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# 2023-05-05 - At The Speed of Life by Gay and Kathleen Hendricks | |
I saw this book referenced in the written material of a workshop i | |
attended in 2017. I finally got around to reading this book, and | |
many of the ideas seemed very familiar. They were the same ideas | |
that i felt the most resistance to in workshops. For example, the | |
all-or-nothing mentality when the authors state: | |
> Specifically, we teach that each of us can claim one hundred | |
> percent responsibility for everything that happens to us. We | |
> expect our clients to demonstrate mastery of this principle by | |
> overcoming their tendency toward victimhood in every area of their | |
> lives. | |
In other words, we can never truly be a victim, we only choose to | |
play the part. This extreme view that we are at choice and can claim | |
100% responsibility for everything that happens to us; it strikes me | |
as spiritual bypassing and victim blaming. It implies that we are | |
always at choice and never powerless. The authors do explain in more | |
detail in chapter 15, but even there the language is not clear to me. | |
After giving it some thought, here is the best understanding of the | |
authors' position that i can come up with is: | |
After we survive something that happens to us, we are the one who is | |
stuck with the consequences. We cannot expect anyone else to assume | |
the role of fairy godmother, wave their magic wand, and take care of | |
it for us. So either we will assume responsibility for the | |
consequences, or nobody will. Therefore, we will be more effective | |
if we do assume responsibility. | |
This is all well and good so long as it is self-motivated. It would | |
be wrong to use this as a standard to judge other people outside the | |
context of a client/therapist relationship. This standard is only | |
properly applied by one's self toward one's self. We cannot actually | |
know how at-choice another person is. To hold another person to our | |
expectations and to tell them that they have some magical control | |
over the universe that they don't understand can be like setting that | |
person up for more misery. In other words, a variation of the | |
Just World fallacy. | |
Just-World Fallacy | |
I also did not like how the author tried to apply quantum physics | |
terminology to psychological therapy. I am NOT a sub-atomic particle | |
and i do NOT behave like one. I've heard WAY too much quantum | |
mechanics babble from people who like to hear themselves talk. | |
I also don't care for the dogmatic faith that the body is the only | |
approach to positive transformation. I have heard the question | |
"Where are you experiencing this feeling in your body?" so many times | |
that i got sick of hearing it. I felt annoyed and resented the | |
interruption of my own process. | |
What i liked most about this book were the thought experiments. | |
They gave plain, simple instructions to try out new ideas and | |
practices in the laboratory of one's own bodymind. | |
Below are relevant excerpts from the book. | |
# Foreword | |
Human beings are losing their feelings. I know at first hand that | |
people today cannot tell where in their bodies they experience the | |
core emotions of human existence. The body awareness of feeling--the | |
feeling of emotion--is missing. And in the absence of this skill a | |
host of ills comes into being. | |
They [as medical patients] suspect that I will tell them that these | |
emotions are only in their minds. They have become so alienated from | |
themselves that they do not consider their feelings real or valid. | |
Science has typically examined only those things that are objective, | |
publicly observable, measurable, and quantifiable. Thoughts, | |
feelings, and sensations have been relegated to the backseat because | |
they are subjective and hard to measure. In fact, many scientists | |
today would say that feelings do not exist. | |
... in the late nineteenth century... only behavior--that which could | |
be observed and measured--was the major focus of psychology. In the | |
latter part of the twentieth century, cognitive theories and | |
therapies [CBT] reappeared and are attempting to restore thinking to | |
its rightful place in psychology. | |
You cannot express a feeling if you don't know that you are having it. | |
To the extent that feelings are acknowledged at all [by physicians], | |
they are often considered symptoms of a disease. Thus, feeling | |
depressed becomes a symptom of a disease caused by inherited | |
abnormalities of brain chemistry. | |
While psychology and medicine have been ignoring feelings, society | |
has done so as well. Feelings represent our animal side, opposed and | |
resisted by reason. As a result, we do not teach our children much | |
of value about feelings. | |
At The Speed of Life is the first book to describe in detail how to | |
employ the body and its feelings as a path of healing and a means of | |
psychospiritual growth. Gay and Kathlyn make it fun, too. That is | |
their special gift. | |
# Chapter 1, Body-Centered Therapy As A Path of Awakening | |
In our first session we always ask people what their past experiences | |
have been in therapy, and why they are interested in our | |
body-centered approach. ... We are interested in finding out why they | |
are no longer choosing those [other] paths of growth. Here is the | |
criticism that almost all of them mention: Talk therapy gives them | |
insight and understanding but did not lead to any immediate or | |
noticeable changes in their daily lives. In the words of one of our | |
new clients, "It took a long time, and nothing much happened." | |
The skilled practitioner of body-centered therapy will rarely hear | |
anybody complain that it takes too long. The great advantage of | |
body-centered therapy is that it goes immediately to where people | |
live: the reality of their somatic experience. | |
Another important criticism our clients mention is that therapy | |
promotes a one-up, one-down power imbalance between the client and | |
therapist. | |
Our approach to body-centered therapy addresses the power problem in | |
two different ways. First, we place the technology of healing | |
directly into our clients' hands. We teach them the nine strategies | |
presented in this book and expect them to practice them on their own. | |
Second, we carefully discuss the issue of responsibility from the | |
first session. Specifically, we teach that each of us can claim one | |
hundred percent responsibility for everything that happens to us. We | |
expect our clients to demonstrate mastery of this principle by | |
overcoming their tendency toward victimhood in every area of their | |
lives. | |
Body-centered therapy works because it solves a fundamental problem | |
of living. In describing this central problem, keep in mind that our | |
perspective is close-up, clinical, and practical, not purely | |
philosophical. | |
The central problem is this: Early in life human beings develop a | |
split between feelings and thinking, which can also be thought of as | |
a split between body and mind. Messages from the body (such as what | |
we are feeling and what we want) become ignored or denied by the | |
mind. | |
Essence is the part of us that makes us truly us. It is the | |
body-space in which our "I" resides. Take it away, and we don't know | |
who we are. Fail to contact essence, and nothing satisfies us. | |
Human beings must be in moment-to-moment contact with body-essence to | |
feel satisfied. | |
Essence is the open, spacious feeling in your body in which all other | |
phenomena rest. When you are in touch with essence, you can feel | |
unpleasant sensations such as fatigue, fear, or toothache--and still | |
feel good. Essence is bigger than these other phenomena, and one can | |
feel the distinction between essence and everything else as one's | |
contact with essence grows. This paradox--feeling good even when you | |
feel bad--is a hallmark of essence. | |
At the most practical level, the central problem is that human beings | |
are losing their ability to know their authentic somatic experience | |
and how to tell the truth about it. | |
Body-centered therapy offers a powerful and direct solution to the | |
central problem. By working skillfully with movement, breathing, and | |
tension patterns, the body-centered therapist assists clients in | |
healing the mind/body split. The immediate reward is a greater | |
feeling of aliveness and well-being in the body. | |
What is the essence of good relationship and good therapy? In a | |
word, the secret is attention. The feelings inside must be heard, | |
and must not be told to shut up. | |
Be present to the truth within yourself, and problems disappear. See | |
the truth the way it is, say the truth the way it is, and life gains | |
remarkable integrity. Withdraw your attention from the truth, | |
swallow the expression of it, and a parade of pains, heartaches, and | |
lost opportunities will march through your living room. | |
The challenge for the therapist is this: The people in pain do not | |
know that they are plating an act. They do not have an act; they | |
have become their act. No separation remains between person and | |
persona. There is no essence beneath the mask, no realness. | |
Asking a person to bring consciousness to bear on an unconscious | |
action changes the whole pattern. There are several ways to do this | |
seemingly small thing, but asking the person to magnify the action is | |
one of the best. It is a bold thing to do, for client and therapist | |
alike. | |
Such moments have an electric quality to them. Sometimes people | |
explode in rage at being seen in this way. The thing that they | |
thought they were hiding turns out to be visible in neon. | |
Here are some of the major ways human beings avoid becoming present | |
to what is: | |
* Somaticizing. We generate a body pain or problem to take our | |
attention (or others' attention) from our feelings. | |
* Faulty attribution. We blame something Out There for something | |
that is actually In Here. | |
* Explanation. Some people get caught up in lengthy explanations for | |
their feelings. | |
* Justification. Instead of simply being present with the sensations | |
of anger, some people often become righteous about their anger, | |
thinking that it is the correct response to life. Justifying is a | |
defense against finding out what our feelings are actually about. | |
If we can be righteous about them, we do not have to look any | |
deeper into ourselves. | |
* Concepts. Any conceptual [abstract] thought can remove us from the | |
immediacy of our feelings. | |
* Soap opera. Many of us create recycling dramas in our lives that | |
are as predictable as the buttons on a jukebox. | |
* Logic. Reason is wonderful and has its rightful place in life, but | |
superreasonableness can be a formidable barrier to being with | |
feelings. Instead of simply feeling them, we stop to figure it all | |
out. | |
* Judgmentalness. Many of us approach every moment with a question: | |
Is this the right experience, the one I'm supposed to be having? | |
Many of us get so judgmental about our own feelings and the | |
feelings of others that we don't give ourselves any room to be with | |
them. | |
To claim our full birthright as human beings, we need to claim our | |
