Here it is everything I said, everything she said. so shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone. Nothing has been altered or left out.


[20:14] ZombieGirl: hi
[20:15] ZombieGirl: i tried calling, but you didnt answer. i kinda thought you might not feel like talking, but i wasnt sure
[20:17] ZombieGirl: im really for today and crying and everything. i dont want to lose you and it would kill me if i did. i know its random, but i know how you said you needed to think about things and in a way, i feel like i should tell you how i feel...even though i kinda did a little bit today
[20:17] ZombieGirl: im really sorry* ^^
[20:18] ZombieGirl: i know i stress a lot and you know why and im glad you understand, but today when you told me that i havent given myself a chance to see if theres anyone better than you, i was thinking that there isnt anyone better than you or anyone close to how wonderful you are
[20:20] ZombieGirl: and i really love you and i want to be with you in the future too and i want to be able to do that. im sorry for talking so much lol i should let you go
[20:20] ZombieGirl: but i love you
[20:20] ZombieGirl: night
[22:52] ZombieGirl:  Today, my 5 year old nephew Conversation started between TaK1138 and ZombieGirl: Sun, Mar  01 15:37:46 2009
[15:37] TaK1138: hey
[15:37] ZombieGirl: hi
[15:38] TaK1138: i love you
[15:38] ZombieGirl: i love you too
[15:39] TaK1138: i miss you
[15:39] ZombieGirl: you have no idea how much i miss you too
[15:41] TaK1138: I 'm sorry
[15:41] TaK1138: you don't deserve this...
[15:42] TaK1138: you were too good to me
[15:42] ZombieGirl: you were good to me too...
[15:42] TaK1138: hardley
[15:43] ZombieGirl: no, you were. you did so many endearing and sweet things, it made me love you even more...
[15:44] ZombieGirl: there were so many moments when i was so sure that it was perfect...even if i wasnt and you werent perfect...but that we fit so well
[15:44] ZombieGirl: but i know you didnt want to hurt me
[15:44] TaK1138: i keep trying to fix things... it keeps getting worse
[15:44] ZombieGirl: what are you trying to do?
[15:45] TaK1138: I'm just trying to make it out alive.....
[15:46] ZombieGirl: i know....i am too. its just so hard
[15:46] TaK1138: i bet your family hates me
[15:47] ZombieGirl: no, they dont...they're just surprised and kind of disappointed...but i know people makes mistakes
[15:48] TaK1138: can we clear the air, so everyone knows what happend so all the emotions twords me can be properly allocated?
[15:48] ZombieGirl: yeah, i always wanted to do that but you didnt tell me...so i thought you were not wanting to
[15:49] TaK1138: ask me..
[15:49] ZombieGirl: ok....well i have a lot of questions...but i guess the biggest two i have are...why would you let her do anything and how far did she take it before you said there couldnt be anything between you guys....
[15:53] TaK1138: sometimes its hard to see that anything is going on.. until its too late. And all that happend is that we hung out a couple times, almost always with plenty of other ppl, thats why it seemed like everyone knew. One day charles pulled me ontop of him and she climed on top, then jamie and maybe one other person, that is what cassie and kimi saw. it was harmless
[15:53] ZombieGirl: but...i heard from other people that she said you gave her permission to sit on your lap and she cuddled with you
[15:53] ZombieGirl: and that someone saw you two kissing...but just once
[15:54] ZombieGirl: idk what to believe from them, so i tried not to accuse you
[15:55] TaK1138: idk, it must have been a mistake, like i said we were pretty much always with ppl,.
[15:55] ZombieGirl: what must have been a mistake?
[15:56] TaK1138: who said this things maybe i can tell you why they would say that?
[15:56] ZombieGirl: aaron
[15:56] ZombieGirl: short haired aaron
[15:56] TaK1138: see, the thing is idk when we were even around him
[15:57] ZombieGirl: he said he was smoking a cigarrette and you two were outside when it happened
[15:57] ZombieGirl: and that he was so surprised
[15:57] ZombieGirl: but cassie said that she saw her all over you
[15:57] ZombieGirl: and im not sure why you'd give another girl your number anyway
[15:57] ZombieGirl: and why you'd hang out with another girl
[15:57] ZombieGirl: and hide her identity from me
[15:58] ZombieGirl: when all i did was ask who you were texting all valentines day
[15:59] TaK1138: i gave her my number because we are friends, I have also givin my number to jamie, regean, cassie, charles, dustin, and probably other ppl i can't even think of..
[15:59] ZombieGirl: well i dont like that she had it and you wouldnt stop texting her when you didnt text me that much at all
[15:59] ZombieGirl: and you were with me, so you shouldnt have been
[16:00] ZombieGirl: i felt kinda ignored because you were so attached to that phone when she was texting you
[16:00] ZombieGirl: and why did you hide her from me?
[16:00] ZombieGirl: that made it suspicious
[16:01] TaK1138: i told you she was having guy problems, so there was a lot being said. And i didn't tell you because you get really jelouse
[16:01] ZombieGirl: well you never hide anyone from me
[16:01] ZombieGirl: and then you wouldnt tell me you had to talk to her about not being together...
[16:01] ZombieGirl: and that you even met someone like her
[16:01] ZombieGirl: its all bad
[16:02] TaK1138: we have known each other sence last spring term,
[16:02] TaK1138: so there was nothing to tell you about meeting her
[16:03] ZombieGirl: well you should've said you gave your number out and not hid her from me. and when i told you to tell her you were with your gf on valentines day, that you could talk later, you told me no because its rude to her
[16:03] ZombieGirl: but what about me?
[16:03] ZombieGirl: that bothered me so much
[16:03] ZombieGirl: i should've had priority
[16:04] ZombieGirl: and i'd like to know about her being aggressive
[16:04] ZombieGirl: because i never let you get that out on tuesday
[16:04] ZombieGirl: but you had started
[16:04] TaK1138: im not going to tell you every person i give my number out to, that is so controlling I hate that. you have been trying to control the femails i talk to our entire relation ship
[16:04] ZombieGirl: no i havent
[16:04] ZombieGirl: not l'keisha
[16:04] ZombieGirl: not cassie
[16:04] TaK1138: I'm not going to let you do that to me
[16:05] ZombieGirl: but you couldnt even put down your dumb phone for me on valentines day!
[16:05] ZombieGirl: that was wrong
[16:05] ZombieGirl: and you couldnt tell me she was being aggressive to you
[16:05] ZombieGirl: wheres the openness here?
[16:05] ZombieGirl: i would've told you
[16:05] TaK1138: you are only not jelouse of l'keisha because i had to carefully make it look like she wasn't a threat
[16:05] TaK1138: and cassie you freaked out about
[16:05] ZombieGirl: not really
[16:05] TaK1138: so don't even start
[16:06] ZombieGirl: i just thought it was weird how she was going to make you dinner
[16:06] ZombieGirl: thats what a gf does
[16:06] TaK1138: exactly
[16:06] ZombieGirl: and l'keisha was never a threat
[16:06] TaK1138: you have a jelous nature
[16:06] ZombieGirl: you had told me from the beginning
[16:06] TaK1138: you jumped to that conclusion
[16:06] ZombieGirl: you have a distant nature
[16:06] ZombieGirl: you werent very open with me
[16:06] ZombieGirl: about any of this
[16:06] ZombieGirl: and you assume too much about my feelings, when i didnt care about cassie
[16:07] ZombieGirl: or l'keisha
[16:07] ZombieGirl: seirously
[16:07] ZombieGirl: but this is why you need to be opens
[16:07] ZombieGirl: open*
[16:07] TaK1138: i was trying to take care of it on my own, and i did, but the next day shit hit the fan
[16:07] ZombieGirl: what made you have to talk to her anyway?
[16:07] ZombieGirl: how was she being aggressive?
[16:07] ZombieGirl: thats when you should've told me
[16:07] ZombieGirl: and i wouldnt have had to find anything out badly
[16:08] TaK1138: she was being flirty or what ever, ask anyone everyone saw it
[16:08] ZombieGirl: how was she being flirty?
[16:08] TaK1138: but of course you jump to the worst conclusion
[16:08] ZombieGirl: because everyone said she was all over you
[16:08] ZombieGirl: and you let her
[16:09] ZombieGirl: why wouldnt i? and then remembering valentines day...of course it would seem that bad
[16:09] ZombieGirl: you brought this on yourself, by hiding her which is bad enough and then not telling me about her being aggressive
[16:10] ZombieGirl: she knew you had a gf
[16:10] ZombieGirl: shes a slut for being aggressive to you when everyone knew we were together
[16:10] ZombieGirl: her fault
[16:10] TaK1138: this is one reason i thought it might not work out between us, you are so ruthless in your arguments, you can never forgive, you are so angry inside and you take it out on the ones who love you.
[16:10] ZombieGirl: i already forgave you
[16:10] TaK1138: just ask your family...
[16:10] ZombieGirl: but you did this to me
[16:10] ZombieGirl: you hid her
[16:10] ZombieGirl: which is hurtful
[16:10] ZombieGirl: you shouldnt hide anyone or anything from me
[16:11] ZombieGirl: im not the one angry inside...i was so loving to you
[16:11] ZombieGirl: and did so much
[16:11] ZombieGirl: and im angry you didnt tell me anything
[16:11] ZombieGirl: and that people saw it
[16:11] ZombieGirl: and you didnt stop her
[16:11] ZombieGirl: anyone would feel upset
[16:11] TaK1138: you were on;y loving when things were going your way
[16:11] ZombieGirl: psh
[16:11] ZombieGirl: i gave you so much and did things for you and i was still loving
[16:11] ZombieGirl: you cant even say that
[16:11] ZombieGirl: whos ruthless now?
[16:12] TaK1138: yes, pointfingers...
[16:12] ZombieGirl: i feel like i didnt care if you got your way because you had l'keisha and cassie and i was being loving despite that
[16:12] ZombieGirl: right?
[16:12] ZombieGirl: and you just pointed to me
[16:12] TaK1138: this is why i don't want to talk with you about htis.
[16:12] ZombieGirl: but you should
[16:12] TaK1138: you are so impossible somethimes
[16:12] TaK1138: no
[16:12] ZombieGirl: i feel like you dont understand how big this is
[16:12] TaK1138: you had your chance
[16:12] ZombieGirl: omg
[16:13] ZombieGirl: you had yours
Conversation ended: Sun, Mar  01 16:13:09 2009
Conversation started between TaK1138 and ZombieGirl: Sun, Mar  01 16:17:29 2009
[16:17] TaK1138: i'm sorry
[16:17] ZombieGirl: its ok
[16:17] ZombieGirl: i understand this is frustrating
[16:17] TaK1138: i was going to try to fix things between us
[16:17] ZombieGirl: i would like that
[16:17] ZombieGirl: but you accuse me of being jealous when i dont feel jealous
[16:18] TaK1138: but i don't i can be with someone who makes me so angry in a time of such need
[16:18] TaK1138: i am at wits end
[16:18] ZombieGirl: you had given up on me
[16:18] ZombieGirl: i was trying to let us be together again
[16:18] TaK1138: i can't see another day
[16:18] ZombieGirl: because i know we needed each other
[16:18] TaK1138: i don't know where to go
[16:18] ZombieGirl: i want you to come to me...
[16:18] ZombieGirl: because i need you too
[16:18] TaK1138: with you i was so happy and grounded.
[16:19] TaK1138: i can't remember being so upset
[16:19] ZombieGirl: i could tell you were happy with me
[16:19] TaK1138: i just want to give up
[16:19] ZombieGirl: im trying to let you talk, but you blamed me for you hiding her and such. im not trying to accuse you of anything
[16:19] TaK1138: but everything i do is making it worse, i'm getting so deep that, well, i just don't know
[16:20] ZombieGirl: and im not saying i believe them when they said half the shit they did
[16:20] TaK1138: i'm going to go laydown
[16:20] ZombieGirl: wait
[16:20] ZombieGirl: can you just tell me what she did to be aggressive? and why she would need to hear you guys couldnt be together?
[16:20] ZombieGirl: i believe you love me
[16:20] ZombieGirl: and i know how hard it is for you
[16:20] ZombieGirl: but i got hit in the face with finding out some girl was after you and such
[16:20] ZombieGirl: its been super hard for me
[16:21] TaK1138: i told her we couldn't be together cause i was with you..
[16:21] TaK1138: was that also the wrong thing to do?
[16:22] ZombieGirl: no, i told you thank you for that
[16:22] ZombieGirl: but what was she doing to have her need to hear it?
[16:22] ZombieGirl: she already knew you were taken...
[16:22] ZombieGirl: why did she get her hopes up?
[16:22] ZombieGirl: im confused
[16:22] TaK1138: she was "all over me" as you say, thats why i had to tell her no
[16:22] ZombieGirl: well thats what people said, but what did she do to be all over you?
[16:23] ZombieGirl: if she even did anything
[16:23] TaK1138: no she didn't already know i was taken, you two have never met
[16:23] ZombieGirl: i thought you told everyone you had a gf?
[16:23] ZombieGirl: thats what you said to me
[16:23] TaK1138: you always ALWAYS misunderstand what i say
[16:23] TaK1138: and you expect me to talk to you
[16:24] ZombieGirl: and you didnt answer my question as to what she did to you to be "all over you"
[16:24] ZombieGirl: you didnt tell me she didnt know
[16:24] ZombieGirl: geez
[16:24] ZombieGirl: calm down
[16:24] TaK1138: i have no good reason too becasue you use what i saw against me
[16:24] TaK1138: you are so manupulative
[16:24] ZombieGirl: im not even trying to be!
[16:24] ZombieGirl: you should calm down
[16:24] ZombieGirl: im just trying to figure things out is all
[16:24] ZombieGirl: if you want to fix things, dont accuse me of anything
[16:25] ZombieGirl: it wont help
[16:25] ZombieGirl: i was just simply asking what she did to be all over you, as others say...
[16:25] ZombieGirl: and i thought everyone knew you and i were together because other people told her you were with me
[16:25] TaK1138: i did tell ppl i have a girlfriend, but its not like i introduce my self: "Hi my name is Trevor, I enjoy  videogames, magic, o and I have a girlfriend. nice to meet you!"
[16:25] ZombieGirl: i wasnt meaning it like that
[16:26] ZombieGirl: i thought you had told her when she started being flirtatious
[16:26] ZombieGirl: thats all
[16:26] ZombieGirl: because you didnt say
[16:26] TaK1138: i did, and I told you that, and you got all upset.. my words fail at every attempt with you.. i am so drained..
[16:27] ZombieGirl: you said you told her when you talked to her
[16:27] ZombieGirl: i just want to know what she did
[16:27] ZombieGirl: thats all
[16:27] ZombieGirl: and why she would cry over it when you let her down
[16:27] ZombieGirl: that seems like she had her hopes up
[16:28] TaK1138: you know what really made me decide to just brake it off with you? it was that most of what you were freaking out about wasn't even her. I t was other things.. things that really proved that we just arn't compatable in the most basic of ways. casue you always want more..
[16:28] ZombieGirl: and did you really let her sit on your lap and touch you? i just want to know, so i can easily say no one who told me was right or they were all wrong
[16:29] ZombieGirl: i got pissed off before over how you shut me out every time something goes wrong in your opinion
[16:29] ZombieGirl: like how you're not "not good enough"
[16:29] ZombieGirl: and we should take a break, randomly
[16:29] ZombieGirl: when i tell you you are
[16:29] ZombieGirl: i want you to be open with me
[16:29] ZombieGirl: thats something everyone needs to be
[16:29] ZombieGirl: when in relationships
[16:29] ZombieGirl: not ignore me or my calls
[16:30] TaK1138: she cried because like i already told you, this isn't the first time she has had feeling for someone who is takin. It is frustrating to find nothing but failed love at every turn, i would cry too.
[16:30] ZombieGirl: she loved you?
[16:30] ZombieGirl: but you keep avoiding my question...what did she do to you?
[16:30] ZombieGirl: to be aggressive
[16:30] TaK1138: fuck
[16:30] TaK1138: again
[16:30] ZombieGirl: you're not answering
[16:30] TaK1138: you misconstrude what i say
[16:30] ZombieGirl: thats why i keep asking
[16:31] ZombieGirl: you're being kinda vague
[16:31] ZombieGirl: i just want to know the actions she took to be aggressive
[16:31] TaK1138: i feel bad for the next person you get with, I'm sure they won't put up with it for as long as i did.
[16:31] ZombieGirl: omg
[16:31] ZombieGirl: i put up with so much
[16:31] ZombieGirl: and you're not telling me what she did
[16:31] ZombieGirl: if she was only flirting with you, then she wouldnt have fucking cried
[16:32] ZombieGirl: that makes me think she tried more...even if she got rejected
[16:32] ZombieGirl: so what did she do?
[16:32] ZombieGirl: you dont understand how i put up with you hiding things and people from me, not telling me when someone is all over you and then you telling cassie or whoever else it was, that you told me about it and i was pissed and you were depressed over it
[16:32] ZombieGirl: you did this
[16:33] ZombieGirl: not me. you even said i dont deserve this, so just be fair
[16:33] ZombieGirl: please
[16:33] ZombieGirl: im not fighting with you
[16:33] ZombieGirl: i dont want that
[16:33] TaK1138: i didn't tell anyone anything
[16:33] ZombieGirl: ok, i'll believe you
[16:33] TaK1138: no you won't
[16:33] ZombieGirl: yes i do
[16:33] ZombieGirl: i needed to hear it from you
[16:33] ZombieGirl: not other people
[16:34] TaK1138: you will repeat your self until your last dieing breath, bringing up anything you can to use against me
[16:34] ZombieGirl: dont be overdramatic
[16:34] ZombieGirl: it makes this harder
[16:34] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to know what the fuck she did
[16:34] TaK1138: I told you
[16:34] ZombieGirl: just flirting?
[16:34] TaK1138: but its not good enough
[16:34] ZombieGirl: she didnt sit on your lap?
[16:35] TaK1138: you know what, i don't care
[16:35] TaK1138: i fucked her
[16:35] ZombieGirl: ....
[16:35] TaK1138: eis that what you want me to say?
[16:35] ZombieGirl: no
[16:35] ZombieGirl: because i didnt think you did
[16:35] ZombieGirl: i was just making sure you didnt give her pernission to sit on you or touch you
[16:35] ZombieGirl: thats all
[16:36] TaK1138: whatever
[16:36] TaK1138: its never that simple with you
[16:36] ZombieGirl: it is that simple
[16:36] ZombieGirl: dont make this harder
[16:36] TaK1138: of course i didn't give her premission
[16:36] ZombieGirl: then she did it without?
[16:36] ZombieGirl: and you didnt stop her?
[16:36] ZombieGirl: or you did stop her?
[16:36] TaK1138: see
[16:36] TaK1138: lol
[16:36] TaK1138: never that simple
[16:36] ZombieGirl: im trying to get all the details
[16:36] ZombieGirl: because you dont give them
[16:36] ZombieGirl: so i still wonder
[16:36] ZombieGirl: geez
[16:37] ZombieGirl: i really want to be with you and i feel like you should've told me who you were talking to
[16:37] ZombieGirl: it makes me feel bad when you cant even tell me who you keep talking to, while you half pay attention to me
[16:38] ZombieGirl: and now you're cutting me down so viciously
[16:38] ZombieGirl: and you know i dont deserve that
[16:38] ZombieGirl: because i wasnt even gonna do that to you
[16:38] TaK1138: then you shouldn't, through your actions, convince me that because of your jelousy that i would have to deny who i was talking to
[16:39] ZombieGirl: i wasnt being jealous. its so weird how hardly anyone texts you and you never text anyone, that you would seriously get texts every 10 mins
[16:39] TaK1138: something must have given me that idea
[16:39] ZombieGirl: and be so attached to it
[16:39] TaK1138: because i was trying to help her
[16:39] TaK1138: thats what i do
[16:39] ZombieGirl: what about being with me?
[16:39] TaK1138: i try to help ppl
[16:39] ZombieGirl: you shouldnt have to help her
[16:39] TaK1138: and what i get? heartbreak
[16:39] ZombieGirl: she cant even help herself
[16:39] TaK1138: but i still do it
[16:39] ZombieGirl: what about me?!
[16:39] ZombieGirl: you fucking lied
[16:39] ZombieGirl: you didnt even tell me about her
[16:40] ZombieGirl: and then i find out shes been wanting you
[16:40] ZombieGirl: and just fucking pining over you
[16:40] ZombieGirl: and thats why you felt good about us? you should've told me she was being flirty
[16:40] ZombieGirl: i would've told you
[16:40] ZombieGirl: i deserve the same basic common rights
[16:40] ZombieGirl: you even said i was too good to you
[16:40] ZombieGirl: so dont act like this
[16:40] ZombieGirl: you could've told me
[16:41] ZombieGirl: but it feels like you're never open at all
[16:41] ZombieGirl: so i cant ever help you
[16:41] TaK1138: I felt good about us, becasue i had processed everything in my mind, and i was ready to keep going, I told her no more and I was glad to get that behind me.
[16:41] ZombieGirl: it makes me question how good i am to you
[16:41] ZombieGirl: but you should've said that to me
[16:41] TaK1138: i can't
[16:41] ZombieGirl: then i wouldnt have had to hear anything from people
[16:42] ZombieGirl: yes you can
[16:42] TaK1138: no
[16:42] ZombieGirl: yes
[16:42] ZombieGirl: its true
[16:42] TaK1138: you attack me just like this
[16:42] ZombieGirl: you were the one who started saying how i was manipulating....
[16:42] ZombieGirl: when i was asking questions
[16:42] ZombieGirl: so i dont think i was attacking
[16:42] TaK1138: everytime, and when i need to talk, its when i'm most vonerable, and i'll be damned if you are going to attack me then
[16:43] ZombieGirl: i wouldnt have attacked you
[16:43] ZombieGirl: if you had told me what happened and that you didnt do anything back, it would've been better
[16:43] ZombieGirl: geez
[16:43] TaK1138: yes, i can't talk to you erin
[16:43] ZombieGirl: you have zero faith in me
[16:43] TaK1138: becaus this happens
[16:43] ZombieGirl: and im supposedly so good to you
[16:43] ZombieGirl: because you did this
[16:43] ZombieGirl: thats what this is about
[16:43] TaK1138: see
[16:43] ZombieGirl: you not telling me
[16:43] TaK1138: its always me
[16:43] ZombieGirl: and you not letting me know anything
[16:43] ZombieGirl: thats shutting me out
[16:43] ZombieGirl: and you did it last week too
[16:44] TaK1138: of course
[16:44] ZombieGirl: which is why i got pissed even more on tuesday
[16:44] TaK1138: keep going
[16:44] ZombieGirl: its all true
[16:44] ZombieGirl: im not lying to you
[16:44] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to hear the story from you
[16:44] ZombieGirl: but you wouldnt tell me, even if it meant being together again
[16:44] ZombieGirl: and i knew you needed me
