Ten: Holding
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Got distracted, as per. Daily substantive writing sounded so nice,
so achievable, but here we are, blogging.

There's a finite window when I can do this. When I want to do this.
When I have this ready to go. It's basically from the time I get
into the office until the time I finish my coffee. After that, I'll
look back wistfully and go, "damn, you missed it." I'll open the
doc a time or two just to frown at it. Then I'll go on, not really
doing anything with my day.

I've noticed a hierarchy-of-needs issue worth considering. For the
past while, I've felt just above Safety. A foot into Belonging, but
the ground here is sandy and could erode any minute. Who's to say
about "Safety" even? We've a tenuous grasp on that in the best of
times, and there's not a lot that can be done if outside forces
deliberately or blithely sweep it away. When I'm in a dreamspace to
start a project, I'm projecting all the way up the pyramid. The
dream lasts as long as it can. We all know what happens when human
voices wake us.

The housing holding pattern is an easy culprit. Waiting for the
bank, waiting for repair estimates, waiting to see if my work is
doing merit raises for 2023. Keeping the house clean, keeping the
kid occupied, keeping an eye on the best possible week to post a
listing. Between those moments, frustration, rumination,
exhaustion. Closing is tomorrow, a big milestone, sure, but then
we're listing on Thursday. Holding, keeping, and waiting. Then:

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