A particular and unpleasant thing happens in my mind: when I'm feeling
bad for some reason automatically I see images of past events I've
lived in the same mental state.
Many people when finally quits living bad situations all they want to
do is forgot. Forgot everything and start all over again.
But when I'm into doing something (even things I like) when problems
arise here it comes the unpleasant flashback that helps lowering
morale even more sometimes at the point of stopping me or wanting me
to give up.
When I was a child I refused to study history at school at all cost
not for the fact that it probably is a mixture of past civilization
and modern lies (I wasn't even aware of that) but because I have to
forcibly remember things I'm not interested to know.
Then mom said to me "You really want to not memorize things? What will
happen if you forget that the tigers are going to eat you?".
This is a stupid question for sure but without taking into account the
fear someone may feel in that situation it's true the fact that
failing at remembering something important can put me in danger.
What now that the danger is inside me? Bad memories that come up
without the wish of being recalled that obscure my vision, my
judgement, my will and let me down even more despite the bad things
are gone.
It's just like history: same shit repeats in different ways.
It's hard to recall when you have to and it's impossible to forget
when you must.
