The Codeless Code: Case 20 Neither Yes Nor No
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A nun of the Elephant's Footprint Clan sat cross-legged
upon her desk, quietly contemplating an Entity-Relationship
diagram on her whiteboard.
The Java master* observed this and approached.
The God of the Silence Between Words was already in the
room.
The nun pointed to the diagram. “This column named complete
is declared to hold an integer. An examination of the data
shows that it contains two unique values: zero and one. I
presume that the zero indicates falsehood, and the one,
truth.”
Said the master: “Only an initiate can say what is counted
by these numbers.”
Said the God of the Silence Between Words: “The presence of
a single zero implies the existence of a one to count it,
and then a two to count both, and likewise to infinity. Did
the universe spring thusly from the shell of a serpent’s
egg?”
The nun raised the first two fingers on her right hand. “I
have considered storing a two in some random row, merely to
observe the effect on the application.”
Said the master: “You seek to determine whether truth is
regarded as the presence of a one, or the absence of a
zero.”
Said the God of the Silence Between Words: “The absence of a
zero implies a presence. The presence of a zero implies an
absence. When the serpent devours its tail up to the tip of
its tongue, then what remains?”
The nun pressed her index finger to her chin. “The column
also allows nulls. If the column asks a question, convention
dictates that a null represents an unknown answer.”
Said the master: “This null is either the shrewd pause that
precedes a lie, or the gentle hush before the revelation of
truth. Its quality rests entirely in what it will become.
Only when it ceases to exist may we understand what it was.”
Said the God of the Silence Between Words: “The ghost
borrows the form of the departed. Yet what shape may we
assign the spirit of the yet-unborn?”
The nun steepled her fingers. “Before the application
queries the database, the value of this column is unknown.
Afterwards, any null in this column will be represented
intentionally as a null Boolean. The value is then
simultaneously known and unknown.”
Said the master: “We have learned only that we have learned
nothing, yet this is the root of wisdom.”
Said the God of the Silence Between Words: “The sage and the
fool go to their graves alike in this respect: both believe
the sage to be a fool. Where, then, may wisdom be found?”
The nun folded her hands in her lap. “The null SQL integer,
persisted, becomes the null Boolean in fleeting memory. Two
nothings, of wholly different natures. How can absences be
inequal?”
The master nodded.
The God of the Silence Between Words raised an eyebrow.
