2023-07-12 from the editor of ~insom
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My youngest has finished high school, graduated with honors,
and started his first job. It's hard work, a welding company
with a 7:30 start (_after_ driving 30 minutes across the
city). I'm extremely proud of him and to be honest I am
relieved that I don't have to try and navigate the NEET
situation I thought I was going to have to.
Which is to say: he has grown up fast. Or: he's grown up at
the usual speed, but I've only realized it all at once.
He gave me a lift today and when I got back in the car I had
this realization of a change. Now all of my kids and
step-kids are adults, I feel like a different kind of dad.
The role I'll play in my kids' lives is changed.
When I think back about _my_ dad, he's like a character in
my life story. I don't mean to do that to him, but I think
that's what happens. When I got into that car I felt like I
had transitioned into a character in my son's story. It's
like there's two versions of me: the actual one, that I am
living -- and a bag of perceptions and traits that my kids
will remember one day.
If my kids have kids of their own, the person they will tell
them about (I mean; I hope I meet them! but if I'm gone) is
going to be a very particular perspective. A character.
That's fine, that's natural.
It helped me realised that I do the same thing to my dad's
memory and I didn't really-really know what he was like as a
a person, outside of his dadness towards me. I guess I am a
little sad, but I also think that's pretty normal.
I have said before that having kids has been one of the main
things that has helped me to understand my parents. This
became even stronger when my dad passed away. And now this
is a new phase of that understanding.
