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# 2023-12-26 - Tantra for the West by Marcus Allen | |
I found this book at a yard sale. After skimming through it, i saw | |
that it was relatively light reading considering the subject. I | |
enjoyed the plain, streamlined writing style. In particular, i like | |
the deceptively simple exercises in this book. You can find many of | |
them in my notes below. | |
The author states that he is coming from a Tibetan tantric tradition, | |
in contrast to the traditions found in northern India. Wikipedia has | |
an abundance of detail on the subject: | |
Tantra | |
# Chapter 1: Opening | |
A good way to define tantra is the union of everything, or the unity | |
of every moment. | |
Tantra is a path, a means, to personal freedom. What is personal | |
freedom? That is entirely up to you to discover and create for | |
yourself, for freedom is being free to be yourself. | |
Every moment is sacred, every moment is to be enjoyed and/or used as | |
a teaching--a piece of valuable instruction, a message--for you to | |
grow by. | |
Everything you are doing, have done, and will do are part of your | |
practice of tantra, for tantra uses every moment as a vehicle to | |
freedom. | |
# Chapter 2: The Brilliant Concept of Tantra | |
The word itself comes from the ancient Sanskrit root word meaning to | |
weave. Tantra is the stuff of life, the unique fabric of our lives | |
which we have woven over the years. | |
Tantra is a way of life which involves acceptance, not rejection, of | |
all of life. It does not reject anyone or any particular spiritual | |
path or psychological area of study. It embraces the whole of life. | |
Everything has its own perfect reason for being. | |
Tantra teaches respect for the individual, and recognizes that every | |
individual must evolve in her or his own way. | |
The practice of tantra involves every moment of our lives. It | |
involves an acceptance of, and a willingness to deal with, all of our | |
thoughts, feelings, and actions--both the so-called positive feelings | |
and the so-called negative feelings. [Pleasant and unpleasant.] | |
A very important thing to become aware of, whenever you're in an | |
'unpleasant' place, or confronting a 'negative' emotion, is this: It | |
is not necessarily the situation itself, or the emotion itself, which | |
is causing you your problem--it is your own rejection of the | |
situation, and your own rejection of your feelings, which is causing | |
the problem to be far worse than it would be otherwise. | |
## Exercise: Getting Clear | |
This is a four-step exercise to be done when you are feeling | |
uncomfortable, emotionally upset, pressuring yourself to make a | |
decision, or any time you wish to get more deeply in touch with | |
yourself. Don't skip over any of these steps--especially the ones | |
which seem insignificant. Do them all: | |
1) Ask yourself a question which confronts or examines the feelings | |
you are experiencing. It could be, "What am I telling myself | |
right now?" or "What is the truth for me about _____?" or even, | |
"What am I feeling right now?" | |
2) Answer yourself with the very first words that come into your | |
mind, without censoring anything. | |
3) Acknowledge yourself, each time you answer, by saying "Thank you!" | |
to yourself for sharing these feelings. Then repeat these steps | |
again, and again--until you finally arrive at an answer which | |
sheds the light of clear understanding upon your situation. | |
You'll know when it happens because you will suddenly feel better, | |
clearer, more aware of your feelings and attitudes, and more aware | |
of your options. | |
4) Share your discovery with someone else, within a day or two. Even | |
if you have to call or write somebody, it is important to share | |
your feelings and your insight with someone you are close to. | |
This finalizes the whole process. | |
This exercise is so simple--yet so powerful! It brings to the | |
surface all the feelings which we are experiencing on deep levels | |
that we don't allow ourselves to examine consciously because they're | |
not 'nice' feelings. Once they surface, and once we accept them, | |
they lose their power. It is important not to reject these | |
feelings--by rejecting them, we are giving them power to run our | |
lives. | |
# Chapter 3: Affirmations | |
An affirmation is simply a spoken declaration, in the present tense, | |
which creates a desired reality. | |
We have been giving ourselves affirmations all our lives. And others | |
have been giving us affirmations all our lives. The only problem has | |
been that we have not been consciously aware of the process and the | |
power of affirmations, and so we have affirmed a lot of things which | |
we could do better without. | |
Anything you say or think to yourself is an affirmation. Anything | |
anyone else says to you is an affirmation, if you accept it. Our | |
subconscious minds accept it all--whether for better or worse. | |
