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Stardate: 20200717.1019 | |
Location: Home office | |
Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless | |
Audio: Fans, work conf call | |
Visual: Vendor parsing web config on shared screen | |
Emotional State: End of the week anxiety tapering off. | |
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Currently, my work computer is being held hostage for screen | |
sharing by one of the vendors and it is going to be awhile so | |
I decided to write. | |
Almost had a scare with the Alphasmart dana.wireless. The | |
battery was exhausted and the device would not power on. I | |
had left the dana in a bag and neglected to plug it back in | |
when I got home. I charged it some and powered it on, but | |
the device was stuck at screen calibration and the | |
touch screen was not responsive. | |
After a few failed attempts, I went online and searched for a | |
fix, but didn't really find one that worked. After a few sessions | |
soft and hard resets, touch screen and keyboard mashing, I finally | |
the dana to go past the screen calibration and get over to the main | |
menu. Whew...it pretty much still works, aside from the touch scre | |
but I usually use the keyboard to navigate. The touch screen was f | |
before anyways, but it used to respond. Now it doesn't. I just ne | |
remember to keep it plugged in to one of my raspberry pis when not | |
mobile...which provides enough juice to keep the dana charged and a | |
to retain its memories. | |
"Existential Dread." I came across this term today on a t-shirt an | |
basically sums up what has been tugging at me over the past few mon | |
I notice it daily and see that it is still there. I think I have b | |
marinating in it. I think that at some level, the whole world has | |
marinating in it, whether it be existential dread, existential anxi | |
existential angst, existential crises, etc. Whatever flavour. | |
"Why does what I do matter?" | |
"Why does any of this matter?" | |
"Why am I even here doing this thing with the family, with the shel | |
in place, with the masks, with the music, with the food, with the | |
electronics, with the work, with the computer?" | |
"Why do I dump in the gopherz, boost on the mastodon, /me on irc, | |
hax0rz da sh3llz script, tune in to dar intarwebenz basement, | |
V A P O R da W A V E Z ? " | |
"why...? What does it all mean?" | |
These type of questions keep manifesting unspoken in my monkey-mind | |
lately. I know better than to grasp at them and haven't been, but | |
keep ebbing and flowing, not dissapating like I want them to. | |
These types of questions don't really have answers for me. I | |
have traveled down those roads before and usually leaves me either | |
state of analysis paralysis or in full blown depression with still | |
answers. Even if I did find answers, so what then? | |
So this existential dread and inquiries...I am aware of their | |
presense. I know why they are here. I know they can be draining a | |
can zap the life out of me. I keep them at bay and at a safe dista | |
So I just keep on keeping on. I do the next indicated action. I t | |
not to think too much. I try not to take myself or my life | |
too seriously. It is probably the best thing for me to do right no | |
keep my sanity and to not cause any problems to those around me. | |
Again, this is all temporary, as it always is, and will soon come t | |
pass like it always does. There is nothing new here, nothing to se | |
move along. | |
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