[16:44] TaK1138: keep telling me all of my past faults, because this isn't me trying to open up to you, and this definitly isn't you attacking me
[16:44] ZombieGirl: and i knew i needed to hear it from you
[16:44] ZombieGirl: im letting you know how i feel
[16:44] ZombieGirl: because of this
[16:45] TaK1138: i am doing right now everything you want from me and you are doing exactly what i told you you would do
[16:45] ZombieGirl: im just wondering why you didnt tell ne
[16:45] ZombieGirl: me*
[16:45] ZombieGirl: because it hurts that you didnt
[16:45] ZombieGirl: thats what im saying
[16:45] TaK1138: you are proving that i should keep my mouth shut around you
[16:45] ZombieGirl: that wouldnt help us or me...i need you to be open
[16:45] ZombieGirl: thats a big part of relationships
[16:45] TaK1138: then don't treat me like this when i try to open up
[16:45] ZombieGirl: i want to feel like im good enough for you
[16:46] ZombieGirl: i wasnt trying to treat you like anything...
[16:46] ZombieGirl: i was trying to know and you got mad
[16:46] ZombieGirl: and that breaks my heart when you get mad about this and i didnt say a mean thing to you, i was looking for all the details
[16:46] ZombieGirl: i feel if you cant open up to me, im not good enough
[16:47] TaK1138: what ever, you need to go back and reread what you have said
[16:47] ZombieGirl: because you got so pissed
[16:47] TaK1138: you make it so hard to talk to
[16:47] ZombieGirl: so i defended myself
[16:47] ZombieGirl: you said i didnt deserve any of this...
[16:47] ZombieGirl: so just try to be calm
[16:47] ZombieGirl: please
[16:47] ZombieGirl: i hate fighting
[16:47] ZombieGirl: i hate it
[16:47] ZombieGirl: i know you do too
[16:48] TaK1138: all i was trying to do is to open up and tell you what you wanted to hear and you make it hard..
[16:48] ZombieGirl: i wanted every detail
[16:48] ZombieGirl: thats all
[16:48] ZombieGirl: i didnt want to make it hard
[16:48] TaK1138: and i can never tell you how I feel casue you always freak out
[16:48] ZombieGirl: but you said i was manipulating and i dont ever recall how i have been
[16:49] ZombieGirl: i thought i've been really understanding with a lot
[16:49] ZombieGirl: how were you feeling?
[16:49] ZombieGirl: i dont remember you saying that]
[16:49] ZombieGirl: i just want to know
[16:50] TaK1138: if you were being understanding then you would help me when i need it, not give up and say i'm shutting you out. you always do that, you give up at the smallest sign of trouble
[16:50] TaK1138: i need time to think and you always wnat all the answers now
[16:50] ZombieGirl: you did kinda shut me out by not talking to me about your feelings and i tried so hard to cheer you up, not knowing what was going on
[16:50] ZombieGirl: i never gave up
[16:50] ZombieGirl: i always tried to be with you
[16:50] ZombieGirl: even through this
[16:50] ZombieGirl: you cant say i tried to give up
[16:51] TaK1138: i don't like to waste words and you try to force them from me. you don't know what being understanding is erin.
[16:51] ZombieGirl: can you understand my feelings?
[16:51] ZombieGirl: i always try to help you, even when you shrug it off at me and say "idk" about things when you're sad
[16:51] ZombieGirl: and i keep trying to cheer you up
[16:51] ZombieGirl: and thats not giving up
[16:51] ZombieGirl: thats me loving you
[16:51] ZombieGirl: wanting to help
[16:51] ZombieGirl: wanting you to feel better
[16:52] ZombieGirl: and not knowing your feelings
[16:52] ZombieGirl: so i still try
[16:53] TaK1138: i fixed things. i was ready to feel better, and the next day you couldn't even have the respect to talk to me privatly or in  a civilized manner, you attacked me just like you do when things arn't going your way
[16:54] ZombieGirl: i never attack you. i have never yelled at you, but then again, i have never heard that some girl was  all over you. and not told me about someone you talked to. it wouldnt have been so bad if you could've said who it was and i wouldnt have been feeling jumped on from your response that day, it was so unnecessary
[16:54] ZombieGirl: and then being ignored for two days and then hearing that
[16:54] ZombieGirl: not knowing your feelings
[16:54] ZombieGirl: it all gets to me
[16:55] ZombieGirl: i even ran after you when i came back from walking away
[16:55] ZombieGirl: you pulled out your phone and texted someone when we fought...
[16:55] ZombieGirl: that isnt right...i wasnt giving up...
[16:55] ZombieGirl: even then
[16:55] ZombieGirl: i came after you
[16:55] ZombieGirl: because i didnt want to walk away from you the way i did
[16:55] ZombieGirl: and you refused to tell me, so it made it so much harder
[16:56] ZombieGirl: and then i told you i wanted to be with you and would try to get over it if you told me everything from your mouth....
[16:56] ZombieGirl: but you didnt
[16:56] ZombieGirl: so i dont think thats giving up
[16:56] ZombieGirl: i want to know that i can help you feel better...i do. i always have. i never wanted you feel like you have to do that alone. thats why i tried cheering you up...
[16:56] ZombieGirl: thats all
[16:57] ZombieGirl: i feel bad for how you feel about me...
[16:57] ZombieGirl: thinking im manipulative
[16:58] ZombieGirl: and that you're sorry for who i would be with next...
[16:58] ZombieGirl: i didnt think you felt that way
[16:58] ZombieGirl: i wish you could have told me so maybe i would've known what to do better
[16:58] TaK1138: it was my mom you fucking jelousegsh
{D"'
[16:58] ZombieGirl: huh?
[16:58] TaK1138: I fucking texting my mom when you came back
[16:58] ZombieGirl: so?
[16:58] TaK1138: you are so hung up on your self
[16:58] ZombieGirl: i didnt know that
[16:59] ZombieGirl: no, im hung up on trying to be there for you when you wont let me...
[16:59] ZombieGirl: you shouldnt be talking to me this way when i didnt cause this drama
[16:59] ZombieGirl: i wasnt involved with you or her or anyone else
[16:59] ZombieGirl: i just heard about it after having a bad week
[16:59] ZombieGirl: and feeling like i had to cheer you up and not knowing your feelings because you didnt tell me
[17:00] ZombieGirl: i didnt realize how much you resented me
[17:00] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to help you and to know everything
[17:00] ZombieGirl: i thought both of us had that right
[17:03] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to make you happy
[17:03] ZombieGirl: and you said you felt grounded and happy
[17:03] ZombieGirl: everyone just complicated this
[17:03] ZombieGirl: and i didnt realize how much i hurt you
[17:03] ZombieGirl: when i didnt think i did
[17:03] ZombieGirl: im sorry
[17:04] TaK1138: you know what made me feel like we need ed a brake? It was becasue more and more often over the last month or two you have voiced complaints about me in some way or fasion. I just want to give you time to think so this wouldn't happen.
[17:04] TaK1138: i wante dus to be together for a long long time
[17:04] ZombieGirl: me too
[17:04] ZombieGirl: i wanted that so much
[17:04] ZombieGirl: and still do
[17:04] TaK1138: im sorry i couldn't provide that for you...
[17:04] ZombieGirl: you could...
[17:04] ZombieGirl: i believed in you so much
[17:04] ZombieGirl: and loved you so fucking much
[17:04] ZombieGirl: and i still do
[17:05] ZombieGirl: i just wanted you to be open....so i knew what i could do for you more...
[17:05] ZombieGirl: because you're always the best thing in my life
[17:05] ZombieGirl: and i only wanted little things from you
[17:05] ZombieGirl: like texting more
[17:05] TaK1138: no thats not true, you had many issues with me
[17:05] ZombieGirl: flowers (which you did both)
[17:05] ZombieGirl: getting your license
[17:05] ZombieGirl: so we could go on a real date
[17:05] TaK1138: you seem to forget about them until you get upset
[17:05] ZombieGirl: thats not a lot
[17:06] ZombieGirl: what issues do you think i had?
[17:06] ZombieGirl: i never put you down...that i recall
[17:06] ZombieGirl: i always tried so hard to make you feel good
[17:06] TaK1138: it really upset me when you said the thing about going on a real date
[17:06] ZombieGirl: even when i didnt know what was wrong
[17:06] ZombieGirl: im sorry
[17:06] TaK1138: i thought the time we had spent together had meant more to you then that
[17:06] ZombieGirl: i didnt want it to upset you
[17:06] ZombieGirl: it did but every girl wants that
[17:07] ZombieGirl: its not about our time together not meaning more
[17:07] ZombieGirl: it had nothing to do with that
[17:07] TaK1138: you said a lot of things that sarah said before she punched through my heart
[17:07] ZombieGirl: i am not her
[17:07] ZombieGirl: i havent been that way to you
[17:07] TaK1138: i felt me losing you, i just didn't think it was going to happen like this
[17:07] ZombieGirl: you said it yourself
[17:07] ZombieGirl: i didnt want to lose you either
[17:07] ZombieGirl: i never wanted any of this
[17:08] ZombieGirl: you told me i never treated you like her
[17:08] ZombieGirl: and you were happy
[17:08] ZombieGirl: even last week
[17:08] ZombieGirl: so i didnt think the date thing hurt
[17:08] ZombieGirl: i just thought i'd tell you because it would be exciting to be out with you
[17:08] ZombieGirl: thats it
[17:08] ZombieGirl: i never thought it would hurt you
[17:08] ZombieGirl: but this breaks my heart
[17:08] TaK1138: we went out all the time
[17:08] ZombieGirl: i didnt think it would get to you
[17:09] TaK1138: and we stayed in all the time
[17:09] ZombieGirl: but i mean, you picking me up
[17:09] ZombieGirl: and having us do that
[17:09] ZombieGirl: thats what i meant
[17:09] ZombieGirl: i thought it would be new for us in that sense
[17:09] TaK1138: what does it matter how we get to where we ar egoing as long as we are together?!
[17:09] ZombieGirl: plus, i thought that getting your license would be a good step towards adulthood even more
[17:09] ZombieGirl: dont be so freaked out...i was saying i had never been on a real date. i wanted to experience that with you
[17:10] ZombieGirl: you told me you should do that anyway
[17:10] TaK1138: its up to me to decide when that time is, no one else
[17:11] ZombieGirl: i know
[17:11] ZombieGirl: and i didnt harass you
[17:11] ZombieGirl: i was so happy being with you anywhere
[17:11] ZombieGirl: i told you that
[17:11] ZombieGirl: if i knew how you would relate that to sarah and how much that would effect you, i wouldnt have said it
[17:11] ZombieGirl: i love you so much....i hate it when idk what im doing to hurt you
[17:11] ZombieGirl: and then it happens like this
[17:12] ZombieGirl: makes me feel like i wasnt as good to you as i thought...
[17:12] ZombieGirl: that maybe you're the one who deserves better
[17:12] TaK1138: whatever
[17:12] ZombieGirl: and maybe the next guy im with, will be sorry for being with me
[17:12] ZombieGirl: its the truth
[17:12] ZombieGirl: but i didnt even know
[17:12] ZombieGirl: you never told me
[17:12] ZombieGirl: i didnt think you'd even relate anything to me and sarah
[17:12] TaK1138: cause i never tell you anything
[17:12] ZombieGirl: im not like her at all
[17:12] ZombieGirl: well then you should...
[17:13] ZombieGirl: so i know what im doing wrong
[17:13] ZombieGirl: you wanted me to be more opinionated
[17:13] ZombieGirl: so i told you things
[17:13] ZombieGirl: and you didnt like them
[17:13] TaK1138: only bad things
[17:13] TaK1138: how is that supposed to help us?
[17:13] ZombieGirl: what bad things? about a silly date?
[17:13] ZombieGirl: i wasnt even saying anything about the time we had already spent together
[17:13] ZombieGirl: i loved it
[17:14] ZombieGirl: and its so hard not seeing you over the weekends
[17:14] ZombieGirl: i loved watching star trek with you, quantum leap,
[17:14] ZombieGirl: movies
[17:14] ZombieGirl: magic with you
[17:14] ZombieGirl: dragonball
[17:14] ZombieGirl: i did all those with you and loved every minute of it
[17:14] TaK1138: i don't think so
[17:14] ZombieGirl: i do
[17:14] ZombieGirl: because i know
[17:14] TaK1138: i think you tolerated things for my sake
[17:15] ZombieGirl: i loved those things
[17:15] ZombieGirl: i even told you i liked them
[17:15] ZombieGirl: i would even get excited over watching new episodes
[17:15] TaK1138: we never did what you wanted cause you would never tell me
[17:15] ZombieGirl: and suggested watching more
[17:15] ZombieGirl: and would want to go to drafts
[17:15] ZombieGirl: because i thought we had so much in common, so i wouldnt ever be unhappy...and i wasnt
[17:15] ZombieGirl: i never was unhappy doing those because i loved it
[17:15] ZombieGirl: i really fucking did
[17:16] TaK1138: we din't have those things in common before we dated, so that means that none of those things are things you would have done on your own
[17:16] ZombieGirl: but you got me into them
[17:17] ZombieGirl: dont you see that?
[17:17] ZombieGirl: you got me into new things like that
[17:17] ZombieGirl: and i liked them all
[17:17] TaK1138: yes but thats notmy point
[17:17] ZombieGirl: well it means i didnt feel unhappy doing them
[17:17] ZombieGirl: and i only suggested going a real date because it would've been new to us
[17:17] ZombieGirl: and i didnt think that it would have been hard for you to hear that
[17:18] ZombieGirl: i wasnt even about to break up with you
[17:18] TaK1138: my point is that i  feel like i know nothing about you or what makes you tick or what you like because you wouldn't welcome me into that part of your life like i did to you
[17:18] ZombieGirl: well i told you, i didnt have many interests before. i was boring and plain and this fucking simpleton
[17:18] ZombieGirl: i had nothing going for me
[17:19] ZombieGirl: not even interests besides sports and video games
[17:19] ZombieGirl: i was dull and had nothing
[17:19] ZombieGirl: you got me into so much more
[17:19] TaK1138: you could probably buy me 100 gifts and get things i like, but i have no idea what to get you except penguin stuff...
[17:19] ZombieGirl: and what makes me tick is being shut out when i want to help and have someone have a little faith in me when they need someone
[17:19] ZombieGirl: you could get me bloody and scary video games
[17:20] ZombieGirl: or a set of a show i like, like that 70s show
[17:20] ZombieGirl: or just get me a flower
[17:20] ZombieGirl: or choclate
[17:20] ZombieGirl: chocolate*
[17:20] ZombieGirl: anything small
[17:20] ZombieGirl: im not picky at all...
[17:20] ZombieGirl: thats why it never bothered me when you introduced me to those parts of you
[17:20] ZombieGirl: i had nothing to offer you...
[17:20] ZombieGirl: so i was so happy when you introduced me to things...
[17:21] ZombieGirl: im sorry for everything that hurt you about me
[17:21] ZombieGirl: or about my date suggestion....
[17:21] ZombieGirl: i was really trying to be more opinionated
[17:21] ZombieGirl: and tell you
[17:22] ZombieGirl: and if i had known it would have effected you this much because of sarah saying shit like that before she dumped you, i would've tried to fix it
[17:22] ZombieGirl: and not make you feel bad
[17:22] ZombieGirl: because believe it or not, you were everything
[17:22] ZombieGirl: you were my heart
[17:22] ZombieGirl: and i hate how its like this now
[17:22] ZombieGirl: because you're still my heart
[17:22] ZombieGirl: and i want to be good for you
[17:22] ZombieGirl: and im not
[17:23] TaK1138: its not what you said, its how you said it, you couldn't just politly suggest it you had to be emotional and in tears and making me feel like i'm scum for not furfilling your every desire.
[17:24] ZombieGirl: you did fulfill my desires. you were with me, you showed me affection, even in front of your friends which i told you meant a lot, you got me into your interests, you were cute with me
[17:24] ZombieGirl: and we had a cute joke
[17:24] TaK1138: you don't understand that every once of unhappyness from you ment mountains of failure for me
[17:24] ZombieGirl: and i could be comfortable with you
[17:24] ZombieGirl: thats my desire
[17:24] ZombieGirl: i was never unhappy
[17:24] ZombieGirl: you just acted kind of unfair when i would say something and i never knew what it was that made you unhappy
[17:24] ZombieGirl: so i didnt know
[17:24] ZombieGirl: and seeing you unhappy made me cry
[17:25] TaK1138: i could only handle being told i had failed so much, and there you were in tears again. i felt like most of the time you cryed wasn't even calle dfor, and that it was like an attack on me becasue you knew how i felt about it.
[17:25] ZombieGirl: im sorry my tears made you feel bad...but when i feel bad, i cry
[17:25] ZombieGirl: even if you think its unnecesary
[17:25] TaK1138: hold up
[17:25] TaK1138: hush
[17:25] TaK1138: here you go again
[17:25] TaK1138: hold on
[17:25] ZombieGirl: but when i see you unhappy or hearing you say take a break, it makes me cry
[17:26] ZombieGirl: i dont understand what you mean by what im doing
[17:26] ZombieGirl: i was explaining myself
[17:26] TaK1138:  "you showed me affection, even in front of your friends"
[17:26] ZombieGirl: and you told me my tears werent good for you because of how you felt
[17:26] TaK1138: you fucking tore into me about how i wouldn't even let you touch me
[17:27] ZombieGirl: sit on your lap, how you said no pda
[17:27] TaK1138: this is a perfect example of how two faced you are when things go badly
[17:27] ZombieGirl: and i heard about this girl who was getting all this pda from you
[17:27] TaK1138: how am i supposed to know up from down with you when you say the opposite thing all the time?
[17:27] ZombieGirl: and knowing you hid her from me, then seeing you so depressed and shit, that made me feel like you didnt want me
[17:28] ZombieGirl: and you let some slut be all over you
[17:28] TaK1138: fuck you
[17:28] ZombieGirl: and it was humiliating being confronted about something and someone i didnt know about
[17:28] ZombieGirl: how dare you
[17:28] TaK1138: don't even say shit like htat
[17:28] ZombieGirl: i was explaining myself
[17:28] ZombieGirl: and you have been so rude this whole time
[17:28] ZombieGirl: calling me names
[17:28] ZombieGirl: i dont do that
[17:28] ZombieGirl: i wasnt going to
[17:28] ZombieGirl: and i heard she was a slut
[17:28] ZombieGirl: thats why i said it
[17:29] ZombieGirl: and at the time, why wouldnt i think she was?
[17:29] ZombieGirl: you wouldnt tell me anything about her
[17:29] ZombieGirl: or what was going on
[17:30] ZombieGirl: i put it all together....you hid her from me, you kept mentioning a break not making any of this clear to me, hearing about this fucking pda between you two when you seemed to not want me in your fucking lap but her, not telling me your side
[17:30] ZombieGirl: everything
[17:30] ZombieGirl: thats why i would assume shes a slut
[17:31] TaK1138: you don't know anything about her and you are horrible for saying anything like that about anyone, you always treat other ppl like shit and say really harsh things about ppl behind thier back.
[17:31] ZombieGirl: if you had told me about anything, i wouldnt have freaked out
[17:32] ZombieGirl: i treat others like shit?
[17:32] ZombieGirl: what are you doing to me?
[17:32] ZombieGirl: i thought so
[17:32] ZombieGirl: i never put you down
[17:32] TaK1138: im trying to open up to you! like you want!
[17:32] ZombieGirl: then quit putting me the fuck down!
[17:32] ZombieGirl: you can be nice about it
[17:32] TaK1138: then don't call her a slut!
[17:32] ZombieGirl: i was saying thats why i thought she was one
[17:32] ZombieGirl: but you didnt say anything
[17:32] TaK1138: i am never that rude to any of your frineds
[17:32] ZombieGirl: so i would still assume
[17:33] ZombieGirl: i didnt even know about her
[17:33] ZombieGirl: so i couldnt even know she was a friend
[17:33] ZombieGirl: i thought she was a slut who was all over you, with your blessing, and who you were trying to keep hidden from me
[17:33] ZombieGirl: and then i find it out
[17:33] ZombieGirl: why wouldnt i freak out?
[17:33] ZombieGirl: anyone would
[17:33] ZombieGirl: i even tried getting you to tell me
[17:33] ZombieGirl: and you fucking refused
[17:33] ZombieGirl: so i kept assuming until now
[17:33] ZombieGirl: because i had nothing else to think
[17:34] ZombieGirl: since you went through trouble to keep her identity hidden
[17:34] TaK1138: i didn't
[17:34] ZombieGirl: not telling me?
[17:34] ZombieGirl: thats something
[17:34] TaK1138: you didn't even know her
[17:34] TaK1138: there was nothing to tell
[17:34] ZombieGirl: because you never told me who it was you talked to
[17:35] TaK1138: it was just going to be a reason for you to freak out about me talking to a girl
[17:35] ZombieGirl: no, i would've freaked out about l'keisha and cassie and any other girl too...so you cant even single her out
[17:35] ZombieGirl: thats not right
[17:35] ZombieGirl: and makes no sense
[17:35] ZombieGirl: i even told you i just had a problem with you hanging out with other girls, not talking to them
[17:36] ZombieGirl: but not opening up to me about anything or even telling me about someone you talked to, causes these problems
[17:36] ZombieGirl: it makes me feel like fucking shit
[17:36] ZombieGirl: it really did
[17:36] TaK1138: if you could just release your hatred becasue of your crap with doug and let me have my friends, this wouldn't have happend
[17:36] ZombieGirl: i do fucking let you have your friends!
[17:37] ZombieGirl: you have l'keisha
[17:37] ZombieGirl: cassie
[17:37] ZombieGirl: jamie
[17:37] ZombieGirl: reegan
[17:37] ZombieGirl: beth
[17:37] ZombieGirl: tristan
[17:37] ZombieGirl: wtf?
[17:37] ZombieGirl: you're hung up
[17:37] TaK1138: o yea, that reminds me
[17:37] TaK1138: you had a problem with beth too
[17:37] TaK1138: every girl...
[17:37] ZombieGirl: because you kept talking about how cute she said things
[17:37] ZombieGirl: it sounds weird trevor
[17:37] ZombieGirl: how can you even fucking talk to me like this?
[17:38] ZombieGirl: after what you put me through this week and last week?
[17:38] TaK1138: not to some one confident in thier relationship..
[17:38] ZombieGirl: i was, i trusted you
[17:38] ZombieGirl: to tell me everything
[17:38] TaK1138: i don't think so
[17:38] ZombieGirl: and about people you talked to
[17:38] ZombieGirl: not get so fucking defensive about someone you talked to when i just asked
[17:38] ZombieGirl: i always told you who it was who texted me
[17:38] ZombieGirl: guy or girl
[17:38] ZombieGirl: and i knew you didnt like brandon texting me
[17:38] ZombieGirl: but i didnt hide it
[17:38] TaK1138: cause i din't care, because i knew you were mine