Affirm what you know to be true in your heart, and you will create | |
that reality. | |
Through our words and the thoughts behind them, we are continually | |
giving our bodies operating instructions. By being observant, we can | |
become aware of this process. | |
The simplest way to do affirmations consciously is just to say them | |
to yourself, either out loud or silently, whenever you feel like it. | |
Especially say them to counteract any negative thoughts or words you | |
find yourself thinking or saying. This is not a tool for | |
repression--allow yourself to have any thoughts and feelings you | |
have--don't reject them--and yet, give yourself the time and energy | |
to affirm a more desirable reality after you have experienced and | |
explored your so-called 'negative' feelings. | |
Make the affirmations in the present tense--even if it seems | |
unrealistic. | |
Another powerful way to do affirmations is in the relaxed state of | |
mind and body which is often called meditation. | |
## Exercise: Meditative Affirmations | |
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and affirm, silently to yourself | |
as you exhale, "My body is now relaxing." Take another breath and | |
affirm, as you exhale, "My mind is now relaxing." Take one last deep | |
breath and affirm, as you exhale, "I am now letting everything go." | |
Then choose any affirmation--any instructions you want to give your | |
body and mind, anything you wish to create. See it happening here | |
and now as you say your affirmations. If excitement and enthusiasm | |
arises to support the affirmation, all the better--the stronger the | |
feeling, the sooner the reality you wish to create manifests. | |
Say each one repeatedly, until it feels good to you. Try these and | |
see how they feel: | |
* I am deeply relaxed... | |
* I am strong and healthy... | |
* I am open, I am free... | |
Feel yourself being relaxed. See yourself strong and healthy. Feel | |
yourself open and free. | |
Choose any other affirmations you wish to work on, and repeat them, | |
many times, until you feel sure that your subconscious has | |
unquestionably gotten the message. Picture yourself as having | |
completely fulfilled the affirmation. | |
Enjoy yourself--don't work too hard at this. Have fun with your | |
creative imagination. | |
Take a final, deep breath at the end of your meditative affirmations, | |
and affirm: | |
"This, or something better, is now manifesting, for the highest good | |
of all! So be it! So it is!" | |
Now return to your waking day, fully relaxed and refreshed, | |
recharged, able to effortlessly accomplish whatever you want. | |
* * * | |
The measure of an affirmation's success is whether or not it soon | |
manifests in your world. ... the results should become clearly evident | |
to you in a short time. You should be able to feel the change. If | |
the results aren't happening, it is only because you are affirming | |
something else on deeper, perhaps less conscious, levels which is | |
creating something contradictory to what you are affirming | |
consciously. | |
Writing affirmations and their responses is the best way to [explore] | |
this. | |
## Exercise: Writing Affirmations | |
Take a notebook. On one page, write "Affirmations" across the top. | |
On the next page, write "Thank you!" across the top. The begin | |
writing your affirmations on the page headed "Affirmations." Put | |
your attention into it; pour your feeling into it. You want to be | |
self-sufficient, or beautiful, or whatever--and the truth of the | |
matter is that you deserve it, so you might as well create it for | |
yourself. | |
Keep on writing the same affirmation, and keep putting your full | |
attention on it. Soon you will probably notice some kind of inner | |
resistance popping up--some words you are telling yourself [affirming | |
to yourself] on deep levels. Whatever they are, write them down on | |
your "Thank you!" page. On this page, you are encouraged to voice | |
all of your reactions to your affirmations. | |
After writing your affirmation 10 or 20 times, you may have 10 or 20 | |
or 30 comments on your "Thank you!" page. Look at them | |
carefully--these are the things you are affirming to yourself on | |
deeper levels which are creating your present reality. Sometimes | |
these negative affirmations dissolve as soon as you look at them. At | |
other times, you may have to create new affirmations for yourself | |
that are especially designed to counteract what you have been telling | |
yourself. | |
Do this daily, if necessary. Break down your resistances with more | |
affirmations. When you finally get to the core of your | |
resistance--to the "biggie" which you are holding onto, the one | |
terrible thing about yourself that you haven't dared to admit even to | |
yourself--when you finally find yourself writing it out on your | |
"Thank you!" sheet, you'll feel something releasing in you. Then | |
