I didn't know ~abraxas, but my condolences and heartfelt
sympathies go out to those that did. I've lost two loves
ones in the last two years. I still cry for the loss of
both. This is a time in my life, I think, when death will
start to become a more common occurrence. It's causing me
to think.
Just last night I was thinking about life and eternity and
faith. It's great to have faith- and for those who don't,
let me just say that I'm not trying to preach, I'm just
thinking about it all. Faith is not knowing, just beliving.
It gives me comfort, I suppose, to believe or think that
there might be something more than just this life. And yet,
realizing that I can't know for sure makes me really want
to grab hold of and cling to, to cherish the time that and
experiences that I have here and now.
Since I can't know one way or the other, I suppose I could
choose to not believe in an afterlife. It might be easier,
in any case. But I don't know that I would feel good about
it. I think I would be too desperate for the life that is
passing me by so quickly, for the mistakes, the pain I
cause, everything that is and isn't perfect. I'm only
speaking for myself here of course, I don't know what it is
or would be like for anyone else.
I just got home a couple days ago from my grandfather's
funeral. He was 90, and died of natural causes. To me, that
is not as painful as someone dying young, and I've had
both experiences. And here on ~town, I came back to the
sad news- not sad because I knew ~abraxas, but sad because
it is very clear that so many people here did know ~abraxas
and will miss them dearly. I know what that feels like,
and it's fresh in my mind.
My choice is to believe that ~abraxas and my own loved ones
continue on somewhere. I can't prove it, but I choose it
anyway. I choose to believe that they're somewhere
wonderful.
