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# 2022-11-02 - Your Resiliency GPS by Eileen McDargh | |
I enjoyed the hiking metaphors in this book. The title refers to | |
GPS, short-term goals are referred to as temporary camp sites, and | |
faith is referred to as a hiking pole to help steady your course. I | |
like that the homework is organized into specific, step-by-step | |
actions, providing a ready-made framework or method to follow in | |
order to cultivate resiliency skills. It is peppered with good humor | |
and optimism. | |
Many of the worst choices are a result of not knowing better, or | |
abdicating and failing to truly make a choice. In my opinion the | |
value of this book is that it raises awareness, showing that there is | |
a way to be stronger and more capable of weathering the storms of | |
life. If one is willing to "listen," to believe that this way could | |
possibly work, and to sincerely desire more vitality in day-to-day | |
living, then these should be enough to get started. Knowing better, | |
how can we help but make improved choices? | |
What follows are exercises and excerpts from the book. | |
# Dump The Dictionary | |
In short, human resiliency is far deeper and more encompassing than | |
how the dictionary defines "resilience." | |
Resilience is seriously hard work, requires body, mind, and spirit to | |
be engaged. It requires learning from errors and that takes | |
humility. It can take collaboration and connecting with others an | |
that takes interpersonal skills. Some parts might be easier than | |
others, but all adjustment requires effort. | |
Resiliency is about sustaining an organization, a life, a | |
relationship. Resiliency is complex, multidimensional, personal as | |
well as professional. It's about growing through the dark night of | |
the soul and finding sunrise on the other side. Presilience is | |
practicing it now, building pre-emptive resources within yourself, | |
your organization, your world. [In other words, being pro-active.] | |
# Chapter 2, Nature or Nurture? | |
In [Bonnie] Bernard's work, she concludes that we have an inborn | |
capacity for transformation and change. | |
Fast-forward to 2012. Dr. Steven Southwick and Dr. Dennis Charney | |
amass twenty years of research for their book Resilience: The Science | |
of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges. ... they discover that | |
resiliency is common and can be seen everywhere. More importantly, | |
they learned that many people can be trained to become more resilient. | |
## Lost Is A Place | |
Growing through opportunity or challenge always brings loss. Even if | |
the move is self-selected and wanted. What we accepted as our work, | |
our loves, our life, will shift. There is no going back. | |
Grief over loss has no timetable or automatic end. | |
## Setting Your GPS | |
Let's set your GPS by defining your destination. | |
* Where are you starting from? | |
* Where do you want to go? | |
* What do you want to have happen? | |
[If] You are not clear exactly where you want to end up. [Then] | |
think of incremental destinations--rather like temporary campsites on | |
a hiking trip. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Decide if [whether] you want to explore a personal or professional | |
challenge/opportunity. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What does your situation look like? Define it for your personal | |
or professional situation. | |
2. What adjectives best describe where you find yourself? | |
3. What strengths do you have? If you can't think of any, ask | |
someone who knows you well. | |
4. What people, besides you, are in a similar situation? Do any of | |
them have an interest in growing? Have you asked them? | |
5. What short-term results do you seek? | |
6. What long-term results do you seek? | |
7. How would you recognize forward movement? | |
# Fueling Your Tank | |
Energy is the result of meaningful connections that add the spark of | |
potential and possibility--the catalyst for forward momentum. | |
In 2008, psychologists Salvatore Maddi and Suzanne Kobasa coined the | |
term "psychological hardiness." Their research said that individuals | |
could improve their physical and emotional health if they practiced | |
three dimensions: | |
* commitment: finding purpose in what you do | |
* control: focusing on what is within your control instead of | |
trying to change something outside of your control | |
* challenge: believing that you can handle whatever comes your way | |
and even if mistakes are inevitable, there is a reason and learning | |
to be had. This means you are change-receptive versus | |
change-adverse. | |
In order to develop a resilient spirit, we need to identify actions | |
that drain our energy and those which maintain or boost our energy. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Identify energy drainers. | |
2. In your presilience logbook keep track of those events, people, | |
and beliefs that just suck the air right out of you. | |
3. Ask for help at work or home with an energy-drainer. Be specific | |
