today i feel jealous. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin; jealousy is never a
nice feeling to have, and it always adds a layer of self-contempt to the
existing base of envy.

i am jealous of silly things. i am jealous of folks 10 years older than me for
having more life experience; for having their life figured out better than i do,
which is quite frankly obvious and normal and shouldn't be a thing i feel bad
about. but i do.

i am jealous of my friends having relationships i don't. i've written poetry
about it, so i won't again, but i am envious of knowing and being with someone
for years and years and years. all of my relationships tend to last no longer
than two.

i hope it's different this time. i hope one of my loved ones right now, or a
future one that will come soon, will one day be the lover i'm looking for,
protecting me, guarding me, and being an adult with me. i'm tired of teenage
relationships.

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