Hey there, folks. It's been a while. If I'm being frank, I feel like there
has been very little to write about. I don't know if anyone even reads this
blog, but there's appeal in that in and of itself.
Being mostly stuck at home the last few weeks after injuring my foot, I've
been even more inside my own head than I already was. It's harder to escape
that without a significant ability to exercise or go outside or get away
from screens. At the same time, it's been uneventful; I didn't realize how
much time had passed until a couple of relatives called. I had been trying
to call every couple weeks, but I didn't. I can't even say what I've been
doing. Besides work, I've just been watching TV and playing video games.
I'm in stasis.
At least now I'm out of the boot and crutches. I'm engaged in physical
therapy to regain function in my ankle. It's dull but it's an improvement.
---
I'm still trying to decide how I want to present myself online. It's an
ongoing struggle. For anyone else I suppose it would be easy, just to not
present oneself online, but I must admit to myself that online communities
have been a huge part of my social life for a long time. It's a minefield
now, though. It's like... how much of yourself should you really put out
there? I don't think it's a uniformly good thing to share things about
yourself. At the same time it is absolutely vital in order to feel like you
exist. And in order to meet other people. As an artist it's also the best
way to get noticed.
I've been trying to fragment my identity more, but it is honestly hard.
I always have the nagging feeling that I'm leaving too many breadcrumbs,
that it will be too easy for someone to decide to ruin my life, and do it.
There are so many examples of people whose lives have been ruined--not the
powerful people who complain about being "canceled" or people who get fired
for being sexist and immediately hop onto the right-wing outrage media
circuit. I'm thinking of artists getting stalked by fans, or the game
developer whose angry ex's blog post kicked off Gamergate. The various
forums dedicated to collecting dirt on people. Any attempt to exist in
public makes you a public figure now. Who on earth would want fame without
riches?
