today i was struck at once by three years of compounding frustration and
irateness towards my penis. all of the small, minute things, slowly building up,
hidden away by way of delusion and cope, came crashing down as i was attempting
to masturbate through sharp pain in my dick that has been handwaved away by a
doctor (err, professor) as me jorking it too hard.
as i'm writing this, i am attempting but failing to cry. as i am writing this, i
don't know what i want to do. i have written down a list of pros and cons to
having a vagina versus having a penis, and i have come to the conclusion that i
have no clue. i have written down "i want a vagina" three times in the process
of writing this, only to undo it and continue writing something else.
