* identifying, more quickly, when someone's lashing out at me not because of
me, but because of something that's hurting them;
* catching myself once that happens;
* not getting worked up about it or taking it too much to heart
this is a particular kind of empathy and quelling of an egocentric experience
that i know is historically very hard for me, but i think it will go a long way
in both keeping me calmer/healthier, and calming down my environment a little.
today, this came from me pushing back at someone (who is a contact at work
that's an external vendor and swings through once in a while for business) for
laughing at me and making comments about my wet clothes when i was getting into
work after biking through heavy rain. i'm always a little on edge when i see
this person coming down, because i've started anticipating negative exchanges
and it doesn't set us up to be nice to each other; this meant that as soon as i
saw them i was already bristling a little, and took those comments extremely
poorly.
i don't think my response was particularly out of line, given the situation (i
very firmly told them not to laugh at me, and then made them wait for me to
finish getting myself settled before i would speak to them again and complete
our business), and i do feel good about being able to quickly establish a
boundary and enforce it; that's a response i've been cultivating for a really
long time, and i'm very glad it just activated without a lot of work from my
end.
so the next step i want to work on is to not retreat into my head afterwards
and fume quietly about it. with this particular person, i'm aware of a general
disatisfaction with their situation, and that the frequent rude commentary
often comes from a sense of confusion or frustration; just because they don't
have a more productive way to communicate those feelings doesn't mean i need to
absorb all of that angst. if i can work to let this slide off me, i won't be
derailed as much when it happens, and i can spend more energy focusing on doing
things that improve my environment.
---
[ a general note on my pronoun usage; lately, i'm trying out omitting
references to a person's gender when it's not relevant to the current context,
especially when i effectively want to anonymize someone. i will do this
regardless of their presented gender or declared pronoun if that person is
never expected to be visible to people that might hear me. i'm not sure if this
is the right thing to do yet, but i'm trying it out for myself; if you have
strong feelings about this practice, i'd love to hear from you. ]