full ability to be with whatever is there. Otherwise we are humans | |
fleeing. ... Making the transition from human fleeing to human being | |
requires a major act of courage. | |
As you read this book, you will see that nine strategies are | |
presented: | |
* presencing | |
* breathing | |
* moving | |
* magnification | |
* communication | |
* grounding | |
* manifestation | |
* love | |
* responsibility | |
They are presented in this order because they unfold in that order in | |
body-centered therapy. | |
# Chapter 2, A New Paradigm For Healing The Mind/Body | |
A new paradigm must be employed to describe what happens in | |
body-centered therapy. | |
In therapy, quantum shifts occur in at least two major situations. | |
The first one is when a person (or couple or family) jumps from one | |
level of functioning to another. The second type of quantum shift is | |
when the client discovers a fundamental unity underlying a conflict. | |
Two major definitions of quantum correspond to these two types of | |
shifts. First, a jump in the level of functioning from one state to | |
a different one; second, the presence of an irreducible and | |
indivisible state that contains previously conflicting sub-states. | |
Both types of quantum events occur readily and observably when the | |
strategies described in this book are used. It is for this reason | |
that we talk about changes that occur "at the speed of life." | |
At the heart of the Newtonian paradigm is the idea that for every | |
action there is an equal and opposite reaction. ... The Newtonian | |
view is at the heart of behavior therapy, which seeks to change the | |
stimulus or the response to it. This is useful to a point, but it | |
can also be the source of a great deal of misery. | |
The quantum paradigm, because it takes us to a level in which the | |
conflict is held in a new way, offers a rapid means of change. | |
The richest bit of wisdom that Einstein left us, the one that is | |
urgent for all of us to understand, can be expressed like this: What | |
you see and experience in a given situation depends largely on what | |
you bring to the situation. People trapped in the Newtonian paradigm | |
will focus instead on what others are doing to them and their | |
reactions to it. In the Einsteinian paradigm, they instead focus on | |
the qualities, intentions, and requirements they are bringing to the | |
situation. ... The Einsteinian question is: How are my present | |
unconscious intentions and my past conditioning contributing to | |
creating my present situation? | |
In our training workshops we identify four components of the human | |
psyche that are the key areas of the new paradigm. These components | |
are essence, feelings, persona, and projection. When a person moves | |
from one of these elements to another, a quantum shift occurs in her | |
or his experience of the world. | |
Although essence is a concept that goes far back past Aristotle, | |
modern psychology has not addressed it. It is a concept that is | |
absolutely unprovable except by direct experience and personal | |
observation. For this reason it does not lend itself to the research | |
methods of contemporary "hard-nosed" psychology. One of our | |
professors at Stanford, Earnest Hilgard, broke modern psychology into | |
two main camps: hard-nosed and warm-hearted. Essence is definitely a | |
product of the warm-hearted school. But essence is much more than a | |
concept. When skillfully approached, it has great clinical relevance | |
and healing power. | |
Essence is not hard to contact. It requires you to willingly place | |
your attention on whatever you're feeling, without doing anything | |
else with it. | |
The therapists whom we have trained over the years tell us that as | |
their own sense of themselves becomes more deeply grounded in | |
essence, the process of helping people heal themselves and their | |
relationships is speeded up significantly. We think this result is | |
because when people perceive essence in themselves and in others, | |
they know cellularly [viscerally] that there is a unifying principle | |
at the bottom of all conflict. There is a place to come home to. | |
What we all desperately need to learn is that this place to come home | |
to is inside ourselves, at the core and center of ourselves. | |
Why, then, is essence not perceived more often? If it is such a | |
strong force, how does it come to be lost so easily? Paradoxically, | |
the way it is lost is also the key to it recovery. Early in life, | |
sometimes very early indeed, feelings occur that overshadow essence. | |
Regardless of when essence is lost, the problem is the same. If we | |
are in touch with essence, we may have feelings, but we experience | |
them in the larger context of essence. Grounded in essence, we know | |
that we are more than our feelings. When we are out of touch with | |
essence, the feelings have us. | |
If we are grounded in essence, a feeling will arise (such as anger or | |
fear) and we can accept it as part of ourselves. If we are out of | |
touch with essence, the same feeling will seem to dominate us. To | |
control it, we withhold it and remove ourselves from the situation. | |
This action leads to projection. | |
The world of feeling is unpredictable, confusing, and hard to | |
control. that is the nature of feeling. At the very best, learning | |
to deal with feelings is a complex art. | |
When a persona is in charge, the world must be shaped to fit it. We | |
see what we believe, and that our beliefs shape our perceptions is | |
beyond argument. | |
Feelings and wants are sometimes expressed authentically, but | |
unfortunately they are more often expressed through the filters of | |
personas. | |
From within personas there is no possibility of genuine freedom: We | |
are simply rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Only by being | |
courageous enough to jump free of personas can the genuine nurturance | |
of authenticity be tasted. Underneath all the personas there is a | |
big prize waiting to be claimed. | |
Even when they work, personas conceal authenticity. When we are | |
running personas, we are also running up a debt in the authenticity | |
account. The main costs of a persona are: | |
* We do not get to think. There is no possibility of fresh, creative | |
action when we are running personas. They are part of a script, | |
often one written long ago, and so they have a repetitive | |
predetermined pattern to them. | |
* We do not get to feel. Personas mask authentic feelings, so there | |
is a decrease in our aliveness. All feelings, both positive and | |
unpleasant, come out of the same faucet. To turn down the faucet | |
on pain is to slow the flow of pleasant feeling as well. | |
* We do not get to experience genuine love. When we are operating | |
from within a persona, we cannot give or receive the authentic | |
experience of love. | |
The major problem with personas, though, is that they force us into a | |
view of the world that is unreal. | |
When we are in touch with essence, we know that we have feelings and | |
personas, but we are not in their grip. When we lose touch with the | |
clear space at the center of us, it is easy to give too much weight | |
to feelings. If you are scared, for example, a deep connection with | |
essence can allow you to feel that feeling of fear instead of running | |
away from it. This is possible because you know that the fear will | |
not overwhelm you, that you have a space or context in which to hold | |
it. Essence gives us a sense of calm even when there are | |
disturbances at the periphery. | |
A deep connection with essence also gives us a larger context in | |
which to hold our personas. If our contact with essence is strong | |
enough, we can make use of a persona without its using us. When we | |
are running a persona but not aware that it is a persona, we lose | |
touch not only with essence but with the authentic feelings that | |
underlie the persona. When we form projections out of the persona, | |
we lose touch with the crucial fact that the persona is the only | |
reason we are seeing the world that way after all! Then we defend | |
our projections vigorously, instead of recognizing that they are | |
simply our distortions of the world. | |
# Chapter 3, Key Questions To Produce Rapid Transformation | |
Several key questions allow people to move from one level of being to | |
another. We call these Quantum Questions because the person has to | |
make a quantum shift in order to answer them. We teach people to ask | |
these questions as often as needed in their lives, in any situation | |
where change is desired. | |
Although a question is verbal, the Quantum Questions quickly lead | |
people beyond the verbal. In body-centered therapy a Quantum | |
Question produces a singular result: When a therapist asks a client a | |
powerful question, one that causes the client to shift levels, the | |
client's body reacts in a way that reveals crucial data that the | |
therapist can use to help the client. Breathing patterns and body | |
language shift unconsciously simply in the act of considering the | |
question. | |
The most important Quantum Question is: | |
> What are you experiencing right now? | |
This question always reveals a crucial piece of information. | |
The following Quantum Questions are more specific, designed to reveal | |
information about each of the four elements discussed in chapter 2: | |
projection, persona, feeling, and essence. | |
Because most of us think that our projections are the way things | |
actually are, the therapist cannot simply ask "What are your | |
projections?" If people can answer that question, they probably have | |
already stopped projecting. The quickest way to find out a client's | |
projections is to ask: | |
> What are your complaints? | |
For simplicity's sake, we have devised the Rule of Three. When we | |
find ourselves complaining about something three or more times | |
without taking effective action, we assume it's a projection. | |
These [following] Quantum Questions are designed to allow clients to | |
recognize that their projections are based on their personas. The | |
first basic question a therapist can ask is: | |
> Exactly what was happening when you started seeing the world this | |
> way? | |
Another way we sometimes ask this question is: | |
> When did the version of you emerge that experiences the world this | |
> way? | |
A second Quantum Question is: | |
> How is this situation familiar? | |
Another way to ask this question is: | |
> What does this situation remind you of? | |
This question is best asked when the person's fullest senses are | |
engaged in the projection. For example, we often have the person | |
exaggerate the projection through voice, posture, and gesture, so | |
that he or she gets the deepest sense of how the projection feels. | |
One of the profound characteristics of asking Quantum Questions is | |
that they often elicit resistance. In fact, a Quantum Question often | |
elicits the primal feeling that underlies the persona. This feeling | |
will often be directed at the therapist. This point cannot be | |
overemphasized: How a person reacts to the Quantum Question will | |
yield a clearer diagnosis than a whole battery of psychological | |
tests. | |
As people begin to see their personas with some clarity, it is useful | |