with your request--for space, delegation, advice, or suggestions. | |
Maybe even asking someone to [be] available to listen. | |
4. Identify energy-maintainers. | |
5. What gives you life in your step and a sparkle in your eye? ... | |
what renews your energy? | |
6. Sometimes, handling our energy-drainer creates an energy-boost. | |
Sometimes it IS the small actions that make a big difference. | |
7. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. If you can't change "the event," identify how you can choose to | |
respond to it. Can you amend it? Can you avoid it? Or perhaps | |
you have to accept it. | |
2. Who has been in this situation before and how can you ask for help? | |
3. Who can mentor you in the best way? | |
4. Have you listened to your inner voice? | |
5. How would a person whom you admire most (living or dead) handle | |
this? | |
6. What steps does your inner voice of wisdom say you must take? | |
7. How many items can you list that give you energy? | |
8. When was the last time you did any of these? | |
9. What do they cost? Chances are that most activities that give us | |
energy have little to no cost. | |
# Four Resiliency Skills | |
## Skill 1: Adaptability | |
Adaptability is predicated on finding multiple responses to any given | |
situation. It is foundational for resilience and literally rests | |
upon our ability to challenge old ways of doing things, to actively | |
seek different viewpoints, to be aware of sacred cows, and to know | |
that solutions can come from anywhere or anyone. Adaptability is | |
about thinking and feeling. | |
## Skill 2: Agility | |
Agility is the ability to move quickly and easily. Rewards center on | |
the willingness to act, to take risks, and to share results. | |
## Skill 3: Laugh-ability | |
[Laughter is] the shortest distance between your brain and your body. | |
The ability to find humor and generate a sense of playfulness | |
actually increases creativity. Free-form play and improvisation not | |
only break barriers but open up a world of potential ways to handle | |
situations. | |
## Skill 4: Alignment | |
To remain standing, humans too need bedrock. Resilient people and | |
individuals have a reason greater than themselves for keeping on. ... | |
there is a sense that someone or something matters. | |
# Adaptability | |
... seven options to consider when developing the skill of | |
adaptability. | |
## Option 1: Unstick Your Thinking | |
What we think matters. How we act counts. | |
Where do you find yourself today--this place called your current | |
location? In studying why some leaders and their organizations are | |
not sustainable, I realized there is a possible unwillingness or an | |
inability to clearly define one's current reality. | |
Think of your current location as patterned and formulaic. | |
In a 24/7 world where surprises are the new normal, where work and | |
life can shift in a nanosecond, there's a great need to challenge | |
current reality and common knowledge. In biological terms, the word | |
is requisite variety. Simply stated: The organism with the greatest | |
number of responses to any given situation is the one that will | |
survive. | |
We want to leave this current location and venture outward, thinking | |
and creating as many options for ourselves as possible. | |
## Professional GPS Action | |
1. Define as much as you can about your current professional | |
situation, process, and product. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Professional Recalculating Questions | |
1. Do you operate under the premise: "The devil I know is better than | |
the one I don't?" | |
2. Test the status quo. What is going on? | |
3. Why not change? Who says you can't? | |
4. What would happen if? Are you SURE? | |
5. What are the sacred cows that might bind your hands? [Maybe they | |
are sacred for a reason. Maybe the represent the values and | |
spiritual foundation that made it worthwhile in the first place.] | |
6. Can you practice "joyous anarchy" and explore other options? | |
7. Are you paying attention to core tasks in-house and contracting | |
out other tasks? | |
8. What are the things you are doing today that if you were not | |
already doing, you would not start doing? Why? Why not? | |
9. Was anything discarded that shouldn't have been? Was anything | |
discarded which now is relevant? | |
10. Are you stuck in that uncomfortable "comfort" zone? Might you | |
find being a victim more rewarding than being a victor? Let's | |
face it... sympathy and consolation have their own rewards. Your | |
energy will be depleted living in that zone and colleagues and | |
friends will move away. It's too energy-draining to be with | |
"sad-sacks" over the long haul. | |
## Personal GPS Action | |
1. Do you operate under the premise: "The devil I know is better than | |
the one I don't?" | |
2. Define as much as you can about your current personal situation. | |
3. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Personal Recalculating Questions | |
1. Define as much as you can about your current situation. | |
2. What are the challenges? What are the opportunities? | |
