# Fitting In
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find somewhere I truly fit. I have come
close on many occasions. In fact, I thought I had even found my final job.
I am a tenure track professor, and I'm near the end of that process. Soon
I will be an associate, but I think the college I am at is not what I
thought it was.
This has happened so many times before. I find a place, it feels like
home, and then it all goes wrong. Maybe the problem is me, maybe I just
ask too much of everyone around me. Really the only place where I feel
comfortable in my own skin is when I am online and coding. I am not sure
what that says about me, but it's probably not bad.
Otherwise I have a very nice life. A wife, loving kids, just never enough
money to go around. That's part of the problem; my PhD was ridiculously
expensive compared to what the college I am pays. I know it is probably
time to move on. Both my vision of academia and my financial needs
demand it. Still, I don't know if I have it in me to simply pick up
once more and find another place that will be home for a short while.
# My First Post
So this is my first post on feels. I had thought about making it a little
intro, but I ultimately thought I would try to empty myself a little. All
of the blog posts I have read here on tilde.town have all been so personal
and open. I thought I would try my hand at honest public disclosure.