for the therapist to ask: | |
> Given this persona, what kinds of people are required to play the | |
> other actors in the script? | |
This [following] Quantum Question is designed to allow the client to | |
get in touch with the feelings on which her or his personas are | |
based. The question is: | |
> What were your feelings when you learned to experience the world | |
> this way? | |
[The feeling that first appears in response to a Quantum Question,] | |
we call a Lead Feeling... Often the client's Lead Feeling is not the | |
only one. There are frequently one or more Masked Feelings that need | |
to be explored. A Masked Feeling is one that is hidden behind the | |
Lead Feeling. | |
The Quantum Question for feelings may yield material that takes much | |
time to integrate. Often there are walls of denial and avoidance | |
that people must deal with just to gain access to their feelings. | |
There is also the issue of whether people are willing to go all the | |
way to completely experience and express their feelings. | |
It takes considerable practice to be able to experience feelings | |
rather than talk about them, but this skill is essential to opening | |
to essence. Essence is developed by giving ourselves permission to | |
be with our feelings and ourselves. Like any other skill, this one | |
takes time to cultivate. | |
Therapists can speed up the process a great deal by inviting their | |
clients to locate their feelings specifically in time and space. The | |
two questions that we have found most useful in helping clients pin | |
down their feelings are: | |
> Where are you experiencing this feeling in your body? | |
> What are the specific sensations you are feeling? | |
One of the most important Quantum Questions is: | |
> Exactly what happened? | |
Several Quantum Questions lead to essence. One of the most important | |
is: | |
> Can you conceive of yourself completely free of this issue? | |
Another is: | |
> Who is the you that was there before this problem occurred? | |
A third is: | |
> Would you be willing to feel and tell the truth of this event until | |
> it is complete? | |
These Quantum Questions are the blueprint for powerful therapy. Used | |
by themselves, without body-centered techniques, they will allow a | |
great deal of healing to occur. Therapists skilled in working with | |
the body will go far, far beyond these questions, however, into the | |
domains of breath, movement, and body language. | |
The body-centered therapist can move rapidly to essence by using the | |
techniques and principles introduced in the next chapter. | |
In summary, the absolutely crucial element for therapists to embrace | |
is that essence lies below all conflict. If we as therapists feel | |
this fact down in our cells, we can use practically any technique and | |
it will work. | |
We think that the main problem holding back the field is that | |
therapists operate from their beliefs rather than from essence. When | |
this occurs, therapists become their beliefs--their beliefs have | |
them--instead of realizing that all beliefs are like lifeboats in a | |
friendly ocean of essence. When therapists do not rest comfortably | |
in essence, they cannot see it effectively in their clients. This | |
shortsightedness may lead them to settle for their clients' simply | |
changing one overcoat for another. | |
# Chapter 4, Reading the Subtle Language of the Unconscious | |
# Through the Five Flags | |
All of us can benefit from learning to notice and understand the | |
signals of disharmony from mind and body. There are five readily | |
observable ways the bodymind sends out signals when unexpressed | |
emotions need to be felt and communicated. One term for these | |
signals is flags. The Five Flags can be seen in breath, movement, | |
posture, speech patterns, and attitude. These flags nearly always | |
communicate faster than the conscious communications, and they are | |
more reliable indicators of what is actually going on. | |
The Five Flags all indicate cracks in a persona. They point to | |
places where the stress of living in a persona is so great that a | |
tiny breakdown is occurring. | |
Because they are stress reactions, it is sometimes easy to think of | |
them in negative terms. But we encourage our therapy students and | |
our clients to think of them as friends, as winks from the soul. | |
## Breathing Flags | |
The first thing we notice about a client's breathing style is where | |
the breath is. The second thing we notice is how it is: it may be | |
labored, effortful, hesitant. Taken together--where and how--these | |
elements form a person's breathing signature. | |
In a relaxed state, breath ideally should move the lower abdomen | |
dominantly, with some movement in the chest. We call this pattern | |
Centered Breathing. It is deep and relaxed; it occurs at a rate of | |
eight to twelve times a minute. | |
The Aerobic Breathing pattern is in effect when we are physically | |
aroused but not frightened state--such as during exercise or sex. In | |
Aerobic Breathing the breath moves the chest and the belly together, | |
rapidly and deeply. Upon closer observation, there is usually more | |
movement in the chest. We will not discuss this pattern in detail, | |
because it has little relevance for therapy or personal growth. | |
The Fight-or-Flight Breathing pattern is a major source of difficulty | |
for human beings. When a person is scared, angry, or hurt, the | |
stomach muscles tighten, curtailing movement in the belly and forcing | |
the breath up into the chest. Breathing speeds up to a rate of | |
fifteen or more times per minute. | |
At this stage of evolution human beings have the ability to create | |
symbolic fears in their minds. By contrast [to cats and dogs], | |
humans have the ability to keep a steady stream of unpleasant images | |
coursing through their minds all day long, whether or not those | |
images have any relationship to reality. Our physiology responds to | |
mind-stuff just as it does to real-stuff. | |
Therapists are generally concerned only with Centered and | |
Fight-or-Flight Breathing. In our work we train people to notice | |
when their breathing shifts from Centered to Fight-or-Flight | |
Breathing. When they become skilled at noticing this shift, they | |
are able to discern better what emotions they are experiencing. | |
For a therapist, the easiest way to notice a client's breathing | |
pattern is to keep the eyes mainly on her or his chest and belly. We | |
have found that after an hour of training, nearly everyone can | |
reliably distinguish between Centered and Fight-or-Flight Breathing. | |
To observe how a client breathes, considerably more art and intuition | |
are required. | |
## Movement Flags | |
Three key areas in which movement flags appear are the extremities, | |
the eyes, and the position of the head. The extremities--the arms, | |
legs, and fingers--are perhaps the best place to observe movement | |
flags. | |
Similarly, the eyes (the proverbial "windows to the soul") are | |
movement flags par excellence. As the only place where the brain | |
fronts directly on the world, the eyes give a sensitive portrayal of | |
the inner world of the client. There are several easy-to-observe | |
movement flags that the eyes give off. One is averting the eyes. | |
When a certain subject comes up, do the eyes go up, down, or off to | |
the side? Is this a characteristic pattern, and if so, what is the | |
meaning of it to the client? Another frequent eye movement flag is | |
defocusing: The person "goes off," as if in retreat. A third such | |
flag, somewhat harder to see, is when the size of the pupil shrinks | |
or gets larger. | |
## Postural Flags | |
Chronic patterns of tension in the body gradually express themselves | |
in postural anomalies. This is a subject that could easily fill an | |
entire book. For the present discussion, however, we will focus on | |
three kinds of postural flags: left/right splits, top/bottom splits, | |
and front/back splits. Here are several examples of each: | |
* Left/right splits: One shoulder is higher than the other; one eye | |
more open or more closed than the other; one leg shorter or longer | |
than the other; the left hip higher or lower than right; one side | |
of the jaw more muscled or bulgy than the other. | |
* Top/bottom splits: Weight held in the hips and legs while the torso | |
is thin or underdeveloped; barrel chest with underdeveloped legs. | |
* Front/back splits: Pelvis pulled back while belly juts forward; | |
head pulled back while chest juts forward; head straining forward, | |
in front of torso and lower body. | |
It must be emphasized that as much as therapists would like there to | |
be a universal language of the body, there is none. Bearing this | |
point in mind, here are a few generalizations that we have found to | |
be true. | |
Left/right splits often reveal a male/female distinction in the | |
person's psychology. For example, if the person's trauma has largely | |
been with the mother rather than with the father, it tends to be | |
expressed in more tension on the left side of the body. | |
Left/right splits may also reflect our relationship with our | |
internalized male and female. As the Buddha said thousands of years | |
ago, enlightenment involves cultivating all of the feminine and | |
masculine elements of ourselves, regardless of whether we are | |
biologically female or male. | |
Top/bottom splits often reveal the difference between support and | |
expression in the person's psychology. The upper part of the body is | |
very expressive--the arms, the heart, and the head. The lower part | |
of the body is where most of us experience support or lack thereof. | |
Front/back splits often reveal a person's relationship with time. If | |
the head is forward, out in front of the body, the person may well | |
have a "hurry-up" script. This pattern can be contrasted with a | |
posture in which the head is pulled back. Frequently this type of | |
person is in retreat from life. | |
Another set of issues that emerges from the exploration of front/back | |
splits are those involving experiences and expression. The front | |
part of the body seems to be more associated with experience--most of | |
us feel our emotions along the front of our bodies. The back of the | |
body often holds more of the issues related to expression. This is | |
perhaps because it has the muscles involving pushing, a primitive | |
form of expression. | |
## Verbal Flags | |
The body-centered therapist must learn to focus on how clients speak, | |
as well as on what they are saying. How reveals personality quite | |
accurately--in fact, more accurately than what. | |
There are several key areas in which the therapist can listen for | |
verbal flags: tone, repetition, emphasis, and paraverbal | |
communications. Tone is the attitude the person is projecting into | |
the words themselves. Are the words issued in a challenging, hostile | |
tone? Or are they delivered as a supplication? Is the sound | |
grating, wheedling, or contemptuous? The ancient Latin roots of the | |
word personality are per and sona, "through sound." The actors on | |
the Roman stage wore masks, so that their personalities had to be | |
revealed through the sounds they made. | |
Noticing the repetition of words and phrases is a reliable way to | |
tune in to what a client's unconscious is saying. | |
