View source | |
# 2023-10-30 - Boundaries by Anne Katherine | |
I found this book in a thrift store. I appreciated the clear | |
writing! It was published in 1991 and i wish i had read this book in | |
the early 90's. It could have saved me some trouble. | |
From the author's web site: | |
> One of first books ever written on boundaries, Boundaries, Where | |
> You End and I Begin, is a classic. Designated as one of the top | |
> ten books on relationships, it's been a steady seller for more than | |
> 20 years. This is the basic book on boundaries. | |
If this book were written in the present time, it would probably come | |
with dozens of trigger warnings. Some of the examples and personal | |
stories have harsh emotional impact! | |
I learned a lot from reading this book. For example, the idea that | |
neglect is a boundary violation too (a distance violation). Also the | |
distinctions between enmeshment and intimacy, and between | |
defensiveness and asserting a boundary. | |
> Violations of distance happen when children don't get enough from | |
> their parents, when one spouse won't speak to the other, is | |
> emotionally cold, or is unwilling to discuss important matters, or | |
> when one friend refuses to work out a disagreement with another. | |
> Boundary violations can be healed right away if the sufferer tells | |
> the intruder that a boundary has been violated and the intruder | |
> immediately apologizes or somehow expresses concern about the | |
> violation. Note the two parts to this. The one whose limits have | |
> been breached must make the offense known and the offender must | |
> respect the limit. | |
Past friends have skipped straight to cutting me off, without | |
making the offense known or making a clear request. It is | |
interesting to speculate about their behavior being defensive and a | |
distance violation of MY boundaries. | |
# Chapter 1: The Wall Between | |
So what is a boundary? A boundary is a limit or edge that defines | |
you as separate from others. | |
Our skin marks the limit of our physical selves, but we have another | |
boundary that extends beyond our skin. We become aware of this when | |
someone stands too close. It's as if we are surrounded by an | |
invisible circle, a comfort zone. This zone is fluid. A lover, say, | |
can stand closer than most friends, and a friend can stand closer | |
than a stranger. | |
We have other boundaries as well--emotional, spiritual, sexual, and | |
relational. You have a limit to what is safe and appropriate. You | |
have a border that separates you from others. Within this border is | |
your youness, that which makes you an individual different and | |
separate from others. | |
What is an emotional boundary? We have a set of feelings and | |
reactions that are distinctly ours. We respond to the world uniquely | |
based on our individual perceptions, our special histories, our | |
values, goals, and concerns. | |
When it comes to how others treat us emotionally, we have limits on | |
what is safe and appropriate. | |
When you let someone abuse you or hurt you verbally, the other person | |
is not advanced. Protecting yourself sets a necessary limit for both | |
of you. That limitation advances the relationship. | |
We have spiritual boundaries. You are the only one who knows the | |
right spiritual path for yourself. We can be assisted but not | |
forced. Our spiritual development comes from our inner selves. | |
We have sexual boundaries, limits on what is safe and appropriate | |
sexual behavior from others. We have a choice about who we interact | |
with sexually and the extent of that interaction. | |
We have relational boundaries. The roles we play define the limits | |
of appropriate interaction with others. | |
Boundaries bring order into our lives. As we learn to strengthen our | |
boundaries, we gain a clearer sense of ourselves and our relationship | |
to others. With good boundaries, we can have the wonderful assurance | |
that comes from knowing we can and will protect ourselves from the | |
ignorance, meanness, or thoughtlessness of others. | |
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you probably had little | |
help with boundary development. You may have grown up without any | |
clear sense of your own boundaries. In fact, you may have been | |
taught to let others run over your boundaries. | |
If the barrier of your skin is breached by a scratch, you become | |
vulnerable to infection. If your emotional or relational boundaries | |
are breached, you also become vulnerable to harm. When these | |
invisible boundaries are trespassed by the thoughtless or intrusive | |
actions of others, it is called a boundary violation. | |
Like any fence, boundaries require maintenance. | |
What is seen as a healthy boundary in one country or culture may be | |
misunderstood or feared in another culture. | |
Boundaries, to some extent then, are influenced by the values of the | |
culture in which we live. When we interact with other cultures, it's | |
important to be sensitive to these differences and to remember that | |
each side may unwittingly cross a boundary not from malice but from | |
