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# 2024-02-21 - Skills For Bridging The Divide by Braver Angels | |
I recently discovered the online courses at braverangels.org and | |
liked what i saw. Here are notes i took while going through | |
"Skills For Bridging The Divide." | |
# Classic Communication Skills | |
## Listening Skills | |
1. Paraphrasing what the other says | |
[Reflective Listening] | |
Paraphrasing lets the other person know you understood what they | |
said, and gives them a chance to correct misunderstandings. Do not | |
go further than what the other person said by suggesting implications | |
of their view. You have to actually try to say it like THEY mean it. | |
2. Asking real questions of understanding | |
[Open ended questions] | |
You can also ask somebody how they came to their view on an issue. | |
If somebody feels strongly about something, and they have strong | |
opinions about it, you can ask them how they came to their view. It | |
is a respectful thing to ask. People are most effective when they | |
tell a story. | |
3. Listening for underlying values and aspirations, and acknowledging | |
them. | |
## Speaking Skills | |
1. Using I-statements more often than truth-statements. | |
By using I-statements you are owning it as your opinion. | |
I-statements are a cue because it invites the other person to get in | |
with an I-statement. | |
2. Using "I'm concerned/worried/troubled" expressions rather than | |
definitive "This is what will happen" ones when referring to the | |
future. | |
The I-statements make room for the other person... | |
[Nobody knows what will happen in the future.] | |
3. Mention an area of similarity or agreement (if you see one) | |
4. Before expressing a disagreement, saying some version of "I hear | |
you" (if you do). | |
Acknowledge the other person's point of view before you express your | |
own. | |
Aim for "yes, and" rather than "yes, but." (I hear you, and here's | |
what i think about this.) | |
5. If you feel very strongly about an issue, say something about what | |
life experiences led you to be passionate about it. | |
[Keep it real.] | |
6. Softening flat-out disagreements by signaling first that your | |
perspective is very different. | |
"It probably won't surprise you that I see this completely | |
differently." | |
"This one is very close to home for me and I have very strong | |
feelings about it." | |
If you put it that way, you have not escalated. You've just labeled | |
where you are. | |
# Skills for difficult moments | |
1. Stay focused on a topic when the other person jumps around from | |
issue to issue. | |
2. Don't answer baiting questions--instead, just restate your | |
viewpoint on the topic. | |
3. Don't return provocative statements in kind. | |
4. Instead of beating entrenched differences into the ground, agree | |
to disagree. | |
5. If the other person is upset or no longer listening, try to exit | |
the conversation in a low-key way. | |
tags: conflict resolution,self-help,political | |
# Tags | |
conflict resolution | |
self-help | |
political |