[1]Surprisingly Relevant Rules From 1882 on Being a Good Houseguest
(and Host):
Editor's note: The following is an excerpt from Our Deportment by
John H. Young, an etiquette manual published in 1882.
Some of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from
one's own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here
given and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.
General Invitations
No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do
come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness
and cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date
should be definitely fixed and the length of time stated.
A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be
surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His
friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full,
or they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and
other causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected
arrival.
It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom
of giving general invitations, which really means nothing, and be
scrupulous to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a
given period.
Limit of a Prolonged Visit
If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to
limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of
intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have
come to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after
arrival, so that the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation
of the stay if they desire it, or so that they can make their
arrangements in accordance. One never likes to ask of a guest, "How
long do you intend to remain?" yet it is often most desirable to
know.
True Hospitality
Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and
rooms, and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have
nothing better to give them.
Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging
them in empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant
as possible, at the same time being careful to put out of sight any
trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause you.
Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the
amusement and entertainment of your guests.
Duties of the Visitor
On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as
possible to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him.
He should never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor
should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.
It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in
the morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of
his own, without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host
or hostess; for it is undeniable that these have certain duties
which must be attended to at this portion of the day, in order to
leave the balance of the time free for the entertainment of their
guests.
If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the
knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and
deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of
them first.
The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their
guests as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should
act is to interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine
of the house.
On the other hand, it shows the worst of breeding for a visitor to
seclude himself from the family and seek his own amusements and
occupations regardless of their desire to join in them or entertain
him.
You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you
are visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you
should acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your
best to seem pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.
If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends,
while partaking of their hospitality, it never should be mentioned,
either while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of
what redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be
mutual between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either
may be commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over
their faults.
Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same
time never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble
which your visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your
friends incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to
themselves.
Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress
or toilet around.
Forbearance With Children
A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of
the children in the household where visiting, and should put up with
any of their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable
actions on their part.
Treatment of a Host's Friends
If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of
the friends of your host or hostess.
If you do not care to be intimate with them, you must be careful not
to show a dislike for them, or that you wish to avoid them. You must
be exceedingly polite and agreeable to them, avoiding any special
familiarity, and keep them at a distance without hurting their
feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that you do not like
any of their friends.
Leave-Taking
Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your
visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and
inform your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating
your thanks.
A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a
friend agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is
consistent with his own plans, and at the same time convenient to
themselves. But when the time for departure has been fully fixed
upon, no obstacles should be placed in the way of leave-taking. Help
him in every possible way to depart, at the same time giving him a
cordial invitation to renew the visit at some future period.
"Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest," expresses the true
spirit of hospitality.
The post [2]Surprisingly Relevant Rules From 1882 on Being a Good
Houseguest (and Host) appeared first on [3]The Art of Manliness.
(Via [4]The Art of Manliness)
I wonder how universal these are? Regardless, I like these reminders of
politeness and courtesy.
Also on:
[5]Twitter
__________________________________________________________________
My original entry is here: [6]Surprisingly Relevant Rules From 1882 on
Being a Good Houseguest (and Host). It posted Fri, 23 Nov 2018 02:46:16
+0000.
Filed under: culture,
References
1.
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheArtOfManliness/~3/Z-vr06CupjE/
2.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/surprisingly-relevant-rules-from-1882-on-being-a-good-houseguest-and-host/
3.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/
4.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/
5.
https://twitter.com/prjorgensen/status/1065799634377981953
6.
https://www.prjorgensen.com/?p=2362