[17:39] ZombieGirl: i knew you were mine too
[17:39] ZombieGirl: thats why i didnt stop you from having friends
[17:39] ZombieGirl: jesus
[17:39] TaK1138: you don't stop me becasue i wouldn't let you
[17:39] ZombieGirl: i didnt try
[17:40] ZombieGirl: did i try to get you stop friendships with anyone? i might have told you how weird some things sounded, but i didnt try anything
[17:40] ZombieGirl: fuck
[17:40] TaK1138: even with sarah i din't let you stop me, casue thats bs
[17:40] ZombieGirl: but you shouldnt even talk to an ex
[17:40] ZombieGirl: it gets in the way with new relationships
[17:40] TaK1138: then good by
[17:40] ZombieGirl: that element is totally differet
[17:40] ZombieGirl: wtf?
[17:40] TaK1138: you are an ex now
[17:40] ZombieGirl: you're not even in a relationship
[17:40] TaK1138: so good by
[17:40] ZombieGirl: i thought i was already
[17:40] TaK1138: i can't talk to
[17:40] TaK1138: you
[17:40] ZombieGirl: because you gave up
[17:41] TaK1138: you said so
[17:41] ZombieGirl: i said when you're in new relationships
[17:41] ZombieGirl: i think you're the one not listening now
[17:41] TaK1138: maybe im in a new realtionship
[17:41] ZombieGirl: i dont think you realize just how fucking mean you are when you're like this
[17:41] ZombieGirl: great
[17:41] ZombieGirl: nice to see i meant nothing to you
[17:41] ZombieGirl: so you cant even talk about me
[17:41] ZombieGirl: so you better swallow your fucking words
[17:41] ZombieGirl: you have no right
[17:42] ZombieGirl: and thats it
[17:42] ZombieGirl: if you want it to be like this, go ahead
[17:42] ZombieGirl: i tried
[17:42] ZombieGirl: and i explained myself
[17:42] ZombieGirl: and i did all i could to be with you
[17:42] ZombieGirl: and not hurt you
[17:42] ZombieGirl: you told me i didnt deserve anything like this
[17:42] ZombieGirl: but you're doing it
[17:42] ZombieGirl: you cant help yourself
[17:42] ZombieGirl: the minute you get vulnerable and decide you can talk to me, you get mean
[17:42] ZombieGirl: and you get frustrated too easily
[17:43] ZombieGirl: and no matter how much i say i love you and enjoyed everything i had with you, you accuse me of being so fucking unhappy
[17:43] TaK1138: because i wanted to fix things but you make it too hard
[17:43] ZombieGirl: when it was so obvious i wasnt
[17:43] ZombieGirl: you make it hard too
[17:43] ZombieGirl: by calling me names
[17:43] ZombieGirl: and saying this stuff which is so rude and hateful
[17:43] TaK1138: i never called you names
[17:43] ZombieGirl: manipulative, two faced
[17:43] ZombieGirl: jealous
[17:44] ZombieGirl: i was never two faced with you about anything
[17:44] ZombieGirl: i was so fucking honest
[17:44] TaK1138: those are qulities, and if you don't like them then live your life difrently
[17:44] ZombieGirl: i didnt have those qualities
[17:44] ZombieGirl: i know how i was to you
[17:44] ZombieGirl: you're insecure because you made mistakes and if i cried, you didnt need to "deal" with it, like you told me last week
[17:44] ZombieGirl: which is crap
[17:45] ZombieGirl: i would've dealt with it had you told me about anything that hurt you
[17:45] ZombieGirl: i would've in a minute
[17:45] ZombieGirl: i wouldnt have walked away from you
[17:45] ZombieGirl: or given up, saying we're over
[17:45] ZombieGirl: or if people attacked me, accusing me of shit i would've said something
[17:45] TaK1138: i said that just so you would be quiet long enough so i could think
[17:46] TaK1138: i wasn't going to stick with it, but you have made it clear that i should
[17:46] ZombieGirl: you shouldnt say things you dont mean
[17:46] ZombieGirl: that makes it harder
[17:46] ZombieGirl: it makes me feel like you really didnt enjoy being with me when you say that
[17:46] TaK1138: you know we have both said things we don't mean
[17:46] ZombieGirl: but if you just said it to say it, then thats your choice
[17:46] ZombieGirl: i know
[17:46] ZombieGirl: but i never did it to just say it
[17:46] ZombieGirl: im not innocent in a lot of things
[17:46] ZombieGirl: i know
[17:46] TaK1138: and thats exactly why i want my time to think, so i only say what i mean
[17:47] ZombieGirl: but i wont give up on you over it
[17:47] ZombieGirl: you said you didnt mean what you said earlier, but you said it to just get me to be quiet...
[17:47] ZombieGirl: so you dont always
[17:47] ZombieGirl: im not a fucking saint
[17:47] ZombieGirl: but you attacked me by calling me manipulative and shit. i didnt put you down
[17:47] ZombieGirl: i even apologized for what i did that you never told me about
[17:48] ZombieGirl: it was like a punch in the face to hear about this girl and having people see in the community center her on your lap
[17:48] ZombieGirl: and then knowing all this week you've been distant
[17:48] ZombieGirl: and sad
[17:48] ZombieGirl: and i tried to cheer you the fuck up
[17:48] ZombieGirl: and you didnt tell me who your friend was
[17:48] ZombieGirl: it was so hurtful
[17:48] ZombieGirl: and embarrassing
[17:49] ZombieGirl: i didnt want people to attack you, but i think you're still mad from this
[17:49] ZombieGirl: so you're just fighting with me
[17:49] TaK1138: like you and your troup blindsiding me after class isn't embarrassing? i was excited to see you and be with you...
[17:50] ZombieGirl: my troop? they told me about her
[17:50] ZombieGirl: and you couldnt
[17:50] ZombieGirl: how suspicious does that sound?
[17:50] ZombieGirl: they told me she sat in your lap and touched you
[17:50] ZombieGirl: they said they saw it
[17:50] ZombieGirl: why wouldnt i be pissed?
[17:50] ZombieGirl: it fell into place that was who you were hiding
[17:50] ZombieGirl: i was excited to see you and be with you too
[17:50] ZombieGirl: but i thought i was the reason for your change of heart
[17:51] ZombieGirl: i thought there wouldnt have been anyone swooning over you, and that if there was, you could've said something because its not your fucking fault
[17:51] ZombieGirl: you were just someone she liked
[17:51] ZombieGirl: thats all you had to say
[17:51] TaK1138: thats my point
[17:51] ZombieGirl: im more understanding than you think
[17:51] TaK1138: it wasn't my fault
[17:51] ZombieGirl: i would have understood it
[17:51] TaK1138: Its not my fault
[17:51] ZombieGirl: but it would be your fault if you let her in your lap....
[17:51] ZombieGirl: which you didnt clear up for me
[17:52] ZombieGirl: so idk if thats a lie too
[17:52] ZombieGirl: it isnt your fault she liked you, but it sounds like you gave her too much attention
[17:52] ZombieGirl: and thats dangerous in relationships
[17:52] TaK1138: o well
[17:52] ZombieGirl: it really is
[17:52] ZombieGirl: oh well?
[17:52] ZombieGirl: you dont care that you fucking ripped my heart out?!
[17:53] ZombieGirl: and kept things from me?
[17:53] ZombieGirl: and yet, you say i was good to you? i feel like i never was now
[17:53] TaK1138: thats right, make it worse
[17:53] TaK1138: brake me down
[17:53] ZombieGirl: you already did by name calling
[17:53] TaK1138: im headed to bed
[17:53] ZombieGirl: i didnt want to hurt you
[17:53] TaK1138: my fever is comming back
[17:53] ZombieGirl: but you did hurt me too
[17:53] ZombieGirl: why cant you just be nice when speaking to me?
[17:53] ZombieGirl: i thought it was going well
[17:53] ZombieGirl: i dont want to fight
[17:53] ZombieGirl: but it sounds like its my fault
[17:54] ZombieGirl: that nothing happened because of you or her
[17:54] ZombieGirl: its all me
[17:54] TaK1138: im too sick to put up with you, especially when i know i don't even get to have you in my bed afterwards....
[17:54] ZombieGirl: i want to be in your bed
[17:54] ZombieGirl: i fucking do
[17:54] ZombieGirl: i fucking miss your bed
[17:54] ZombieGirl: i missed it all weekend
[17:54] ZombieGirl: and i missed you too
[17:54] ZombieGirl: im sorry that i hurt you, but you didnt say anything to me
[17:54] ZombieGirl: dont go afk
[17:55] ZombieGirl: im so sick of feeling that you wouldnt tell me and you let her in your lap and you dont understand how bad that is. and i want to be with you
[17:55] ZombieGirl: i fucking do
[17:55] ZombieGirl: i feel so goddamn bad because of everything
[17:55] ZombieGirl: all you had to do was clarify
[17:55] ZombieGirl: and tell me everything
[17:55] ZombieGirl: and you did
[17:55] ZombieGirl: but you got mad
[17:55] ZombieGirl: i got mad right back
[17:56] ZombieGirl: and i stood up for myself
[17:56] ZombieGirl: and you stood up for yourself
[17:56] ZombieGirl: i want to be with you so badly
[17:56] ZombieGirl: you dont even know
[17:56] ZombieGirl: this whole thing breaks my fucking heart
[17:56] ZombieGirl: i want to be with you in your bed....making up
[17:56] ZombieGirl: laying next to you
[17:56] ZombieGirl: seeing you
[17:56] ZombieGirl: holding each other
[17:57] ZombieGirl: being together
[17:57] ZombieGirl: im sorry for my date comment
[17:57] ZombieGirl: i didnt want that to hurt you
[17:57] ZombieGirl: i never wanted you to feel sick over this
[17:57] ZombieGirl: i want to take care of you
[17:58] TaK1138: i don't "feel" sick, i am sick
[17:58] ZombieGirl: well what should we do?
[17:59] ZombieGirl: we both want to be together
[17:59] ZombieGirl: i told you how i felt
[17:59] ZombieGirl: you told me about you
[17:59] ZombieGirl: can we compromise?
[17:59] ZombieGirl: i know you and i both make mistakes
[17:59] ZombieGirl: im not perfect at all...
[18:00] ZombieGirl: i messed up with my comments about how i thought she was a slut, im sorry
[18:00] ZombieGirl: and i messed up with my suggestion for a date
[18:00] ZombieGirl: im sorry about that too
[18:00] ZombieGirl: seriously...hurting you at all kills me
[18:00] ZombieGirl: thats what also breaks my heart
[18:00] ZombieGirl: i feel its my fault
[18:00] ZombieGirl: i would easily blame myself for you
[18:00] ZombieGirl: and i know i messed up too
[18:01] ZombieGirl: i dont want you to be sick
[18:01] ZombieGirl: what if i drove over and just saw you for a little bit? and just hugged you...
[18:01] ZombieGirl: i feel like we need each other too much
[18:02] ZombieGirl: i want to take care of you...
[18:02] ZombieGirl: it breaks me down to know i hurt you at all in any way
[18:02] ZombieGirl: and that you need me
[18:02] ZombieGirl: and im not there
[18:03] ZombieGirl: please...
[18:04] ZombieGirl: this kills me
[18:05] ZombieGirl: let me take care of you...just for a little
[15:17] ZombieGirl: <Disconnected from server>
Conversation ended: Mon, Mar  02 15:17:48 2009
Conversation started between TaK1138 and ZombieGirl: Tue, Mar  03 18:45:32 2009
[18:45] TaK1138: hey
[18:45] ZombieGirl: hey
[18:46] TaK1138: how's life?
[18:46] ZombieGirl: meh
[18:46] ZombieGirl: i was worried about you when i didnt see you today at school...
[18:46] ZombieGirl: or when you rejected my calls last night...
[18:46] ZombieGirl: hows life for you?
[18:46] TaK1138: i was at roundtable last night
[18:46] TaK1138: and i was sick today
[18:47] ZombieGirl: but you told your mom you were at school all day...and i know you didnt go home last night...
[18:47] ZombieGirl: she told me
[18:47] TaK1138: i did go to school, i just got home
[18:47] ZombieGirl: i didnt see you and i went to your classroom and they said you hadnt been there...
[18:47] ZombieGirl: so where were you?
[18:48] TaK1138: i was crashing in one of the couches on campus, i have been super tired with this sickness
[18:48] ZombieGirl: why didnt i see you today?
[18:48] ZombieGirl: i texted you and everything
[18:48] ZombieGirl: you didnt respond....
[18:49] TaK1138: i didn't have my phone on me
[18:49] ZombieGirl: and people told me today that you and billie jean are still hanging out....and alone
[18:49] ZombieGirl: they saw you guys yesterday
[18:49] TaK1138: so?
[18:49] ZombieGirl: i was thinking...
[18:49] ZombieGirl: that maybe if you and i were gonna be together, you'd have to quit contacting her and being her friend after everything that happened, since she was such an issue and you two destroyed our relationship...
[18:50] ZombieGirl: but i know how you feel about doing things like that
[18:50] ZombieGirl: and i was shocked to actually think you wouldnt try to be with me when you said i was perfect, but you'd still talk to her....
[18:50] ZombieGirl: after this
[18:50] ZombieGirl: its ok if you dont want to give her up, we're already broken up....i just wanted to know if you would want to for me
[18:50] ZombieGirl: and to fix our relationship
[18:50] ZombieGirl: it would be important for it
[18:51] TaK1138: i hate this, i was trying to say hi and be friendly and yet again, i feel i;m under attack
[18:51] ZombieGirl: you're not, i was just wondering
[18:52] ZombieGirl: if you would delete her number, tell her no more friendship since this is what happened and we can try to salvage our relationship, since i think we'd have to build it back up
[18:52] ZombieGirl: because of trust issues now...
[18:52] ZombieGirl: thats all
[18:52] ZombieGirl: and knowing you'd still be talking to her, makes me wonder if you would want to stop anything with her for us
[18:52] ZombieGirl: since i know you want to be with me
[18:53] TaK1138: i want to, but things like this prove that i should look elsewhere for love.
[18:53] ZombieGirl: well you cheated on me and it felt like the ultimate betrayal and if you cant give up the issue for us, then its not right
[18:54] ZombieGirl: but i want to be with you
[18:54] ZombieGirl: and i want to know you'd take care of her....by giving her up
[18:54] ZombieGirl: because she was the issue
[18:54] ZombieGirl: and your communication about it
[18:54] ZombieGirl: and it would always hurt me
[18:54] ZombieGirl: if you kept being her friend
[18:54] ZombieGirl: thats all....
[18:54] ZombieGirl: im not trying to attack you
[18:56] ZombieGirl: but...also....i just want to know how you couldnt have had your phone with you today if you called your mom tonight?
[18:56] ZombieGirl: because her and i talked about you not coming home last night or answering calls
[18:56] ZombieGirl: at all
[18:56] TaK1138: it was in my coat in my locker
[18:56] ZombieGirl: oh ok
[18:56] TaK1138: its really none of your buisness
[18:57] ZombieGirl: uhh if we're trying to work it out, it is
[18:57] TaK1138: why were you talking to  my mom anyway?
[18:58] ZombieGirl: i told her i was worried about you not being at school....she told me you didnt come home and i said something about how you cheated on me and i thought you might've been with her because of you talking to her yesterday and hanging around her wherever she was....matt compton said that to me
[18:58] ZombieGirl: and i was surprised
[18:58] ZombieGirl: so i was wondering if you were too sick to come to school today
[18:58] ZombieGirl: so i talked to her
[18:58] ZombieGirl: and she was really telling me that she knows you love me, but cheating on me is something she never expected
[18:58] ZombieGirl: and i told her we're trying to work it out because we want to be together
[18:58] TaK1138: wow thanks
[18:58] TaK1138: you are a real bitch
[18:58] ZombieGirl: you're not trying for me
[18:59] ZombieGirl: i think im the only one trying....
[18:59] ZombieGirl: i was so understanding on sunday
[18:59] ZombieGirl: and this whole time
[18:59] TaK1138: you have no right
[18:59] ZombieGirl: but knowing you wouldnt have given her up after it happened hurt a lot
[18:59] ZombieGirl: you had no right to cheat on me
[18:59] ZombieGirl: and lie to me
[18:59] TaK1138: you need to just back off and leave me alone
[19:00] ZombieGirl: well you know i want to be with you, but if you meant what you said about feeling like we shouldnt be together, then i'll accept that. still, it felt so good to see you sunday...but i'll leave you alone if you want
[19:00] ZombieGirl: but you worry me after things like this happens...
[19:00] ZombieGirl: i still care
[19:00] ZombieGirl: and i cant help it
[19:01] TaK1138: the hell you do, you are making my life harder
[19:01] ZombieGirl: you made mine harder....lying, cheating, now still talking to the issue
[19:01] ZombieGirl: but i still want to try
[19:01] ZombieGirl: so i keep trying for us
[19:01] ZombieGirl: because i love you
[19:01] ZombieGirl: i never wanted to make yours harder
[19:01] ZombieGirl: im sorry you think i am...
[19:02] TaK1138: whatever, girls speak nothing but lies to get what they want, the fucking leeches..
[19:02] ZombieGirl: what did you do? spoke lies to keep her...
[19:02] ZombieGirl: i think that was hypocritical
[19:03] ZombieGirl: it would have just meant a lot to me had you stopped everything with her to be with me and to try with me, is all
[19:03] ZombieGirl: and if you do want to be with me, you'll cut her off for us....
[19:03] ZombieGirl: thats it
[19:09] ZombieGirl: im sorry for making you feel like its harder for you, but i just wanted to talk to you about this and then you not coming home worried me. but i was so happy to be with you on sunday, and it felt so good...like we werent broken up, like you said. i was glad to see you look so happy to see me and be around me, though...
[19:10] ZombieGirl: but if you want me to leave you alone now, i will...so i hope someday you wont be so mad at me...
[19:13] TaK1138: i can't believe you would talk to my mother
[19:13] TaK1138: i'm having enough issues at home with out you poking your nose into it
[19:13] ZombieGirl: she talked to me about you being gone
[19:14] ZombieGirl: i didnt go there to talk to her
[19:14] ZombieGirl: i went there for you
[19:14] TaK1138: whatever
[19:14] ZombieGirl: its the truth. i wouldnt go there to have some random conversation with her, it was for you. i did things like that for you
[19:14] ZombieGirl: not to talk to her
[19:14] TaK1138: you make me so angry
[19:15] ZombieGirl: you made me angry by cheating on me. i feel you need to be more open if we're going to try but if you dont want to try anymore, its ok
[19:15] TaK1138: maybe i will date billie jean, she might make me happyer....
[19:15] ZombieGirl: if you like her, do it
[19:15] ZombieGirl: you seem to put in more effort being with her anyway
[19:16] TaK1138: ya. thx
[19:16] ZombieGirl: it was obvious when you lied to me
[19:16] ZombieGirl: and kept talking to her, telling me i cause problems when you cheated
[19:16] ZombieGirl: so that was an effort you did to keep her around without me knowing...
[19:17] ZombieGirl: i didnt even want to fight, i was just curious if you would give her up for us so we could try and get rid of issues that ruined us before
[19:17] ZombieGirl: like you not opening up to me at all about certain things and her
[19:17] ZombieGirl: but you keep taking low blows at me by saying shit like that
[19:18] TaK1138: i don't care anymore
[19:18] TaK1138: its not worth it
[19:18] TaK1138: i hate trying
[19:18] ZombieGirl: well it seemed like you didnt really try, except for when you told me everything sunday
[19:18] ZombieGirl: which i thought was progress
[19:18] ZombieGirl: and great of you
[19:19] TaK1138: if you hate me so why not just cut me, you eat me from the inside out
[19:19] ZombieGirl: i dont hate you
[19:19] TaK1138: you hit me where it counts
[19:19] TaK1138: its aweful
[19:19] ZombieGirl: i didnt do anything to you
[19:20] ZombieGirl: i let you have your friends, space, privacy....you always tell me i never let you do anything, but i let you do so much. then you cheated on me which hurt so much more than you know...and you still keep her around. i believe you want to be with me, but you cant give up when i havent
[19:20] ZombieGirl: even after all this
[19:20] ZombieGirl: i feel like you hit me where it counts too....
[19:20] ZombieGirl: i dont want to hurt you...i always tried and i always tried to not hurt you
[19:20] ZombieGirl: i wanted to be good for you
[19:23] ZombieGirl: im sorry
[19:24] ZombieGirl: i just worry about you...
[19:24] ZombieGirl: and if things like this will happen again...and if you would give her up for us...
[19:30] ZombieGirl: but i meant what i said on sunday...so i will be ok if you dont want to be with me because you told me everything and im not mad at you and that i care about you. but seeing was great, regardless. i'll miss our good times...and the things we did
[19:30] ZombieGirl: but its ok, i wont try for you anymore...
[19:34] ZombieGirl: anyway, i love you and will care about you still
[20:01] ZombieGirl: im sorry if what i said was an attack...
[20:33] TaK1138: i'm really sorry
[20:33] TaK1138: its not you
[20:33] TaK1138: its me
[20:34] TaK1138: it has been the whole time
[20:34] ZombieGirl: its ok
[20:34] ZombieGirl: i always forgive you and i have
[20:34] ZombieGirl: i just dont want to hurt you anymore
[20:34] TaK1138: i'm just in an aweful place in my life right now and i'm taking it out on you
[20:34] TaK1138: im trying to find resons to be mad at you
[20:34] TaK1138: there are none
[20:34] ZombieGirl: im glad you dont have any...im sorry i talked to your mom, i really wasnt trying to look for her
[20:34] TaK1138: except you are perfect and beautifful and i can't have you
[20:35] ZombieGirl: you can have me!
[20:35] TaK1138: i love you erin
[20:36] ZombieGirl: but i feel so awful for talking to your mom and i cried to her today, telling her how much i love you and how this whole broke my heart so bad and what happened and all these things that brandon told me in the past and all the things people have told me before...and it just fucking hurts more and more....but i cant get over you. i love you too...i love you so much trevor
[20:36] ZombieGirl: im so sorry for talking to her
[20:36] ZombieGirl: i told her how brandon said you slept with james' sister and that was something i had a hard time hearing and i hated that and how this thing really got out of hand
[20:36] ZombieGirl: and she said she thinks its because of the men in her life
[20:37] ZombieGirl: and i didnt want her to be mad at you
[20:37] ZombieGirl: and how it wasnt even planned to talk to her
[20:53] ZombieGirl: you can have me, but i feel you might need to help yourself because idk if i can if you're in such a bad place. i want you to work on things so we can be together
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i hope you're ok...
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i want you to be because im here for you
[21:01] ZombieGirl: even just to talk
[21:03] ZombieGirl: but i'll brb...but you can call or text me anytime
[21:03] ZombieGirl: if you need anything, you know that