ignorance. | |
# Chapter 2: Visible and Invisible Boundaries | |
I set my physical boundaries by choosing who can touch me and how and | |
where I am touched. I decide how close I'll let people get to me. | |
Because i have a reverse gear as well as a forward I can back away | |
from someone who invades my personal zone. | |
I set my emotional boundaries by choosing who I'll let people treat | |
me. One way I do this is by setting limits on what people can say to | |
me. | |
Setting emotional boundaries includes deciding what relationships | |
I'll foster and continue and what people I'll back away from because | |
I can't trust them. | |
Violations come in two main categories: violations of intrusion and | |
violations of distance. | |
Violations of intrusion occur when a physical or emotional boundary | |
is breached. | |
Violations of distance occur when intimacy is less than that is | |
appropriate to the relationship. [neglect] | |
It may be hard to see, but too much distance is harmful. Children | |
need safe physical contact in order to define themselves. Nonsexual | |
cuddling, hugging, holding, and touching are important for a child's | |
emotional and physical development. Adults also need to be touched. | |
When we yell, we know we yelled because we hear it (unless our | |
hearing is impaired). Our ears give us immediate feedback that we've | |
made a sound. We can then modify the sound to accurately convey what | |
we mean. | |
Similarly, we need a reaction, feedback, when we're feeling | |
something. When the feedback is accurate, our feeling unfolds and | |
becomes clearer. | |
An echo bounces your words back to you. A warm response brings your | |
feelings back to you. You get to know yourself better. This | |
combination--of effective feedback and knowing yourself | |
better--creates an emotional boundary. It fills in the circle of who | |
you are and creates a space outside of you of who you aren't. | |
We learn about emotional boundaries by the responses we get. | |
Learning about and connecting with feelings is essential for complete | |
boundary development. | |
Our feelings are rich in meaning about the nature of our connections | |
with others. When we are in contact with that, we can be guided by | |
our inner selves, we can tell who we are, what is right for us. We | |
can, therefore, know our emotional boundaries. And by knowing our | |
emotional boundaries, we can tell when someone has breached them. | |
Being connected with our inner selves gives us the strength to | |
protect ourselves from violators. | |
# Chapter 3: Context | |
Context, the type of relationship, defines appropriate closeness and | |
distance in a relationship. | |
Violations of distance happen when children don't get enough from | |
their parents, when one spouse won't speak to the other, is | |
emotionally cold, or is unwilling to discuss important matters, or | |
when one friend refuses to work out a disagreement with another. | |
There's a big difference between enmeshment and intimacy. Enmeshment | |
may feel like intimacy, but it is not. Intimacy comes from knowing | |
each other very well, accepting shortcomings and differences, and | |
loving each other anyway. Enmeshment is an attempt to feel and think | |
as if you were the same person. Since quite a bit of one's | |
uniqueness is missed this way, neither person can really be known, a | |
very different experience from intimacy. | |
One cause of too much distance comes from not talking about important | |
matters. If intimacy means being known by the other, lack of | |
intimacy comes from not being known. If partners aren't talking | |
about problems, feelings, needs, and wants, they'll feel less known, | |
and distance will grow between them. | |
When a person neither knows [their] feelings nor has healthy ways to | |
handle them, [they are] vulnerable to whatever will keep [their] | |
feelings contained--alcohol, drugs, food, excessive work, stress, | |
compulsive acquiring, compulsive hobbying. | |
What's the solution? Getting expert help to learn the skills not | |
learned as children. Therapists, classes, and anonymous programs | |
[AKA support groups] all offer ways to discover one's hidden self, | |
construct ways to get back in contact with feelings. With support, | |
you can safely feel hard things--without crashing or hurting someone | |
else--until you're ready to solo. | |
The truth is that intimacy takes a lot of work and must be | |
deliberately undertaken. | |
Physical intimacy can be sexual and nonsexual. Nonsexual physical | |
intimacy can be nurturing and comforting. Sexual intimacy changes | |
the dynamic of the relationship. If emotional intimacy and the | |
ability to communicate clearly about hard things has preceded it, | |
[sexual intimacy] can enhance the relationship. If sexual intimacy | |
is not grounded in emotional closeness and effective communication, | |
it can lead to problems in the relationship. | |
Intimacy requires that we know our feelings and needs, that we | |
communicate them, and that we understand how to get our needs met. | |
