Pretty uneventful day. It's godawful hot, but nothing
much is going on, so not much gets done. I think maybe
we cuddled a cat at some point? IDK, I don't remember
most of today and I'm just here answering emails and
chucking something in the feels.
Feeling kind of angry right now, not sure why. I just
am. I don't know what pissed me off or if anything
pissed me off at all, but I've got heartburn and some
part of me deep down is really, really mad at the world.
Oh well, so be it. It is what it is. It'll just simmer
until it goes away. It doesn't feel like a "right now"
kind of anger, more like an older one. It's hard to
explain. Pissed off at the past, I guess? At the actions
of someone years and years ago, and their continued
choices in the present? I don't know. I'm making my
best guess here. I just want to punch a wall but that's
a very bad idea.
Supposedly have a cavity filling tomorrow. Ugh, mouth
needles. I refuse to be around for that. Someone else
here is going to have to take care of it.
Deleted a rant for comfort, but I think leaving a summary
is reasonable. I got the anger out and figured out where
it came from.
TL;DR: executive dysfunction sucks; also, I wish we could
be more independent than we are without having a mental
breakdown and burning out into being suicidal. We need
a lot of support in daily life (crazy, I know- we can
debug a kernel issue but can't make ourselves shower
and have rather troublesome sensory and social issues)
and I'm just tired of it all. I hate being stuck between
"profoundly special needs" and "highly capable" because
people only ever see one or the other. Either we get support
for our limitations but have our strengths denied, or have
our strengths recognized but no one lets us have supports.
The morning guy is probably going to wake up to do feels
and be like "wtf happened last night?" but y'know what?
I deserve to write my own angry feels and he can just deal
with it. Nothing wrong with getting angry as long as nobody
gets hurt.
Also, don't ask who I am. I have no idea. I'm not the morning
guy, not the kid, may or may not be a part of Kaz but unsure
about that. Identity is mush.
Also, "#d" in Vim is a lifesaver for deleting large chunks
of text. 40-odd lines in a blink.