Emphasis is another key area in which verbal flags may be noticed. | |
Which words or phrases does the client emphasize? | |
Paraverbal communications are all the sighs, sniffs, coughs, and | |
stutters that accompany words. The prefix "para" means "alongside" | |
or "by the side of." Once people begin to tune in to paraverbal | |
communications, they cannot help but be astounded by how much they | |
determine the meaning of human speech. Perhaps the most important | |
thing that we ourselves have learned about the paraverbal realm is | |
that these communications ARE the meaning of human speech. The | |
unconscious speaks its meaning "between the cracks," and it speaks | |
directly to the other person's unconscious. | |
## Attitude Flags | |
An attitude flag often involves a combination of the other flags, | |
adding up to an overall approach to life. | |
# Chapter 5, The Presencing Principle | |
Problems persist to the extent that we fail to be present with them | |
and with the feelings associated with them. When we can simply be | |
with an issue (rather than judging it or trying to change it), the | |
issue has room to transform in the desired direction. | |
Presencing is the nonjudgmental placement of attention. | |
There is a general human tendency to avoid presencing. There are | |
hundreds of different way to avoid, but only one way to become | |
present. | |
Being present is exquisitely simple, but most of our clients do | |
practically anything they can to avoid it. | |
Our feelings are locked into place by our resistance to them, and the | |
moment the resistance is dropped they have freedom to change. Often | |
the change is dramatic and immediate. | |
Most of us are fairly well addicted to the way things are, however, | |
and we resist experiences that could shake up the status quo. Being | |
present has a great deal of power in it: the power to alter | |
irrevocably the structures and assumptions by which we live. Of | |
course, most of us desperately want to change the status quo, but | |
before we can, we need to acknowledge the part of us that is deeply | |
invested in staying stuck in it. | |
For many of us, the initial wound to our wholeness was the withdrawal | |
of attention. Human beings need attention in order to grow and | |
flourish. Ideally this attention is a loving and responsive presence | |
that allows us to develop our unique being. | |
Concentration involves a narrowing of attention. In contrast, being | |
present is similar to keeping company with a good friend--or "hanging | |
out," as our son calls it. | |
# Chapter 6, The Fundamental Presencing Technique | |
There are two psychological moves that allow people to come into the | |
present and put the Presencing Principle into action. The first is | |
to take their attention from everything that is keeping it somewhere | |
else. The second is to place their attention on what is actually | |
present right now. By removing the attention from fantasies and | |
distractions, by placing it on something that is arguably right here | |
and right now, we immediately start moving at the speed of life. | |
The barriers to presencing are formidable. Imagine that you are home | |
by yourself, feeling lonely. Presencing would mean placing your | |
attention on your feeling of loneliness, noticing how you are | |
experiencing it on your body. | |
One of the most important learnings we see people make in therapy is | |
their discovery that they have the power to make an unpleasant | |
feeling disappear simply by being present with it. | |
The Fundamental Presencing Technique is to invite the person to put | |
her/his attention on a feeling or sensation as it is experienced in | |
the body. We use feelings and sensations in the body because they | |
cannot be argued about. By placing the attention on something that | |
cannot be argued about, the client presences the truth. The | |
resulting communication--the report--must be a simple description of | |
the feeling or sensation. We are interested in a specific experience | |
and description of the feeling or sensation, not an analysis of it. | |
In body-centered therapy, insight and analysis must always follow | |
experience. | |
# Chapter 7, The Magnification Principle | |
Many troublesome symptoms and feelings disappear rapidly when the | |
person consciously magnifies their frequency or intensity. | |
Magnification is also a reliable method of revealing the authentic | |
feelings beneath symptoms. | |
The therapist notices something--often one of the Five Flags--and | |
invites the client to make it bigger, to fight fire with gasoline. | |
What is the purpose behind such a seemingly paradoxical action? Why | |
invite someone to do more of something that is already an expression | |
of misery? | |
When the therapist welcomes the symptom or the problem feeling and | |
invites the person to make it bigger, the judgment of "wrongness" is | |
eliminated. Someone in the relationship--the therapist--has broken | |
through to a new reality, and the client soon follows. | |
There are several reasons why the Magnification Principle works. | |
First, it is a powerful way of making the unconscious conscious. The | |
unconscious produces an action of which the person is not aware--for | |
example, the twisting of a wedding ring--when magnification brings | |
consciousness to bear upon it. When the unconscious is greeted with | |
a welcoming embrace, a healing moment begins. Magnification is an | |
exquisitely simple and to-the-point method of bringing consciousness | |
to an unconscious element of ourselves. | |
Second, magnification breaks the "vapor lock" of a recycling symptom. | |
The unconscious tends to repeat itself over and over because it is | |
stuck in a pattern. ... These elements may repeat themselves | |
hundreds of times until something happens to break up the pattern. | |
Magnification does just that. | |
Third, the magnification of a surface symptom gives us direct access | |
to the deeper element just below the symptom. ... A superficial | |
mannerism must always be regarded as a flag of a hidden feeling. | |
Often these feelings are buried so deeply that they are far from a | |
person's awareness. By magnification of the surface symptom, the | |
person is able to clear space through which the deeper issue may | |
emerge. | |
Fourth, magnification gives full expression to something that the | |
symptom may be expressing incompletely. | |
The fifth reason magnification works is that the person who magnifies | |
a symptom or a feeling goes benignly out of control in order to do | |
it. Control is often what is keeping the symptom or feeling locked | |
into place. The willingness to magnify something risks going from | |
the unknown into chaos. The happy surprise for those who make the | |
jump is that there is a deeper order just beneath the chaos waiting | |
to support them. | |
At a more philosophical level, magnification works by inducing | |
transcendence by paradox. By pushing hard against a wall--a yang | |
activity--one eventually surrenders to an acceptance of one's | |
weakness, the yin concept. | |
There are places in therapy where the Magnification Principle is | |
clearly inappropriate. Three such areas are sex, physical violence, | |
and self-destruction. ... the therapist must take care to build a | |
clear distinction between the feeling and the action. Magnification | |
of the feelings underneath the expression is often a rapid path to | |
healing. But the client must not be encouraged to act out any of | |
these feelings, unless therapist and client can agree that the | |
expression will not hurt anyone. | |
# Chapter 8, Fundamental Magnification Techniques | |
The Magnification Technique that we use most is the | |
Flag-to-Magnification Process, abbreviated by many of our students as | |
Flag-to-Mag. This process involves picking up on one of the Five | |
Flags and inviting the client to magnify it. | |
Feelings can also be effectively explored and resolved through | |
magnification. We have found that feelings must be honored and | |
embraced, and there are few more effective ways of doing so than | |
magnification, in the Feeling-to-Magnification Process, the second | |
Magnification Technique. There are three main feelings that people | |
have difficulty expressing: fear, anger, and sadness. | |
# Chapter 9, Using Breathwork in the Healing Process | |
Breathing patterns precisely reflect the emotional difficulties | |
people are experiencing or have experienced in the past. | |
If we could do but one thing with people who are in emotional pain, | |
we would most likely focus on breathing--both ours and theirs. | |
So the first way we have learned to employ the Breathing Principle in | |
therapy is to notice when clients are using their breathing to | |
restrict their ability to feel or be with themselves in some way. | |
When we see this pattern, it leads us to one of two therapeutic | |
moves. We can zero in on the feeling they are denying, inquiring | |
into the fear, anger, or sadness that is being held back. We can | |
also intervene directly on the breathing, inviting them to break free | |
of the restrictive pattern by deepening the breathing, using the | |
Fundamental Breathing Technique described in chapter 10. | |
Although we have great respect for the healing power of breathwork, | |
we think the real potential of Breathing Technique is to make already | |
healthy people feel even better. | |
Centered Breathing directly enhances our ability to handle positive | |
feelings. | |
# Chapter 10, Three Fundamental Breathing Techniques | |
## Centered Breathing | |
The first Breathing Technique is the procedure for Centered | |
Breathing. It leaves the person feeling that the combination of | |
balance and relaxation best described by the word "centered." We | |
wholeheartedly recommend this technique to anyone who wants to feel | |
good. | |
## Basic Instructions | |
1. Lie down on your back. Bring your knees up so that your feet are | |
flat on the floor. Set your feet at a comfortable distance apart, | |
about 12 to 18 inches, and a comfortable distance from your | |
buttocks. Rest your arms on the floor, not on your chest or | |
belly. Take half a minute or so to get comfortable and let your | |
body settle down. During all this breathe slowly and gently. Let | |
all your movements be easy and gentle. This practice is designed | |
to stay always in the comfort zone. If you start feeling any | |
tension, pain, or dizziness, pause until it passes before you | |
continue. Unless your nosy is stuffy, always breathe through your | |
nose. If your nose is obstructed, it is alright to breathe | |
through your mouth temporarily. | |
2. Explore how the spine moves when you rock your pelvis slowly. | |
This is important because ideally your spine and your pelvis move | |
slightly with each breath. Coordinating your breathing with | |
correct spinal movement is a secret ingredient to staying flexible | |
as you get older. Here's how to do it. Gently press the lower | |
part of your pelvis into the floor. Notice that doing this arches | |
your the small of your back slightly. Do it gently. Continue to | |
press the pelvis into the floor, arching the back a little each | |
time. Now begin to press the tailbone more into the floor. Do it | |
very gently and slowly. Now slowly and gently flatten the small | |
