On being sometimes crippled by pain
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Woke up yesterday morning with a lot of pain in my back and a lot of
pain in my foot, which is normal, except for the part about my foot.
Had a hard time getting out of bed because of my back, and then once
out of bed, had a hard time getting around because of my back and my
foot.
I've been dealing with chronic pain for my entire adult life, and
it's a sucky thing.
I've gone through long periods of making my condition worse by just
ignoring it because pain felt normal and I kind of forgot and/or lost
hope that I could ever not feel pain.
I got a job about five years ago that offered me a combination of
things I had not had before: a really good salary, lots of time off
no questions asked, great insurance. And so I went on a health care
blitz that lead me to living relatively pain free for long stretches
at a time.
Coronavirus hit and I lost my job, and I've been shut up inside for
three months now, unpredictable income, not getting the care I need,
and I can feel my health and my body deteriorating and I'm fearful of
backsliding to where I was, because where I was was frequently
immobile, and frequently unable to get around without a cane.
The stress and the anxiety and the depression that I'm constantly
feeling right now are unprecedented. And it is taking such a toll on
my mental and physical health.
