I am quite glad I still have a week or so of holiday. It struck
me that I have been on a possible edge of a breakdown for almost
half a year. Not that this is news, but I am more sensitive to it
now so it is more vivid to me. More pain is allowed recognition.
That is a good thing. If there is a problem it is the lack of
meaningfull routine.
There are some philosophical traps set up for us. One of them is
the Nihilistic Realism that is so easy to slip into when looking
at yourself from the 3rd person view. I am not in that trap, I
solved it for myself a long time ago by letting myself see my life
through the mythic self-constructivist perspective. But this
view has it's own traps. Maybe the biggest being the false idea
of a story being completed. A hero's journey is always written
with the curtain coming down after the protagonist's victory.
In life there is no ultimate victory, or if there is, it doesn't
happen in the end.
The longing for a victory, or of even a definite completion,
victory or not, is strong.
