i've been seeing an image flash in my brain occasionally for the past week. it
is from an outside perspective, looking at myself from some unknown angle. in my
hand is a pistol, that i'm tentatively biting with my mouth, aimed up.
i don't know what i'm feeling. i feel like i've been floating for the past three
months. i used to think i'm not suicidal, but my floating thoughts seem to prove
me wrong at every turn.
i'm fascinated with the idea of death. of a clear certain ending. i want to be a
beautiful ending. i'm fascinated with the idea of being remembered. of being
slowly forgotten. of leaving things be. not worrying about tying up loose ends.
what will i be thinking about when i jump off my balcony, for those long few
seconds? what will i remember? what isn't done? what will i regret? will i
regret jumping?
