In an effort to keep you up to date with things, I thought it would be
good of me to explain that I am not going to be taken off of my
medication for any period of time, at least not in the near future.
In light of the impossibility of making progress without conversation
with the Three Amigos, I decided to do some bargaining. Jeffrey, the
one who likely has memories of early childhood trauma that I don't
have, refuses to take part in anything. And, of course, that is likely
a protection measure, so I empathize. After all, I'm the one being
protected, even if the protection may be causing more harm than good.
We're not sure about that yet, but I'm willing to extend the
possibility that this is all for the better.
In the meantime, I HAVE been able to get Jonathan to participate,
though he still refuses to talk. We can still communicate via
gestures. I know this is possible because I am given "the finger"
daily by Jeffrey :)
Additionally, I verbally proposed that Jonathan join me in this coming
week's group, and he nodded. Marcus, who usually does accompany me to
the office but remains in the lobby, has also agreed to come into the
room with my psychologist. This will be the first time with four of us
in there. And of course, when I say four of us, I mean just two of us,
because the other two... you know... aren't real.
Also, I have a regular doctor visit in the morning about my wrist,
which still hasn't healed, but that's another topic.
What do I think will happen? I really don't know. My guess is that
Jonathan doesn't remember much to be helpful. I was introduced to him
when I was in college, so if he is a manifestation of a fragmentation
attempt on my part, then it will be interesting to see if he remembers
what may have caused that fragmentation. He likely won't remember much
from any time before that.
Marcus will be the least helpful in terms of memory, but I believe his
feelings and emotions tie into my feelings and emotions when I was
very young. Part of me longs for his innocence.
And, of course, this will all happen on the day before the Fourth of
July, which is a holiday here. So, there may be memories of those
holidays of past as well. Marcus likes to point at things in the
grocery store that relate to holidays, and sometimes things I remember
from the past. The other day, he seemed to be asking me about Bosco
syrup. Haven't seen that in years, but I do have fond memories of it.
He's much too young to remember it, so his memories are melded with
mine, it seems. And that makes sense from the big picture view.
