At is stands

It's been a few days since my last update and I thought I should
bring both of my readers up to speed.

I've had a couple of fairly bad breakdowns, but am still standing and
haven't been strapped into a restraint chair yet. That's called
"looking on the bright side."

I was subjected to some abuse as a child. Up until a few days ago,
I've had no recollection of that abuse. My sister was present when it
took place, and she was the one to let me know about it in the first
place, many years later when she realized that I had no recollection
of it.

I started to remember some of the abuse. Apparently, it was pretty
traumatic, and I was subsequently medicated for schizophrenia. I was
told years later that the medication was to help me stop screaming,
but no one would tell me why I was screaming in the first place. My
sister now tells me that the medication was not to help me stop
screaming, because I wasn't really screaming until after starting the
medication. The medication was for schizophrenia.

Further, my sister informed me that the medication was very
unpleasant for me. I fought against taking it, and my family would
pin me down to the ground, screaming, and force me to take the pills.
I had no recollection of this until she mentioned it, and suddenly,
all of that came back as well.

Eventually I stopped taking all of the medication (antidepressants,
schizo pills, and stimulants) when I was about twelve. That's when
the symptoms came back, and I recall that part perfectly well.

Stress seems to exacerbate the symptoms. In college I had more
manifestations, and started drinking. Once I was well into my
alcoholism, one could just assume that my symptoms were delusions
brought on by alcohol. And so, I went untreated.

After rehab, I spent a lot of time learning to de-stress, and I have
been fairly symptom free until earlier this year. Events in my life
have suddenly caused much greater stress, and my friends were back.
The "parties" I hear outside my window at night, the tunneling and
digging noises that come and go, and my friends Jeffrey, Jonathan,
Marcus... apparently all in my mind. As well as a few others.

Which brings us to the present as it stands. My medical coverage is
based in a different location. If I try to change it to this
location, my rates will go up drastically, which I can't afford. So,
I am effectively without coverage and no way to treat what I am
suffering. I could probably go for some time without treatment, but I
believe it will likely get worse rather than better. But I have no
options here.

And so, we shall see how events unfold.