Hey! I know it's been a bit, but it's been busy with finals and
we've been knee-deep in introspection lately trying to figure
things out, so we haven't had much energy for feels. Good news,
finals are this upcoming Tuesday and we have energy to write
this up right now and update on things.
First up, we've almost got our associate's degree! We're just
two quarters away and are starting on the paperwork for that.
Very happy about it because we can finally get started on the
cybersecurity bachelor's.
Second, we've been doing a lot of thinking lately about ourselves
and our experiences of our mind, how we relate to one another,
etc. System stuff. We'll try to make this make more sense for
folks that know absolutely zilch about plurality, but it is a
bit of a complex topic, so no worries.
So, plurality is the state of being more than one person in the
same brain. The entire collection of entities in the same brain
is called a system. Tada, the basics for anyone not familiar
with that already.
Plurality 201: not all systems identify as completely different
people in the same brain. Identity can overlap, so you could
have a system that identifies as many parts of one person, or as
different aspects of a single identity. It can get quite messy
and isn't always clear-cut, especially since non-plural people
have parts as well. The big difference there is whether those
parts have agency and some degree of independence of self. For a
non-plural person, they are their parts. End of story. Most people
hardly even notice their parts because they're so seamlessly
integrated into the whole of their self. The most you see is things
like arguing with oneself, being conflicted, behaving differently in
specific contexts, or being at odds with your past self's decisions.
The key is that they are all still you. You are still your parts.
In contrast, a system made of parts tends to be a little more
individual in identity. The parts themselves are noticeable to the
system and have strong influences on behavior and self. There might
be memory and skill differences, or compartmentalized traits.
Parts talk to each other and can take control of behavior at different
times. In some cases, they're remarkably similar to a non-plural
person's parts, but there is still a fundamental difference in
identity such that they do not fit the mold of "one complete
person in one brain" and are therefore plural. They are "more than
one."
Recent introspection: we've been integrating without realizing it
for about a year or two now. We used to be very separate and individual,
and functionally we were separate people in the same brain. The barriers
holding us separate have been gradually breaking down over time. We
didn't mean to do this, but it has been happening and we've had to
come to terms with what that means for us. We're all still here, but
we are parts of one larger mind rather than different people now. We're
what's called a median system- a system that falls somewhere in-between
"only one person in the brain" and "at least two separate people in the
brain." It's complicated and hard to describe, but we did come up with
a metaphor when explaining to a friend. Before, we were like a bunch
of separate stages, each with their own plays and actors. Now, all of
those plays are happening together, at the same time, on the same stage.
All of the actors and plotlines are still there, but they're part of one
larger thing now as well rather than being separated. We still exist as
ourselves like we always have, but we're much closer together now and
the lines are blurrier. A lot of our parts don't want to be singled
our or identified anymore, just spoken to and heard. Those that do want
to be singled out to speak as themselves externally are still parts of
our mind, playing their role on the single stage, just with a little
more elaboration than most of us have now.
It's been weird to realize this. We didn't choose integration and always
said we wouldn't actively pursue it, so realizing that it's been quietly
happening for at least a year has been a lot to process. It's ultimately
a positive thing to realize, but it's a lot. We don't know how we're
going to end up in the long run, but we have to accept what's happening
and work with it. It'll be okay.
We did write an essay on this if anyone wants to read what it's like and
why it's been a lot to process:
https://owlcollective.neocities.org/articles/plurality/integration.html
So... yeah. We've been doing a lot of thinking about identity lately.
We're a singular "we" or a plural "I" now, and that's a hard thing to
try to conceptualize and understand. We're working on learning new ways
to interact with ourselves and grow. Here's to continued progress.
