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# 2021-11-21 - Get Out Of Jail Free Card by Paul Chefurka | |
Excerpt from Paul Chefurka [1] interview hosted by Michael Dowd. | |
Being able to accept impermanence really didn't come home to me until | |
my wife died. She had ovarian cancer and opted for a medically | |
assisted death. | |
She and I met first 45 years ago. We had been good friends for a | |
decade and we had fallen out of contact for 30 years, and then | |
reconnected. She came to Ottawa to live with me and we spent 7 years | |
together. It was a very strong relationship. | |
She was also an artist, a fractal artist, a digital artist. She did | |
mind-boggling, beautiful work. She was totally dedicated to it. For | |
the 7 years we were together she worked at her art and I brought home | |
the food, cooked it, and served it to her. She basically worked 16 | |
hours a day in front of her computer for 7 years. She left a library | |
of 3,000 pieces of art behind that is unbelievable. | |
It's on Facebook [3]. Her page is still up. She called herself | |
Visionary Light. All of her work is there. | |
I remember coming home one night after work. She was sitting at her | |
computer like usual. She turned around, smiled at me, and said "Sit | |
down, I have something important to talk with you about." | |
"Okay," I said. | |
She said "It's what we thought. It's ovarian cancer." | |
And I said "Okay, well, why are you smiling?" | |
She said "Well, it's my get out of jail free card. I get to go home!" | |
She was really pretty thrilled about it. She worked for another | |
month or so on her art. I remember her setting down her mouse and | |
her tablet at one point. She pushed away from the desk. She turned | |
around and she said "That's it, I have finished. I've done it all. | |
I've done everything I want to do." | |
So she was able to finish that up. She was able to say wholesome | |
goodbyes to all of her friends. We got arrangements made with the | |
hospital so that they would send over an anesthesiologist to do the | |
procedure. We arranged for a final meal for her from a local | |
restaurant. She had one last dinner: sauteed scallops and crème | |
brûlée and a glass of Patrón tequila to wash it down. And then | |
the process happened. It was very quiet, very calm. It was graceful | |
and dignified. If there can be such a thing as a good death, that | |
was one of the best I could imagine. She felt that the doctor was | |
very compassionate. The nurse was attentive and stayed in the | |
background. We made sure that she was absolutely sure that she | |
wanted to go through with it. There was no question. You could hear | |
it in her voice. I was sitting there with her and our last words | |
were "I love you." She just closed her eyes and went away. | |
That event really informed my understanding of death, what death is | |
about. What endings are about. It lost a lot of its terror for me. | |
Death is no longer a terrible thing. It's something that happens in | |
the course of life. For me it's kind of paradoxical. It seems that | |
I am okay with impermanence. I am okay with it ending. The question | |
is whether I am a little too okay with it. | |
She left a huge mark, from that point of view, on my life. | |
[1] | |
Interview with Paul Chefurka | |
[3] | |
Visionary Light digital fractal art (JS only, lynx forbidden) | |
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