find the affirmation which deals with it directly and releases it for | |
all time from your consciousness. You'll find yourself feeling | |
wonderful. Now you are coming into your own power. Now you're not | |
limiting yourself any more. You're free to be who you want, and to | |
create the life you want. It is your birthright. | |
* * * | |
... there are many types of affirmations which need to be supported | |
by and completed through a very mechanical series of actions in the | |
world. | |
Keep doing your affirmation, and it will become clear to you what you | |
need to do. | |
It is a startling thing for many people to realize that we create | |
what we want. We may not be creating what we think we want, but in | |
fact we are creating that which we want on some deep, perhaps | |
subconscious, levels. | |
Affirmations work only for the good--that is, the highest good of all | |
concerned. If anyone wishes to use these tools... at the expense of | |
another, they will create problems for themselves. If you have even | |
the slightest feeling that what you're affirming may not be the best | |
thing for you, or for someone else, finish your affirming with the | |
words, "This, or something better, is now manifesting for the highest | |
good of all concerned." | |
I'll close this chapter with mention of a particularly powerful | |
affirmation for people in the world today: | |
"_____ comes to me, easily and effortlessly." | |
Often, one of the largest stumbling blocks in the way of attaining or | |
accomplishing something, especially our most cherished dreams and | |
goals, is that we're trying too hard. | |
Life does not have to be a struggle. | |
# Chapter 4: Relationships | |
Our relationships with others--both casual and intimate--give us a | |
constant, truthful mirror of ourselves. | |
An honest appraisal of our relationships can provide us with some of | |
the best material we have to help us grow. | |
It's important to realize that, in our relationships as in most other | |
areas of our lives, we're free to create whatever we desire. We can | |
have any kind of relationship(s) we want. | |
Most of what follows focuses on intimate, personal relationships. | |
But the same principles apply to all relationships: friend, | |
parent-child, boss-employee, coworker, neighbor, etc. Many people | |
who are unhappy and lonely, in fact, have more success in creating | |
the kind of perfect relationships they want if they first start with | |
getting more satisfaction from the friend and coworker and other | |
relationships they already have, and then go on to focusing on and | |
creating an intimate romantic relationship after they have a little | |
practice in being a good friend. | |
## Exercise: Personal Inventory | |
Sondra Ray, author of I Deserve Love, uses a process in her workshops | |
that is very startling and eye-opening for a lot of people: | |
Make the following lists across the top of a sheet of paper: | |
* What I want | |
* What I have | |
* What I really want | |
Under "What I want," list what you want--in your relationships, in | |
your life in general. | |
Under "What I have," list what you have at present. | |
Then, under "What I really want," also list what you have at | |
present--because we have already created in our lives what we have | |
really wanted. | |
Some people may feel this isn't true, because it often certainly | |
doesn't seem to be true on conscious levels of our awareness. But on | |
deeper levels, it is completely true: we have created for ourselves | |
exactly what we have wanted and what we have felt we deserved; we | |
have created for ourselves at present what we feel we are worthy of. | |
But we deserve better things--so let's start creating some better | |
things! | |
First, we need to focus on the inner planes--purely within ourselves, | |
within our beliefs and imaginations. Once we do some inner | |
investigation and work, we'll focus on the outer plane, which | |
involves our actions in the world, with our partner or partners, and | |
with everyone else we relate to. | |
It is very important--essential, in fact--for us to create a clear | |
picture or idea of what we want in relationship, and to affirm that | |
it is so. Look honestly at what you truly want. Imagine it clearly | |
in your mind's eye. We must first create in our thoughts and | |
feelings those things we wish to create in our lives. | |
As soon as you are ready for relationship, it happens. Then it | |
becomes something to skillfully manage on the outer plane as well as | |
the inner. | |
## First Key To Relationships: Communication | |
The key to successful relationships on the outer level can be given | |
in one word: communication. Communication simply involves sharing | |
your feelings--giving other people your honest feedback, both | |
positive and negative, and receiving feedback in a way which is | |
beneficial. | |
We simply hear what they're saying, we realize that there's some | |