[19:15] ZombieGirl: i just want you to know, and you dont have to respond to this at all, that i will not be with you again. you may love me and i may love you, you keep hurting me and beating me down. i know you feel guilty, so you lash out at me when we talk. i know you're avoiding calls from me, but you called bj up last night to bitch about your mom knowing you cheated on me because i said something. i just wanted to say, after sunday, im surprised you wouldnt have been more serious about us and what we talked about, even though it was so good to see you one last time without conflict. i just had hoped you wouldnt have lied to me about where you were on monday night, because i was so worried about you and your lie was pathetic. sleeping at school? i knew it wasnt right at the beginning. and your phone in your locker? psh...you dont reject calls from people when its in your locker. i just wanted to say that im still grateful for the good times we spent together, i just wished you didnt do this to us. idk
what made you decide to do this and lie over and over again. i love you a lot and want you to be happy, but i cant be with you and i feel you cant be with me either...and thats ok. i figured it wasnt very hard for you because you already had her....but i've heard everything shes told people...about knowing you and i were together, matt compton telling her you were taken by me. i just dont understand any of this, but i wont ask you to talk again
[19:16] ZombieGirl: that just needed to be said. but thank you for good memories and trying to take care of me before all this. it meant a lot to me and will continue to. it'll be hard for me to get over this and move on from our good memories as well...but i wanted you to know that
[20:49] ZombieGirl: oh, and this will be really random....but i also wanted to say that i'll miss you a lot too...im grateful for our two years together, even after this mess. i hope you take care of yourself for me...but that was random, i just wanted to say that lol...
[22:24] ZombieGirl: are you ok tonight? idk if i should even be asking you that...maybe you need to be alone and not talk for a while, but your texts made me wonder, is all
[22:26] TaK1138: I just heard our song and almost cried, that is all....
[22:26] ZombieGirl: oh...
[22:26] ZombieGirl: im trying not to listen to it
[22:26] ZombieGirl: because i always think of you
[22:27] ZombieGirl: but....can i ask you something? and i know it may be dumb now...
[22:27] TaK1138: yea
[22:27] ZombieGirl: ok...well, why did this happen? i thought we were going somewhere...
[22:27] ZombieGirl: because i heard everything you guys did
[22:28] ZombieGirl: and it hurt so much
[22:28] ZombieGirl: and so deep
[22:28] ZombieGirl: and she knew you had a gf before you told her you did
[22:29] TaK1138: well you think you know more than you do for one thing. To answer your question tho, idk sometimes god throws in a wrench to fuck with lives....
[22:29] ZombieGirl: but you let her...
[22:29] ZombieGirl: and you didn't think of me
[22:29] ZombieGirl: she told greg everything
[22:29] ZombieGirl: and he told me
[22:29] ZombieGirl: but why would you let someone come between us?
[22:30] ZombieGirl: i thought when you loved someone, that doesn't happen...
[22:30] ZombieGirl: it broke my heart and you kept doing it and lying to me, telling her you wanted to be with her
[22:30] ZombieGirl: and telling me that too
[22:30] ZombieGirl: that's what she said
[22:30] ZombieGirl: anyway
[22:31] ZombieGirl: but when did she become a wrench? i know she walked you to your classes and you met her at round table and stuff. it seems like you wanted more with her
[22:31] ZombieGirl: and less with me
[22:31] TaK1138: i didn't meet her at roundtable
[22:31] ZombieGirl: that's what she told greg
[22:31] TaK1138: you don't know anything erin
[22:31] ZombieGirl: and that her friend kat was there too
[22:31] ZombieGirl: then tell me
[22:31] ZombieGirl: please
[22:31] ZombieGirl: you owe it to me
[22:31] ZombieGirl: after everything
[22:32] ZombieGirl: i know it's hard...
[22:32] TaK1138: no you have your facts wrong just as usual and  it doesn't matter now, I fucked it up with both of you and now I'm alone. so let me be alone, ok?
[22:32] ZombieGirl: well i just want to know why you would want someone else. who cares if you fucked up with her
[22:33] ZombieGirl: you should've been only caring about me...and i just want to know. she was telling him that stuff
[22:33] ZombieGirl: so that's what i have to go off of
[22:33] ZombieGirl: and you bitched at her for telling anyone because you didn't want me to know...
[22:33] ZombieGirl: she said
[22:33] ZombieGirl: again
[22:34] ZombieGirl: but this is so fucked up in general because you were with me. idk how you would want her or anyone else if you loved me. idk why you'd be sad that you fucked up with both of us
[22:35] TaK1138: I'm glad you attack me like this, its easyer to not miss you.....
[22:35] ZombieGirl: i was just wondering
[22:35] ZombieGirl: and i feel i deserve to know
[22:35] TaK1138: no keep going, push me away some more....
[22:35] ZombieGirl: since you had another gf, or just some girl you liked to cuddle with after we decided we were probably going to be together again
[22:35] ZombieGirl: im not
[22:35] ZombieGirl: you dont talk to me
[22:35] ZombieGirl: i have to get you to talk
[22:35] ZombieGirl: thats all
[22:36] ZombieGirl: remember how you bitched at me and then turned around to say sorry?
[22:36] ZombieGirl: dont do this now
[22:36] ZombieGirl: it doesnt have to be a fight
[22:36] ZombieGirl: but you know this was a fucked up situation...thats all
[22:36] ZombieGirl: i just want to know why it happened...
[22:37] ZombieGirl: i dont want to hurt you, but you broke my heart...and you seemed happy to see me on sunday and try it with me without her...but you didnt want that, or it seems that way...i just feel like i need some answers
[22:37] ZombieGirl: so maybe one day we can be ok
[22:37] ZombieGirl: and try again
[22:37] TaK1138: no, you said never..
[22:37] ZombieGirl: but that doesnt mean i dont want to try again someday
[22:38] ZombieGirl: i thought you were done with me
[22:38] ZombieGirl: because of her
[22:38] TaK1138: so it doesn't matter, you think you know the answers so just leave it at that
[22:38] ZombieGirl: it does matter if you say i dont
[22:38] ZombieGirl: you owe this to me
[22:38] ZombieGirl: why dont you want to answer this? its your time to be honest about this
[22:38] ZombieGirl: theres nothing wrong with answering these things, i know its hard for you
[22:39] ZombieGirl: but i want to know from you since we were together when this happened
[22:40] ZombieGirl: im worried about you...
[22:40] ZombieGirl: my love for you never faltered and even now, i care
[22:41] TaK1138: whatever, i don't need your mocking sympathy
[22:41] ZombieGirl: im not mocking you. you shouldnt be acting this way towards me when you did this
[22:41] ZombieGirl: im reaching out still
[22:42] ZombieGirl: after what you did to me...and im not lying about caring
[22:42] TaK1138: i love you so much , but you make me glad this happend becasue it probably saved me a lot of heart ache in the long run
[22:43] ZombieGirl: why? i wouldnt have done this to you. im never glad to be cheated on and lied to repeatedly...hearing things from the slut that says you told her you wanted to be with me. it just hurt more and more after i did so much for you and you and i had talked on sunday night, when i rushed to you to talk and take care of you one last time, and we were really going to be together
[22:43] ZombieGirl: idk how i would've caused you heartache
[22:43] ZombieGirl: and you know i love you so much
[22:44] ZombieGirl: but this isnt how you deal with relationships...i just want to know from you what happened if you think idk anything
[22:44] ZombieGirl: im giving you a chance still
[22:45] ZombieGirl: and it hurts you think i make you glad that this happened...
[22:45] ZombieGirl: i would never be glad for this...
[22:45] ZombieGirl: it destroyed everything good we had...but i thought we could build it back up
[22:45] ZombieGirl: and work
[22:47] ZombieGirl: you always told me you wouldnt do this to me because you know what this felt like from sarah...
[22:47] ZombieGirl: so it was shocking
[22:47] ZombieGirl: i dont want to attack you...i just want to know what you think idk
[22:47] ZombieGirl: and why
[22:48] ZombieGirl: i just dont want you to push me away...
[22:49] ZombieGirl: idk how you could think im mocking you...i've always cared about you
[22:49] TaK1138: well i don't care anymore, I would rather  just be alone...
[22:50] ZombieGirl: i know you care...
[22:50] ZombieGirl: but you're upset
[22:50] TaK1138: of course i am becasue you keep saying things to upset me.
[22:50] ZombieGirl: im telling you i care still...
[22:50] ZombieGirl: and i told you i loved you still
[22:51] ZombieGirl: i want to be here to know things from you because this broke my heart...but i know its hard for you too
[22:51] TaK1138: thats not my problem, you should just give up and walk away.
[22:51] ZombieGirl: it is your problem...you did this
[22:51] TaK1138: thx
[22:51] ZombieGirl: and brought this on yourself and me
[22:51] ZombieGirl: it was our problem
[22:51] ZombieGirl: that was made public
[22:52] ZombieGirl: and you hid her from me. i just can't stop thinking why
[22:52] ZombieGirl: because you told me i didn't deserve it
[22:52] TaK1138: becasue i hate you ok?
[22:52] ZombieGirl: and i was too good to you
[22:52] ZombieGirl: why would you hate me?
[22:52] TaK1138: why not?
[22:52] ZombieGirl: i didn't do anything to you to make you cheat...
[22:52] ZombieGirl: you just did it and it got weirder after valentine's day
[22:53] ZombieGirl: i remember you told me i was the best
[22:53] ZombieGirl: and i was your favorite
[22:53] TaK1138: yet again you have your facts wrong
[22:53] ZombieGirl: you told me that over the weekend before we broke up
[22:53] ZombieGirl: how is that wrong?
[22:53] TaK1138: you are so ass backwards and I am the one that has to deal with it,
[22:53] ZombieGirl: im dealing with it too
[22:53] ZombieGirl: i got used
[22:54] ZombieGirl: and lied to
[22:54] ZombieGirl: and i still tried to be with you
[22:54] TaK1138: your mistake
[22:54] ZombieGirl: how am i ass backwards?
[22:54] TaK1138: you should just leave it at that
[22:54] ZombieGirl: you want to leave it all like this?
[22:54] TaK1138: i told you, i don't care
[22:54] ZombieGirl: ok...
[22:54] TaK1138: this isn't fun to me.
[22:54] ZombieGirl: me neither
[22:55] ZombieGirl: that's why i want answers
[22:55] ZombieGirl: because it hurts
[22:55] ZombieGirl: a lot
[22:55] ZombieGirl: and you tell me you hate me
[22:55] ZombieGirl: and all this shit yesterday, saying it's not my fault
[22:55] ZombieGirl: it's yours
[22:55] ZombieGirl: and im perfect
[22:55] ZombieGirl: and now...
[22:55] ZombieGirl: i dont understand
[22:55] TaK1138: you can't except my answers so i'm going to keep giving you different ones
[22:56] ZombieGirl: you didn't even give me an answer...you just said it was god's idea to throw in a wench
[22:56] TaK1138: i said wrench
[22:56] ZombieGirl: my bad
[22:57] ZombieGirl: but its not gods fault
[22:57] ZombieGirl: its the persons fault
[22:57] ZombieGirl: yours and hers
[22:57] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to know why you did it
[22:57] ZombieGirl: or let her do it
[22:58] ZombieGirl: you make it seem like i did this...
[22:58] ZombieGirl: but i had no idea
[22:58] ZombieGirl: until greg told me
[22:58] ZombieGirl: i never thought being with you was a mistake
[23:03] ZombieGirl: but i'll leave you alone if you'd like. im sorry for upsetting you
[23:03] ZombieGirl: try to get some sleep...
[23:04] TaK1138: I try not to...
[23:04] ZombieGirl: it just feels like you're quick to hurt me with your words...but i understand it's hard for you too
[23:04] ZombieGirl: not just me
[23:05] TaK1138: sense you arn't here anymore the nightmares have returned and I only wake up in tears...
[23:05] TaK1138: theres no more sweetness in life.
[23:05] ZombieGirl: well, why did you get rid of it?
[23:05] ZombieGirl: you didn't have to
[23:05] ZombieGirl: i would've been there all the time
[23:05] ZombieGirl: i still was
[23:05] ZombieGirl: but you pushed me away
[23:07] ZombieGirl: i want you to be happy...
[23:07] ZombieGirl: i hope you miss me, though...as stupid as that may sound...
[23:08] ZombieGirl: because i have great memories with you
[23:08] ZombieGirl: and those make this sadder for me
[23:08] ZombieGirl: i miss you spooning with me at night...
[23:09] ZombieGirl: but i understand that right now, it'd be hard to be together...and you told me we couldn't be together
[23:10] ZombieGirl: so i thought you just wanted something different...im sorry
[23:10] ZombieGirl: i guess that's just how it felt
[23:10] ZombieGirl: even if it wasn't like that
[23:13] ZombieGirl: i will want you to be happy, and maybe someday after you could maybe grow up a little bit more, we could be together again in the future...
[23:14] ZombieGirl: because i know you love me and could see us in the future for a long time...
[23:14] ZombieGirl: and i wanted that too
[23:14] ZombieGirl: so maybe if you could work on things, then we could try again someday...
[23:15] ZombieGirl: i will care for you deeply
[23:15] ZombieGirl: just stay safe and think about me too...
[23:15] ZombieGirl: i wish you didn't hate me
[23:15] ZombieGirl: but i still love you a lot
[23:15] ZombieGirl: well goodnight
[23:15] ZombieGirl: sleep well
[12:50] <popandfries is now playing Left 4 Dead>
[15:13] <popandfries stopped playing Left 4 Dead>
[09:58] <popandfries is now playing Team Fortress 2>
[10:06] <popandfries stopped playing Team Fortress 2>
[15:16] <popandfries is now playing Left 4 Dead>
[16:48] <popandfries stopped playing Left 4 Dead>
[19:01] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
[19:01] <popandfries is now playing Left 4 Dead>
[19:01] TaK1138: HEY BABE
[19:01] TaK1138: CAN I PLAY?
[19:01] TaK1138: oops
[19:01] TaK1138: sry caps
[19:02] ZombieGirl: if you'd like to
[19:02] TaK1138: sweet ass
[19:02] TaK1138: hold on
[19:02] ZombieGirl: ok
[19:03] TaK1138: are playing with brandon?
[19:04] ZombieGirl: yeah
[19:04] ZombieGirl: and one of our old guildies from rappelz
[19:04] TaK1138: o, nevere mind. I'll let you too have your alone time...
[19:04] TaK1138: have fun....
[19:04] ZombieGirl: can we talk on the phone?
[19:04] <popandfries stopped playing Left 4 Dead>
[19:05] ZombieGirl: ...
[19:05] ZombieGirl: idk if you would want to...
[19:05] TaK1138: about what?
[19:05] ZombieGirl: everything...i just...idk...i feel like nothing is resolved and i miss you too...
[19:06] TaK1138: i don't think so. I just got accused of shoplifting, i'm looking for fun..
[19:06] ZombieGirl: what?
[19:06] ZombieGirl: i wasn't going to yell at you or anything lol
[19:06] ZombieGirl: but i think it'd be nice to talk over the phone
[19:06] TaK1138: i'm trying to say i'm not in the mood to get into it with you
[19:06] ZombieGirl: i didn't want to get into it with you, i just think it'd be better
[19:07] ZombieGirl: i mean, after all this, i want to hear everything from you. it would mean a lot and maybe we could talk about someday...us together again...
[19:08] TaK1138: i thought we already took care of this.
[19:08] ZombieGirl: well....you didn't tell me much of anything and i'd like to know since i feel i have the right...and idk anything from you about being together in the future
[19:08] ZombieGirl: since you didn't say anything to me
[19:08] ZombieGirl: i just think it'd be nice
[19:09] TaK1138: well, i just had a good weekend with jamie, I'm trying to stay out of your hair and I'm trying to put space between billie jean and i so we can grow as friends. thats about all....
[19:10] ZombieGirl: you're not even close to being in my hair...
[19:10] ZombieGirl: you distanced yourself so much
[19:10] ZombieGirl: and i think we need to resolve everything
[19:10] ZombieGirl: it would be good for us
[19:10] TaK1138: i thought we did already
[19:10] ZombieGirl: even if we're only to be friends
[19:10] ZombieGirl: no...
[19:10] ZombieGirl: you didn't really tell me much
[19:11] ZombieGirl: i don't want to hear things from people and not you. i want to know everything and i think at this point, i can't even be mad
[19:11] ZombieGirl: i wasn
[19:11] ZombieGirl: i wasn't mad before*
[19:11] ZombieGirl: i think it'd be good
[19:11] ZombieGirl: especially after last sunday...
[19:11] ZombieGirl: you still avoided me
[19:12] ZombieGirl: i think it's time
[19:12] TaK1138: well i think you think you now everything so there isn't much to tell...
[19:12] ZombieGirl: so will you do this for me?
[19:12] ZombieGirl: i think there's more idk
[19:12] ZombieGirl: i didn't hear anything else from anyonme
[19:12] ZombieGirl: anyone*
[19:12] ZombieGirl: but it'd be good to talk over the phone
[19:13] ZombieGirl: and you keep saying i think i know things, so it isn't good enough
[19:13] ZombieGirl: i need to know
[19:13] ZombieGirl: not think i do
[19:13] ZombieGirl: so...will you for me?
[19:15] TaK1138: ok, but if you start freaking out at me i'm hanging up
[19:15] ZombieGirl: lol
[19:15] ZombieGirl: deal
[19:16] TaK1138: way to not answer
[19:17] ZombieGirl: it didn't ring
[19:17] ZombieGirl: lol
[19:17] ZombieGirl: i wouldn't ignore you
[19:17] ZombieGirl: try again
[19:17] ZombieGirl: because i called you
[19:17] ZombieGirl: and it went to voicemail
[19:30] ZombieGirl: i think you know you owe me what all happened
[19:30] ZombieGirl: since you claim idk anything
[19:31] ZombieGirl: i didn't even yell at you
[19:31] ZombieGirl: what you do to me is so unfair
[19:31] ZombieGirl: i feel i deserve to know why and you dance around that, with sarcasm
[19:31] ZombieGirl: and rude little comments
[19:31] ZombieGirl: and you tell me it's none of my business, yet you try to be with me
[19:31] ZombieGirl: but i feel i need to know why you would do this
[19:32] ZombieGirl: and you can't even tell me
[19:32] ZombieGirl: yet, you get mad
[19:32] ZombieGirl: so would you tell me what happened?
[19:32] ZombieGirl: and why?
[19:32] TaK1138: i told you erin, i told you i wasn't going to deal with attacks from you and i don't want to get in a fight with you.
[19:32] ZombieGirl: i didn't want to fight
[19:32] ZombieGirl: but you kept getting mean
[19:33] ZombieGirl: and sarcastic
[19:33] ZombieGirl: i wasn't
[19:33] TaK1138: I'm sorry we can't just talk yet...
[19:33] ZombieGirl: i just wanted to know why you did anything
[19:33] ZombieGirl: and you get mad
[19:33] ZombieGirl: it would mean a lot to me if you could tell me
[19:33] ZombieGirl: and what happened between you two
[19:33] ZombieGirl: so i know and maybe one day, we can be friends
[19:33] ZombieGirl: and i even told you that i wanted the truth from you so we could be together again
[19:34] ZombieGirl: but you avoid telling me
[19:34] ZombieGirl: just please...
[19:34] ZombieGirl: tell me what happened
[19:34] ZombieGirl: and why you would do anything
[19:35] ZombieGirl: please...
[19:35] ZombieGirl: just be honest
[19:35] ZombieGirl: it would help a lot
[19:35] ZombieGirl: because we had just broken up and you're spending the night with her...
[19:35] ZombieGirl: i think it's fair to tell me
[19:35] ZombieGirl: because i wanted to be with you again
[19:35] ZombieGirl: if you could tell me
[19:36] ZombieGirl: after all this
[19:36] TaK1138: no erin, you are not ready, when you are i'll talk with you..
[19:36] ZombieGirl: i keep telling you to tell me
[19:36] ZombieGirl: you just don't want to, it seems
[19:36] ZombieGirl: i don't think you can tell if im ready or not...
[19:36] ZombieGirl: i feel i need to know now so i know whether or not we can try again
[19:37] TaK1138: wehn you keep using profanity at me, raising your voice, cutting me off, rantin, and saying i'm slutting around. Its clear you are not ready.
[19:37] ZombieGirl: you raised your voice to me too
[19:37] ZombieGirl: i said slutting around because you keep avoiding my questions
[19:37] ZombieGirl: with sarcasm
[19:37] ZombieGirl: and it doesn't help
[19:37] ZombieGirl: so can you just tell me?
[19:37] ZombieGirl: so i will stop?
[19:37] ZombieGirl: and we can figure out where to go from here?
[19:37] TaK1138: i never agreed to talk to you civalized, the deal was you needed to treat me civialized if you wanted some answers.
[19:38] ZombieGirl: that's fucked up....i think we both needed to be
[19:38] ZombieGirl: you should've known that
[19:38] TaK1138: then you shoulda said something before hand
[19:38] ZombieGirl: you should already have the decency to know both parties need to be civilized. i don't owe you much since this happened...yet im still trying....so try for me
[19:39] ZombieGirl: please
[19:39] ZombieGirl: just tell me why
[19:39] ZombieGirl: we had such a good thing going
[19:40] ZombieGirl: so why did you do it?
[19:41] ZombieGirl: this shouldn't be hard to answer...especially after last week you said you hated me
[19:45] TaK1138: i don't hate you, I just can't breath. you know just what to say to make me hurt. I know i can never make this up to you, but please, you are really braking me down.
[19:45] ZombieGirl: i don't want to break you down...
[19:46] ZombieGirl: you can make this up to me, by telling me the trtuh
[19:46] ZombieGirl: truth*
[19:46] ZombieGirl: when you say you want to be with me, then do this...it hurts so much
[19:46] ZombieGirl: and i know you regret it
[19:46] ZombieGirl: but when you tell me i think i know more than what i do, that's when you tell me the truth
[19:46] ZombieGirl: so i can even remotely begin to feel like i don't have to wonder what was wrong with me that made you do this
[19:46] ZombieGirl: and keep it up
[19:46] ZombieGirl: i feel it was my fault
[19:46] ZombieGirl: i keep blaming myself
[19:47] ZombieGirl: i want to know what i did to make you push me away
[19:47] ZombieGirl: i keep wondering about it because we were happy
[19:47] ZombieGirl: and then you weren't all of a sudden
[19:47] ZombieGirl: i think it's me
[19:49] TaK1138: its you now, but it wasn't you before
[19:49] ZombieGirl: then what was it before?
[19:49] TaK1138: you are doing plenty to push me away, but this didn't start because of you.
[19:50] ZombieGirl: im trying to get you to tell me so we can be together again
[19:50] ZombieGirl: that's not pushing you away
[19:50] ZombieGirl: that's trying to know so we can get over this
[19:50] TaK1138: it was me in a moment of darkness, surrounded by my demons, tempted by evil and my knees went week and I failed myself, and I failed those I love...
[19:50] ZombieGirl: i mean, we were happy
[19:51] ZombieGirl: is that why?