3. What resources are on hand? Resources are not only financial or | |
material, but also support people. | |
4. What is the worst thing that could happen? The best thing? | |
5. Ask "why" at least five times--fascinating exercise but each "why" | |
brings you closer to reality. | |
6. How shall you divide up the information gathering? If there are | |
others involved, who takes the lead? | |
7. How many options can you create for yourself? Even if you don't | |
like all of them, listing them out carries great benefits. | |
8. Are you stuck in that uncomfortable "comfort zone?" Might you | |
find being a victim more rewarding than being a victor? Let's | |
face it... sympathy and consolation have their own rewards. Your | |
energy will be depleted living in that zone and colleagues and | |
friends will move away. It's too energy-draining to be with | |
"sad-sacks" over the long haul. | |
If you are like the majority of humans, you might have looked at the | |
answers you wrote... and proceeded to [invalidate them]. | |
You know the drill. Our monkey mind just chatters away, producing | |
what researchers say is approximately sixty thousand thoughts per | |
day! It's that internal, infernal chatter that can so easily build | |
up a wall of resistance. Amazingly, scientists also tell us that 95% | |
of those thoughts are the same as yesterday! | |
Here's the kicker: 80% of those thoughts are negative! | |
No wonder resiliency is hard work. We need help filling the black | |
hole of negativity. | |
## Option 2: Beware of Red Ants | |
ANTS = Automatic Negative Thoughts | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Take steps against negativity. | |
2. Catch yourself when a negative thought or expression comes flying | |
in your brain or out of your mouth. What did you say or think? | |
3. Can you flip it around into something positive? It's not easy to | |
do it and it often helps to have an optimistic partner who can help | |
you alter the thought. | |
4. Just say it. Write it. Repeat it. You don't even have to | |
believe it. What's fascinating is that our brains don't know the | |
difference between fact and fiction. The more I feed my brain | |
positive thoughts, the more I create a different roadway in my | |
brain. I begin to behave differently. | |
5. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. Where are you envisioning the worst? | |
2. What are the REAL chances the "worst" will happen? | |
3. What can you tell yourself--even if you don't believe it--that | |
could give you a more positive outcome? | |
I am not naïve. Affirmations can only take you so far. Consider | |
that research shows willpower outperforms academic performance by a | |
factor of two. What you desire to create can potentially overcome a | |
lack of skill. [And it can also be brutally difficult and come at | |
great personal cost.] | |
## Option 3: Practice Intelligent Optimism | |
Thanks to Dr. Martin Seligman, director of the Penn State Positive | |
Psychology Center... we now know that optimism can be learned. | |
Intelligent optimism is reframing an event, looking for other ways to | |
describe what is happening. Think of this as looking for the "gift" | |
in the "garbage." | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Get help from a trusted friend or family member if you need it. | |
I'd love to know what you write. Email me [email protected] | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. Have you ever seen or heard of a similar situation what [sic] was | |
successfully resolved? | |
2. What conditions made that possible and how could you re-create | |
them? | |
3. Is your current situation permanent? Pervasive? Personal? [My | |
life is not permanent. Since it is mine, all of my situations are | |
personal. Since it is impermanent, all of my situations are | |
impermanent.] | |
## Option 4: Turn The Page | |
There's a tendency to want things to "go back the way they were." | |
Turning the page is both a mantra as well as physical gesture that I | |
teach to my audiences. It anchors the point in our brains and begins | |
to create a new mental pattern. Every time you hear yourself say | |
"things aren't the way they used to be," "there's too much change," | |
or some such statement, take your dominant hand and gesture turning | |
the page while you mutter the words, "TURN THE PAGE!" | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Seek a turn-the-page buddy. Ask your buddy to call you on it | |
whenever you moan for the past. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What are you holding onto and does it serve you now? | |
2. What do you value about the past and how can you bring it into the | |
present? | |
## Option 5: Seek Others' Wisdom | |
Our willingness to ask for information and help exponentially | |
increases our adaptability--as long as we are willing to listen to | |
other voices. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Design a method for getting input from others. Face-to-face is | |
always the best. Go to the people closest to and most impacted by | |
the event. | |
2. Decide whose input matters to the health of the organization. Who | |
