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iTime travel | |
iNovember 30th, 2017 | |
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i | |
iThis phlog entry is partially a response to cat [0] and partially | |
ia fairly complex and possibly unpopular opinion on time travel. | |
i | |
iI hate the idea of time travel and I pray very hard that it isn't | |
ipossible. I don't mind games or movies about it, but there is | |
inothing quite as horrifying to me in reality. When I say that | |
iI pray about it, I mean that quite literally. It has been the | |
isubject of my prayers on multiple occasions, and has dominated at | |
ileast one silent retreat. | |
i | |
iTo understand my reasoning I need to explain a bit about how | |
iI perceive time and the moments that constitute it: | |
i | |
i In sixth grade I was in a new school in a brand new English | |
i class. English was not a good subject for me, and I was pretty | |
i intimidated. My teacher, Mr. Tucker, put a picture up in the | |
i front of the classroom. It was a fish wearing headphones. He | |
i told the class, "There's a famous saying, 'A picture is worth | |
i a thousand words.' I want you to write a few hundred. For the | |
i next ten minutes write about what this fish is listening to and | |
i why." At that time in my life I really had no clue about music. | |
i I didn't follow any bands. I pretty much listened to whatever my | |
i older sister was playing. I thought really hard and came up with | |
i Poison by Bel Biv DeVoe. There's a section of that song that | |
i I knew some words to, so I started there. The other problem | |
i I was facing was that I was a horribly slow hand-writer. | |
i | |
i The minutes flew by and I hadn't even finished writing the | |
i lyrics to the song when the teacher said stop. I hadn't gotten | |
i to the fish! I had a random section of Poison written out by | |
i hand and that was it. The teacher decided to read a few out-loud | |
i to the class. He picked my paper up first and started to read. | |
i I was mortified as he recited, "Girl it's driving me out of my | |
i mind. That's why it's hard for me to find..." The words ended | |
i and it made no sense at all. | |
i | |
iThat moment was horrifying to me, and I know the rest of the class | |
iforgot it within minutes. It still haunts my memories almost | |
ithirty years later. | |
i | |
iHere's the thing, though. That moment is fixed in time. Nothing | |
ican happen in the world that will ever change that having | |
ihappened. No nuclear bomb can go off, no zealot can preach, no | |
iasteroid can strike which will change the fact that at that point | |
iin time I was being humiliated in front of a classroom of | |
istrangers. | |
i | |
iNow, think about the magical moments. There was a girl I dated in | |
ihigh school who I loved with the passionate love that can only be | |
ifelt by overwhelming hormones and youthful rage. I remember our | |
ifirst time together. I remember the claw marks. That moment can | |
inever, ever be taken away. | |
i | |
iShe's a horrifying shit-show of a person now. I'm honestly amazed | |
ishe's still alive, and I wouldn't want to be within a mile of her | |
ithese days. It's irrelevant, though because I love her with all my | |
iheart and all my soul... in that moment. | |
i | |
iI think of the people who have died and gone. My grandma, close | |
ifriends, so so many lives. They're all still living in that moment | |
iin time and our lives touch. It is a fixed element that I can | |
ialways go back to. I don't need to let today into those moments. | |
iMy friend who took his own life is still with me at summer camp, | |
isneaking into the pool to glue the "buddy tags" to the board. The | |
igirl I was going to ask out in my high school homeroom didn't die | |
ion the way to school when some asshole flipped his car. She is | |
istill sitting next to me smiling in that moment. | |
i | |
iI fucking hate time travel because it is the only concept that | |
icould take those moments from me. The bad ones and the good ones | |
iare mine. They are my treasures and the only safe thing in | |
iexistence. I pray it never comes to pass. | |
i | |
[0] cat - Something about basketball, IDK |