[19:51] ZombieGirl: you didn't like her?
[19:51] ZombieGirl: i just need to know real answers...nothing vauge
[19:51] ZombieGirl: like...did you think about our relationship?
[19:51] ZombieGirl: did you know i would forgive you
[19:51] ZombieGirl: ?*
[19:52] ZombieGirl: i mean...i was shocked because you told me before you went to colorado that you would never cheat on me because i was too valuable to you
[19:52] ZombieGirl: so what happened?
[19:52] ZombieGirl: that's all
[19:52] ZombieGirl: just tell me
[19:52] ZombieGirl: im tired of wondering
[19:52] ZombieGirl: what did i do to make you do this? i want to know so i can try to never do this again
[19:53] ZombieGirl: because maybe you were right...the next person to be with me will be sorry for that
[19:55] TaK1138: i told you, it wasn't you. I was trully lost. It didn't feel like cheating. It just felt like living. and I live with you and its only you. I lived with her and it was only her. I live with myself and its only me. i don't expect you to understand...
[19:56] ZombieGirl: why didn't you think about us?
[19:56] ZombieGirl: we had so much going...
[19:56] ZombieGirl: i know you were lost, but why were you?
[19:57] ZombieGirl: you even had a chance to be with me again, but you kept lying....and i want to know why you passed it up
[19:57] ZombieGirl: because i was going to be there
[19:57] ZombieGirl: for you
[19:57] ZombieGirl: and to get over this
[19:58] ZombieGirl: but...you had told me i was the greatest gf you've ever had...why would you even let this happen if that was the case....
[19:58] ZombieGirl: i guess im confused
[19:59] ZombieGirl: but what happened between you two after we decided to try again?
[19:59] ZombieGirl: i want to know and i want to know why you didn't try for me when this didn't need to happen
[20:01] ZombieGirl: please tell me the truth and i'll go away
[20:01] ZombieGirl: but i need these answers to even be a friend
[20:01] ZombieGirl: and to not wonder
[20:03] ZombieGirl: this just broke my heart...you won't even tell me...
[20:03] ZombieGirl: and i need this
[20:03] ZombieGirl: to not wonder why and what all happened and why you didn't try for me after we decided everything
[20:03] ZombieGirl: i know you hate this
[20:03] ZombieGirl: but what about me? i hate it too
[20:03] ZombieGirl: we were together long enough for me to deserve this
[20:03] TaK1138: you think sunday was a fix all
[20:04] TaK1138: it wasn't
[20:04] TaK1138:  you came over with false hopes
[20:04] ZombieGirl: you and i decided to try again
[20:04] TaK1138: its not my fault
[20:04] ZombieGirl: you gave me the impression we would be together again...
[20:04] ZombieGirl: we talked it over
[20:04] ZombieGirl: and then you went off with her....you didn't try for me
[20:04] ZombieGirl: when i was
[20:04] ZombieGirl: and you did this
[20:04] ZombieGirl: just tell me everything, please
[20:04] ZombieGirl: i'll leave you alone after
[20:05] TaK1138: because you trapped me in our world again and it was hard to not fall in love with you all over again, but it didn't mean we were back together...
[20:05] TaK1138: I'm sorry
[20:05] ZombieGirl: then why did you do everything after that?
[20:05] ZombieGirl: it was ok to be with me on sunday...
[20:05] TaK1138: i did nothing
[20:05] ZombieGirl: you lied
[20:05] ZombieGirl: and spent the night with her
[20:05] TaK1138: o well
[20:05] ZombieGirl: don't do that
[20:06] TaK1138: it meant nothing
[20:06] ZombieGirl: then what happened between you two if it meant nothing?
[20:06] ZombieGirl: i deserve to know
[20:06] ZombieGirl: why can't you just give me that?
[20:06] TaK1138: i was just living a day at a time so i don't selfdestruct.
[20:06] ZombieGirl: you were self destructing
[20:06] ZombieGirl: and you ruined us
[20:06] TaK1138: she was there and you wern't. it could have been anyone
[20:06] ZombieGirl: i was giving you another chance
[20:06] TaK1138: no
[20:06] ZombieGirl: so you used her?
[20:06] TaK1138: there is no more chances
[20:06] ZombieGirl: because she was there?
[20:07] ZombieGirl: i had been giving you another one
[20:07] TaK1138: no
[20:07] ZombieGirl: and you knew that
[20:07] TaK1138: its not that easy
[20:07] ZombieGirl: she was just there, that's using someone
[20:07] TaK1138: its never that easy
[20:07] ZombieGirl: it was for you....
[20:07] ZombieGirl: she was there and you wern't. it could have been anyone
[20:07] ZombieGirl: o well
[20:07] ZombieGirl: it wasn't hard for you?
[20:07] ZombieGirl: just tell me what happened between you two...
[20:07] ZombieGirl: because we tried to be together again and you did this after that
[20:08] ZombieGirl: that's what hurts the most
[20:08] ZombieGirl: you ruined your chance with me...idk why you couldn't have stopped after what you already did
[20:08] ZombieGirl: especially if i was the greatest gf you've ever had
[20:08] ZombieGirl: you didn't even cheat on sarah and she deserved to be
[20:08] ZombieGirl: but me?
[20:08] ZombieGirl: i did so much for you
[20:08] ZombieGirl: why me?
[20:08] ZombieGirl: why was it that i wasn't there so you needed someone?
[20:09] ZombieGirl: please just answer everything...despite the fact that it's a lot of questions
[20:09] ZombieGirl: you know, if you answer me why and what happened....this will end
[20:09] ZombieGirl: because i won't talk to you anymore
[20:09] ZombieGirl: because i think you want that
[20:09] TaK1138: you don't know what i want...
[20:10] ZombieGirl: then tell me
[20:10] ZombieGirl: please!
[20:10] TaK1138: I don't know what I want....
[20:10] ZombieGirl: why is that?
[20:10] TaK1138: becasue the darkness has only grown to be a suffocating swarm of insects eating me apart inside and out,
[20:11] ZombieGirl: what happened with you two...
[20:11] ZombieGirl: please tell me
[20:11] ZombieGirl: i hate wondering
[20:11] ZombieGirl: i hate how i need to know
[20:11] ZombieGirl: but i do
[20:11] ZombieGirl: give me that
[20:11] ZombieGirl: please
[20:12] TaK1138: nothing
[20:12] TaK1138: we just all hung out
[20:12] TaK1138: and ate
[20:12] ZombieGirl: monday night?
[20:12] TaK1138: and watched movies
[20:12] ZombieGirl: you and her cuddled
[20:12] ZombieGirl: but did it go farther?
[20:12] TaK1138: all of us were on a couch together we were basicly all cuddling
[20:12] ZombieGirl: but what did you and her do?
[20:13] ZombieGirl: did it go farther?
[20:13] ZombieGirl: you avoided it
[20:14] TaK1138: its none of your buisness. you need to leave it at that, i told you nothing happend. if something happend you think i would be trying to seperat myself from her and fix things with you?
[20:15] ZombieGirl: well i thought you would've done that sooner rather than continued to hang with her...
[20:15] ZombieGirl: since we had talked
[20:15] ZombieGirl: but when you kept lying to me
[20:15] ZombieGirl: and you kept lashing out at me
[20:15] ZombieGirl: because you were guilty
[20:15] ZombieGirl: that makes me wonder if you did anything with her
[20:15] ZombieGirl: even just kissing
[20:16] ZombieGirl: so not even that happened?
[20:16] ZombieGirl: because you said she was just there...
[20:16] ZombieGirl: and i wasn't
[20:16] ZombieGirl: so it makes it seem easy for you
[20:16] ZombieGirl: like you have commitment issues
[20:16] ZombieGirl: or something
[20:16] ZombieGirl: idk
[20:16] ZombieGirl: i just want to know
[20:16] ZombieGirl: so tell me, please
[20:16] ZombieGirl: it was my business if we were trying to reconcile
[20:16] ZombieGirl: idk how you don't get that
[20:17] TaK1138: o yea, last two realationships were 2 years and the one before that almost a year. real commitment issues there.....
[20:17] ZombieGirl: but it seems like you lied to me, cheated on me, talked with me about getting back together again, then lied some more
[20:17] ZombieGirl: and didn't try
[20:17] ZombieGirl: that feels like issues
[20:17] TaK1138: so?
[20:17] ZombieGirl: so
[20:17] ZombieGirl: it effects me
[20:17] ZombieGirl: it cuts me to the quick
[20:17] TaK1138: i don't care what it feels like.
[20:17] ZombieGirl: why don't you care?
[20:17] TaK1138: you are too dependant on feelings
[20:18] ZombieGirl: i loved you so much
[20:18] ZombieGirl: because you left me with nothing but the,
[20:18] ZombieGirl: them*
[20:18] ZombieGirl: you're too dependant on fucking with me
[20:18] TaK1138: im done
[20:18] ZombieGirl: you fucked with me when you were hanging with her
[20:18] TaK1138: i can't take anymore tonight
[20:18] ZombieGirl: and lying
[20:18] ZombieGirl: good
[20:18] ZombieGirl: im done too
[20:18] ZombieGirl: you never give me anything
[20:18] ZombieGirl: you just run away
[20:18] ZombieGirl: and leave me like always
[20:19] ZombieGirl: this would've been your chance to just tell me and we could be done with this
[20:19] ZombieGirl: seriously
[20:19] ZombieGirl: you say such hurtful things
[20:19] ZombieGirl: like you hate me
[20:19] ZombieGirl: you don't care about my feelings
[20:19] ZombieGirl: i wonder why
[20:19] TaK1138: i give you more then you ever aknoledge and that is what really hurts cause you never see me trying, you only see the negative. yet another reason i don't want to spend anymore of my life with you right now.
[20:19] ZombieGirl: i tried to be with you again...
[20:20] ZombieGirl: i was ackowleding the fact that you told her you had a gf...even if it was too late
[20:20] ZombieGirl: and i told you all the fucking great things you did for me
[20:20] ZombieGirl: but you didn't try to be with me if you were hanging with her
[20:20] ZombieGirl: you kept ignoring my calls
[20:20] ZombieGirl: and lying to me
[20:20] ZombieGirl: so how is that giving me anything?
[20:20] ZombieGirl: before this, you gave me a lot and i told you always
[20:21] ZombieGirl: how much i loved it
[20:21] ZombieGirl: and appreciated it
[20:21] ZombieGirl: but you are not a victim
[20:21] ZombieGirl: but i still tried getting you to be honest
[20:21] ZombieGirl: and be with me
[20:21] ZombieGirl: since you claimed me to be the greatest gf you've had
[20:21] ZombieGirl: so why mess with that?
[20:21] TaK1138: whynot?
[20:22] TaK1138: lol
[20:22] TaK1138: goodnight
[20:37] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
[20:39] TaK1138: i just want to say that i made a very human mistake, and boy have I payed dearly for it. If you want to help me, then just let me live my life...
[20:39] ZombieGirl: i know you made a mistake...like i said on thursday, good people make mistakes..
[20:40] ZombieGirl: but you lash out so much
[20:40] ZombieGirl: and i wish you wouldn't
[20:40] ZombieGirl: just be civil to me
[20:40] ZombieGirl: because i don't want to attack you
[20:40] ZombieGirl: but i want to know everything...and  maybe i shouldn't know...
[20:40] TaK1138: it because I'm angry and depressed and a lot of things, and i am getting attacked from all sides. everyone is out for blood it seems.
[20:40] ZombieGirl: i don't want blood....
[20:41] ZombieGirl: i want the truth so i can be your friend, if it's within your means
[20:41] ZombieGirl: after two years with you, who was so amazing and i told you all the time how much i loved you
[20:41] ZombieGirl: and all the great things you did
[20:41] ZombieGirl: and even now, i said that
[20:41] ZombieGirl: but you hurt me so much with your words....
[20:41] ZombieGirl: i mean...."oh well" and saying you hated me really broke me apart
[20:42] ZombieGirl: i can forgive you for anything
[20:42] ZombieGirl: you know that
[20:42] TaK1138: you hurt me too, its hard not to return the favor
[20:42] ZombieGirl: how did i hurt you?
[20:42] ZombieGirl: because this started with cheating
[20:42] ZombieGirl: and you know that
[20:42] ZombieGirl: i just wanted answers
[20:42] ZombieGirl: and i kept finding out your lied
[20:42] ZombieGirl: lies*
[20:43] ZombieGirl: you wanted to not be with me? ok...just break up with me....don't hide it....but i will never know why you did this and kept it going...and maybe that's ok
[20:43] ZombieGirl: i won't ask anymore
[20:43] ZombieGirl: i'll let you be
[20:43] ZombieGirl: but this was awful...
[20:43] ZombieGirl: the constant lashings from you
[20:43] ZombieGirl: and lying
[20:43] ZombieGirl: and not trying fully to be with me after we had agreed on something
[20:43] ZombieGirl: it just hurt too much
[20:44] ZombieGirl: and yet, i was still cordial to you and told you good things
[20:44] ZombieGirl: you had to keep coming back to say you were sorry
[20:44] ZombieGirl: but still did it
[20:44] ZombieGirl: the thing is....i know you were sorry
[20:44] ZombieGirl: i forgave you everytime, even before you said sorry
[20:44] ZombieGirl: and if you don't know what you want, that's ok
[20:44] ZombieGirl: im not sure i know either...
[20:45] ZombieGirl: i just want you to know how much i tried
[20:45] ZombieGirl: and continued to forgive
[20:45] ZombieGirl: and kept loving you and how i still do
[20:46] ZombieGirl: i didn't want to hurt you
[20:46] ZombieGirl: im not perfect
[20:46] ZombieGirl: i guess, though, because of being with you for so long....i learned a lot about myself
[20:46] ZombieGirl: and it's because of you
[20:46] ZombieGirl: that's a big deal
[20:47] ZombieGirl: but i didn't want to give up on you
[20:47] ZombieGirl: and even though we're not together, i want you to know that i don't regret being with you.
[20:49] ZombieGirl: you made me see who i am as a gf
[20:49] ZombieGirl: and all the things im willing to endure for someone who means my life
[20:50] ZombieGirl: thank you though, for being with me so long
[20:50] ZombieGirl: and holding me at night
[20:51] ZombieGirl: because no one has ever given me those feelings before and it was great to feel that
[20:51] ZombieGirl: and you opened up my world to new and great activities
[20:51] ZombieGirl: and i will always have you to thank for them
[20:51] TaK1138: i just wish it didn't end....
[20:51] ZombieGirl: me too
[20:51] ZombieGirl: i thought you and i were so perfect together...
[20:52] ZombieGirl: but idk why this happened
[20:52] ZombieGirl: and what went through your mind
[20:52] ZombieGirl: i know you don't know what you want, but maybe we can be friends
[20:53] TaK1138: i just kept doing one stupid thing after another, by the time i realized that it was too late and it was like a snow ball effect
[20:53] ZombieGirl: i forgive you..
[20:53] ZombieGirl: but idk why you'd want to do anything anyway....and maybe you just didn't know either
[20:54] ZombieGirl: but either way, i forgive you
[20:54] ZombieGirl: it just felt like i wasn't enough after one point...
[20:54] ZombieGirl: i know you loved me
[20:54] ZombieGirl: but i questioned whether or not you wanted to be with me anymore
[20:54] ZombieGirl: because you had this new and exciting thing going on
[20:54] ZombieGirl: and i was boring
[20:55] TaK1138: i told you, and i don't want to have to tell you again, it wasn't you. i had nothing to do with you.
[20:55] TaK1138: *it
[20:55] ZombieGirl: i know....
[20:55] ZombieGirl: but after it kept happening, it felt like you just wanted something different
[20:55] TaK1138: then quit saying that
[20:55] ZombieGirl: im sorry
[20:56] TaK1138: i still love you
[20:56] ZombieGirl: i hope so....because i still love you too
[20:56] ZombieGirl: i never questioned your love for me
[20:56] ZombieGirl: if you wanted to know...
[20:56] ZombieGirl: because i could tell you loved me before this happened
[20:57] ZombieGirl: i just hope you get a lot out of life
[20:57] ZombieGirl: i want you to be happy
[20:57] ZombieGirl: even without me
[20:58] ZombieGirl: i would never wish harm on you
[20:58] ZombieGirl: i know you're really upset over everything and i am too, but i can't ever stop thinking about you
[20:58] ZombieGirl: and hoping you're ok
[20:58] ZombieGirl: and if you miss me
[20:58] ZombieGirl: and honestly, i hate it
[20:58] ZombieGirl: a lot of people can get through this so easily, but idk about me
[20:59] ZombieGirl: i guess im worried about you all the time because i can't take care of you
[20:59] ZombieGirl: i wanted to do more for you....
[20:59] ZombieGirl: but sunday was all i could've done, i think
[20:59] ZombieGirl: but it felt great to see you again
[21:00] ZombieGirl: and see you happy to be with me
[21:00] TaK1138: you are right, and it was amazing, i didn't want you to go
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i didn't want to leave you
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i wish i could've stayed
[21:01] ZombieGirl: then maybe everything that happened afterwards wouldn't have happened
[21:01] ZombieGirl: and we could be together again
[21:02] ZombieGirl: what would you like to do? do you want to be friends or wait a while until that?
[21:02] ZombieGirl: i don't want to be any part of you getting attacked
[21:03] ZombieGirl: in any*
[21:03] ZombieGirl: i don't want to make anything worse for you
[21:04] TaK1138: its too soon, i just want to be friends
[21:04] ZombieGirl: ok...i'll be your friend :)
[21:05] ZombieGirl: and i hope you can grow up a little bit and maybe i will too, and one day in the future, we'll try again
[21:05] ZombieGirl: but it could take a lot of time
[21:05] ZombieGirl: but i'll be your friend...
[21:05] ZombieGirl: im ok with that
[21:06] ZombieGirl: maybe it is like you said, because a lot of people have said the same thing...if we're supposed to be together, one day, even if it's a long time down the road, we'll be together again
[21:06] ZombieGirl: or even...just be friends
[21:06] ZombieGirl: i would like either one
[21:08] ZombieGirl: im sorry for hurting you, though....
[21:09] ZombieGirl: even if we just move on from this and stay friends, i'll never hate for you this
[21:09] ZombieGirl: i know a lot of people still attack you about it and i hate that
[21:10] TaK1138: i just know that no matter what i say i still love you, sometimes what you will see is just me being week again...
[21:11] TaK1138: drop the first 'I'
[21:11] ZombieGirl: it's ok...
[21:11] ZombieGirl: i keep being weak too. that's why i keep caving into my questions to you
[21:11] ZombieGirl: and pissing you off
[21:11] ZombieGirl: and i let myself do that
[21:11] ZombieGirl: i hate it
[21:12] ZombieGirl: and i still love you too....i have a feeling we might just only be friends from here on out, but that's good for me
[21:12] ZombieGirl: and i want something good between us, even just a friendship
[21:13] ZombieGirl: and one day, we'll be over each other....but i know for me it's going to take a long time....
[21:13] ZombieGirl: in some ways, i feel like im still with you
[21:13] ZombieGirl: im so used to be your gf and when i think about how it's already been two weeks, i surprise myself
[21:14] ZombieGirl: used to being*
[21:15] ZombieGirl: lol i didn't realize how much i could talk...
[21:17] ZombieGirl: but i really hope you do have a lot of good in life
[21:17] ZombieGirl: i feel you aren't a bad person, so you don't deserve bad things
[21:18] ZombieGirl: but i wanted to make your life a little better and i think i did in some ways
[21:18] ZombieGirl: and im glad for that
[21:18] ZombieGirl: just know that you did a lot of good for me too...and i'll always appreciate that
[21:19] ZombieGirl: you kinda made me find out more about myself and i'll always appreciate that too
[21:19] TaK1138: you did me a ton of good
[21:19] TaK1138: you saved me over and over
[21:19] ZombieGirl: i did?
[21:20] TaK1138: yes
[21:20] TaK1138: i struggle with a lot everyday
[21:20] TaK1138: and you made most of that go away
[21:20] ZombieGirl: im happy i could do that for you. i wanted you to have that from someone
[21:20] ZombieGirl: i wanted you to know i wouldn't abandon you
[21:21] ZombieGirl: it's funny how much you became to me
[21:21] ZombieGirl: because i really never thought anyone would
[21:21] ZombieGirl: i was so turned off from being with someone and getting close to them, but you were so different
[21:22] ZombieGirl: you made me genuinely happy
[21:22] ZombieGirl: and being around you was a good feeling
[21:22] ZombieGirl: most people don't give me that
[21:22] ZombieGirl: i loved how i wanted to actually take care of someone
[21:22] ZombieGirl: and just never get tired of them
[21:22] ZombieGirl: im glad you were that for me
[21:23] ZombieGirl: i still struggle with not being able to take care of you
[21:23] ZombieGirl: even though it's only been two weeks
[21:24] ZombieGirl: i hate letting you go
[21:24] TaK1138: omg
[21:25] TaK1138: i have the ding ding song
[21:25] ZombieGirl: lol
[21:25] TaK1138: but its like a remix
[21:25] TaK1138: its awesome
[21:25] ZombieGirl: will it make you feel better? lolz
[21:25] TaK1138: ... a little
[21:25] TaK1138: ...i guess
[21:25] ZombieGirl: aww
[21:25] TaK1138: deep in the night...
[21:25] TaK1138: i am looking for some...
[21:25] ZombieGirl: well if it's not bad for you...and it can make you laugh a little, then im glad
[21:25] ZombieGirl: xD
[21:25] ZombieGirl: lawl
[21:25] ZombieGirl: ^^
[21:40] ZombieGirl: im glad we decided to be friends...
[21:47] TaK1138: i love you soo much
[21:48] ZombieGirl: i love you so much too...
[21:48] ZombieGirl: this is why this is so hard
[21:49] ZombieGirl: are you still sad? :(
[21:49] TaK1138: no
[21:49] TaK1138: im happy sorta
[21:50] ZombieGirl: why is that? but it's good to hear
[21:50] TaK1138: don't take this the wrong way, and its nothing because of you but i think i need to save some people myself for awhile. thats just where i'm at right now.
[21:50] ZombieGirl: i don't take that the wrong way
[21:51] TaK1138: i just want to help
[21:51] ZombieGirl: what people do you want to save?
[21:51] ZombieGirl: if it's ok to ask
[21:51] TaK1138: idk
[21:51] TaK1138: ppl with hard lives
[21:52] ZombieGirl: well it's noble of you
[21:52] ZombieGirl: im just happy we can be on good terms
[21:52] ZombieGirl: and for what it's worth...
[21:52] ZombieGirl: you saved me
[21:52] TaK1138: thx
[21:53] TaK1138: i knew that anyway
[21:53] ZombieGirl: lol
[21:53] TaK1138: i can see it in your eyes when you look at me
[21:53] ZombieGirl: im glad you can
[21:53] TaK1138: i have to go eat now
[21:53] ZombieGirl: ok
[21:53] ZombieGirl: well even if we just stay friends, im happy too
[21:53] ZombieGirl: xD
[21:53] ZombieGirl: this might just be the next chapter in our lives
[22:37] ZombieGirl: well...thank you for still wanting to be my friend and everything. i should go finish math homework
[22:37] ZombieGirl: lol
[22:37] ZombieGirl: but im glad we're ok now
[22:38] TaK1138: kk, night
[22:38] ZombieGirl: goodnight...and good luck with everything you want to do :)
[23:17] ZombieGirl: ha lol your new picture looks angry o.O