of your back into the floor. Notice that this tilts the bottom of | |
your pelvis up. Slowly repeat this arching and flattening of the | |
small of your back. Notice that doing so rocks your pelvis. Keep | |
rocking your pelvis very slowly. Make it a smooth motion. Arch | |
the small of your back slightly, rocking the pelvis down toward | |
the tailbone, then flatten the small of your back. Let it be a | |
rolling motion, slow and easy. The movements can be very subtle. | |
No one even needs to know you're doing them. Do this slowly for | |
half a minute. | |
3. Now add your breathing to the movement this way. As you arch the | |
small of your back, breathe in, filling your belly with breath. | |
As you flatten the small of your back, breathe out. Don't strain. | |
Just breathe fully in and fully out, deeply and easily. Breathe | |
in as you arch the small of your back, filling your belly | |
completely. Then breathe out as your flatten the small of your | |
back, letting all the breath go. Roll the pelvis gently with each | |
breath. The movement only needs to be slight, just an inch or | |
two. Practice this now for a minute or so. | |
4. This combination of breath and movement is the fundamental thing | |
you need to remember about Centered Breathing. Whenever you feel | |
stressed or uncomfortable in any way, check your breathing. If | |
you find it is not deep and full in your lower-abdomen, and if you | |
find that your spine is not moving slightly with the breath, shift | |
immediately to Centered Breathing. | |
Continue practicing for as long as you like, then resume your normal | |
activity. | |
## Sitting Instructions | |
1. Sit comfortably upright in a straight-back chair. Begin slowly to | |
arch and then flatten the small of your back against the back of | |
the chair. Notice how doing this rocks your pelvis forward and | |
back. Let it be a slow, smooth action. Let it be easy and | |
gentle. Practice for half a minute. | |
2. Add your breathing to the rocking of your pelvis. Breathe in as | |
you arch the small of your back. Breathe out as you flatten it | |
against the back of the chair. Breathe your belly completely full | |
in a relaxed way. Let the breath go down and in, filling your | |
belly completely. Then as you breathe out, empty your belly | |
completely and flatten your back against the chair. | |
## Standing Instructions | |
1. Stand with your back against a wall. Feel your back contacting the | |
surface of the wall. Arch and flatten the small of your back | |
against the wall. Do it very slowly and gently. | |
2. As you arch the small of your back, breath down and in, filling | |
your belly. See how full you can get your belly without | |
straining. Then breathe out, flattening the small of your back | |
against the wall. Practice for a minute or two, doing it very | |
slowly and gently. | |
## Two Specialized Instructions | |
Sometimes people are not able to relax their abdominal muscles enough | |
to get a significant amount of breath down into their centers. [The | |
following instructions] are designed to help you relax the abdominal | |
muscles. These instructions are simply added to Step 3 of the basic | |
instructions. | |
As you breathe out, tighten the muscles of your abdomen. These are | |
the muscles you would use if you were blowing out candles on a | |
birthday cake. When you breathe in, relax these same muscles and | |
fill the area with breath. On the out-breath, tighten the belly | |
muscles again, expelling all the breath as if you were blowing out | |
candles. Get all the breath squeezed out, then relax the belly | |
muscles and fill the area with a big in-breath. Keep repeating this | |
sequence, slowly and gently, for the next minute or so. Then go back | |
to breathing normally. | |
The second additional instructions is designed to help people who | |
have lost the ability to sense the difference between belly and | |
chest. These instructions may be added to Step 3 of the basic | |
instructions if you need them. | |
Lying down on your back, place a book on your belly over the naval | |
area. The book should have enough weight that you can clearly feel | |
it. A hardcover book without the dust jacket is ideal; the rough | |
binding helps keep the book from slipping off your stomach. Breathe | |
slowly and deeply, making the book rise and fall with each breath. | |
If you cannot make the book move, add more weight until you can | |
clearly feel the area. Sometimes it takes people a few minutes to | |
figure out where their belly is. Be patient. When you begin to get | |
breath into your abdomen, take away the book. If you lose it, put | |
the book back. Most people will get it within a few minutes of | |
practice. | |
## Presencing Through Breathing | |
Breathing is one place in the bodymind where conscious and | |
unconscious meet. Breathing therefore is an ideal place to notice | |
any struggle going on between the conscious and the unconscious. | |
Most people use their breathing to control or subdue their feelings. | |
Children often hold their breath to keep themselves from crying. The | |
adult equivalent of this pattern is subtler but is basically the same | |
thing: By making adjustments in their breathing, humans learn to | |
control the amount of sensation that gets to their awareness. The | |
trouble is that it decreases aliveness and is followed by a | |
predictable loss of well-being. | |
## Magnification Through Breathing | |
Magnification Through Breathing uses breathing to make things bigger. | |
Breathing is the most direct method of magnifying any feeling. | |
When we use breathing to magnify a feeling, we are adding | |
consciousness to an unconscious pattern. The unconscious has | |
determined how much fear and anger you have. You didn't ask for it | |
consciously. Once you know it, though, you can consciously magnify | |
it. Paradoxically, magnifying it will either make it disappear, or | |
reveal what else is underneath the surface feeling. | |
## The Daily Breathing Program | |
The Daily Breathing Program, which takes only a few minutes, can be | |
thought of as a reminder. Practicing it in the morning will remind | |
your body and mind what correct diaphragmic breathing feels like. | |
Then you have a place for your breathing to come home to throughout | |
the day. | |
The Daily Breathing Program consists of three elements. First is | |
about two minutes of Centered Breathing. Second, the diaphragm is | |
relaxed and toned through a unique activity that allows this crucial | |
part of the anatomy to regain its full potential. Third is an easy | |
stretch that promotes flexibility of all major joints. All three of | |
these elements are best done lying on the back, although they can be | |
done sitting if that is necessary. | |
Step 1) | |
The purpose of this step is to establish correct diaphragmatic | |
breathing, and to coordinate the movement of the breath with the | |
movement of the spine. | |
Lie on your back. Bend your knees, placing your feet flat on the | |
floor a comfortable width apart. As you breathe in, arch the small | |
of your back gently and slightly. As you breathe out, flatten the | |
small of your back against the floor. Breathe slowly and deeply, | |
filling your belly full and gently arching the small of your back. | |
Breathe out slowly, flattening the small of your back into the floor. | |
Do this gently and slowly for about two minutes. | |
Step 2) | |
The purpose of this step is to relax and tone your diaphragm, the | |
large muscle in the center of your body that controls breathing. | |
Lie on your back. Bend your knees, with your feet flat on the floor | |
a comfortable width apart. Relaxing your abdominal muscles, breathe | |
fully in, expanding your belly as fully as you comfortably can. When | |
it's full and expanded, hold your breath. Without letting any air | |
out, contract your belly muscles, as if you were shooting the ball of | |
air up in your chest. Then shoot it back into your belly. Do this | |
rapidly, about once per second. Keep rocking back and forth between | |
belly and chest until you need to take another breath. Breathe | |
normally for 15 to 20 seconds, then repeat the above process. Do the | |
activity for about two minutes. | |
Step 3) | |
The purpose of this step is to relax and enhance the motion in the | |
major joints of the body. Breathing is much freer and more effective | |
when the joints are able to move more easily in conjunction with the | |
breath. This particular stretching activity is the most efficient | |
way we have discovered to promote joint flexibility. | |
Lie on your back, knees up, feet flat on the floor. Stretch your | |
arms straight out to your sides in a T position. Your arms should be | |
straight out, not pointed up in a Y position. Begin by rolling one | |
arm down the floor as the other rolls up. Let the arms stay on the | |
floor while you roll them up and down the floor. Do this a few times | |
until you get a fluid motion. Now, keeping the arms rolling, let | |
your knees drop toward the side on which the arm is rolling down. Do | |
this a few times until it becomes fluid and easy. Now, keeping the | |
arms and legs going, begin turning your head in the direction | |
opposite to the knees. Do this slowly and easily and gently for | |
about two minutes. | |
# Chapter 11, Using Movement in the Healing Process | |
Movement patterns precisely reflect the emotions that need to be | |
addressed. Movement indicates a client's degree of aliveness, and it | |
is a bridge to the inner self. Attention to movement is a powerful | |
door to discovery and transformation. | |
Our personalities are made public through our movements. Our | |
characters reveal themselves in the way we stand, walk, or start a | |
conversation at a party. Each of us has our own life-dance, our way | |
of moving through the world. | |
Breaks and gaps in our initial embrace of life are always accompanied | |
by contractions in movement. | |
Moving the way we feel, authentically, can actually build rich inner | |
experience as well as uncover what is false to ourselves. We | |
sometimes call the Moving Principle "inner movement" to distinguish | |
it from calisthenics and locomotion. The purpose of inner movement | |
is to reclaim both the wounded and the wonderful disowned parts of | |
ourselves. Simply by focusing inward and moving with our genuine | |
impulses, we trace and erase the original map of withdrawal. In its | |
place we create a new map of aliveness based on love and acceptance | |
of the full range of human possibilities. | |
When blocks occur, the expression of an impulse usually takes one of | |
two forms. Either it is incomplete, or it becomes polarized. For | |
example, a person may habitually leave sentences unfinished, while | |
another withholds impulses to reach out. In incompletion blocks, | |
clients are expressing only 50 to 60 percent of themselves. | |
When the expression of an impulse polarizes, we call it the Seesaw. | |
In this block the person experiences life as an either-or | |
proposition. The full range of expression is neither safe nor | |
comfortable, and the person tends to swing back and forth between | |
opposites. | |
For any person in any session, both of these blocks may occur. We | |
have isolated their characteristics to allow therapists to work with | |
Fundamental Movement Techniques that allow resolution of these two | |
