clubs.
I think she's also into me, our conversations are always kind of tense and there's
some flirting. She makes me feel so fucking anxious, waiting for her to answer
drives me crazy. this weekend we are probably going out alone and the idea makes
me wanna puke. this is the first time, it's crazy i swear, i've always been a really
rational person but idk what is happening now.
i really loved my ex girlfriend, the one i broke up after 5 year, just before coming
to paris (fun fact: she's also here in paris for an erasmus, never met her but
one of my closest friends here lives in here same residence, i usually go there so
i'm pretty sure we'll meet one day. i dont want to think about it. i never really
thought about it, i fear what i could feel), but with this girl is different.
she's half algerian and half moroccan, it's the first time i get this close
to a person who has my same origins. both my parents are algerian but i was born
and grew up in italy so it has always been a struggle for me to really feel
"italian" or "algerian". i think i always tried to keep far that part of me,
maybe it was fear of racism, maybe the need to feel like all my friends.
But anyway i always felt not completely understood. the struggles of being the
son of immingrant parents, the respoabilities i have, that fact i know so well
two cultures that are so different from each other. this are things i can't share
with someone who didn't live them, i hate ths word but a part of me thinks it's
the right to use it, with someone more "priviliged" than me.
but i fell like this girl could help through this, talking with her in arabic,
like i do with my parents, feels so natural.
Of course she is also really cute and she is so kind. she's also a little bit
older than me and i love it (maybe i have some mommy issues ? :P).
And final thing i dont know if i want something serious now. This erasmus will
end one day and i dont know if i fell like having a long distance relationship
after it ends.
ì don't think she's the type of girl who wants something not serious and i don't
think i could have something not serious with her.
I dont fucking now, i'll follow the flow and i'll see.
P.s. in the last 2 months i lost a lot of weight and i have been going to the
gym really often. I love my new body, it makes me fell so confident and more
healthy. It also helped a lot with my mental health.
I really really suggest you to try it. Eating well (kind of vegan, no junk food)
and hitting the gym will really help you. i fell also far more disciplined and i
can do the hard work also when i dont fell like doing it.
P.P.s. Lately i'm listening to Asap Rocky, Kodak Black and Kendrick Lamar,
i'm starting to love again US and UK rap music.
P.P.P.s. University is going ok, i should study more.