[23:17] ZombieGirl: i thought you said you were happy?!
[23:17] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:17] TaK1138: wah!
[23:17] ZombieGirl: aww
[23:17] ZombieGirl: don't wah at me!
[23:17] ZombieGirl: i'll do it right back
[23:18] TaK1138: its hard to be happy when ppl like brandon exsist...
[23:18] TaK1138: no offence.
[23:18] ZombieGirl: lawl
[23:18] ZombieGirl: i understand
[23:18] ZombieGirl: he doesn't really make me feel better
[23:18] ZombieGirl: has he said anything to you?
[23:18] TaK1138: a little....
[23:18] ZombieGirl: really?
[23:18] ZombieGirl: o.O
[23:18] TaK1138: i don't want to talk about it
[23:18] ZombieGirl: ok
[23:18] TaK1138: lol
[23:18] TaK1138: sry
[23:19] ZombieGirl: i won't make you lol
[23:19] ZombieGirl: i just...don't want him making anything harder for you
[23:19] TaK1138: I feel like in a wierd way im going to lose you for good because of him for one reason or another
[23:20] ZombieGirl: i would never let him take me away, even as a friend
[23:20] TaK1138: most of our problems are becasuse of him i think
[23:20] ZombieGirl: really?
[23:20] TaK1138: he has always whispered little evil thoughts into both of our heads.
[23:21] ZombieGirl: i hated that too. i told him to fucking shove it lolz
[23:21] ZombieGirl: it felt so good
[23:21] TaK1138: i think he has always been trying to break us up
[23:21] ZombieGirl: in a way, he might have been
[23:21] TaK1138: i guess it worked....
[23:21] ZombieGirl: but...he didn't do this
[23:21] ZombieGirl: and i still tried for you
[23:21] ZombieGirl: you know, i want to try to see if we can be together again in the future
[23:21] ZombieGirl: i don't care what he thinks
[23:22] ZombieGirl: but we may be moved on by then
[23:22] ZombieGirl: but he can't ever tell me we didn't love each other
[23:22] TaK1138: yea but i have always felt the stress of him behind the scenes
[23:23] ZombieGirl: i did too, a little
[23:23] TaK1138: I was always afraid he was saying things to you... trying to get you to leave me for him
[23:23] TaK1138: everyday pretty much
[23:23] ZombieGirl: he wasn't, because i never let him
[23:23] ZombieGirl: i always talked about you
[23:23] ZombieGirl: and how much i loved you
[23:23] ZombieGirl: and he would just say yeah
[23:24] ZombieGirl: i wish you would've told me your fears...i wanted to make you realize you could open up to me
[23:24] ZombieGirl: you meant so much more to me than anyone
[23:24] TaK1138: i didn't want to tell you no about anything, so i was just trying really hard to believe you would make the right choices
[23:25] TaK1138: I guess i'm the one that cracked instead.
[23:25] ZombieGirl: you, as a bf, had every right to tell me what made you uncomfortable. i would not have looked at it as controlling, but more so as you telling me something that bothered you or that scared you
[23:25] ZombieGirl: i wanted you to tell me things
[23:25] ZombieGirl: i thought i made the right choices
[23:25] ZombieGirl: but maybe i didn't...
[23:26] ZombieGirl: i didn't talk to him in almost a month when you and i were together
[23:26] ZombieGirl: in some way, i figured you were bothered by him
[23:26] ZombieGirl: but i knew you wouldn't tell me if it did
[23:26] ZombieGirl: bother you
[23:27] ZombieGirl: it just made me feel bad
[23:27] ZombieGirl: because if i had told you about someone bothering me, you wouldn't like it
[23:27] ZombieGirl: but it's ok
[23:27] TaK1138: i just wanted you to feel like you had freedom, because you deserve it
[23:27] ZombieGirl: i know you wanted that...
[23:28] ZombieGirl: i really appreciated that too....but i wanted you
[23:28] ZombieGirl: everyday, to see you
[23:28] ZombieGirl: every night to lay next to you
[23:28] ZombieGirl: to hear you talk to me on the phone
[23:28] ZombieGirl: leave everyone and be with you
[23:28] ZombieGirl: i felt you were my freedom
[23:29] ZombieGirl: but in some ways, i thought i wasn't yours so i kept my mouth shut too
[23:29] ZombieGirl: because i thought i had to show you that you deserved the same thing
[23:29] ZombieGirl: and tonight....brandon wouldn't stfu
[23:29] ZombieGirl: so i freaked at him
[23:30] ZombieGirl: i told him he made me feel worse than most
[23:30] ZombieGirl: and im so sick of hearing him run his fucking mouth
[23:30] ZombieGirl: and he needs to leave me the fuck alone about you and i
[23:30] ZombieGirl: it felt good
[23:30] ZombieGirl: in a mean way, it did
[23:30] TaK1138: lol
[23:30] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:30] ZombieGirl: you would've been proud
[23:30] ZombieGirl: maybe i should've done that sooner
[23:31] TaK1138: well i should have told billie jean to leave me alone sooner
[23:32] TaK1138: i was just really curious
[23:32] ZombieGirl: why?
[23:32] TaK1138: idk, she is really interesting and kind hearted....
[23:32] ZombieGirl: so am i...
[23:32] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:32] ZombieGirl: i was with you
[23:32] TaK1138: I know
[23:32] ZombieGirl: you didn't need to be curious...
[23:32] TaK1138: well you weren't intereasting...
[23:33] ZombieGirl: oh thanks
[23:33] TaK1138: you brought me nothing to work with, I felt like you opened up more in your vampire lit class about what makes you tick then you ever did with me
[23:34] ZombieGirl: i did bring you nothing to work with...because i was about to go to psu and gave it up for you. i didn't discover myself until you. i didn't think that meant i wasn't interesting. i had interesting things to say and interesting things i was curious about and wanted to share with you
[23:34] ZombieGirl: but didn't stop yourself
[23:34] ZombieGirl: because someone better came along
[23:35] ZombieGirl: but what if i had been curious about someone else because you weren't something that they were?
[23:35] ZombieGirl: what would you have done in my situation?
[23:35] ZombieGirl: just curious
[23:35] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:35] TaK1138: she isn't better then you
[23:35] TaK1138: don't say that
[23:35] TaK1138: it pisses me off
[23:35] ZombieGirl: well....i thought i was interesting to you
[23:36] ZombieGirl: because i said random, interesting things that made you curious
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and we did funny, interesting things together
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and we looked back on those
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and had a great time
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and i made you laugh
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and i was sweet to you
[23:36] ZombieGirl: and tried for you
[23:36] ZombieGirl: ....so i guess it makes me feel like she, in some way, was better and you were curious....even if you think she wasn't, that's how it felt
[23:37] ZombieGirl: at the time
[23:37] ZombieGirl: but i also felt that way because you didn't stop anything or consider me over her
[23:37] TaK1138: she was just different
[23:37] ZombieGirl: so?
[23:37] ZombieGirl: a lot of people are
[23:37] ZombieGirl: but this never happened before
[23:37] TaK1138: so that doesn't mean better
[23:37] ZombieGirl: and that is no excuse
[23:37] ZombieGirl: everyone is different
[23:37] ZombieGirl: does that mean this would happen with everyone?
[23:37] ZombieGirl: it just isn't right
[23:37] ZombieGirl: or an excuse
[23:37] TaK1138: I dont' even consider her girlfriend material
[23:38] ZombieGirl: it feels like you just wanted something different
[23:38] ZombieGirl: then why did you do this when you had me and you considered me gf material....obviously :P
[23:38] ZombieGirl: it would make more sense had you wanted a better gf
[23:38] ZombieGirl: or someone who was better gf material than me
[23:38] ZombieGirl: this is where i get confused
[23:39] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:39] TaK1138: i told you, it was time of weakness and confusion for me
[23:39] ZombieGirl: but what were you confused about?
[23:39] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:39] TaK1138: there is no better answer i have
[23:39] ZombieGirl: not even as to why you were confused?
[23:39] ZombieGirl: because i thought you were set with me
[23:40] ZombieGirl: talking about living together...
[23:40] ZombieGirl: i mean....im surprised you'd be confused
[23:40] ZombieGirl: because you love me
[23:41] TaK1138: love is a confusing thing
[23:41] ZombieGirl: i can understand how someone is different, you'd be curious
[23:41] ZombieGirl: you were confused about loving me? ^^
[23:41] ZombieGirl: or no?
[23:41] ZombieGirl: because i never once felt confusion
[23:41] ZombieGirl: i knew
[23:41] TaK1138: no, i knew that i love you
[23:41] TaK1138: I never loved her
[23:42] ZombieGirl: then what was confusing? lol
[23:42] ZombieGirl: you don't cheat on the one you love for someone you don't love
[23:42] ZombieGirl: lol
[23:44] ZombieGirl: but...how does her being different mean you should act on curiousities? because we had discussed before this happened, that neither one of us liked other people and how it would make us feel if this happened....
[23:44] ZombieGirl: i just wondered if you didn't care about that
[23:44] ZombieGirl: because it seemed easy for you
[23:44] ZombieGirl: to have something different
[23:44] TaK1138: i told you that i was lost and did stupid things that i regret
[23:44] ZombieGirl: if different wasn't better, then who cares about different?
[23:44] ZombieGirl: i know
[23:44] TaK1138: i don't know anymore then that
[23:44] ZombieGirl: ok
[23:45] ZombieGirl: i guess im just telling you idk either lol
[23:45] ZombieGirl: because it's so confusing for me too
[23:45] ZombieGirl: but...what made you feel lost?
[23:45] ZombieGirl: i wanted to help you
[23:46] TaK1138: im just an idiot that ruined a good thing and now must travel the desert alone.....
[23:46] ZombieGirl: you're not an idiot
[23:46] ZombieGirl: i don't think that
[23:46] TaK1138: then i must be psychotic
[23:47] ZombieGirl: no, i don't think that either
[23:47] ZombieGirl: but you didn't seem lost to me when we were together
[23:47] ZombieGirl: it just happened
[23:47] ZombieGirl: when did you start feeling that way?
[23:50] ZombieGirl: i thought you felt good
[23:51] TaK1138: i don't know
[23:51] TaK1138: it happend too fast
[23:51] ZombieGirl: did you think of me when you let it happen?
[23:51] ZombieGirl: because i know you felt guilty
[23:52] ZombieGirl: how much did you guys do? unless you won't answer lol but i keep trying, idk why
[23:52] ZombieGirl: because you seemed like you felt more guilty over something more serious
[23:52] ZombieGirl: but you may not have
[23:53] ZombieGirl: but knowing is like closure for me, in a way
[23:55] ZombieGirl: did you want to be with her?
[23:55] TaK1138: just thinking of another girl when being with you is enough to feel guilty about
[23:56] ZombieGirl: well im glad...but you let her do things...
[23:56] ZombieGirl: so that should've stopped you
[23:56] ZombieGirl: i know you know that already
[23:57] ZombieGirl: but i guess i won't know what you wanted
[23:57] ZombieGirl: and why you'd be curious over someone different if i was the greatest
[23:57] ZombieGirl: maybe you don't know either
[23:58] ZombieGirl: i just wish it didn't happen
[23:58] ZombieGirl: i know you do too
[23:58] TaK1138: you arn't the greatest
[23:58] TaK1138: you are just the best i have had
[23:58] ZombieGirl: you told me i was
[23:58] ZombieGirl: ....
[23:58] TaK1138: don't get those confused
[23:59] ZombieGirl: you told me i was the greatest
[23:59] ZombieGirl: im not
[23:59] ZombieGirl: that's what you said
[23:59] ZombieGirl: did you want to be with her?
[23:59] ZombieGirl: i would've let you be with her...
[00:00] ZombieGirl: because i thought you wanted to try things with her or try being with her because you kept mentioning breaks and then being with me
[00:00] ZombieGirl: then more breaks
[00:00] ZombieGirl: it was all out of the blue
[00:01] TaK1138: ugh
[00:01] ZombieGirl: i won't make you answer those
[00:01] TaK1138: i just told you that you were the best gf i have ever had
[00:01] ZombieGirl: i know...
[00:01] TaK1138: now you think all these bad things
[00:01] ZombieGirl: but that's not answering questions lolz
[00:01] ZombieGirl: lawl
[00:01] ZombieGirl: i wasn't
[00:01] TaK1138: this is one of those things that makes it hard for me to talk to you
[00:01] ZombieGirl: i had already wondered why you mentioned taking a break, the minute she got involved
[00:02] ZombieGirl: i keep giving you chances...you just don't want to talk about it....
[00:02] ZombieGirl: and you don't have to
[00:02] ZombieGirl: but maybe one day, you'll tell me
[00:02] ZombieGirl: i hope you will
[00:02] ZombieGirl: but if not, it's ok
[00:02] TaK1138: i told you they were unrealated
[00:02] ZombieGirl: then why did you want a break?
[00:02] TaK1138: you want answers but you don't listen
[00:03] ZombieGirl: because you're kinda vague with things
[00:03] ZombieGirl: not everything, just some things
[00:04] ZombieGirl: im not trying to irritate you
[00:04] ZombieGirl: but if the break was unrelated, why would want one?
[00:05] ZombieGirl: would you*
[00:06] ZombieGirl: well that's ok too...
[00:07] TaK1138: i told you because i wanted you to gain perspective on live and love and us
[00:07] ZombieGirl: but i know you loved me
[00:07] ZombieGirl: i had my perspective...we were going to get our own place and we were happy
[00:07] ZombieGirl: and we loved each other
[00:08] ZombieGirl: in a lot of ways, i feel like i know more love than most
[00:08] ZombieGirl: because i never faltered with us
[00:08] ZombieGirl: i never gave up
[00:08] ZombieGirl: i never lied
[00:08] ZombieGirl: i never cheated
[00:08] ZombieGirl: i was always wanting to be with you
[00:08] ZombieGirl: and i knew exactly what i wanted out of life
[00:08] ZombieGirl: to move in with you, get married with you, graduate, get my master's someday, have kids around 26 or 27
[00:08] ZombieGirl: have my career
[00:08] ZombieGirl: as a psychologist
[00:09] ZombieGirl: i knew
[00:09] ZombieGirl: i was set
[00:09] TaK1138: and that is proof because obviously thats not going to happen
[00:09] ZombieGirl: what is proof?
[00:09] ZombieGirl: and i know it won't because you messed it up...^^
[00:09] ZombieGirl: you didn't let it happen
[00:09] TaK1138: that you thought all those things were sure bets
[00:10] ZombieGirl: because you made me believe they were. all of our talking, planning together
[00:10] ZombieGirl: why wouldn't i aspire for that?
[00:10] ZombieGirl: when it seemed you wanted that too
[00:10] ZombieGirl: you seem to forget i wasn't the only one wanting things
[00:11] ZombieGirl: and i believe that you wanted those too
[00:12] TaK1138: idk
[00:12] ZombieGirl: you don't know?
[00:12] TaK1138: i don't have all the answers.....
[00:12] ZombieGirl: well you should know if you wanted that stuff too....since we talked about it
[00:13] ZombieGirl: so that's an answer you should have
[00:13] ZombieGirl: or is that a part of your confusion?
[00:13] ZombieGirl: was us?
[00:13] ZombieGirl: it's ok
[00:15] TaK1138: i don't know erin
[00:15] ZombieGirl: but how? lol i guess i want to know that
[00:15] ZombieGirl: because you seemed sure of us
[00:15] ZombieGirl: and this was so different
[00:17] ZombieGirl: it's ok
[00:18] ZombieGirl: i won't make you talk anymore
[00:18] ZombieGirl: i just don't know how it changed
[00:18] TaK1138: you want answers that don't exsist
[00:18] ZombieGirl: but how do you not know if you were confused about us?
[00:18] ZombieGirl: because before you seemed sure of us
[00:18] ZombieGirl: that's all
[00:20] ZombieGirl: but if you don't know, that's ok
[00:20] ZombieGirl: it just hurts...i wish it didn't and i know it hurts you too
[00:21] ZombieGirl: but i forigve you for everything....and im sorry for what i did wrong too
[00:23] ZombieGirl: but really, im glad we're friends and i hope we can one day look at this and just not care
[00:23] ZombieGirl: i want that too
[00:24] ZombieGirl: even though it feels like i can't see that happening anytime soon, i know i will get there
[00:26] ZombieGirl: but thank you for talking...
[00:26] ZombieGirl: i'll quit asking you things
[00:26] ZombieGirl: i want you to be happy
[00:26] ZombieGirl: and to help people, like you said you want to
[00:27] ZombieGirl: ok, i'll leave you alone lol
[00:27] ZombieGirl: but thank you again...
[00:28] ZombieGirl: and for just everything good you did for me when we were together....and you're not an idiot...
[00:30] ZombieGirl: well goodnight
[00:31] TaK1138: goodnight
[00:31] ZombieGirl: sorry for bugging you with questions lol
[00:31] ZombieGirl: i won't do that anymore
[00:31] ZombieGirl: :P
[00:32] ZombieGirl: but anyway, have a good night
[14:35] <popandfries is now playing Hellgate: London>
[15:41] <popandfries stopped playing Hellgate: London>
[19:58] TaK1138: hey
[19:59] ZombieGirl: <High latency detected between you and the server. Your last few messages may not have been received.>
[19:59] ZombieGirl: hi
[20:00] TaK1138: ugh
[20:00] TaK1138: i dislike life
[20:00] ZombieGirl: what's wrong?
[20:00] ZombieGirl: why?
[20:00] ZombieGirl: :(
[20:00] TaK1138: everything keeps getting worse
[20:00] ZombieGirl: what's been going on?
[20:00] TaK1138: everyday i am trying to fallow my heart and life keeps shitting on me
[20:01] ZombieGirl: <High latency detected between you and the server. Your last few messages may not have been received.>
[20:01] TaK1138: are you downloading something?
[20:01] ZombieGirl: how?
[20:01] ZombieGirl: :(
[20:01] ZombieGirl: that makes me sad
[20:01] ZombieGirl: <High latency detected between you and the server. Your last few messages may not have been received.>
[20:01] ZombieGirl: <This user is now offline>
[20:01] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
[20:02] ZombieGirl: <This user is now offline>
[20:02] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
[20:03] ZombieGirl: <This user is now offline>
[20:09] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
[20:09] ZombieGirl: sorry
[20:09] ZombieGirl: my computer was being dumb
[20:09] ZombieGirl: but what were you saying?
[20:11] ZombieGirl: stupid high latency
[20:11] TaK1138: im going to shower i'll bbl
[20:12] ZombieGirl: ok...well i hope you feel better
[20:49] TaK1138: i wish i could hold you and cry....
[20:49] ZombieGirl: what's wrong?
[20:49] ZombieGirl: :(
[20:50] TaK1138: i think if something doesn't give soon i'm really going to crack..
[20:50] ZombieGirl: what do you want to give?
[20:51] TaK1138: i wish i hadn't fucked up so fucking bad
[20:52] TaK1138: there is nothting else to do.... every me and every you....
[20:52] ZombieGirl: i know you wish you hadn't...i wish you hadn't either...i know we could've been happy...but you felt lost and i couldn't save you that time
[20:52] ZombieGirl: i wish i could have
[20:53] TaK1138: i think i should start going to church
[20:53] ZombieGirl: really?
[20:53] TaK1138: I need some reason to pull the corpse from my sheets every morning
[20:54] ZombieGirl: i feel so awful all the time after this
[20:54] ZombieGirl: i just miss you
[20:54] ZombieGirl: so badly
[20:55] ZombieGirl: and people have told me so many different things...like "once a cheater, always a cheater" and "he'll do it again! that's the worst thing you could do to your gf...that isn't love" and then others are saying we should wait and see if we end up together in the future because they know how much we love each other
[20:55] ZombieGirl: and i just feel so lost
[20:55] ZombieGirl: i know i wasn't perfect either
[20:55] ZombieGirl: i said things that hurt you too
[20:56] ZombieGirl: it's just that you think we should just be friends and that's ok with me...i just want you to be happy
[20:56] ZombieGirl: i really do
[20:56] ZombieGirl: it hurts to know i can't take care of
[20:56] ZombieGirl: you
[20:56] ZombieGirl: i always loved doing that
[20:57] ZombieGirl: i wish....there was something i could do
[20:59] ZombieGirl: how does life keeping getting worse for you?
[20:59] ZombieGirl: :(
[21:00] TaK1138: i may have been the cause of a girl losing her home and breaking up with her boyfriend.
[21:00] ZombieGirl: what girl?
[21:00] TaK1138: shes homeless now
[21:01] ZombieGirl: billie jean?
[21:01] TaK1138: it doesn't matter
[21:01] ZombieGirl: well...she fucked up too
[21:01] ZombieGirl: it's not all your fault
[21:01] ZombieGirl: she decided to be all over you
[21:01] ZombieGirl: so it's also her doing
[21:01] TaK1138: its not billie jean
[21:01] ZombieGirl: oh ok
[21:01] TaK1138: so shutup
[21:01] ZombieGirl: you should be nice to me...
[21:01] TaK1138: you should be nice to me
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i have been
[21:01] ZombieGirl: i was letting you know all these good things
[21:01] TaK1138: and you say hurtful things about my friends
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and i've forgiven you
[21:02] ZombieGirl: how is she even a friend now? lol
[21:02] TaK1138: nvm
[21:02] ZombieGirl: sorry
[21:02] TaK1138: i still can't talk to you obviously
[21:02] ZombieGirl: you just say hurtful things to me
[21:02] ZombieGirl: like shut up
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and you hate me
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and im a bitch
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and two faced
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and a liar
[21:02] ZombieGirl: so i feel like you should just be nice too
[21:02] ZombieGirl: because i've tried to be understanding
[21:02] ZombieGirl: and i've forgiven you
[21:02] TaK1138: i said only one of those things tonight and you started it
[21:03] ZombieGirl: well it happens every night...
[21:03] TaK1138: so quit holding grudges
[21:03] ZombieGirl: well it keeps happening...
[21:03] ZombieGirl: but anyway
[21:03] TaK1138: because you won't let me have a decent conversation with you
[21:03] ZombieGirl: i was just wondering what girl
[21:03] ZombieGirl: and i thought it was billie jean
[21:03] ZombieGirl: that's all
[21:03] TaK1138: no you jumped to conclusions and said hurtfull things
[21:04] ZombieGirl: all i said was it wasn't your fault alone if it was her
[21:04] ZombieGirl: she decided to do it too
[21:04] ZombieGirl: so that's not hurtful
[21:04] ZombieGirl: it's truthful
[21:04] ZombieGirl: i wasn't aiming to be mean
[21:04] TaK1138: no you said: [21:01] ZombieGirl: well...she fucked up too
[21:01] ZombieGirl: it's not all your fault
[21:01] ZombieGirl: she decided to be all over you
[21:01] ZombieGirl: so it's also her doing