will you ask? | |
3. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. Whose input do we resist and why? Might it be that cognitive | |
dissonance is operating? | |
2. Seek what others know. What possibilities could result as a way | |
of accepting some or all of this information? | |
3. Ask: What might be true? How can I most effectively respond to | |
this feedback? What needs to be changed based upon this | |
information? What am I/we resisting and why? | |
## Option 6: Serve Orange Juice | |
Years ago, I had the opportunity to meet Tom Kilpatrick, the then | |
head of training for USS POSCO, a steel operation in Northern | |
California. Tom told me of being sent to replace the commander of a | |
Navy ship in the South Seas. The commander had been removed "for | |
cause." The ship had the highest number of pending disciplinary | |
cases for that class of ship in the Navy AND the lowest rates of | |
retention. | |
Yikes. What a tough assignment. But at the end of two years, those | |
numbers were reverse. | |
I asked Tom what he did. | |
"I served orange juice," he said with a smile. | |
I asked him to explain. | |
He said that in the first week of his command, he was in his bunk at | |
night pondering how to turn the men around. | |
Tom thought... "What is the most miserable place to be on this ship, | |
in the middle of the night, in the South Seas? The engine room!" | |
He got up. Went to the galley, got glasses, and orange juice and | |
went into the engine room. | |
"Hey guys. I thought you'd need something cool. Now tell me... what | |
do we need to do down here to make this the best engine room in the | |
Navy?" | |
Think about it. He showed up where he was least expected. He came as | |
a servant leader bearing a gift. He asked a question and he listened | |
intently. | |
By morning, that story had spread like wildfire. He said it brought | |
him more loyalty than any action he might have taken. | |
Think about it. He couldn't grow the command if he didn't know. He | |
constantly sought input. He actively listened. He responded. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. In your presilience logbook, make a list of people to whom you | |
might "serve orange juice." | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What open-ended question might supply you with insights you might | |
never have [otherwise]? Begin your questions with these words: | |
who, what, when, where, why, and how. | |
2. When will you contact them? How will you do that? I suggest that | |
if face-to-face is not possible, at least make telephone contact. | |
Email is never conducive to fully fleshed conversation. | |
## Option 7: Seek A Wisdom Circle | |
Consider forming a Wisdom Circle. To form a Wisdom Circle, gather a | |
number of trusted friends around you. Briefly state what you are | |
grappling with. Then be quiet. You are NOT there to respond one way | |
or another. It's up to you what you do with that information or | |
input [from the Wisdom Circle]. | |
Master activist teacher Parker Palmer calls this a "Clearness | |
Committee." Look at: | |
The Clearness Committee: A Communal Approach To Discernment | |
Video: Clearness Committee | |
Video: Clearness Committee in Greater Detail | |
Started in the 1600's by Quakers, the Clearness Committee is a | |
practice that believes each of us has an inner wisdom, a teacher, a | |
voice of truth that can offer guidance. However, that voice is often | |
garbled by our insecurities, confusions, fears, or critical others. | |
A Clearness Committee helps you uncover answers within yourself. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Ask yourself who has been in a similar situation and if you'd feel | |
comfortable asking their advice. Just because you ask doesn't | |
mean you are compelled to use their input. Write their names and | |
contact information in your logbook. | |
2. Decide which people you would like to call first--perhaps for a | |
cup of coffee or a meal. | |
3. In conversation, empty your mind of preconceived answers. Take in | |
without judgment. | |
4. Follow up later with not only a thank you but what you did with | |
their input. People like to know they have helped, even in some | |
small way. | |
5. Seek professional help from a counselor, a member of your clergy, | |
or a trusted physician. | |
6. Read books related to your current state. [To help give you | |
options and understanding.] | |
7. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What is the situation for which would you like clarity? | |
2. What specifically would make this Wisdom Committee most valuable? | |
# Agility | |
So far everything we've explored has to do with identifying what your | |
current location looks like (current reality, common knowledge, | |
"NOW") and finding multiple options. Now it is time to take a risk. | |
Action is the antidote for anxiety. | |
Here are seven actions to consider when developing the skill of | |
agility. | |
## Action 1: Control The Uncontrollable | |
We lose our way and become discouraged when we attempt to "take on | |
more than we can chew." We attempt to control something that is | |