different styles. | |
The central secret about movement therapy is that the process does | |
work. Once a client uses the Movement Principle, the body knows | |
exactly what to do. The therapist simply follows. | |
People become frozen around unexperienced emotions, broken | |
agreements, and unexpressed truth. Each time we do not tell the | |
truth, hide our feelings, or break an agreement, our bodies store | |
that information. Most of us are composed of layers of incompletion | |
that armor us from directly experiencing life. People often choose | |
to ignore their frozen bodies. Seeing and stating the | |
obvious--"Excuse me, but you have your head in the sand about | |
this"--begins the thawing process. | |
## An Experiment In Movement That You Can Do Right Now | |
During your normal activities one day, notice: | |
* how you move forward. Do you cut through space directly, taking | |
the shortest route? Or do you prefer to meander a little, stopping | |
to explore along the way? What shape does your body take when you | |
advance: jutting, rounded, compact. | |
* how you move backward. When do you feel the impulse to retreat? | |
Do you back up to make space for yourself (rather than moving | |
forward and inviting someone else to accommodate you)? When you | |
move backward, do you get smaller or larger inside? Do you feel | |
safer? | |
* how you get taller. What is going on around you when you make | |
yourself bigger? Are you with family or co-workers? Are you | |
comfortable being as big as you are? | |
* how you get shorter. When you have the impulse to "get small"? | |
What makes you want to disappear? | |
* how you flow through life. Are you a speeder or a lingerer? When | |
you move from one place to another, are you aware of the | |
transition, or do you wake up again when you arrive at your | |
destination? | |
The realm of movement is an ideal way to study the transitions in our | |
lives. The spaces between events reveal unconscious patterns very | |
quickly. Most people are totally unaware of themselves as they move | |
from one place to another: standing up, coming in the door, or | |
putting on a coat. What people do when they don't think they're | |
onstage (in other words, an out-of-persona experience) reveals core | |
patterns and attitudes very quickly. | |
There are little transitions, such as getting into the car, and there | |
are big transitions, such as getting up in the morning. The daily | |
shift from the unconsciousness of sleep to the consciousness of | |
waking life can evoke deep feelings of childhood or birth | |
experiences. A change in the normally orderly patterns can provoke | |
the original transition issue. | |
Our body image changes when we shift our attention from how we look | |
to how we feel, to how we experience moving and being. | |
Healthy people stand and move distinctively. Their gestures are | |
economical and complete. Their eyes sparkle with vitality and | |
presence; their skin color is radiant. Their standing body is | |
balanced and fluid, with seemingly endless potential for spontaneous | |
response to life's invitations. They express feelings fully and | |
congruently; their communication matches their inner experience. | |
They are inspiring to be around because they seem to magnify creative | |
potential in everyone they contact. People feel better, lighter, | |
happier around them. Perhaps the most distinctive feature of a | |
healthy moving body is flow. Each movement impulse flows from its | |
source through toned muscles to the periphery of the body in a little | |
dance unique to the expression. | |
Healthy people are always inventing themselves. They tend not to get | |
caught in mannerisms, and they have a large range of possible | |
movements. Instead of the three-to-four-hundred-gesture vocabulary of | |
most people, they branch out closer to the three thousand possible | |
movements we can make. ... They stand out as models of what can be. | |
Instead of getting lost in content we are noticing context, the | |
movements and body attitudes that repeat. | |
# Chapter 12, The Three Fundamental Movement Techniques | |
The movement techniques build on a knowledge of movement flags which | |
were introduced in chapter 4. Basically, a movement flag is a | |
gesture, or larger movement that is inconsistent in some way with the | |
client's communication, a gap or bulge in the surface flow of | |
interaction. Movement flags are the semaphores of the unconscious. | |
They signal to us "Pay attention to this!" | |
Very simply, a movement flag is a movement that does not fit. It | |
does not quite make sense in the overall context. | |
Even if you never intend to become a therapist, the study of movement | |
flags can open rich areas of exploration and deeper inner experience | |
for you. | |
* Facial tics: These include grimacing, pouting, or screwing up part | |
of the face. | |
* Scratching: This interesting movement flag often signals | |
irritation. The therapist can often look like a magician by asking | |
the scratching client: "Were you irritated about that?" | |
* Picking: This flag has several subcategories. Clients may pick | |
their fingernails, cuticles, or other body areas, lint from | |
clothes, or debris from the couch or rug, to name a few common | |
patterns. | |
* Smoothing: Smoothing also occurs in several domains: hair or face, | |
clothes, and the area directly around the client. One particularly | |
useful gesture to notice is smoothing the rug in a wiping pattern. | |
One client recently identified her unconscious attempt to "smooth | |
things over" in her marriage when this flag emerged. | |
* Holding movements: Clients often hold their neck or arm in a way | |
that carries some emotional charge. One hand may hold or restrain | |
the other repeatedly. Clients may cross their arms as they hold | |
themselves. Any part of the body may be held during a session when | |
material arises that involves that area. | |
* Brushing motions: Clients may brush off an arm, brush a hand | |
through the hair, brush imaginary crumbs off the front of the body, | |
or make a brushing-off motion that repeats during conversation. | |
* Rocking: This often-subtle movement flag is frequently a signal | |
that the client is experiencing feelings and sensations from early | |
in life. Clients have found rocking movements to be a way of | |
comforting, grounding, reassuring, protecting, and isolating | |
themselves. Rocking is easy to magnify, and it connects the client | |
directly to early care-giving issues. | |
* Self-touching: This movement flag occurs frequently, and it often | |
underscores the issue being discussed. Clients often feel that | |
touching reassures them that they are present, stops feelings, or | |
grounds them. Some have noticed touching themselves in the ways | |
they were touched as children. | |
* The "hinge-cringe": When clients are fearful or avoiding, they | |
frequently contract in a cringe-like movement, especially at the | |
joints of the body. As their body shrinks, the clients also report | |
feeling smaller inside. We notice that overweight people often | |
make space for themselves by backing up and shrinking rather than | |
by asserting their personal space by moving forward. | |
## The Moving Microscopic Truth | |
The Moving Microscopic Truth, the first Movement Technique, is the | |
Presencing Principle in action. This way of moving allows a bridge | |
between inner experience and outer experience. Essentially, it is | |
movement that matches feeling, sensation, or thought. | |
We use the Moving Microscopic Truth in nearly every session because | |
of its power to connect clients with issues quickly. | |
The therapist can support the Moving Microscopic Truth both verbally | |
and nonverbally by matching the client's experience. Here are some | |
phrases [prompts] that we have found useful: | |
* "Let yourself move your hands (or feet, or face) to match that | |
sensation you're experiencing right now." | |
* "Let yourself paint that quality in the space in front of you." | |
* "Notice just the way it is right now. Move to match that." | |
* "Allow your hands to sculpt the shape of that feeling." | |
* "Let yourself open up to just what you're experiencing right now." | |
* "I notice your hands picking your sleeve. Be aware of what you're | |
feeling as you do that." | |
* "Let that movement be as intense (big, sharp, full, etc.) as you | |
feel inside." | |
* "Let your stomach speak directly through your hands." | |
* "Say yes to that feeling in your body." | |
* "Take on that character in your walk. Walk the way that feels | |
inside." | |
## Magnification Through Movement | |
The basic direction of Magnification Through Movement, the second | |
Movement Technique, is "Do more of what you are doing." When a | |
movement flag occurs in therapy, magnification is often the simplest | |
and most effective intervention. It is especially powerful with | |
movement flags because the small, idiosyncratic movements we all | |
display are the tips of the icebergs of memory, incomplete | |
interactions, and unfulfilled potential. Magnification Through | |
Movement allows the client to discover the personal meaning of | |
gestures and habitual patterns. | |
The following are phrases we have used to invite magnification. | |
* "Let yourself do _____ more." | |
* "Continue _____ and make it bigger." | |
* "Make that _____ even more intense." | |
* "Exaggerate your _____ and notice what else happens in your body." | |
* "Let more of your body express that _____ feeling." | |
* "Take that _____ all the way." | |
* "Breathe into that _____ feeling more deeply, and move with that | |
_____ sensation." | |
## The Polarity Process | |
The third Fundamental Movement Technique, the Polarity Process, | |
builds a connection between the either-or experiences that many | |
people have. These polarities, which are often persona strategies, | |
can be united in a new synthesis that fits the person's essence more | |
accurately. | |
The directions for the Polarity Process are often very simple. Some | |
questions we have used are: | |
* "What is the opposite of the sensation?" | |
* "What's the other side of this issue?" | |
* "If you didn't (strike out), what would happen?" | |
* "Let yourself become the (good boy), then the (bad boy), back and | |
forth several times. See what happens as these two parts | |
dialogue." | |
* "Let both of those impulses move at the same time." | |
# Chapter 13, The Communication Principle | |
A problem will persist until someone tells a fundamental level of | |
truth about it. When the truth is expressed, there is room for the | |
problem to transform in a healing direction. The truth is defined as | |
that which cannot be argued about. | |
Each of us can recall as children trying to figure out what is true. | |
## An Experiment In Communication You Can Perform Right Now | |
Participants in our workshops find this experiment very valuable. | |
You can do it with a partner or by yourself. For two minutes, say as | |
many sentences as you possibly can that meet the following criteria: | |
Each statement must be something that no one could argue with. They | |
can be either simple or profound, from "I have a tie on" to "My | |
father moved out of the house when I was five" to "My mouth is dry." | |
Say as many things as you can that are so true that they cannot | |
