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i[<<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><< null.host 1
i[=x-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x= null.host 1
i null.host 1
iStardate: 20190512.1257 null.host 1
iLocation: Family Room null.host 1
iInput Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless null.host 1
iSoftware: AlphaWord null.host 1
iAudio: Dryer null.host 1
iVisual: Nothing in particlar null.host 1
iEmotional State: Slothful null.host 1
i null.host 1
i[=x-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x= null.host 1
i null.host 1
iI've been in a weird in between, inner conflict kinda state null.host 1
ilately. It feels like I have 2 parts of me that keeps null.host 1
ifighting each other. I have the one side, the responsible null.host 1
iadult person who does things that adults do, like pay null.host 1
ibills, shows up to work, attends to his yard and his null.host 1
ifamily...and there is the rebellious teenager in me, who null.host 1
idoesn't want to be told what to do, wants to be lazy and make null.host 1
ia mess, wants to be irresponsible, and says, "fuck you," null.host 1
ito authority and to the world. That rebellious teenager null.host 1
iseems to have come to the forefront lately.. null.host 1
i null.host 1
iLately, I have had some responsibilities to attend to that null.host 1
irequire the presense of my adult self, but my rebellious null.host 1
iteenager is not having any of that. My adult self is too worn null.host 1
iout to deal with fighting the teen and is not doing anything null.host 1
iabout him. He just waits until the teen is done with his null.host 1
itantrum and cares enough about him to let him get his needs null.host 1
imet. So the adult just waits and rests until the teen is done. null.host 1
i null.host 1
iIn the meantime, stuff is not getting done in a timely null.host 1
ifashion and the adult in me is feeling like a flake, with a null.host 1
ihole being dug deeper and deeper while the teen makes a mess null.host 1
iof things. I hope he goes away soon, because it's getting null.host 1
iold and he has made quite the mess this time. null.host 1
i null.host 1
iI am aware that this is something that stems from the null.host 1
iwreckage of my past and that this will pass in its own time. null.host 1
iIt is time to yield and and let him do his thing. I'm not null.host 1
isure if other people have this kind of inner conflict or null.host 1
iwhat they do to deal with it. For me, this conflict seems to null.host 1
ibe a cyclical thing and manifests when the conditions are null.host 1
iripe. Right now, it just feels appropriate to observe and null.host 1
ilet it pass. Not sure how long that is going to be null.host 1
iand it should be of no concern. null.host 1
i null.host 1
iIt would probably be best to try and keep myself in the now. null.host 1
iRegret and fear seems to live in the past and in the future. null.host 1
iThose places are not fun to dwell in. So I will be present null.host 1
iin the sacred now and practice my guitar for a bit and null.host 1
iwhatever happens after that happens. I am not going there null.host 1
iright now. null.host 1
i null.host 1
i[=x-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x=-=x= null.host 1