reason for them to be telling us those particular things, and we | |
accept what they're saying and agree to look at it. If, after a | |
while, we feel that they're being accurate, we acknowledge that, | |
thank them, and see if there's some way to improve things. If on the | |
other hand we feel, after some quiet introspection, that their | |
communication was not useful, we simply let it go, without blaming or | |
judging anyone in the process. | |
Our friends, lovers, bosses, parents, children, and everyone else we | |
encounter often mirror us, and give us valuable instructions which | |
can help us uplevel the quality of our lives if we're open to their | |
communications--if we learn to listen, and stop denying, defending, | |
and beating ourselves up with what they're telling us. | |
## Second Key To Relationships: Negotiation | |
Another essential key to successful, supportive relationships is | |
contained in a word which some people have difficulty relating to: | |
negotiation. True negotiation is the art of creating win-win | |
situations. If either person in the relationship is not winning, | |
that is, not getting what they want and deserve, then the | |
relationship is not working. | |
Often this frustration can be dissolved with a few simple | |
conversations in which each person communicates as clearly as they | |
can exactly what they want in the relationship. Then the other | |
person responds, saying from their heart what they feel good about | |
giving. It is often necessary to work out a compromise, but it is | |
far better to compromise than to spend years trying to get something | |
that your partner doesn't feel good about giving. | |
Keep focusing on the fact that it is always possible to come up with | |
a creative solution which will give you both what you want. It may | |
be something you've never done before, but there IS a creative | |
solution. Or, one or both of you may choose to end the | |
relationship--that too is a possibility. Separation is sometimes a | |
much better choice than years of frustration. | |
## Dealing With Conflict | |
1) Stop. Take a breath. It takes two to tango, but it takes only | |
one to stop. | |
2) Give your partner the time, space, and encouragement to totally | |
express their feelings. Listen to them... don't interrupt them... | |
don't even judge them... Just give them the opportunity to express | |
themselves, completely. Encourage them to say what is on their | |
mind, even if it makes you furious. Wait until they have had | |
their say, and tell them, "Thank you for sharing that with me." | |
3) Now it's your turn to express your feelings. Be sure that it is | |
clear with your partner that you want them to give you the space | |
to let out all your feelings just as you have let them do. Tell | |
them they must not interrupt but just listen to what you have to | |
say. They'll get their chance to respond. Don't try to edit or | |
censor or soften it--jump into the center... and show your partner | |
your deepest feelings. | |
The next step depends on how effective the last two have been. If | |
you've both said it all, you'll notice that the charge between you | |
has dissipated, because you've released a lot of 'stuff' you were | |
holding onto. But if one or both of you still feels agitated, | |
repeat steps 2 and 3 again... These steps have been effective | |
when you begin to feel calmer and closer than you were when you | |
began. | |
4) Next, ask your partner what they want from you. Give them the | |
time, space, and encouragement to tell you exactly what they want | |
and need from you. Listen and remember. | |
5) Then, tell your partner exactly what you want from them. Be open | |
and honest. Spell out what you want and need. One way to get | |
into it, if you have difficulty doing it, is to play a little game | |
with each other, in which each of you spells out your 'ideal | |
scene' if you could have the relationship exactly as you would | |
want it in its most ideal form. | |
Now comes the final step: the negotiation. Negotiation is really | |
the essential basis of every relationship: we are together because | |
we have some reason for being together, and that reason involves | |
giving something and receiving something from the other person. | |
If the relationship isn't working smoothly, it is because the | |
agreements haven't been spelled out clearly enough. You can call | |
it 'making agreements' if negotiation is not the right word for | |
you. | |
If this exercise does not work for you, if repeating these steps does | |
not clear the air and resolve your feelings, you may need to seek a | |
counselor or a skilled facilitator to assist you in learning to share | |
your feelings in an effective way. | |
Enlightened relationships are... a win-win proposition. Everybody | |
wins, nobody loses. | |
Be creative--there are no set norms or forms that you have to follow. | |
# Chapter 5: Sex | |
How do you feel about sex? How have you felt about your sexual | |
