It's St. Patty's Day, which was always a special day in my family when
I was a kid. My adoptive dad is Irish and Catholic, so it was a big
deal.
For me, though, it's not much of a holiday. I'm an alcoholic who has
been sober since 1999, and as mostly a drinking holiday, it just
doesn't have much more to offer me. Perhaps I'll go out and get some
beer-battered onion rings.
My depression is getting worse, and that is partly situational. I had
a chat with my psychologist a couple days ago, and things do not seem
to be getting better. The dissociative identity disorder seems to be
held at bay, but there is this uncercurrent, and EVIL undercurrent,
pushing me to be homeless. On the surface, in my normal self (what's
left of it), I don't want to be homeless. Underneath, though, this is
the driving force, or so it seems, behind my three amigos. They want
me separated from society, anti-social, and no longer participating in
"the system" that they see as evil.
Because of the way this is affecting my ability to concentrate and
perform work, my doctor and I have decided that I need to start the
paperwork for becoming disabled. And that pleases the three amigos to
no end, because that's the beginning of homelessness, or at least I
think that's the way they see it.