truly out of our control. | |
I call this the Earthquake Litmus Test. I live in California. | |
Earthquakes will occur. I can't control an earthquake BUT I do have | |
actions I can take: | |
* Move from the state. | |
* I can make sure I have all the emergency supplies ready. | |
* I can have a detailed "plan" for all family members so we know | |
what to do. | |
* I can take first aid classes. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Clearly write or talk about the desired outcome and then ask for | |
volunteers to be involved in crafting action. Why volunteers? | |
When faced with challenge or opportunity, you want people who are | |
already committed to moving forward. This is no time to have | |
nay-sayers. | |
2. Break actions into small pieces. | |
3. Create a short feedback loop. Nothing will sap your resilient | |
spirit [more] than proceeding full steam ahead and finding out six | |
months later that it did not work. | |
4. Reward effort. If an action did not work, cheer on the person who | |
at least tried and then sought out alternatives if it did not work. | |
5. Create an action plan that begins with some of the easier things | |
to accomplish. Being able to see results--even if small--boosts | |
your spirit. | |
6. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What are you trying to control? | |
2. Do you really have the power? The authority? The resources? | |
3. What can you REALLY control? | |
4. What are three easy steps you can take now, beginning today, to | |
grow your resiliency? | |
5. Who could be your action buddy--someone who will check in with you | |
to see if you did the one or two things you set out to do? | |
6. What are you afraid of? Face what you fear and lean into it! | |
Remember: ACT is more powerful than re-act. | |
# Action 2: Celebrate Small Wins | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Make it a daily practice to find someone to reward. It can be as | |
simple as saying "Thank you." | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What small wins can you reward yourself for accomplishing? | |
2. What have others done that you need to reward? | |
3. Can you make your reward something YOU see on a daily basis so you | |
are reminded of progress? | |
# Action 3: Exercise to Energize | |
When work and life seem to spin out of control, the fastest way to | |
know that aliens haven't hijacked you is to take control of your | |
physical body. | |
Aerobic activity of ANY intensity sends blood coursing through your | |
body, firing off synapses in your nervous system and brain. Such | |
activity actually lowers stress levels and ... those stress levels | |
stay down longer. | |
Exercise improves your mood. Regular exercise can increase | |
self-confidence and lower the symptoms associated with mild | |
depression and anxiety. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Write down at least two physical exercises you believe you can | |
commit to doing. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What would help you keep this commitment to exercise? | |
2. How will you reward yourself for each time your [sic] exercised? | |
3. Do you need an exercise buddy? If so, who will you ask? | |
# Action 4: Practice Mindfulness | |
Mindfulness is basically slowing down, breathing deeply, and | |
maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of thoughts, feelings, | |
bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. | |
Study after study has shown the physical and mental benefits of | |
mindfulness in general... | |
Give yourself five minutes to breathe in to the count of four and out | |
to the count of six. Just pay attention to the moment. That's all. | |
Make mindfulness a practice in the morning before jumping out of bed. | |
Breathe. You have been given the gift of a new day. | |
End your day with mindfulness. Again, just breathe. Calm down. You | |
are entering a time of rest. Don't fill your mind with activity. | |
To read more: | |
Mindfulness definition at greatergood.berkeley.edu | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Make a commitment to begin and end each day with at least three | |
minutes of mindfulness--deep breathing. No talking. Just | |
breathe. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What will you need to do to keep this commitment? | |
2. How will you learn more about mindfulness? | |
# Action 5: Consider Faith | |
Along the resiliency journey, faith serves as a hiking pole to steady | |
the course. It has been described as a belief in things yet unseen. | |
Despite all evidence to the contrary, the resilient spirit KNOWS that | |
"this too shall pass." The resilient person KNOWS that despite the | |
gloom of challenges or the trepidation of major events, the dawn | |
eventually breaks through. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Look at a book, a video, or some article about an individual who | |
thrived despite all odds. What can it teach you about faith? By | |
the way, faith does not necessarily mean religion. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What is one action you could take now--a small one--that you know | |
