Well, switching to night shift has been an adventure. And by "adventure" I mean I've lost countless hours of sleep, had more than a few anxiety attacks,
and ended up having to go to a doctor. The first week was the hardest, as I was only given a few days to adjust before work. I'm not talking about a
regular night shift from 8pm-5am. That would be easy. Mine starts at 11pm and goes until 9am, and I truly believe it's those last three hours that have
horrendously fucked my sleep.
During the first week I ended up getting very little sleep over a period of 3 days and started to have ocular hallucinations, like shadows and dark lines
in my vision. Then the exhaustion made my anxiety gear up to 11. So I would attempt to go to bed in my blacked-out bedroom, and I would have this fear
that I wouldn't get any sleep for my shift the next night, and it would turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don't let anyone underestimate the effect
stress and the mind can have on the body.
When it got to the tipping point I ended up seeing a random doctor (mine was booked) for a virtual visit, and they said they would prescribe me something
to help me sleep. Turned out it wasn't so much a sleep aid as a gnarly antidepressant known to cause drowsiness and I'm not going to mess with that when I
was already on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
I'm into week 4 now and I'm still not sleeping wonderfully. Some days are better than others. I've found that sometimes melatonin or benadryl can help,
but it's easy to build up a tolerance to the latter. It's much easier to sleep on days when I don't have to worry about work.
On Friday I was working and realized I couldn't read text on my monitor. I kept trying to enlarge the text but everything was getting progressively
worse, and then it hit me that I was starting to have a migraine. I have a history of ocular migraines with an aura, where you have temporary
blurred/tunnel vision for about 15 minutes before the headache hits. Thankfully, my headaches are usually very mild, but the lack of sight is always
jarring. I hadn't had one in more than a year and a half. My guess is the stress, lack of sleep, or antihistamine usage contributed. I managed to work
through it.
On top of everything else, the owner of the house where I have an apartment has indicated they want to sell their property so that has contributed to the
stress. I've had a great and affordable rental agreement for years, and it looks like that will soon be coming to an end. I knew it would happen
eventually, but this just seems like the worst time to worry about housing.
It's been a fucking week.
On a positive note I've started going to retro, adult skate nights at a roller rink in town for my "morning exercise" and it's been a much-needed
outlet for my mental sanity. I used to skate a lot as a kid, especially when I had a summer pass when school was out. Skating nowadays--as Covid
restrictions are being lifted--while listening to bands like New Order or Missy Elliot has been a trip. I also enjoy taking walks at 5am.
If I could stop being so neurotic my life would be so much easier. But it's good for the security profession, I guess?
