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	Stardate: 20200717.1019
	Location: Home office
	Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless
	Audio: Fans, work conf call
	Visual: Vendor parsing web config on shared screen
	Emotional State: End of the week anxiety tapering off.

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	Currently, my work computer is being held hostage for screen
	sharing by one of the vendors and it is going to be awhile so
	I decided to write.

	Almost had a scare with the Alphasmart dana.wireless. The
	battery was exhausted and the device would not power on. I
	had left the dana in a bag and neglected to plug it back in
	when I got home. I charged it some and powered it on, but
	the device was stuck at screen calibration and the
	touch screen was not responsive.

	After a few failed attempts, I went online and searched for a
	fix, but didn't really find one that worked. After a few sessions
	soft and hard resets, touch screen and keyboard mashing, I finally
	the dana to go past the screen calibration and get over to the main
	menu. Whew...it pretty much still works, aside from the touch scre
	but I usually use the keyboard to navigate. The touch screen was f
	before anyways, but it used to respond. Now it doesn't. I just ne
	remember to keep it plugged in to one of my raspberry pis when not
	mobile...which provides enough juice to keep the dana charged and a
	to retain its memories.

	"Existential Dread." I came across this term today on a t-shirt an
	basically sums up what has been tugging at me over the past few mon
	I notice it daily and see that it is still there. I think I have b
	marinating in it. I think that at some level, the whole world has
	marinating in it, whether it be existential dread, existential anxi
	existential angst, existential crises, etc. Whatever flavour.

	"Why does what I do matter?"

	"Why does any of this matter?"

	"Why am I even here doing this thing with the family, with the shel
	in place, with the masks, with the music, with the food, with the
	electronics, with the work, with the computer?"

	"Why do I dump in the gopherz, boost on the mastodon, /me on irc,
	hax0rz da sh3llz script, tune in to dar intarwebenz basement,
	V A P O R da W A V E Z ? "

	"why...? What does it all mean?"

	These type of questions keep manifesting unspoken in my monkey-mind
	lately. I know better than to grasp at them and haven't been, but
	keep ebbing and flowing, not dissapating like I want them to.

	These types of questions don't really have answers for me. I
	have traveled down those roads before and usually leaves me either
	state of analysis paralysis or in full blown depression with still
	answers. Even if I did find answers, so what then?

	So this existential dread and inquiries...I am aware of their
	presense. I know why they are here. I know they can be draining a
	can zap the life out of me. I keep them at bay and at a safe dista

	So I just keep on keeping on. I do the next indicated action. I t
	not to think too much. I try not to take myself or my life
	too seriously. It is probably the best thing for me to do right no
	keep my sanity and to not cause any problems to those around me.

	Again, this is all temporary, as it always is, and will soon come t
	pass like it always does. There is nothing new here, nothing to se
	move along.

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