produce argument. | |
If you are like our workshop participants, you will find that | |
communicating the truth for two minutes is harder than it sounds. | |
If a given communication continues to produce conflict, it means that | |
there is a deeper level of truth that needs to be communicated. We | |
call this the Communication Principle. | |
This principle is vitally important for all of us to understand. As | |
human beings, we need to discover what the truth is under all our | |
distortions of it. | |
After decades of inquiry, we developed a working definition of the | |
truth. By "working definition" we mean one that works. It works by | |
stopping conflict inside people and between them. It works by | |
restoring harmony where there has been trouble. The truth is what | |
cannot be argued about. The truth, when it is revealed, resolves | |
arguments both within ourselves and between ourselves and others. | |
We developed a process definition of truth: If it produced an | |
argument, it was not a deep enough level of truth. We would keep | |
communicating at deeper levels until all disagreement ceased. | |
The truth does not always being people together. There are many | |
people who simply do not belong together; for them, facing the truth | |
is a prelude to a separation. In the same way, many people have | |
changed jobs after acknowledging some unarguable truth about their | |
work. | |
As we often tell our clients, there are only three rules for making | |
life and relationships work: Feel your feelings, tell your truth, and | |
keep your agreements. | |
Each of these three rules involves communicating the truth. When we | |
do not allow ourselves to experience our feelings, we are lying to | |
ourselves. When we do not tell others our truth, we are lying to | |
them, even when we are not actually expressing something false. When | |
we break an agreement, only the truth will fix it. | |
Learning to speak the kind of truth that heals has been compared by | |
many of our clients to learning a new language. | |
A great deal of human misery stems from hopelessly confusing concepts | |
with truth. | |
## The Main Defenses Against Seeing And Saying The Truth | |
* Denial. Some people simply refuse to look at the truth. They find | |
more security in denial, looking the other way. They show all | |
signs of being angry--clenched jaws and terse words--but when asked | |
about it they say "No, there's nothing wrong." | |
* Illusion. Others pretend the truth is something other than what it | |
is. They may chant affirmations or put on a happy face to pretend | |
their anger doesn't exist. Their security comes through clinging to | |
their illusion. | |
* Distortion. Still others distort the truth. Their "I'm angry" | |
becomes "All you therapists are alike, always ganging up on me." | |
* Executing the messenger. One of the most troublesome habits we see | |
in therapy is when people get mad at the person who brings them the | |
truth. Some clients even shun their families and friendship | |
networks because everybody seemed bent on delivering the same | |
message, something like "You're ruining your life by drinking too | |
much." | |
* Dramatization. Some people dramatize the truth, seizing upon a | |
small grain of reality and blowing it up into a soap opera or fuel | |
for the gossip mill. | |
* Not knowing how to access truth. Another difficult problem is that | |
many people have had their truth defined for them by others for so | |
long that they have no idea what is real and what is not. Someone | |
else's concepts have been superimposed on the truth, and the two | |
have become indistinguishable. | |
Most defenses can be divided into two broad categories: those that | |
are directed toward other people, and those that take place inside | |
ourselves. In the first category are projection, aggression, and | |
passive aggression. In projection someone else is made wrong, blamed | |
for the issue that really lies inside the person. Aggression may | |
take the form of actively striking out at another person, through | |
verbal, emotional, or physical intimidation. It may also be | |
expressed through self-destructive behavior, like drinking or drugs, | |
that inconveniences other people. Passive aggression attempts to | |
control others through being unresponsive, as in the prototypical | |
uncommunicative and sullen teenager. | |
The defenses that operate inside ourselves, accounting for much | |
drained energy, include repression, dissociation, | |
overintellectualizing, overcompensation, and displacement. | |
Repression allows us to edit out uncomfortable feelings and thoughts, | |
either forgetting that they existed in the past or acting as if they | |
were not happening in the present. If we use dissociation, we might | |
escape into fantasy or into a succession of new jobs and new | |
relationships. In overcompensation, a person with anger and | |
sexuality problems goes to the opposite extreme and joins a monastery | |
where celibacy and silence are the rules. If we were to use the | |
displacement defense, we would choose some other channel to express | |
the energy missing from the true source. | |
A third category of defenses are sometimes referred to in | |
professional literature as "mature," because these defenses are | |
generally not troublesome to self or others. These defenses include | |
altruistic sublimation, hope, suppression, and humor. In | |
altruistic sublimation, we take our minds off our own issues by | |
helping other people or by performing some kind of useful work | |
[service]. When we use hope as a defense, we deal with a difficult | |
present by keeping our attention focused on future possibilities. A | |
healthy person might use suppression to develop a stiff-upper-lip | |
attitude. | |
As your awareness increases, however, you may want to notice whether | |
your use of the mature defenses is costing you intimacy or | |
productivity. | |
We know we are hearing the truth when we hear statements about the | |
quality of feeling. | |
We know we are hearing the truth when we hear statements about the | |
exact nature of sensations. | |
# Chapter 14, Grounding and Manifestation | |
The end-point of any effective therapy comes when people are able to | |
stand their ground in the face of the roller-coaster that is life, to | |
translate their learnings into real-life action, and to manifest what | |
they truly want rather than what their past has programmed them to | |
want. When therapy works, the client owns the principles needed to | |
lead an effective life. | |
In our work, grounding as a strategy has several levels of meaning. | |
The first is purely physical. When a therapy session ends, clients | |
should feel they have their feet on the ground: they should feel | |
connected to the earth. They should also feel grounded in their | |
ability to make contact with other people and the world around | |
them. | |
Grounding has a second meaning for the therapist: Has the client | |
connected the learnings from therapy to the real world? Unless | |
insight is translated into action in the real world, it is usually of | |
little ultimate value. Some clients, in fact, are insight addicts, | |
using therapy as a substitute for living effectively in the real | |
world. With these clients it is especially important to press for | |
connecting the breakthroughs in therapy to new plans of action. | |
A third meaning of grounding is more metaphorical. Ultimately, | |
grounding depends on a balance of experience and expression. Human | |
beings become ungrounded when they either experience more than they | |
have expressed, or express more than they have experienced. In daily | |
life most of us experience much more than we can express. | |
## An Experiment In Grounding You Can Do Now | |
Sometimes, if the person has gone on an extended excursion to the | |
inner and outer realms, we use a technique we call the Fundamental | |
Grounding Technique. In this technique you walk in place rapidly, | |
crossing the midline of your body with your arms and legs. | |
Specifically, you alternate touching your right hand to your left | |
knee and your left hand to your right knee. This technique causes | |
your brain to process information rapidly from right to left | |
hemisphere, bringing about a state of integration. Most people feel | |
a noticeable shift in positive feeling within ten or twenty seconds. | |
[This is why the military and cults are so fond of routines that | |
resemble marching.] | |
Manifestation is the act of turning dreams and desires into | |
reality. | |
## An Experiment In Manifestation You Can Perform Right Now | |
Pause for a moment. | |
Ask yourself: What do I really want? | |
Consider three areas first: Relationship, Health, Material Goods. | |
Come up with one item you would like in each of those areas that you | |
presently do not have. | |
Effective therapy results in people being able to generate what they | |
want more rapidly and effectively. Unless clients' inner changes | |
show up in the real world of their daily lives, more work needs to be | |
done. | |
[Faith without works is dead.] | |
In touch with essence, human beings want things that are healthy and | |
helpful to themselves and others. Operating from the level of | |
persona, however, they often want things that create disharmony in | |
their bodies as well as in their relationships. | |
There are three barriers that we frequently encounter in therapy that | |
prevent people from manifesting what they want. The first is that | |
what they want is not REALLY what they really want. Because of our | |
unmet childhood needs and the traumas of life, many of us want things | |
that are unattainable or that would be outright toxic to us. | |
A major key to healing addictions is finding out what authentic need | |
the addiction is covering up. A great deal of work is often | |
required... to find out what they really want, the things that would | |
truly serve them. | |
A second barrier to manifestation is that most of us think in terms | |
of what we do not want rather than in terms of what we want. [So | |
true!] | |
A third barrier to manifestation is that people often cannot get past | |
where they are because they have not loved themselves for being | |
there. The best place to start any process of change is from a space | |
of love. | |
## Basic Steps to Manifestation | |
We have found that the most important step in getting what you want | |
in life is stating what you want in a positive way. If there is one | |
principle in which we have to remind our clients (and ourselves) most | |
often it is this one. [Appreciative inquiry] | |
One of the most important grounding and manifestation techniques we | |
use is to get the client to develop and commit to a plan of action. | |
[Next step] Requesting action on the client's part turns her or his | |
attention toward the outside world. | |
A plan of action grounds you because you acknowledge exactly where | |
you are, then commit yourself to a specific way of getting what you | |
want. | |
Finding out what you want, as opposed to what you don't want, is both | |
a grounding and a manifestation technique. It grounds you because | |
you have to look deeply inside yourself to get the information. It | |
has manifestation power because the positive images of our desires | |
have the greatest likelihood of producing positive results. | |
