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Children and boundaries | |
2018.05.30 13:32:26 CEST | |
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I've talked about this many times before with my friends, but I | |
don't recall posting it here. Plus we had an experience this past | |
Saturday which I'm still meditating on. | |
The common practice here when educating children is "let them | |
negotiate their boundaries among themselves". In other words, if you | |
see two kids discussing, pushing each other or playing rough, don't | |
interfere. If the outcome displeases one of them, the parent will | |
tell him/her it's up to them to impose their will in a stronger | |
manner. Another example, if a child is pushing my son, the | |
expectation is that my son pushes back and not come to me for | |
assistance. | |
As a parent raised in a different culture, it's been hard to control | |
myself and not interfere, but I believe I'm doing well so far. I | |
also understand the arguments in favor of this approach: it teaches | |
children to be independent, to solve their own problems and take | |
matters into their own hands. | |
On the other hand, I keep getting frustrated at other parents. For | |
example, this past Saturday a boy in the park was throwing stones at | |
other children. None of the victims' parents said anything, again | |
the expectation is for the children being hit to push back and | |
complain to the boy, which they did and the boy just picked another | |
target. He did this for a good 20 minutes and I exchanged looks with | |
other parents, so we all understood the repeating pattern. My | |
frustration? The boy's parents did nothing. Nothing. | |
If one of my sons push, hit or hurt another child, I expect the | |
other child to complain, but I'm also going to educate him and | |
punish if applicable. I feel it's my responsibility to educate him. | |
Is it too much to expect other parents to be as responsible? | |
Apparently so. | |
Next question: should I have escalated the issue to the boy's | |
parents? I'm thinking about doing so, but am preparing myself to | |
get the "you're a foreigner and don't understand our local | |
culture" look. |