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Psychology of Swinging (The Lifestyle)
by Sam Vaknin
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The psychological background of swinging (The Lifestyle,
wife-swapping, wife-sharing, group sex) is not clear and
has never been studied in depth. Still, thousands of
online chats between active and wannabe adherents and
fans in various forums reveal 10 psychodynamic strands:
1. Latent and overt bisexuality and homosexuality: both
men and women adopt swinging as a way to sample same-sex
experiences in a tolerant, at times anonymous, and
permissive environment;
2. The Slut-Madonna Complex: to be sexually attracted to
their spouses, some men need to "debase" and "humiliate"
them by witnessing their "sluttish" conduct with others.
These men find it difficult to have regular, intimate sex
with women to whom they are emotionally attached and
whose probity is beyond doubt. Sex is "dirty" and
demeaning, so it should be mechanical, the preserve of
whorish and promiscuous partners;
3. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are both rampant in and
satisfied by swinging. Oftentimes, those who partake in
the Lifestyle document their exploits on video and share
photos and saucy verbal descriptions. Amateur porn and
public sex ("dogging") are fixtures of swinging;
4. Vicarious gratification. "Cuckolds" are (typically
male) swingers who masturbate to the sight of their
partner having sex with another, usually without actually
joining the fray. They derive gratification from and are
sexually aroused by the evident pleasure experienced by
their significant other: her vocalizations, body
language, body fluids, enraptured movements, and orgasm
and abandon;
5. Masochism is a prime motive for a minority of
swingers. They relish in their own agony as they watch
their spouse hooking up with others: envy, pain, anxiety,
a sense of humiliation, an overpowering feeling of
worthlessness and inadequacy, sinfulness, debauchery,
depravity, and decadence all conspire to thrill the
masochist and delight him;
6. Swinging is also a form of legitimized cheating. It
spices up the stale sex lives of the players and
neutralized the emotional and financial risks and threats
associated with furtive extramarital escapades. Many
swingers adopt the Lifestyle in order to alleviate
boredom, counter routine, feel desirable and attarctive
again, learn new techniques, and cope with discrepancies
in sex drive. They insist: "swinging saved my marriage";
7. Some swingers use the Lifestyle to "display" or
"exhibit" their partners, casting them as desired and
desirable trophies, or status symbols. Others present may
sexually "sample the wife" but never own her, a form of
restricted access which causes her suitors much envy and
frustration. "I am the one who ends up going home with
her" -- these swingers brag, thus reaffirming their own
irresistibility and attractiveness;
8. The Lifestyle is a rollercoaster of serial
relationships, mostly with strangers. It is, therefore,
thrilling, risky, and exciting and provokes anxiety,
romantic jealousy, and guilt (for having dragged the
partner into the Lifestyle, or for not having restrained
her). There is also a recurrent fear of losing the
partner owing to a growing emotional or sexual bond with
one of her casual "F-buddies" or "friends with benefits".
Swinging results in an adrenaline rush, a high, and in
addictive periods of calm after these self-inflicted
psychosexual storms;
9. Swinging calls for the objectification of sexual
partners. Many swingers prefer to remain anonymous in
settings like Lifestyle retreats or group sex and orgies.
They are thus reduced to genitalia and erogenous zones
enmeshed in auto-erotic and narcissistic acts of
masturbatory gratification with other people's bodies as
mere props. Other practitioners actually prefer to swing
only with close friends, using sex as a form of intimacy-
enhancing recreation;
10.Nudity has a pronounced aesthetic dimension and when
multiple naked bodies intertwine, the combination can
amount to a work of art, a flesh-and-blood throbbing
sculpture. Many swingers find sex to be the most supreme
form of artistic experience, an interconnectedness that
enhances empathy and communication and provides extreme
sensual pleasure. It is also great fun: the ultimate in
entertainment, where novelty and familiarity merge to
yield a unique journey with each new entrant.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism
Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase
the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of
video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in
relationships: http://www.narcissistic-
abuse.com/thebook.html)
Date Published: 2013-11-15 12:51:39
Identifier: PsychologyOfSwingingtheLifestyle
Item Size: 662985074
Language: English
Media Type: movies
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