would be an act of faith? | |
2. What is the best thing that can happen? The worst thing? | |
# Action 6: Practice Forgiveness | |
There's a gift somewhere in every relationship and event. Find it | |
and then say, I forgive. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Determine if you are holding on to a grudge or anger and what that | |
feeling does for your spirit. | |
2. Write a letter (which you will NOT send) to this person and get | |
the emotion out of your head/heart and on to paper. | |
3. Have a ritual and burn or bury that paper. Turn the page. Done. | |
Next. | |
4. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. How would you feel if this event would vanish like smoke. | |
2. Does it serve you to hold onto this anger or grudge? Could it be | |
holding you back? | |
3. What lessons in how you behave might be learned from this? | |
4. Do you think the other person is holding onto resentment? | |
5. What would it mean to you to take a higher road? | |
# Action 7: Nurture Your Pit Crew | |
Who cheers you on at the finish line? Particularly if you come in | |
last? | |
How strengthening it is to tell your pit crew how much their | |
steadfast faith in you means everything. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. In your presilience logbook, write your responses [to the | |
recalculating questions]. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What are the names of your pit crew? | |
2. If you don't have one, how will you get one? | |
3. Whom do you want in it? | |
Sometimes, your crew might even include someone who is no longer | |
living but in your imagination. You KNOW what they would say to help | |
you. | |
# Action 8: Improvise To Strategize | |
I am a firm believer that at some point we all must go to the college | |
MSU--Making Stuff Up. When you can't figure out what action to take | |
try something--ANYTHING. As long as you keep the action on a short | |
leash with a short feedback loop and it's neither illegal nor | |
immoral... proceed! | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Think of a situation that confounds you now. What can you do that | |
is radically different? You might need some creative brains on | |
this one. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What is humorous about about the situation? How can you expand on | |
it, exaggerate, and make it even funnier? | |
2. What type of story would you tell about this situation: drama, | |
western, comedy, adventure? | |
3. Who can you involve in your improvisation? How will you introduce | |
the "scene" and then invite your partners to jump in and be | |
spontaneous? The first rule of improvisation is "accept what is | |
given." This means you don't correct or alter what your partner | |
says. Stay open to new idea. | |
# Laughability | |
"Laugh-ability" is my made-up word for the good sense to try and find | |
some way to spin an event so that you find something to laugh | |
about--no matter how small. | |
Resiliency requires energy. Laughter is high wattage and better than | |
gas! | |
## GPS Action | |
1. In your presilience logbook, feel free to plug in anything that | |
makes you laugh: one-liners, cartoons, jokes. Whatever. | |
2. Task yourself and possibly those around you to share one humorous | |
thing. | |
3. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What is funny about your current situation? | |
2. Where might others find humor? | |
3. What can you (or someone else) do to lighten the mood? | |
## Enter The World of Play: A Kissing Cousin To Laughability | |
The opposite of play is not work. It's depression. So states | |
psychologist Stuart Brown in his new book, Play: How It Shapes the | |
Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. | |
Anacharsis, a sixth BCE philosopher insisted that we are to Play so | |
that you may be serious. | |
... play becomes the non-chemical stimulant for channeling stress | |
into productive outputs. | |
Play takes many forms. The trick is to find one that resonates with | |
you. | |
... note that play is as much as [sic] state of mind as it is an | |
activity. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Give yourself permission to play. Put a play date with yourself | |
on the calendar and treat it as sacred, like meeting with your | |
most important client. Remind yourself that you'll be refreshed | |
and thinking more clearly if you play. | |
2. Find the play that best suits you. Start a Play Diary, writing | |
down moments of well-being. It might be times you remember. ... | |
Whatever it is--in the doing, you feel a sense of contentment and | |
joy. | |
3. Pass play along. Encourage others. | |
4. Martin Buber, German Jewish biblical scholar, believed that, Play | |
is the exultation of the possible. Isn't that what we are all | |
looking for now--what is possible? | |
5. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. When was the last time you played? | |
2. What is keeping you from it? Does someone need to give you | |
permission? | |
3. Can you memorize this line? | |
Don't take life so seriously. | |