# Chapter 15, Love and Responsibility | |
At its best, human action begins in love and culminates in | |
responsibility. Most of us would like our actions to be conceived in | |
love and carried to completion in ways that have integrity. | |
## An Experiment In Love And Responsibility That You Can Do Now | |
Think of something you have struggled with in yourself--perhaps it's | |
your weight or your fear of speaking in public. Let your mind settle | |
on this one thing so that you are clear about what it is. Now think | |
of someone or something that you know for sure that you love. | |
Perhaps it's a certain loved one or an action like riding your bike | |
in the country on a sunny day. The only requirement is that you have | |
reliably felt love in the presence of this person or thing. Let | |
yourself feel that love in your body and mind right now. Now take a | |
leap: Love that thing you have struggled with just as you love the | |
person or thing that you know for sure you love. You may say, "But I | |
hate it." All right, then love yourself for hating. Then love it. | |
Greet it with loving acceptance. | |
Now for the responsibility part of the experiment. Acknowledge | |
yourself as the source and creator of the problem you have been | |
focusing on. Let's say you are focusing on your weight. Even if you | |
come from thirteen generations of overweight ancestors, you can | |
choose to take responsibility for your weight now. Responsibility | |
begins the moment you take it. You don't have to wait for anything | |
to happen before you take responsibility. | |
----- | |
Love is the action of being happy in the same space as someone or | |
something else. | |
Love involves being happy with no as well as yes. In our own lives | |
as well as in our clients', we have found that love is made up of | |
equal parts of acceptance and limits. It is essential to feel good | |
about both. If you are good at saying yes but not at saying no, you | |
will suffer from many boundary problems. | |
Love is about happiness within ourselves and a willingness to go | |
great lengths to support other people's quests for happiness. Our | |
definition implies that we always have the power to be happy if we so | |
choose, even though we may not be able to predict or control the | |
situations that we find ourselves in. | |
Responsibility is being fully accountable for your actions. It is | |
also the act of claiming that you are the source of whatever is | |
occurring. When we are responsible, we are accountable for what we | |
do and we identify with the cause of it. True responsibility, then, | |
connects us to the heart of the universe because with it we are | |
allying ourselves with the source of creation. | |
There are several kinds of resistances or barriers that people | |
maintain that keep them from loving themselves. | |
Human beings have an astonishing ability to construct logical | |
supports for even the most ridiculous beliefs. | |
Confusion is one of the main types of mental resistance that people | |
display when we ask them to love themselves. Sometimes their | |
confusion is about what love feels like. | |
Another type of confusion comes when we are not sure we have ever | |
felt love. On deeper inquiry, many of them find that they have | |
blocked out love that was actually there, because they were resisting | |
some other feeling like anger, shame, or sadness. But even after | |
considerable work on themselves, some people find that they actually | |
do not know what love feels like. In these cases they simply have to | |
make it up for themselves. They have to design a feeling inside | |
themselves that they can call love. | |
The quickest way to discover your emotional barriers to love is to | |
love yourself, and notice what feelings bubble to the surface | |
immediately thereafter. If your self-love has no emotional barriers | |
you will simply feel loving toward yourself. If blocks are there, | |
feelings may come to the surface that you have used to resist love in | |
the past. | |
Body barriers to love are harder to discover without outside help. | |
People who are tense, for example, usually do not think they are. | |
They have lived with tension for so long, they think that is the way | |
life is. Usually it is only when symptoms appear that they begin to | |
inquire into their tension. | |
Simply put, people are usually too tight or too loose--just right is | |
hard to come by. Both excess tension and slackness result in body | |
amnesia. People forget how to feel in given areas of their bodies, | |
but years of body amnesia result in the loss of life's meaning and | |
richness. | |
True responsibility involves making mental leaps that most of us are | |
unaccustomed to making. The first leap is simply to see connections | |
between events. For example, you may notice that you get a sore | |
throat before you give a speech. If you are taking no | |
responsibility, you may look outside yourself for the | |
culprit--perhaps an offending microbe. A responsible answer might | |
be: "I didn't want to give the speech, and my unconscious must have | |
picked up the message before I did and made me sick." But if you are | |
like some of our clients, you will get mad at the people who ask you | |
such a question. People have been known to fire friends who dared | |
imply that they had some responsibility for the events of their | |
lives. | |
A second unfamiliar mental leap is to notice a connection between | |
events without adding any excess emotional baggage to it. The | |
suggestion that their emotions might have something to do with their | |
sore throat, for example, immediately makes some people feel guilty. | |
There is something about admitting responsibility that triggers guilt | |
in some people, as if they should have known better. Others get | |
hostile when asked to look at the connections between events in their | |
lives. | |
Another major kind of barrier to taking responsibility is that many | |
of us are still stuck in replaying situations in which we were in | |
fact victimized decades in the past. When the opportunity arises for | |
us to take responsibility for something in the present, our minds and | |
bodies immediately return to the past, to when we were authentically | |
victims. Our grown-up consciousness recedes, and trapped in the mind | |
and body of a child--often an infant or even a fetus--we are unable | |
to seize the reins of power over our present lives. | |
People who are anchored to past incidents and traumas find it hard if | |
not impossible to take responsibility in the present. When we bring | |
this issue up at seminars, several hands usually shoot up in the | |
audience. The question the person asks is roughly the same, whether | |
we are in Auckland, Oshkosh, or Austria: "Do you mean to say that a | |
three-year-old is responsible for her daddy coming home drunk and | |
beating her up?" Or: "Do you mean to say that the Jews were | |
responsible for being persecuted by the Nazis?" Of course not, we | |
reply. We are saying just the opposite. There was very likely a | |
time when the person was authentically victimized, powerless in the | |
face of the persecutor. Because that experience was not completed | |
emotionally and psychologically, a pattern was set in place that may | |
be affecting how their lives and relationships go now. | |
But here is the clincher: Regardless of the past, it is essential for | |
us to take responsibility now. Now is the only time that matters. | |
One of the worst aspects of New Age thinking is that normally bright | |
people get fascinated by concepts like reincarnation--in their | |
attempt to explain why they repeat certain patterns--rather than | |
throwing their whole energy into transforming their patterns right | |
now. In fact, unless all energy is focused on the now, the | |
responsibility-taking enterprise usually fails. | |
People construct their view of the world in large part through the | |
language they use. Some people keep themselves locked into | |
impoverished roles in the world through the choice of language that | |
does not claim responsibility. | |
After searching for many years, we have come to an understanding of | |
responsibility that gives maximum empowerment to the individual. We | |
believe that everyone has the power and freedom to change how they | |
perceive the world. We believe that everyone can change the way they | |
feel about anything. All of us come equipped with an ability to | |
sense our connection to infinite being, and to identify with the | |
source of the issues that face us. Only by claiming our connection | |
with the source of the problems in our lives can we claim connection | |
to the power and glory that awaits us if we take full responsibility. | |
Very few of us have the self-esteem necessary to embrace this level | |
of responsibility. We shrink from claiming contact with the source, | |
thinking that we are made from some other substance than the rest of | |
the universe. By separating ourselves, we dwindle to a shadow of our | |
former selves. Then our existence becomes impoverished, life a | |
shadow show. | |
# Epilogue, Choosing Integrity | |
There are three things a therapist needs to be successful: integrity, | |
effective strategies, and love. But no strategies, no matter how | |
powerful, will produce reliably good results unless the person who | |
practices them is grounded in integrity and love. | |
Neither love nor integrity is easy to understand, much less master. | |
In therapy every week we are called upon to say yes. Clients, one | |
after the other, come in with something that needs accepting. We | |
help them to say yes to it, to welcome it into the totality of | |
themselves. We are also called upon to say no. | |
Integrity has three main components, the first two of which are | |
straightforward: We do what we say we will do. We do not what we say | |
we will do not. Both are important to therapists, so important that | |
laws have now been established in most states requiring that | |
therapists discuss certain issues in initial sessions. | |
A third component of integrity may hold the key to the first two | |
components. The original Latin root of the word integrity refers to | |
a quality of wholeness or soundness. It is this meaning that we are | |
speaking of here. Integrity is the extent to which we are aligned | |
within ourselves. How well is the fit between our intentions and our | |
actions? Are our feelings in agreement with our thoughts, so that | |
there is a quality of unbroken wholeness in ourselves? To what | |
extent do we tell the truth about what is going on inside ourselves? | |
Without inner alignment, there will be no ultimate integrity. | |
When we have integrity, we get to feel more alive. Not keeping | |
agreements costs aliveness. | |
We would like all human beings to taste the degree of aliveness that | |
is possible when love, integrity, and effective techniques are | |
applied as a harmonious whole. There is truly nothing like it we | |
have experienced in the realm of healing. | |
author: Hendricks, Gay & Kathleen | |
detail: gopher://gopherpedia.com/0/Gay_Hendricks | |
LOC: RC489.M53 H46 | |
source: https://hendricks.com/at-the-speed-copy-pdf/ | |
tags: book,non-fiction,self-help | |
title: At The Speed Of Life | |
# Tags | |
book | |
non-fiction | |
self-help |