[21:04] ZombieGirl: i was being honest
[21:04] TaK1138: chose your words more carefully
[21:04] ZombieGirl: it wasn't mean
[21:05] ZombieGirl: two people did it, not just you
[21:05] ZombieGirl: or just her
[21:05] ZombieGirl: that was the point
[21:05] TaK1138: this was never about her
[21:05] ZombieGirl: i know that now
[21:05] TaK1138: then drop it
[21:05] TaK1138: please
[21:05] ZombieGirl: i did...i said anyway lol
[21:05] ZombieGirl: so what about this girl? what did you do to make her be homeless and break up with her bf?
[21:05] ZombieGirl: lol
[21:05] ZombieGirl: it sounds sad
[21:06] TaK1138: i don't want to talk to you about it, you make me feel unconfortable
[21:06] ZombieGirl: i was just wondering...
[21:06] ZombieGirl: i wasn't trying to make you feel uncomfortable
[21:06] TaK1138: it was a bad choice to think i could turn to you.
[21:06] TaK1138: I'm sorry
[21:06] ZombieGirl: i am too...that you can't be decent. i was dropping the subject and asking you what all was wrong...im still trying to listen to you...
[21:06] ZombieGirl: you don't have to act this way
[21:06] ZombieGirl: im here for you
[21:06] ZombieGirl: even now
[21:07] TaK1138: its ok
[21:07] TaK1138: i'll find someone else to talk to
[21:07] TaK1138: no worries
[21:07] ZombieGirl: that was nice...
[21:07] ZombieGirl: i was just trying to be here for you
[21:07] ZombieGirl: and wondering how you feel you did this
[21:07] TaK1138: no erin , you wern't
[21:07] ZombieGirl: yeah i was
[21:07] ZombieGirl: i thought you were referring to billie jean
[21:07] ZombieGirl: that was all
[21:07] ZombieGirl: and you got mad
[21:07] TaK1138: does she have a boyfriend?
[21:08] ZombieGirl: because i thought it was her
[21:08] ZombieGirl: she could
[21:08] ZombieGirl: idk
[21:08] ZombieGirl: you had a gf
[21:08] ZombieGirl: so...it's possible
[21:08] TaK1138: thx
[21:08] TaK1138: goodnight
[21:08] ZombieGirl: people make mistakes
[21:08] ZombieGirl: that's all i was saying
[21:08] ZombieGirl: you don't have to just be like this....i think i was being honest. plus, i don't see how you could make another girl homeless
[21:08] ZombieGirl: and get dumped
[21:08] ZombieGirl: unless it was billie jean
[21:09] ZombieGirl: because of everything that happened
[21:09] ZombieGirl: so why else would i think it was her
[21:09] ZombieGirl: ?*
[21:09] ZombieGirl: that's my point
[21:09] ZombieGirl: you don't have to just stop talking, i was being here for you...letting you know that you weren't the only one who messed up
[21:10] ZombieGirl: that's not being mean
[21:10] ZombieGirl: idk why you took it that way
[21:10] ZombieGirl: and why you would keep defending her and just realizing that this wasn't all you
[21:10] ZombieGirl: i want you to be happy
[21:10] TaK1138: i know it wasn't all her
[21:10] TaK1138: but i don't want to talk about her with you
[21:10] ZombieGirl: then don't take it the wrong way
[21:11] ZombieGirl: when i said that
[21:11] TaK1138: and you are dwelling on her
[21:11] ZombieGirl: ok, well that's all you had to say
[21:11] TaK1138: its annoying
[21:11] ZombieGirl: i already told you why i thought it was her, but you said it wasn't...so it's good
[21:11] ZombieGirl: so you can tell me what's wrong...
[21:11] ZombieGirl: i'll listen to you
[21:11] ZombieGirl: we don't need to fight
[21:12] ZombieGirl: so what's going on? :(
[21:12] ZombieGirl: i want to try to help, even in a little way
[21:14] ZombieGirl: please don't be this way
[21:14] TaK1138: its fine erin
[21:14] ZombieGirl: im trying to be here for you
[21:14] ZombieGirl: i want you to be happy
[21:15] ZombieGirl: i don't give up that easily lol
[21:15] ZombieGirl: :P
[21:15] ZombieGirl: i want you to feel ok to tell me since you already started
[21:15] ZombieGirl: and yes, my apologies, i thought it was bj...my bad
[21:15] ZombieGirl: but it isn't
[21:15] ZombieGirl: so there's no need to shun me from things now
[21:16] ZombieGirl: well is that the only reason why you're sad?
[21:17] ZombieGirl: you feel you made someone lose their bf and become homeless?
[21:17] TaK1138: erin
[21:18] ZombieGirl: yes?
[21:18] TaK1138: its fine
[21:18] TaK1138: drop it
[21:18] TaK1138: its too late
[21:18] ZombieGirl: how?
[21:18] ZombieGirl: and why?
[21:18] TaK1138: i have already changed my mind
[21:18] ZombieGirl: i want to be there for you...
[21:18] ZombieGirl: i hate thinking i can't be
[21:18] ZombieGirl: because it's hard for me to just give up
[21:18] TaK1138: well when you and I are ready for that you will have your time
[21:18] TaK1138: but i don't feel that is tonight
[21:19] ZombieGirl: what do you mean, when we are ready?
[21:19] ZombieGirl: im sorry, do you mean like, in talking about things?
[21:22] ZombieGirl: sorry i don't understand lol i guess i could take that in different ways
[21:22] ZombieGirl: *sigh*
[21:24] ZombieGirl: well....i hope you feel better...
[21:24] ZombieGirl: i hope things turn around for you, i really do
[21:25] ZombieGirl: but for what it's worth, i'd like it if you could hold me too...like you said earlier...
[21:25] ZombieGirl: but be happy because you're getting your games back tomorrow...
[21:25] ZombieGirl: so maybe that's good news?
[21:25] ZombieGirl: eh...idk
[21:26] TaK1138: o and my mom's book
[21:26] ZombieGirl: oh ok
[21:26] ZombieGConversation started between TaK1138 and ZombieGirl: Fri, Mar  13 23:02:43 2009
[23:02] TaK1138: i want to grab some frozen strawberries to chill your bruisy knees....
[00:47] ZombieGirl: <This user is now online>
Conversation ended: Sun, Mar  15 03:53:12 2009