relationships? Answer these questions honestly to yourself--the most | |
important first step is just to be totally honest. Do you feel | |
guilty about anything? Take some time to examine that one--guilt is | |
a very popular state of mind in our culture today, unfortunately. | |
Practice seeing the beauty in everyone... and the beauty in | |
yourself... | |
Every lover, every friend, everyone you meet, even everyone you see | |
has their own unique beauty... their own unique spark of the divine | |
which they reflect. | |
Can you see it? | |
Every lover you've ever had and ever will have has been a divine | |
being, in their essence, in their true being... Can you see it? | |
Their bodies are miraculous creations of a loving divine force, and | |
by loving them you have united with that force... And the most | |
beautiful part of all is that the same is true for them, because they | |
see the divinity in you. | |
# Chapter 7: Work | |
Look at your beliefs about work--are they limiting your personal | |
freedom? | |
Examine your beliefs and understand that they can be changed, if you | |
find that you have beliefs (even deep, core beliefs) that do not | |
serve your highest purpose. | |
The single, most powerfully motivating force which keeps many people | |
in jobs they dislike is insecurity--fear of not having enough, fear | |
of not making it without working that job. Remember that when you | |
are following your intuitive guidance and acting for your highest | |
good the universe will always take care of you--you will always have | |
enough. | |
Most people work in order to survive. And this takes so much time | |
and energy that they neglect their deepest desires and their greatest | |
areas of creativity. By focusing primarily on your short-term | |
needs... you can lose your long-range sight. | |
Start instead by focusing on your highest purpose in life, your | |
deepest wishes, your most exquisite dreams. Then find or create work | |
which is in alignment with these things, and you will find that the | |
details of your life will start to fall into place as you align | |
yourself more and more with your highest purpose. This can take some | |
time to unfold, but it is a journey well worth making. | |
Some people have difficulty discovering their highest purpose. | |
## Exercise: Your Ideal Scene | |
Take a sheet of paper, if you are alone, or sit down with a close | |
friend. Pretend that you are suddenly five or ten years in the | |
future, and that you have managed to create everything your heart has | |
ever desired for yourself. Allow yourself to be completely fanciful | |
and unrealistic. You have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. | |
Describe where you live, what you do, how much money you make, what | |
kind of relationships you have, etc. Be as thorough as you can. | |
Play with this, just like a child plays at being what they want to be | |
when they grow up. If you could have been anything you want, what | |
would it be? | |
Have fun with this exercise. Allow your fantasies to wander, and | |
explore all kinds of different possibilities, if you feel like it. | |
This isn't just child's play--it could have a very concrete effect on | |
your future. | |
Now that you have explored your ideal scene, now that you have taken | |
your dreams out of the closet, you are in the right state of mind to | |
phrase--in a short, simple paragraph--your highest purpose in life. | |
And you have the proper perspective to sketch out both long-term and | |
short-term goals for yourself. | |
## Exercise: Highest Purpose In Life | |
Take a sheet of paper and write, "My highest purpose in life is..." | |
and complete the sentence. Use no more than one short paragraph to | |
express what it is. Of course, it will be in broad, general terms. | |
Then, under that paragraph, list every goal--both long-term and | |
short-term--which is in alignment with that purpose, which helps to | |
further that purpose. | |
Some will be very general, some more specific. Underneath the | |
goals--perhaps on separate sheets of paper, if necessary--list the | |
immediate steps necessary to accomplish that goal. | |
Every broad, general purpose can be broken down into a series of | |
general goals. Every general goal can be broken down into several | |
specific goals. Every specific goal can be broken down into specific | |
steps necessary to accomplish that goal. | |
You can always change or delete your goals, if and when you feel like | |
it. | |
Once you have your highest purpose and your goals clearly listed in | |
front of you, you are in a much better position to determine exactly | |
what you want to do with your valuable time and energy than you were | |
before. This is the key to finding what has been called 'right | |
livelihood' for yourself--that is, work which is in alignment with | |
your highest purpose and your goals. This is the only kind of work | |
