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iDo the Hard Thing | |
iNovember 08th, 2017 | |
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i | |
iI've been thinking about lessons that I want to teach my boy. | |
iBoiling down all my experiences and knowledge to some core | |
iprinciples that I can invest him with to help him in the future is | |
iboth thrilling and overwhelming. On the one hand, I have a lot of | |
ispecific things I've experienced I could steer him on, but I think | |
iit will be difficult to make all the individual stuff stick with | |
ihim. Instead I think it would be best to focus on principles, like | |
iliving a life with the willingness to say "Yes!" to new | |
iopportunites and challenges. That's what led me to the Navy, or to | |
ithe Jesuits, or to live in Alaska. I think it's an important and | |
igenerally helpful attitude to pass on. | |
i | |
iMost recently I was thinking about an idea I learned as a Jesuit | |
inovice called "agere contra". It means to do the opposite. In the | |
icontext of Ignatian spirituality it is making a reference to the | |
itypes of comfort we experience by doing what comes easy and | |
inatural to us. St. Ignatius thought that by avoiding these natural | |
itrappings of "easy" we would be forced to rely on God as we faced | |
ithe unknown scary things and in doing so become closer with Him. | |
i | |
iAs an example, when I started the novitiate, all of the novices | |
iwere taken around the city to the various apostolates where we | |
iwould be spending our "working" time during formation. There were | |
ihospitals, nursing homes, hospice care, schools, food pantries, | |
iand other various charities and social services. Our novice | |
idirector told us to thing about the different places as we | |
iexplored them and to pray on each of them and imagine ourselves | |
iworking there. Only after we had done that did they introduce the | |
iconcept of agere contra. The director said, list for me the top | |
itwo apostolates which are the most intimidating to you, the | |
iscariest, or the most unnatural to your experience and | |
idisposition. What are the last choices you would make. And with | |
ithat in mind, he helped assign us to something hard. | |
i | |
iIn my case that meant I worked in hospice care and elementary | |
ieducation, both of which seemed terrifying. I went on to | |
iexperience some of the most rewarding months of my life. I not | |
ionly broadened my exposure to new things, but I also gained | |
iconfidence in my ability (with God's help) to take on the unknown | |
iand not just survive, but to thrive. | |
i | |
iIn the case of my son, the idea of agere contra might be a little | |
ibit too complex. Maybe it takes a more sophisticated understanding | |
iof the world and yourself to put it into action. But there are | |
iparts I think he can grok even at 5 years old. | |
i | |
iDo the hard thing. | |
i | |
iThat's the heart I'm working on with him now. I think there's more | |
iin that idea than just agere contra, too. As we face increasing | |
ithreats to employment through automation, focusing on doing and | |
ilearning what is hard is a generally safe way of proceeding. In | |
iworking in a group, taking on the hard part will instill a valued | |
isocial skill. Ethically it conditions him to avoid poor choices | |
ithrough laziness. There's so much good that comes from choosing | |
ithe hard path. | |
i | |
iTurning that lesson inward, I stare at my list of hobbies and | |
icringe. I flounder and fail to progress because I am lazy and do | |
iwhichever thing strikes my fancy. I need to be deliberate in my | |
ipractice or study. I need to do the hard things. Lets see what | |
iI can do with that principle and some motivation. | |
i | |