We must know how to work out disagreements, how to handle anger, how | |
to have balance, and be able to respect the different needs, | |
feelings, thoughts, and reactions of another. With either distancing | |
or enmeshing parents, our experience is limited when it comes to | |
learning these skills. | |
Parents may use their children to get their own needs met. Here are | |
some ways parents use their children: | |
1. Expecting the child to take care of the parent. | |
2. Asking the child to make adult decisions. | |
3. Enmeshing with the child--either living life vicariously by | |
becoming too involved with the child's thoughts, interests, and | |
activities, or making the child into a clone of the parent. | |
4. Misusing the child in order to feel powerful or to express anger. | |
Children need a lot. They come into the world with a set of demands. | |
If a parent is overwhelmed with [their] own unmet needs, the child's | |
needs are just too much. | |
# Chapter 4: Your Physical Boundaries | |
You are the one accountable for your choices. You bear the | |
consequences of your decisions and your body bears the consequences | |
of your decisions about it. | |
The only exception is if you are incapacitated and must receive | |
medical attention. Beyond this, you have the right to say who | |
touches you and how. | |
You do not have to endure any kind of contact you don't want. | |
The more you stop yourself from being used, the less you broadcast | |
yourself as a victim. Like a wolf who stalks the weak elk in the | |
herd, exploiters will pass you over if you seem strong and feisty. | |
By learning to protect yourself, you lessen the incidences of being | |
threatened. | |
# Chapter 5: Your Emotional Boundaries | |
Emotional boundaries define the self. Assaults to boundaries | |
threaten the self. One's unique self is composed of a complex of | |
ideas, feelings, values, wishes, and perspectives that are duplicated | |
by no other. Emotional boundaries protect this complex. | |
What strengthens emotional boundaries? The right to say no. The | |
freedom do say yes. Respect for feelings. Support for our personal | |
process. Acceptance of differences. Enhancement of our uniqueness. | |
Permission for expression. | |
What harms emotional boundaries? Ridicule. Contempt. Derision. | |
Sarcasm. Mockery. Scorn. Belittling feelings. Stifling | |
communication. Insistence on conformity. Arbitrariness. The need | |
to overpower. Heavy judgments. Any kind of abuse. Abandonment. | |
Threat. Insecurity. | |
Think of the effect it has to pretend you're different than you | |
really are. Being someone you're not lets alien behavior and | |
attitudes enter your boundary and replace your true self. When we do | |
this a lot, we begin to feel strange to ourselves. We can lose touch | |
with our true selves and not know what we really want and need. | |
When you share yourself honestly, when you reveal your own thoughts | |
and reactions, you define yourself emotionally both to yourself and | |
to others. When you pretend to take on another's views, when you | |
conceal your conflicting opinion, you obscure your boundary for | |
yourself and for others. | |
If boundary development was severely harmed when you were a child, | |
therapy may be the most efficient route. | |
Either we wrestle with these issues endlessly with bosses, friends, | |
spouses, co-workers, and children, or we get professional help that | |
shows us how to build boundaries and stay safe as well. | |
# Chapter 7: Boundary Violations | |
A boundary violation is committed when someone knowingly or | |
unknowingly crosses the emotional, physical, spiritual, or sexual | |
limits of another. Boundary violations may be accidental or | |
deliberate. They can be committed maliciously, thoughtlessly, or out | |
of kindness. | |
Whether a violation is intended or not, whether it is committed out | |
of ignorance or malice, it is still a violation. It still harms. | |
Boundary violations can be healed right away if the sufferer tells | |
the intruder that a boundary has been violated and the intruder | |
immediately apologizes or somehow expresses concern about the | |
violation. Note the two parts to this. The one whose limits have | |
been breached must make the offense known and the offender must | |
respect the limit. | |
Certain roles carry rank or power. | |
A supervisor, boss, owner, military officer, teacher, or coach has | |
power because [they] can influence the financial future of the | |
subordinate. The livelihood of the subordinate is in [the other | |
person's] hands. | |
Parents, clergy, rabbis, doctors, attorneys, therapists, teachers, | |
and scout leaders are invested with trust. These positions of | |
leadership involve caring for, advocating for, or teaching those | |
within their charge. | |
Although we, the people they care for, are not technically | |
subordinate, we entrust these people with authority over life's more | |
critical aspects, authority that enables them to sanction or | |
invalidate us. The leadership and trust we invest in them, however, | |
carries with it a particular responsibility. The development of | |
