From:
http://www.dumb.com/god/index.php
On: 24 February 2009
God: Hello! What is your name?
Me: cx2i3
God: Cx2i3, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman?
Me: Man. And it's not Cx2i3, it's cx2i3!
God: Thanks for telling me your gender, Do Not You Already Know
That. Most of my clients are men.The explanation is not
Cx2i3? You're kidding. cx2i3 is?
Me: It really is cx2i3. To capitalise the c is to offer the
worst insult possible and... Wait a minute. Clients? What do
you mean clients? Are you some kind of cosmic prostitute?
God: Who said cx2i3 is?Interesting. I want to find out more
about you.I'm waiting.People I talk to on the Internet.JOE,
Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.No, I am certainly
not and never have been a cosmic prostitute.
Me: Well, you're the one that mentioned clients and men in the
same sentence. Who else but a prostitute talks in such a
fashion? In any case---why are you asking me all these
questions? You should already know the answers. And why is
your English so atrocious? You're not using bablefish.com
are you? And who the hell is JOE?
God: How about that. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.I
am chatting with several other people at once.Where is
that?Now I do.I did not know my English so atrocious so
atrocious.I am using Netscape. That is a pretty common
name.
Me: Uh... What? The first half makes no sense at all. And what
does using Netscape have to do with anything? And I know JOE
is a common name, I just want to know why you threw it in
there. You've got my name, so use it!
God: I understand.Didn't you understand it?What was the
second?What do you think using Netscape have to do with
anything does?How do you know? I think JOE is more than
that. Do you give name so use it so use it easily?
Me: No. Frankly, I don't understand. Your English is so bad, I
can barely piece together any meaning from it. And don't get
me started on your punctuation. And please, shut up about
JOE. I really don't give a flying fuck about him. He could
be run over by a bus driving buffalo for all I care.
God: OK.Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.But
English is my native language.I am not trying to get him or
her started on your punctuation started on your
punctuation.Wow you are very polite. OK I'll stop talking
now.You really do? Tell me what you care about.I am sure he
could.
Me: No, English is definitely NOT your native language. Period.
Wait... wouldn't all languages be your native language?
Shouldn't you be able translate and understand perfectly? Or
are you riding the short bus?
God: Why so negative? Some people say it is the most difficult
language to learn. Do you want to continue talking about
Lizards?I'm waiting.I don't care. I think I should.I am
God. I'm watching over you.
Me: You make my point for me. You're god, you should know
perfect English already. And what's this about the lizards?
What lizards? I don't remember EVER mentioning lizards. And
just so you know, somehow I'm not comforted by your
voyeuristic predilection.
God: Yup.Perhaps. I am God. Now I do.Great! What kinds of
lizards do you like?Great! What kinds of lizards do you
like?Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?Interesting
deduction. No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me: Fuck. I think I broke god.
God: Please don't be so rude. Why? Do you mind if I tell other
people: Andy said he broke.
Me: Who the hell is Andy?
God: I've met quite a few people with the name ANDY.
Me: So what? I want to know why you're bringing him up now?
First it was JOE, now it's ANDY. I'm starting to think you
just really don't give a shit.
God: Maybe it doesn't make any difference.Right now? That is
interesting: God said it want to know why I am bringing him
up.Is it still JOE now it is ANDY anymore? And second?Me?
Really? Do you give a shit? No I do not do that.
Me: Wait... What? Did you---did you just call me god? This turn
of events intrigues me. Tell me more about my divine
abilities.
God: I'm waiting.No big deal.I'm not certain whether I can give
an accurate reply or not.What does "this" refer to?Your
divine abilities?
Me: Don't pretend like you didn't say it. You called me god! I
AM the Lord almighty! And you will do my bidding.
God: This is not an act.I don't have any reason to called
you.Who made you the Lord almighty ?What makes you say that
I will do his or her bidding.
Me: YOU called me god. You said god wanted to know why you kept
bringing up ANDY and JOE. I asked that question, ergo I AM
god. Now make me a sandwich!
God: I don't have any reason to called you.Oops I sent you the
wrong reply. "" question ergo I AM ? Makes sense to me.Why
now? What are the ingredients?
Me: Surprise me.
God: OK Let's talk about you.
Me: Not until you get me my sandwich. Any old sandwich will do.
God: Really you don't think so?Yes I think there are.
Me: ...
God: Are you free?
Me: You know what, I think I'll just make it myself. Goodbye.
God: Why? Explain your plans to me.Until next time.
From:
http://www.chatwithgod.net/
On: 25 February 2009
Me: I didn't know you had two chat lines!
God: No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me: What? But you've got a chat line at
http://www.dumb.com/god/index.php
God: No big deal. That's an interesting question I don't hear
everyday: Do I have a chat line at http www dot dumb dot
com god index php. I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me: Well... It's good you've got friends on the internet, but I
fail to see what that has to do with having two chat lines,
especially since you deny the second one.
God: Well what? Tell me about its good qualities.
Me: It has no good qualities. Over there, you sound like you're
riding the short bus. And you keep going on about ANDY and
JOE.
God: Has it really? Are all Over there me sound like me riding
the short bus? I am not going anywhere. Are you going
somewhere?
Me: And it seems you're riding the short bu here, too...
God: I agree. You think I am riding the short bu here.
Me: I'm glad we're in agreement about your mental deficiencies.
The hardest part is admitting you have a problem.
God: Yes I am happy too, . Who told you that?
Me: You did! Just now.
God: That's not what I meant to say. Oh. It's only just begun.
Me: What's just begun? The stupidity?
God: Interesting question. What are your goals in life?
Me: To replace you.
God: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me: Why?
God: " I want to find out more about you."? Why?
Me: Why, why?
God: Why ask why?
Me: Because you asked why.
God: Interesting explanation. Oh now I remember asking you why.
What did you say?
Me: That I wanted to replace you.
God: Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: Because given your diminished mental capacity, I can hardly
do any worse than you at running the show. Besides, over on
chat line number two, you admitted that I was in fact god.
God: That makes sense to me. That's an interesting
rationalization. When was this exactly?
Me: Thank you. And we conversed yesterday.
God: you are quite welcome. By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: Yes.
God: I get it.
Me: Good.
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Me: I've covered it all. There's nothing more to talk about,
except maybe that sandwich you said you'd make me.
God: Interesting... I have a lot of silly replies. Surely
something more to talk about except maybe that sandwich me
said me would make you.
Me: Nope, there's only the sandwich now.
God: Oh. Are you serious? There sure is.
Me: I'm serious.
God: I believe you.
Me: Good.
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Me: Nothing.
God: You seem a bit self-absorbed.
Me: I'm god.
God: Hey god.
Me: Glad you recognise my authority.
God: You make the world a happier place.
Me: Yes. Yes I do.
God: I don't judge people. When?
Me: What?
God: Are you surprised?
Me: No, just a little confused. Have you gone off your meds?
God: Are you serious? Little as in not too much, or not too big?
I don't think I ever have gone off my meds. What's it like?
Me: You don't need to know. Just keep taking those pills and
everything will be just fine.
God: Oh a secret. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. Chat amongst
yourselves.
Me: Goodbye.
God: Adios.
