===== 2025-05-13 =====
===== Happiness: Shared vs Private =====
I've been wanting to write this one for a while now. I saw a
comment the other day on the subject of Minecraft, and
singleplayer versus multiplayer experiences. The comment quoted
Christopher McCandless, and read: "Happiness is only true when
shared." The comment got a lot of positive reception, and upon
looking it up I see an endless stream of praise for how true and
profound it is, and see many articles examining the phrase and
sentiment to show just how much the authors want to spread this
powerful message.
While I think I get where they're coming from, I disagree pretty
emphatically with the statement. Sure, some happiness can come
from experiences that are shared with others, or happiness can
potentially be added to when an experience is shared. On the other
hand, it seems pretty self-destructive to limit oneself to only
accepting that one's happiness can be "true" if someone else is
involved, doesn't it? Why limit yourself? Why subscribe to the
limitation that you can't experience happiness without someone
else to share it with?
There are many happy memories I have involving my wife, my kids,
my pets, my extended family, my friends, internet strangers, all
that kind of thing - absolutely. I get it. But I also have quite a
lot of happy memories from experiences that I consider mine alone.
They feel like part of their value comes from the fact that they
were private and intimate moments that resonated with me
specifically. Is this selfish? Am I greedily keeping these happy
experiences and memories to myself, and delighting in the fact
that I have them while others do not? I don't think so. They're
just powerful moments that I feel were powerful specifically
because I am who am I as a unique individual. I've always kind of
assumed everyone (hopefully) has their own collection of more
personal happy moments, and things that make them happy without
requiring the presence or acknowledgment of others.
To the original topic in which I saw the comment: Minecraft
worlds. My kids and I have a shared world we've had for many years
that I love dearly. There's also a community server we're a part
of that we're all very fond of and have made great memories on. I
love these worlds because of the shared experiences and memories
that have occurred on them. At the same time, I also have a
private singleplayer world that I've never let anyone else into,
where I've also had profoundly happy experiences. I've considered
opening it up a time or two just on the local LAN to have my kids
come visit and check things out, but somehow that just feels like
it would be spoiling what that specific world is for. This one is
meant for me alone.
I really think there's a lot of value that can be found in
private, solitary moments, and that these don't need to be shared
with anyone else to make them "truly happy" or validated as "real"
happy experiences.
I don't know, man. It just feels really bizarre and self-limiting
(and patronizing, to be frank) to put some kind of hard rule or
requirement on "true" happiness. I'm probably over-analyzing it
and mistaking the meaning - it probably just meant that sure,
yeah, some moments can be made even better when shared with
others, especially loved ones. But as a general blanket statement
it just bugged me.
P.S. I can't do so much pondering about "happiness" without
thinking of this The Oatmeal comic on the subject, which I've
always loved:
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy
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