[2025-01-21 18:13 UTC+1]
i feel ok, but somehow think i shouldn't... there's a little
guilt inside, a small hidden sense of hopelesness and fear in
the bottom that is swallowing the light. im beginning to settle
in another comfort zone. its not as horrible as others i've been,
but its not nice either.

i didn't renounce to my job. somehow managed to tell my supervisor
that i'd like to move to another project if budget cuts in the team
finally happen this summer, but there was no real compromise...

i think this is a mistake, the longer the wait the harder the outcome...

i also celebrated my birthday last weekend, where i realized
i've no real friends, but at least some people showed up and i appreciate that.

i know them from my childhood in my hometown and we've been
coming and going, but it was nice to hang out a little.

i think the word for today's feeling is 'eroded'. like those smooth
stones in the river.
they're used to face the constant force of the water
shaping them.
but they're beatiful, and they're still rocks!

thanks for reading if you did, hope you're doing well :)
~ ruros

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