I flipped the fuck out at work the other day. Palm-strike smashed a panel of
glass and threw two others onto the concrete floor. Nothing happened.
Supervisor didn't say anything; no disciplinary actions; no show of concern
for my well-being.
A co-worker *did* show concern for my well-being so I guess somebody cares.
Apparently nobody notices when I'm nice and/or in a good mood, but when I get
pissed off and throw a tantrum, oh, well, suddenly I exist. I asked somebody
about this. Her response was, "...you kept swatting me away." She obviously
(obvious to me) had it BACKASSWARDS -- I only ever "swat people away" AFTER
being ignored and deemed insignificant for so long. So that proved my point.
Nobody noticed when I was nice.
I calmed down soon after that shift, after getting some groceries to keep
busy. I decided to carry on and shove Vader in the Vault. But he will return.
Today, he returned, albeit in a more subtle manner. I signed up for a dating
app two weeks ago, and it amounts to nothing. I have "liked" many people and
started chats with three -- no responses. I continue to lie down
doing nothing because I can't focus on anything and have no motivation to do
so. As Dr. Laurie Santos stated more than once, "Emotional pain is just as
bad as a physical wound. You need support to heal." You figured out by now
that I have no support, and that's the problem. I just have to "deal with it"
like all males are supposed to. Not sure where this is going...
