The Codeless Code: Case 192 The Four Words of Distress / Part Two
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This same monk maintained a site that sold agricultural
tools to local farmers. It lately had caused these farmers
much frustration, so the monk resolved to follow master
Bawan’s advice and offer the Four Words of Distress to his
users as quickly as possible. For when an angry farmer wants
to get his point across to a developer, that point is
usually at the tip of a scythe.
The monk devoted his first sprint to providing Help buttons
throughout the interface, implemented as links into the
online user manual. This, he thought, would take the least
time and effort—and besides, farmers should appreciate the
value of low-hanging fruit.
But soon after deployment the monk found a note stuck into
his door, on the business end of an axe:
Drowning, I cried out to your boat for Help.
You threw a heavy tome and rowed away.
A friendly voice was all the rope I needed—
Now I crave the sort that makes a noose.
The monk devoted his second sprint to providing Cancel
buttons throughout the interface, so that any action of
importance would only proceed after confirmation.
But soon after deployment the monk found a second note stuck
into his door, this one on the tines of a pitchfork:
When asked, Do you truly wish to cancel your order?
my only choices were OK and Cancel.
I chose Cancel, yet received ten thousand pitchforks—
I shall send one to your posterior... OK?
The monk devoted his third sprint to providing an
ever-present Undo button, so that any action could be
reversed. This took the greatest time and effort, yet he was
well-pleased with the result.
But soon after deployment the monk found a third note stuck
to his door, this one held fast by garden-spikes:
A penitent man cries, what have I done?
Merciful gods vow to turn back time.
A cricket chirps. All else is still—
Now the man cries: what have I un-done?
That evening Bawan informed the monk that a line of
townsfolk had been seen advancing up the mountain, holding
various farm implements which glinted in the setting sun.
The monk declared, “Three of your Four Words have failed
me!”
The master replied, “Eku had a parrot that repeated her
words faithfully, but no one went to the parrot for wisdom.”
“How can I placate my users?” asked the monk.
“The parrot placated Eku’s cat at dinner-time,” said Bawan.
“There is still the Fourth Word of Distress,” said the monk.
“Can it save me?”
“Only if you invoke it yourself,” said Bawan.
The monk hit the Off button on his workstation and fled the
mountain forever.