Nobody comes out of it alive. | |
# Know What Stitches Your Soul | |
Along the journey to cultivating resiliency skills, rest and renewal | |
are balm to your spirit. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Determine what stitches your soul. | |
2. Look on the Internet to find people who have used humor to deal | |
with challenge. Don't be afraid to share one (not hundreds) with | |
colleagues. | |
3. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. What can you do to bring a smile or a laugh to customers, clients, | |
family members, and/or neighbors? | |
2. What is stopping you? What might be the benefit to you? | |
# Alignment | |
The clearer you become on your values and purpose, the more likely | |
you are to grow through challenges or opportunity. | |
## GPS Action | |
1. Write a personal mission statement. Even if you are reading this | |
for organizational reasons, a personal mission statement becomes a | |
litmus test for many actions and decisions. It lets you monitor | |
your life's course, acting like an internal GPS. There's a | |
corporate mission but equally important, you have a personal | |
mission. | |
2. In your presilience logbook, write your responses to the | |
recalculating questions. Find someone with whom to have a | |
conversation. | |
## Recalculating Questions | |
1. Imagine that your soul has left your body but you can still hear | |
what people are saying about you. What do you hear? What do you | |
want to hear? IF you have children, what do they say? | |
2. Think of two people whom you admire and who inspire you. What | |
about them inspires you? What traits do you admire? | |
3. If money were no object, after you had all the fun you wanted and | |
payed whatever you wanted in bills, what would you do? | |
4. How would you know, each day, if [whether] you were living your | |
mission? | |
Remember, this isn't the Ten Commandments and chiseled in stone. It | |
can grow and change as you grow and change. | |
# Putting It All Together | |
My desire is that this small book [offers hope.] With positivity, | |
energy, and purpose, may you open doors to discover more ways to be | |
adaptable, to find ideas and encouragement from others, to respond | |
with agility as you try new actions, and ultimately to continue to | |
create a future that brings you alive with laughter and alignment. | |
Remember the word CULTIVATE. Resiliency requires cultivation.## | |
Recalculating Questions | |
1. Imagine that your soul has left your body but you can still hear | |
what people are saying about you. What do you hear? What do you | |
want to hear? IF you have children, what do they say? | |
2. Think of two people whom you admire and who inspire you. What | |
about them inspires you? What traits do you admire? | |
3. If money were no object, after you had all the fun you wanted and | |
payed whatever you wanted in bills, what would you do? | |
4. How would you know, each day, if [whether] you were living your | |
mission? | |
Remember, this isn't the Ten Commandments and chiseled in stone. It | |
can grow and change as you grow and change. | |
# Putting It All Together | |
My desire is that this small book [offers hope.] With positivity, | |
energy, and purpose, may you open doors to discover more ways to be | |
adaptable, to find ideas and encouragement from others, to respond | |
with agility as you try new actions, and ultimately to continue to | |
create a future that brings you alive with laughter and alignment. | |
Remember the word CULTIVATE. Resiliency requires cultivation. No | |
garden grows without tilling the soil, weeding, watering, and finding | |
what plants grow in your garden. Effort always precedes reward--even | |
in the dictionary. | |
Resources: | |
The Energizer: Resilient Insights for Work & Life | |
# Personal Resiliency Assessment | |
What is your personal RQ--Resiliency Quotient | |
Using the following scale put a numerical value by each statement. | |
Numerical scale: | |
1. Never | |
2. A few times | |
3. Frequently | |
4. Without a doubt | |
1. ___ I believe in my ability to influence my attitude. | |
2. ___ I've handled challenges before, and I can do it again. | |
3. ___ I can look at a problem from many angles. | |
4. ___ I have work that is meaningful. | |
5. ___ I have a strong support network. | |
6. ___ I exercise on a regular basis. | |
7. ___ I clearly communicate my ideas. | |
8. ___ I am appreciated for what I do. | |
9. ___ People say I have a good sense of humor. | |
10. ___ I can see more than one option in a given situation. | |
11. ___ I am generally an optimistic person. | |
12. ___ By my own definition, I believe in a "Higher Power." | |
13. ___ I easily express gratitude. | |
14. ___ I ask for help when I need it. | |
15. ___ I am willing to try new things, to risk. | |
Score: | |
* 52-60: What a Rock! You're on a hero's journey! | |
* 42-51: Good resilience intentions. See what areas might need | |
improvement? | |
* 32-41: Time to get some help. In what areas can you get the | |
fastest, most visible results? Build from there. You might | |
consider hiring a coach. | |