ethics is a recognition of this responsibility. | |
For a person in such a role, essentially that of a guardian, to cross | |
sexual boundaries is a grave violation: for someone vulnerable and in | |
need, such action can be devastating. | |
The person who sought care was used to meet the needs of the | |
caregiver. | |
More subtle violations occur when the caregiver initiates interaction | |
that is only appropriate among peers. | |
How can you tell if someone is a peer? If [they] know more about you | |
than you know about [them, then they] are not a peer. | |
Professional distance between therapist and client gives the client | |
[their] greatest safety. Friends give and take from each other. A | |
client is safest if the therapist has no expectation of receiving | |
from the client. Friends develop obligations. A client has no | |
obligation to the therapist other than the financial one. A therapy | |
session is strictly for the purpose of advancing the client's | |
emotional growth. The focus is on the client. In a friendship, the | |
focus moves back and forth. | |
All roles have built-in limits. Respecting these limits creates | |
order in relationships. Crossing these limits yields confusion and | |
disorder. | |
How can you develop your own sense of what's appropriate? | |
What's your orientation to the person in question? Do you look up, | |
down, or across? Are you in a giving or receiving role? Is your | |
role to give or receive support? | |
If you are looking up to a person... you are not [their] peer. ...you | |
are not required to parent or counsel [them]. | |
If you are looking down to a person... [they are] not your peer. | |
[They] should not be counseling you. And you should not be giving | |
[them] inappropriate information. | |
If you look across to a person, [they're] your peer. You support | |
each other. You confide in each other. Giving goes both ways. | |
If you're doing peer things with someone you look up or down to, | |
something's wrong. A boundary is being crossed. Talk about it to a | |
peer, therapist, or someone who is boundary wise. | |
If you're looking down or up at someone who's a peer, something's | |
wrong. The relationship has lost its footing and needs help. | |
Cleaning up role violations is easiest if both people are working on | |
it, but sometimes you're the only one who understands the problem. | |
Many of us want health in our relationships, and when we have a | |
choice we choose open, frank communication. But if the other person | |
is simply incapable of acting in a healthy way because of an | |
addiction or personality disorder, we must protect ourselves. | |
Sometimes we need to leave a job to find a healthier work | |
environment. A company or agency that doesn't clean up its act | |
always loses the good people. When employees are healthy, they | |
leave. | |
If you are a victim of a boundary violation, present or past, protect | |
yourself. Take yourself out of the situation in which you are being | |
violated as soon as possible. Get support from healthy people so you | |
can leave. | |
If you attend to your own boundary repair, you'll find yourself in | |
progressively better situations. Instead of being on the defensive, | |
you'll actually have the space and safety to develop, to become more | |
yourself, to have more of the life that's been given to you. | |
# Chapter 8: Intimacy | |
A hundred books on marriage will tell you that communication is the | |
key to a successful relationship. But not just any communication | |
will do. The kind that makes the difference comes from the inner | |
person--important, wispy, hard-to-grasp feelings; tough | |
acknowledgments; needs cloaked in shame--and goes to the other's | |
inner person--open, non-critical listening that is heart to heart, | |
not heart to mind. | |
The advanced type of listening that makes a marriage grow in intimacy | |
is not something many of us learned as children. It presumes contact | |
with and acceptance of feelings and a special quality of listening. | |
For both skills, we need boundaries. | |
Intimacy comes from being known, and being known requires knowing | |
yourself, having a self to know, and having enough of a sense of your | |
own individuality to have something to present to the other. | |
The most critical ingredient for intimacy between two people is that | |
there be two people. True intimacy requires two separate individuals. | |
If most of [a child's] attention is focused on surviving, important | |
phases of development will be missed. | |
This has two enormous consequences. The full emergence of self is | |
harmed. And powerful feelings about the harm and the need for | |
survival get stored. | |
Stored feelings control us. They unconsciously influence our values, | |
decisions, perspectives, and especially our choice of mates. They | |
determine the types of defenses we'll construct to make up for poor | |
boundaries. | |
We reverse the damage done to us as children by reversing this | |
process--unlocking feelings, meeting basic physical needs, getting | |
dependency and other developmental needs met, and building | |
