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# 2024-02-21 - Skills For Bridging The Divide by Braver Angels
I recently discovered the online courses at braverangels.org and
liked what i saw. Here are notes i took while going through
"Skills For Bridging The Divide."
# Classic Communication Skills
## Listening Skills
1. Paraphrasing what the other says
[Reflective Listening]
Paraphrasing lets the other person know you understood what they
said, and gives them a chance to correct misunderstandings. Do not
go further than what the other person said by suggesting implications
of their view. You have to actually try to say it like THEY mean it.
2. Asking real questions of understanding
[Open ended questions]
You can also ask somebody how they came to their view on an issue.
If somebody feels strongly about something, and they have strong
opinions about it, you can ask them how they came to their view. It
is a respectful thing to ask. People are most effective when they
tell a story.
3. Listening for underlying values and aspirations, and acknowledging
them.
## Speaking Skills
1. Using I-statements more often than truth-statements.
By using I-statements you are owning it as your opinion.
I-statements are a cue because it invites the other person to get in
with an I-statement.
2. Using "I'm concerned/worried/troubled" expressions rather than
definitive "This is what will happen" ones when referring to the
future.
The I-statements make room for the other person...
[Nobody knows what will happen in the future.]
3. Mention an area of similarity or agreement (if you see one)
4. Before expressing a disagreement, saying some version of "I hear
you" (if you do).
Acknowledge the other person's point of view before you express your
own.
Aim for "yes, and" rather than "yes, but." (I hear you, and here's
what i think about this.)
5. If you feel very strongly about an issue, say something about what
life experiences led you to be passionate about it.
[Keep it real.]
6. Softening flat-out disagreements by signaling first that your
perspective is very different.
"It probably won't surprise you that I see this completely
differently."
"This one is very close to home for me and I have very strong
feelings about it."
If you put it that way, you have not escalated. You've just labeled
where you are.
# Skills for difficult moments
1. Stay focused on a topic when the other person jumps around from
issue to issue.
2. Don't answer baiting questions--instead, just restate your
viewpoint on the topic.
3. Don't return provocative statements in kind.
4. Instead of beating entrenched differences into the ground, agree
to disagree.
5. If the other person is upset or no longer listening, try to exit
the conversation in a low-key way.
tags: conflict resolution,self-help,political
# Tags
conflict resolution
self-help
political
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