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__________________________________________________________ | |
Internet Board of Disease Control | |
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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, | |
I regret to inform you that you have been named as | |
a possible cyber-sexual partner of someone who has | |
tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted | |
Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benifit | |
you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. | |
ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread | |
by a simple "f@ck you" or "muuuuaaaahhhhh". | |
It appears to be predominent in WebTV users | |
but has been detected in the PC community. | |
Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! | |
ATTICS is a mainly psychological disorder but can | |
fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will | |
be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any | |
of these contact this office and forward this notice | |
to all your cyber-sexual contacts! | |
The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these | |
symptoms may be immediate or may remain undetected | |
for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs! | |
KEYBOARD COURAGE: | |
The threatening of another chatter for no logical reason. | |
WOOHOO: | |
The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything | |
that may be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of | |
overactive woohoormones). | |
HOLIDAY INN-hibition: | |
The need to take someone to a private room. | |
P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): | |
Heavy reliance on popups. | |
HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: | |
Inability to read anything that doesn't scroll up. | |
LOSS OF FINGERNAILS. | |
BEDPAN COMPLEX: | |
Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste. | |
CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: | |
The random shouting of obscenities every time the phone | |
rings. | |
RED EYE: Elimiination of any whites from the eye. | |
VIRTUAL SPEED: | |
The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, | |
go pee, and put in a video, before your last comment | |
leaves the screen. | |
SLEEP APATHY: | |
Going without sleep to chat. | |
CYBER ANNOREXIA: | |
Going without food to chat. | |
SYMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: | |
The use of initials instead of words ie.: | |
LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF. | |
NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: | |
The adoption of a nic as a second name. | |
If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free | |
to contact me. | |
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, | |
Dr. Pete O. Fender Internet Board of Disease Control | |
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