I don't expect I will have too many interesting things to say here.
Selfishly, it is an inspiration to journal regularly, thinking that it
could be for some purpose other than my own reading.
I found out while on vacation in France.
I had a feeling days before that it would happen soon. I made the decision
that if it did, then I would stay in France.
The funeral is on Sunday.
I regret that I won't be there, but I also don't regret it.
My father had 5 children, with 3 different wives.
We are each burying a different father.
I may not be the only child convinced that only I know who we are burying.
Still, I think I am the only one.
He was a mirror to me, that I did not like to see.
And yet, I do not have the ability to be completely unlike him.
And that is why I hated the mirror, yet I did love him dearly as he was,
even though he was never what I wanted him to be.
I hope it is just my imagination - it would have been easier for us if he
were truely bad, because if he wasn't, he must have suffered, and life
wasn't so difficult for him.
But I know he wasn't, and I know how much he suffered in life.
And I don't think anyone else does.
I hope he took comfort knowing that I also existed, and that I also have
suffered in the same manner, because other than myself, he would have felt
very alone.