boundaries. The harmed self can then become whole. | |
A whole person presents a completely different possibility in | |
relationships than an incomplete person. A whole person can define | |
needs, express feelings, and set limits. A whole person maintains a | |
separate identity with boundaries rather than defenses. | |
A boundary comes from an awareness of one's distinctness from | |
another. The ability to build one arises from finishing unfinished | |
childhood agendas, identifying the harm, feeling the suppressed | |
feelings, and grieving the losses [will] restore wholeness to the | |
incomplete child living inside us. As this work is done, one's | |
capacity for intimacy expands. | |
People commonly handle uncomfortable feelings by shoving them onto | |
someone else or by getting someone else to take responsibility for | |
them. | |
# Chapter 9: Mending Wall | |
It's never too late to build boundaries for yourself. No matter what | |
kind of mess your life is in, healthy boundaries will improve it. Do | |
the following three things and your boundaries can't help but improve: | |
1. Increase your self-awareness. | |
2. Identify childhood violations and the offenders, feel about them, | |
and get care for that damage. | |
3. Examine the state of your boundaries in your present relationships | |
and clean them up. | |
Sound simple? It's simple but not easy. As you delve into one | |
aspect of boundary building, the other two will be helped. For | |
example, as you become more aware of yourself, you will very likely | |
realize more and more ways your boundaries were violated as a child. | |
As you heal from these violations, internal boundaries will grow and | |
you'll find yourself creating boundaries in present relationships. | |
Many people carry on social lives with clients. It's a common | |
American thing to do. | |
Crossing advocate or supervisory rolls with peer activities often | |
leads to this type of boundary confusion. Sooner or later something | |
happens that demands one type of response form an advocate or | |
supervisor and another type from a friend or peer. | |
So what do you do if you live in a small town or on an island? The | |
number of people available for friendships, clients, and employees is | |
limited. If you have no choice but to blur boundaries to meet your | |
social and relational needs, know that sooner or later a boundary | |
issue will develop. These guidelines can bee defied, but in doing so | |
you open yourself to consequences that can result in a resentful | |
employee or in the loss of a person as both a friend and client. | |
[The author is talking about having a dual relationship. I've had | |
mixed luck with dual relationships. Sometimes they work out good. | |
Sometimes they don't. But the same is true of all my relationships, | |
dual or not.] | |
Dual relationship | |
## Exercises To Increase Your Self-Awareness | |
Journaling Week | |
* Get a small notebook and keep it with you. | |
* For one week, research the ways you're different from the people | |
around you. | |
* Notice every time your opinion differs from the person you are | |
with. Jot a brief note in your notebook describing your actual | |
opinion. Notice every time your values differ from the person you | |
are with. Make a note of it. Notice when your preference is | |
different. List your preference. | |
* At the end of the week, read your notebook. | |
* Discuss this process with a trusted friend, one who listens well. | |
Don't discuss this with a friend who tries to make [their] opinion | |
yours. | |
Television Rehearsal | |
* Watch a talk show on television. When you agree with a statement, | |
say so. When you disagree, tell the television your opinion. | |
Gesture, raise your voice, let Oprah get an earful of your views on | |
the matter. | |
* Discuss this process with a good friend. | |
Public Assertion | |
* At a party or event at which you are interacting with an | |
acquaintance, notice when you disagree with [them]. | |
* Tell [them] you disagree and then state your own view. | |
* When the interaction is finished, excuse yourself and go to a room | |
where you can sit down and recover from the stress of the | |
interaction. | |
* As soon as possible, talk to a trusted friend about your experience. | |
Friendly Assertion | |
* Disagree with a friend. Notice when your view differs and say so. | |
* It's okay to say how hard it is or to express your feeling about | |
disagreeing with [them]: | |
"This is hard for me to say. I see it differently than you do." | |
"It's scary for me to say this. I disagree with you about that." | |
"I value your opinion. Mine's different in this case." | |
* When the interaction is completed, discuss with [them] or another | |
friend how you felt. | |
Self Care | |
* For 24 hours, pay attention to how you react to your needs. If you | |
are thirsty, do you get yourself something to drink immediately, do | |
you delay and take care of something else first, or do you ignore | |
that need? If you are tired, do you rest or push harder? If you | |
need for someone to listen to you, do you ask for it or do you | |