* 15-31: Remember the dinosaurs? They did NOT grow forward. And | |
they did NOT GROW through. | |
Look at the low scoring responses for growth opportunities. Go back | |
through the book and see what strategies you can find. | |
# Organizational Resiliency Assessment | |
What is your organizational RQ--Resiliency Quotient | |
Using the following scale put a numerical value by each statement. | |
Numerical scale: | |
1. Never | |
2. A few times | |
3. Frequently | |
4. Without a doubt | |
1. ___ Employees readily talk about how much they like working | |
here. | |
2. ___ Management is known for asking employees their opinions. | |
3. ___ Management is known for listening to employees' opinions. | |
4. ___ Training is available for all employees on a regular basis. | |
5. ___ Managers are acknowledged for helping employees advance in | |
skill level. | |
6. ___ The organization has flexible work hours. | |
7. ___ People are treated as "whole people" with lives outside of | |
work. | |
8. ___ Management is willing to try new things. | |
9. ___ Management readily shares current information about the | |
health of the company. | |
10. ___ Managers have superb communication skills. | |
11. ___ The organization walks its talk. | |
12. ___ Managers encourage innovation and creativity. | |
13. ___ We trust senior management to act in the best interest of all | |
stakeholders. | |
14. ___ We are told bad news as well as good news. | |
15. ___ Our company's product/service is meaningful and valuable in | |
the marketplace. | |
16. ___ We are known for carefully listening to the marketplace, the | |
customers, trends, and the competition. | |
Score: | |
* 52-64: What a Rock! It's an organization of heroes! | |
* 42-51: Good resiliency intentions. She what areas might need | |
improvement. What can YOU do? | |
* 32-41: The organization needs help. Who needs to be involved? | |
In what areas can you get the fastest, most visible results? Is | |
this a training issue? Where is your sphere of influence? Build | |
from there. You might need some outside help. | |
* 15-31: Remember the dinosaurs? Grow forward they did NOT. Nor | |
did they GROW through! Time to get serious. Are there too many | |
changes? Does the culture need to have a serious adjustment? What | |
is in your sphere of influence? | |
Look at low scoring responses for growth opportunities. Do you see a | |
theme? Go back through the book and see what strategies you can find. | |
If all else fails call me 949-496-8640. | |
# Optional Exercises | |
## The Cost of Cheer | |
Write down five things that make you happy--whether walking in the | |
woods, calling an old friend, whatever. Take the first five that | |
come to your mind. | |
Next to each item, estimate the cost. Estimate how much time it | |
takes. What do you discover? What's stopping you? | |
## Inner Resilience: Your Past Is A Prologue | |
Jot down three of the most devastating experiences you have had. | |
Next to them, list the corresponding insights or lessons you gained | |
as a result. What does this tell you? What strengths did you use? | |
Do you still have those strengths? | |
## Accentuate The Positive | |
Notice your surroundings. What might be good about the current | |
situation? What are three positive things? According to Dr. Barbara | |
Frederickson, it takes three positives to overcome a negative and can | |
actually serve as a catalyst to bring more of what you WANT in your | |
life. | |
## From Scarcity To Abundance | |
List ten things you thought there wouldn't be enough of and you | |
survived. List ten areas where you have too much, not too little. | |
List 20-1000 wonderful things that entered your life at the right | |
time with no effort on your part. Start with air, sun, rain, and | |
more. | |
## Keep A Gratitude Logbook | |
This is one of the most powerful tools. I've done it on and off for | |
years. Life is much better when I write! Get a blank book, | |
different from the presilience logbook. Every night, write at least | |
three things you are grateful for. Some days, it might be as simple | |
as air and clean sheets. Don't stop. There's more! | |
## Develop A Want List And A Have-To-Do List | |
Are you living the life you REALLY want? So often, we make changes | |
because we feel like we HAVE to do it or we consume irreplaceable | |
time doing "have to do" things. Make a list of ALL the things you | |
have to do. Then, go back and honestly ask if the heavens will fall | |
and your life implode if you crossed some off? | |
Now, create a list of things you really want to do. Put down | |
everything, even those as crazy as swim with alligators (ugh--maybe | |
you are doing that now), take a world cruise, whatever. Think wide. | |
Think deep. Put a star by those things that are really deeply-felt | |
desires. What steps can you take to move toward them? Remember, | |
small steps matter. Celebrate small wins. Find out who can help | |
you. And grow through this opportunity! | |
author: McDargh, Eileen | |
detail: https://www.eileenmcdargh.com/ | |
tags: book,self-help | |
title: Your Resiliency GPS | |
# Tags | |
book | |
self-help |