which will be deeply satisfying for you. This is the only work you | |
will have the kind of energy for which will cause you to truly | |
succeed, in whatever ways you wish. It may require a leap of | |
faith--in fact, it probably will--but you will never regret making | |
it. | |
It is important to see, too, that whatever you are now doing has its | |
own perfect reason for being, and can be satisfying in its own way. | |
Enjoy your work--regardless of what you are doing, and regardless of | |
whether or not you desire to be doing something else. You'll | |
discover all kinds of new rewards when you're able to do this. | |
# Chapter 8: Money | |
## Exercise: Money Is | |
Take a piece of paper, and at the top of the paper, write "Money | |
is..." and then underneath, list everything--good, bad, irrelevant, | |
weird, embarrassing, whatever--that comes to mind about money. List | |
the things you've heard about money. List the things you tell | |
yourself about money. Just take 10 minutes, and you'll probably get | |
all the "biggies" down... or take a little longer if you feel like | |
you're avoiding something. | |
Money in itself is nothing at all, except what we make of it. | |
In itself, it has no value at all, but is simply a medium of | |
exchange, a convention set up to assist people in trading one thing | |
for another in an efficient way. | |
# Chapter 9: Creativity | |
Our culture is very progressive and successful in some ways--and an | |
abysmal failure in others. One of the greatest failures of our | |
educational systems involves creativity. [Basically, the schools | |
stifle and destroy childrens' natural creative genius.] | |
There are many ways to unlock the creative genius within you. One is | |
by remembering and reconnecting with the fantasies, dreams, and | |
activities you experienced as a child. Children know exactly where | |
their greatest creative power lies. What did you dream of doing and | |
being? What did you actually do when you were young? Remember it, | |
connect with it, and act on it. | |
Another way to open up your creativity is to tune into your deepest | |
dreams and fantasies that have kept surfacing for you all your life. | |
What creative things do you imagine yourself doing? Don't | |
underestimate the power of your fantasies and daydreams! Within them | |
is the power to create whatever your heart desires. | |
What is blocking your natural flow of creativity? For most people, | |
the greatest obstacles to creativity--and to personal freedom in | |
general--are the internal and external judges we have created for | |
ourselves, and the negative self-image which these judgments have | |
produced. | |
Another great and unnecessary obstacle is the fear of failure. There | |
is no such thing as failure anyway: every 'failure' is merely another | |
lesson to be learned on the way to your success--if you see it that | |
way. The trial and error process is our natural process of growth... | |
## Exercise: Fifteen Minutes | |
Take fifteen minutes (or, if that's too confronting, take ten, or | |
even five) to give yourself some time to open up your creativity. | |
Just decide that you'll spend this time doing something new and | |
creative, something you've dreamed of doing, perhaps, but somehow | |
have never gotten around to doing it. Just sit there, and do | |
whatever pops into your mind. Give yourself total freedom to do | |
anything... | |
# Chapter 11: Meditation and Yoga | |
Meditation and yoga are excellent for you--physically, emotionally, | |
mentally, and spiritually--but, like everything else, they too can | |
turn into addictions and other neurotic behavior. Don't ever put | |
yourself down because you can't meditate or you aren't meditating | |
enough or you missed your yoga session. That's using a good tool for | |
a bad effect. | |
# Chapter 15: Freedom | |
## Exercise: | |
As yourself, "What is it about _____ that need to understand?" ... | |
In the blank space, insert the title of the chapters of this | |
book--relationships, sex, being alone, work, money, creativity, | |
aging, politics, etc.--or any other areas of your life which are | |
there for you now to deal with. Look at every answer that surfaces | |
for you. | |
Then ask yourself, "What is it about my _____ that is teaching me to | |
be free?"--inserting the same word in the blank space. | |
Repeat the questions, and allow yourself to absorb whatever answers | |
come up for you. | |
This exercise--simply though it is, for anyone--can tune you into | |
your intuitive teacher. It is usually better to ask yourself | |
questions, rather than asking other people. Who knows you better | |
than yourself? | |
author: Allen, Mark, 1946- | |
detail: https://www.powells.com/book/tantra-for-the-west-9781608683420 | |
LOC: BL624 .A453 | |
tags: book,conflict resolution,non-fiction,self-help,tantra | |
title: Tantra for the West | |
# Tags | |
book | |
conflict resolution | |
non-fiction | |
self-help | |
tantra |