squelch your need. If you need affection, do you ask for it? If | |
you ignore your needs, what do you do to make up for this subtle | |
abuse? Do you eat, drink, or shop to console yourself for being | |
neglected? | |
Pay attention to both your physical and emotional needs. Every | |
time you meet any need, give yourself a star. Any time you deny or | |
ignore a need, give yourself a minus. | |
At the end of the 24-hour period, add up the stars and minuses. | |
How's your need-meeting quotient? | |
* For the next 24 hours, deliberately meet every physical need as | |
soon as possible. If you're tired at work, for example, figure out | |
a way to give yourself a little bit of a break. Walk in the | |
garden, close the door and rest your head on your desk, go to the | |
employee's lounge and stretch out for five minutes. | |
At the end of the 24 hours, how do you feel about yourself? | |
What difference did it make for you to respond to your needs? | |
* Talk this over with a trusted friend. | |
* For the next 24 hours, meet each emotional need as quickly and as | |
richly as possible. If you need someone to listen, call a friend | |
and ask for that. If you need affection, as a good person for a | |
hug. If you need to be alone, arrange that. If you need to be in | |
the healing presence of someone who cares a lot about you, arrange | |
that. | |
At the end of 24 hours, notice how you feel about yourself. | |
What difference did it make for you to respond to your emotional | |
needs? | |
* Talk this over with a trusted friend or therapist. | |
* Talk to your friend and your therapist about what it would take to | |
be able to continue meeting physical and emotional needs day after | |
day. Repeat steps 2 through 5, extending the time period to a week. | |
* Talk to your friend and your therapist about the thoughts that | |
emerge that block you from caring for yourself this way. If you | |
are in therapy, spend some time attending to these blocks. | |
Removing them will free you to be good to yourself. | |
As you get better at responding to your needs, you may notice two | |
things. One, that responding to needs is in the long run very | |
efficient. A bit of rest when you first feel tired means you won't | |
need lots of rest later when you are completely spent. Two, that | |
meeting needs gives a feeling of strength and wholeness, which | |
develops boundaries. | |
## How To Identify Childhood Violations | |
* List the people who were important to you or who seemed powerful to | |
you when you were a child. For example, Mom, Dad, Uncle Fred, big | |
brother Tom, Aunt Winnie. | |
* List the violations or fuzzy boundaries you received from each | |
person. Include violations of distance and intrusion and emotional | |
as well as physical violations. | |
Remember, neglect of your emotional self is a violation. Include | |
triangulation, being expected to help with adult problems, and any | |
way you had to take care of any adult beyond what's appropriate for | |
a child. | |
* Take this list to your therapy session, or reserve a few private | |
hours with a trusted friend. Let yourself feel your anger and | |
sadness about these violations. Talk about the losses you've | |
suffered as a result. Allow yourself to be comforted for these | |
losses. | |
* After this session, take the rest of the day off. Do something | |
pleasant and undemanding--a walk, a stroll in a garden, curling up | |
with herb tea and your favorite music. Rest. You've done very | |
well. | |
* Sometimes it's necessary to do this kind of inventory several | |
times. Sometimes therapy becomes an ongoing inventory of ancient | |
and potent violations. As we get stronger, we become aware of more | |
from our pasts. Each time you garner the courage to explore, | |
speak, feel, and be comforted, your inner self will be strengthened | |
and internal boundaries will grow. | |
## How to Clean Up Boundaries | |
So you've examined your relationships and confusion reigns. You have | |
peer and advocacy and care receiver relationships mixed up | |
willy-nilly. You didn't know any better. You're a good person. | |
1. In each case where roles are mixed, decide which roles is more | |
valuable to you. | |
2. Talk to your friend about your discovery and tell [them] what | |
change you'd like. | |
3. If [they've] heard of boundaries, [they'll] catch on fairly | |
quickly. If boundaries are foreign to [them, then they] may need | |
to read this book. Give [them] some time to catch up and tell you | |
what [they want]. | |
4. Negotiate your new relationship. You'll both derive the greatest | |
benefit if you both reveal all your feelings and listen to the | |
other. | |
[Also consider the power dynamic. For example, if you are both a | |
client and a friend, then proposing to drop the client role will | |
affect the livelihood of your friend.] | |
Decide what you really want. Say that. It takes honesty and courage | |
to work out these relational issues. | |
author: Katherine, Anne | |
LOC: HM132 .K393 | |
tags: book,non-fiction,self-help | |
title: Boundaries | |
# Tags | |
book | |
non-fiction | |
self-help |