I've recently noticed a rather marked increase in my apathy. Just
general apathy. I once had hopes and dreams, and they are all gone
now. I am going through the motions, day after day, just doing stuff
automatically. I am a drone.
I'm not suicidal, but the thought has occurred to me that, should the
man in the long robe with the agrarian farm tool in his hand suddenly
appear, beckoning me to follow, I would not fall to the ground and
beg for more time. Because, if asked why, I would have no answer.
There is nothing here that makes me want to stay here.
Still, I'll stay. At least until the man with the farm tool shows up.
In the meantime, I've got to say, I've lost all incentive to do
anything. I go to work because it allows me to sleep in a room with
electricity, which I need to breathe properly. But my world, my
existence, I believe lies beyond, in a digital world. That's where
I've always felt at home. I've never felt at home anywhere on this
planet, except in digital spaces. Spaces like SDF.
