My psychologist appointments have shown promise in the last few weeks,
and I was surprised today that we really got into some nitty gritty
stuff, including what appears to be an updated diagnosis.
I'm reticent to reveal too much about my personal life, but I think
that bridge has already been crossed on this forum some time ago, so
I'll go right ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently, under stress of childhood trauma, I dissociated a
completely different person, which is partly due to dissociative
identity disorder, but since they dissociated into a person with whom
I can communicate, it appears to be concomitant with schizophrenia.
Interestingly, the "inner child" identity, which did dissociate, did
so much later. The doctor thought that he (the inner child) should
have dissociated earlier. Yet, of the three, he was the last to
appear. His name is Marcus. Jeffrey dissociated first, and he is in a
more parental role. This is perhaps because of family fragmentation
(both parents were distant for different reasons, and all kids, myself
included, were adopted).
Jonathan came on the scene due to stress over lack of purpose, and
this happened while I was in college. The timing was about right on
that one.
My adopted father, with whom I grew up, was not mentally well. He had
difficulty connecting to us kids. In fact, he had difficulty
connecting with anyone, as far as I can tell. My birth father was
likely also mentally unwell, and died of drug and alcohol abuse in
prison.
Now that we have an updated diagnosis, the real fun begins. The
doctors (one psychologist, two of her supervisors, and one
psychiatrist) have all agreed that I should NOT, under any
circumstances, stop or lower my medication unless I am under 24 hour
supervision. So, I will remain on my medication, which I think is good
because it seems to be working. Or helping, at least.
However, part of the therapy is going to involve communication with
the three amigos, and while I'm on medication, they don't talk, either
as a result of the medication doing its job, or as punishment for me
taking the medication (see how complicated things get?).
I have suggested a work-around. This is based on my observation of the
three since I started medication. They still gesture, give me dirty
looks, and I get the finger a few times from one of them. So,
communication is possible, but it's going to be rudimentary.
Jeffrey will have nothing to do with any kind of therapy. Marcus has
been willing to accompany me to the sessions, but remains in the
waiting room. I have convinced Jonathan to accompany me to a session
(inside the room with the doctor) under the guise of him acting as a
spy of sorts, to bring back information about the sessions to Jeffrey.
This could backfire, but I think it's a step in the right direction.
I've also convinced Marcus to join us, if Jonathan is there.
And, since I have a medical "procedure" (operation) next month
throwing my schedule into chaos, I'll be doing all of this with the
psychologist next Tuesday, one week from today. Sooner than I
expected. It should prove to be interesting. More to follow...
