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# 2021-11-21 - Get Out Of Jail Free Card by Paul Chefurka
Excerpt from Paul Chefurka [1] interview hosted by Michael Dowd.
Being able to accept impermanence really didn't come home to me until
my wife died. She had ovarian cancer and opted for a medically
assisted death.
She and I met first 45 years ago. We had been good friends for a
decade and we had fallen out of contact for 30 years, and then
reconnected. She came to Ottawa to live with me and we spent 7 years
together. It was a very strong relationship.
She was also an artist, a fractal artist, a digital artist. She did
mind-boggling, beautiful work. She was totally dedicated to it. For
the 7 years we were together she worked at her art and I brought home
the food, cooked it, and served it to her. She basically worked 16
hours a day in front of her computer for 7 years. She left a library
of 3,000 pieces of art behind that is unbelievable.
It's on Facebook [3]. Her page is still up. She called herself
Visionary Light. All of her work is there.
I remember coming home one night after work. She was sitting at her
computer like usual. She turned around, smiled at me, and said "Sit
down, I have something important to talk with you about."
"Okay," I said.
She said "It's what we thought. It's ovarian cancer."
And I said "Okay, well, why are you smiling?"
She said "Well, it's my get out of jail free card. I get to go home!"
She was really pretty thrilled about it. She worked for another
month or so on her art. I remember her setting down her mouse and
her tablet at one point. She pushed away from the desk. She turned
around and she said "That's it, I have finished. I've done it all.
I've done everything I want to do."
So she was able to finish that up. She was able to say wholesome
goodbyes to all of her friends. We got arrangements made with the
hospital so that they would send over an anesthesiologist to do the
procedure. We arranged for a final meal for her from a local
restaurant. She had one last dinner: sauteed scallops and crème
brûlée and a glass of Patrón tequila to wash it down. And then
the process happened. It was very quiet, very calm. It was graceful
and dignified. If there can be such a thing as a good death, that
was one of the best I could imagine. She felt that the doctor was
very compassionate. The nurse was attentive and stayed in the
background. We made sure that she was absolutely sure that she
wanted to go through with it. There was no question. You could hear
it in her voice. I was sitting there with her and our last words
were "I love you." She just closed her eyes and went away.
That event really informed my understanding of death, what death is
about. What endings are about. It lost a lot of its terror for me.
Death is no longer a terrible thing. It's something that happens in
the course of life. For me it's kind of paradoxical. It seems that
I am okay with impermanence. I am okay with it ending. The question
is whether I am a little too okay with it.
She left a huge mark, from that point of view, on my life.
[1]
Interview with Paul Chefurka
[3]
Visionary Light digital fractal art (JS only, lynx forbidden)
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