On top of that here are the msgs she sent me, notice the two faced manipulation.....

lease don't shut me out. we really need to tell each other everything. i told you what i heard from aaron and it bothers me that i heard it. i want to hear from you your side. that's all. if you avoid talking, nothing gets solved. just talk...that's all. this makes it harder.

.........................................................

well i love you so completely and you hid her from me and idk why. you let her be all over you and gave her your number. i still care about you and love you. i never thought i'd ever blow up at you, but that was it for me. last week was awful being shut out like that and then not knowing you had some fling going on or whatever you call it or see it as. im really hurt by how you lied to cassie, saying you told me about it and i was mad, so that was why you were depressed. you kept talking about a break and i wasn't really doing anything. i don't see how i could've by not knowing. and what hurts worse is that people saw you guys and you were gonna be happy with me but not tell me why...or maybe you were and i didn't know it. i just can't believe everything that happened. you were really good to me until she came in the picture and you let her. but i love you and im gonna miss you anyway. maybe we can be friends one day...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: TaK1138 (199479052)
To: Erin Explosion � (87499615)
Date: Feb 26, 2009 2:33 PM
Subject: RE:



its obvious to me by what you said on Tuesday that i no longer fill the requirements to be in a happy and healthy relationship with you. I hope we can one day be friends, until then have a good life without me.


..................................................


im so sorry that all this happened. it was like i got blind sided and im so surprised that all those girls were all over me about her being all over you. i know it fucking hurts but it fucking hurts me too. i love you so goddamn much and i want to be with you so fucking much. i hate thinking about not sleeping next to you and not being with you. goddamn, this is so fucking much to take. you're my fucking life and always have been. i just want to know why you'd allow her on your lap or why you even needed to tell her that there was no "us" between you two. it just hurts knowing you even had to do that. i know you love me, i know you told her you had a gf, and i've been a fucking wreck since this happened. i was so happy that you felt good about us, but i thought it was because of me, not because of you rejecting her. i want to know what happened to make her think that there even could be an "us" for you guys or why you couldn't just tell me it was her you talked to all valentine's day. it was so fucking unusu
al. i know you don't want to hurt me, but she hurt me too. she fucking sat on your lap, like a gf would. i know you and how you love me. i've always known that but i wanted you to talk and kept fucking trying for it and i got nothing. that hurt too. but after all, i love you more than fucking anything. i want to be with you and i can't even see myself being without you. there can be an "us" and i just need to know these things, like why give your number to her? why let her sit on your lap? why not tell me who it was you talked to all valentine's day? i know you fucking love me and i know you're livid, i was too. i couldn't believe so many people jumped in to talk. i want you to be with me and i don't want to be with anyone fucking else. seriously. i would love to just forget about everything, even if people are upset over this...it's you and me. please, just be with me and let me know everything. i want us to be totally open with each other and just be together. you can't fucking shut me out anymore, just te
ll me things. i love you so goddamn fucking much and it kills to think you'd say things like you should fuck every bitch you meet...and all of that. it fucking kills. i admit, i felt fucking insecure the minute you wouldn't tell me who it was, when it was different with everyone else you talk to. i want you to fucking open up about this. i wanted to talk to you and hear from you, but you wouldn't talk. i love you so goddamn much, i don't think you know and no one else does either. you're my fucking heart and i want you to be with me. im willing to give you a chance, i hate thinking we're not fucking together. you're everything i want and i know my parents are super pissed but i don't give a fuck what they think. you're seriously the only thing that matters to me. i had hoped to be the reason you were happy for feeling good about us, but i don't understand that whole situation...i understand my parents will be unhappy but fuck what they think. my mom is generating stress and telling me how you don't care what
she thinks and i know you said that, so she's right...but i don't care either. i care about you. more than any goddamn person. don't say such hurtful things. i know you're upset and i've been fucking depressed too. i just want you and to talk...i want you to fucking hold me again. i love you so goddamn much. i want to be with you. now.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: TaK1138 (199479052)
To: Erin Explosion � (87499615)
Date: Feb 27, 2009 1:14 AM
Subject:


I'm so fucking fed up with this fucking bullshit. I fucking hate the goddamn bitches that fucking feed off of this drama bullshit. They fucking tell lies because they know ppl will believe them and the fucking get off watching ppl's lives destroyed. Those fucking cunts don't know a fucking thing and i hope that they get raped with fucking razor wire. Billie Jean and i are fucking tearing our hair out because we haven't even fucking talked to half of these dumb bitches. Your are upset, she is upset, I'm so fucking pissed off i can hardly see straight. I have a fucking fever and I'm hacking my lungs up because my fucking body is giving up on me because how depressed i am. You know i fucking do the right thing and sit her down and tell her that there can never be an "us" and the fucking next day all fucking hell brakes loose. Both of us are getting verbally attacked, I can't even tell who my friends are and I am all alone while those fucking demon spawn fucking bitches keep whispering in your ear. I can't fucki
ng handles this shit. Sarah fucked me up bad, sometimes i can barley be sub-human, this is fucking bull shit. I fucking love you, and i told her that to her face, I fucking told everyone. These fucking scum of the earth enjoy a good show... I fucking hope they are happy cause i know 3 innocent ppl who don't deserve nasty rumors and comments and don't deserve this pain. I fucking hope i can control my self cause i am fucking livid. God dammit, god fucking dammit. Fucking women can't be worth all this bullshit. I fucking hate this, I don't fucking deserve it! I fucking pour my heart and soul into everything i do, and sometimes ppl take it the wrong way. Most of the time tho its such a fucking waste of time. You know what really breaks me down.. it really fucking fills me with absolute rage, we can't go back. There is no more fucking you and I. There is no me and her. There is nothing but blackness. I have fucking tried so hard to improve my life and make right choices. It never gets me more then a moment of ha
ppiness because then fucking drama bullshit happens and everyone fucking sheds there mask to show their true ugly disgusting selves and i fucking hate it. I fucking wish I could tear some ppl limb from limb with my bear fucking hands so i can feel each fiber of their body being torn. All i want is for you to be happy, don't take this the wrong way but i want her to be happy, i fucking want everyone around me to be happy. Its because i care, I fucking care too much that i try to save every soul i can. I fucking feel sorry for the innocent and I just want help everyone i can. The fucking price is too high. I can't sacrifice mine in return. I'm such a fucking idiot, i should be the bastard everyone now thinks i am. I should fucking use ppl and fuck every bitch i meet. I should fucking exhaust every valuable resource their soul my have to offer to get my fill. I should blacken everything that is pure to me just for my own selfish satisfaction. Then you can fucking call me a bastard and I will revel in it. I hope
the fucking economy fails and the governments dissolves so i can fucking be free of of this fucking social bullshit. Women are the fucking sweetest poison I have ever tasted and I fucking hate it. I tried doing the right fucking thing and i blew up in my face. I will never forget this, everyone i meet will feel my fury, even in the smallest way. Because i will never fully heal and the effects of this will reverberate in every future relationship i have. There is nothing sacred anymore....


.......................................................


i know you love me, i really do. i keep reading that message and it breaks my heart. im so fucking sorry you're alone. i want to be there for you but i fully cant and i fucking hate that. i know we can be together again, i just want to talk with you and thats it. i would be with you in a heartbeat and im so fucking worried about you too. i just think a talk by ourselves, will say more than those girls who told me shit. i dont want to isolate you, im not mad at you, im really fucking not. i keep thinking about you and how we need to talk, we cant not say anything. beth and jamie want us to talk and they want us together. beth and tristan didnt do anything or say anything, i swear. they fucking love you and i and i know they want to see us work it out. its just unexpected. you know i fucking love you more than anyone. i love you more than i can even comprehend. please, just try to talk to me. it would do us good to just talk. i know it, goddamn, i hate this. i hate how you're hurting...


.......................................................


you are not a bastard. i don't think you are at all...i never did. i just wanted to be with you and talk to you about it, i was so sick of hearing cassie go on and i knew i needed to speak to you. i wish you didnt beat yourself up like this, it breaks my heart. it really breaks my fucking heart. i would give anything to be with you and i've always wanted you...i never thought you were a bastard and hearing all that is so hard for me. i have so much hope that you'll just give it a chance to be with me because we need to work it out together, i havent involved anyone, they all came to me. i never wanted you to feel this way, i really didnt. it makes me feel so fucking awful and i want to see you this weekend and just hold you, even if its the last time. i can do that. i just want to know i did all i can to reach out and show you my heart, and maybe hold you or be held or say goodbye in person over the weekend...i would give anything even for that, if you wanted. i know its so hard for you to be accused of shit
, i just feel like we need to talk and see each other. please see me sometime this weekend just to be with me and talk. i cant even freak out at you or anyone. im just so tired of not hearing from you and im so tired of hoping you'll talk, so i think if we can talk this weekend and just say what we need to in person and whether or not we decide to be together again, i want to know i tried and i want you to know that too...but i fucking want to be with you so bad...


..................................................


will you see me this weekend? please? even if its for just an hour or two. i just want to see you and just hold you and tell you i love you so much and how its killing me to not be with you...it really is breaking me down. i dont care what happened...i mean, i'd like to know from you but no one else. and i know i could get over this. im not even mad...i just want to see you and see what we can do

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: TaK1138 (199479052)
To: Erin Explosion � (87499615)
Date: Feb 27, 2009 1:47 PM
Subject: RE:


Its ok, I feel better now.. I took some medicine. The sun still rose today so life will go on. Don't worry about me, I just lost my composure for a min.



.................................................


It's becoming clear to me that you don't want to speak about this issue. That you just don't. I can understand not wanting to talk about it, and I feel that way too. I just feel like I really need you to do this for me for closure if we're broken up, or just so I can know everything and hear it from you, so that maybe we can be together again and try from a fresh start. I cannot and will not force you to talk about it. I know you love and I always have. Even now. I've never doubted that you told people how wonderful you thought I was or how much you loved me. I heard that from a lot of people before all this happened. I just hate thinking that we've been together so long and that I've shared so many personal and meaningful experiences with you and they've all be wonderful to have with you, but that it's ended like this. I want you to be happy and I want you to get everything out of life that you deserve. I never thought you were a bastard for anything. I really did not. It just breaks my heart to think that
it all went wrong when it shouldn't have. I feel like I've tried a lot to get you to talk and even over texting, you told me no, in response to me saying we need to talk in person. I know you don't want to. I understand this is really hard for you too. I wouldn't think it's easy. I never wanted anyone to verbally attack you in any way about this. I had wished to find out differently, but I still have so many unanswered questions and I feel you don't want to talk about it, so we won't talk about it. I need to just let you do what you want. I'm okay with that, in ways. I just need to tell you that I love you one last time, seeing as how you said in a message that what really breaks you apart is knowing we're not together and we can't go back...there is no more you and I. I suppose you're right, too. I've been reading that message over and over, trying to figure out what you meant by "we can't go back" and then when you said "there is no me and her". I believe you meant that we may not ever be able to be togeth
er again and that there wasn't ever any "you and her" at all. She just wanted it to be. I'm glad you told her at all, that there could never be anything between you guys. Thank you for that. I just wish it was done sooner and that you told me. It's hard knowing I will never sleep in your bed again and wake up next to you. I remember all the wonderful things about you and our relationship. I will always want to know from you, but I honestly believe by your avoidance to talk about it, that all my trying is getting aggravating to you and you're trying to make it clear to me that you just won't talk about this issue. In your message you stated that there's 3 innocent people who don't deserve rumors and mean comments...well I honestly believe she wasn't innocent...she knew you had me and still she was aggressive, according to you. You let her do that, but it's okay. I feel you are more innocent than her. Besides, if you and I got back together, I would want you to cut off all communication with her, delete her nu
mber, never speak to her again. I don't think you'd like that. I've always wanted you and never wanted anything more than that. I had so many dreams that you and I would have a place of our own and I know you wanted the same. It just seemed to change so suddenly and hearing about taking a break last week, really hurt but I understood in a way. I still do. I wish it didn't happen, especially since we've been together for so long. I loved you more than anyone could love another person and I still do. I would love to be your friend and hope you would love that too. I feel I should stop asking you to see me and talk about things since you don't want to. I just think you should've tried to talk about them, as well. It's a huge blow to my heart that we're not together and that you didn't want to talk, but knowing how much you loved me will always be with me too. I miss you already and to be honest, I hate it. I hate it because I know we're not together and I've been thinking of ways we could talk, but knowing you
don't want to makes me think I need to leave it be. I know you care about me...it was apparent even when you told you you loved me and there wouldn't be anything between you two. I just need closure from you, but you don't have to give that to me. I also thought you felt like no matter how much we love each other and really do want to be with each other, we can't go back meant that things wouldn't be the same. My trust would be down and people would still harass you...something. There's been so much to take, for both of us. I really wanted to be with you forever and still do. I wish it hadn't ended up this way and that makes me even more sad, when I think about it. I just hope you have good memories with me as well, and always remember how much I love you and care. I feel in a way, I'm doing this for you. So you know I'm not abandoning you and that I always wanted to take care of you. It will be really hard for me but I'm glad you were good and gave me your weekend time to see you and that you gave me my fir
st experiences with so much. I'm thankful I got to love someone as much as I love you. I know more about myself, because of that and our relationship. And it kills me to say this, but I had hoped to have a life with you, not without. I'm sorry for the mistakes I have made and trying to chase you down to talk, since you didn't really want to. I'm sorry you feel we can't go back. I'm sorry it's so hard for you too. I really am. I just want you to miss me as I miss you. I want you to know how much I've tried and how much I appreciated what you did do for me. I wish people wouldn't attack you anymore. It really does break my heart. All of this. It's weird not seeing you over the weekend, too but maybe we really can't go back. Especially if we can't talk. This may have happened for some reason, but idk yet. In the meantime, I will do some soul searching and do my best to get over this so maybe one day you'll want to talk. Or just be friends. I would love that. You were amazing to have in my life. I want you to be
happy and even if it means you have to make yourself happy without me, so be it. I will accept that. I always loved you so much. I know you you know that...but I will admit, this will be harder to move on from knowing you didn't want to talk and I don't have answers. But it's okay. I know what I do know and I did hear from you some things, like telling her there couldn't be an "us" between you and that you loved me. Maybe that's all I should know. I just had wanted another try, but perhaps we shouldn't, even though I want nothing more than that. Thank you, though, for taking me to my prom, loving me, getting me involved with new interests, helping me with math homework, being on my side when my mom and I fight, trying to take care of me. Those were all wonderful and means so much still. I had wished to say this in person, but you didn't seem to want that. So I will just have to try my best to get through it without you. But I honestly don't know how I can or even how it's Saturday already and I'm not with y
ou this weekend. It will probably get easier later, but right now, I feel like you might be right. Even though it seems you didn't directly say it, you said we can't go back and that might be why you didn't want to talk. I'm going to miss you so terribly. I'm going to miss laying in your bed next to you, our penguin joke, how you spooned me every time I rolled over, and watching all those Star Trek movies with you. I'm going to miss our activities. I'm just going to miss us. I hope you will too.


...........................................................


I feel it's becoming clearer to me that you don't really want to talk about the issue. I understand that, I just felt I needed to hear everything from you. I never wanted it to end this way because we had spent almost 2 years together and I felt we were pretty inseparable. I had wished you would've told me sooner that some girl was sitting on your lap, and being all over you and you let her. But it's okay, because I love you and still do, regardless of the stuff that has happened. I feel I'm grateful in so many ways for being with you. Especially having someone like you to love so unconditionally, and knowing you loved me that way too. I honestly feel that when you said there were 3 innocent people hearing mean rumors and comments, that Jean wasn't innocent at all. She wanted you and you said she was aggressive with you, while knowing you and I were together. But as you told me you wanted me to be happy, I feel like all I want is for you to be happy as well. It really breaks my heart knowing people have been
verbally attacking you and I don't feel you deserve that either. I really don't. This whole thing really breaks my heart because we were together for almost 2 years and I had hoped that if we had broken up, it wouldn't be this way. I never actually thought we would ever break up. But I've been reading your message to me over and over, about how you're really broken up about not being with me and how there's no more you and I. And how we can't go back...maybe you're right about it too. I feel if you didn't want to talk about this, then there wouldn't be any way for us to get back together or even for me to get closure if we wouldn't have gotten back together. I'm going to miss so much about us and our relationship. I'm really going to miss laying next to you at night in your bed and waking up next to you in the morning, how every time I rolled over that you spooned me, and how we would play video games together, hoping to beat them together and watching all those tv shows and those Star Trek movies together.
Those were amazing things we had and I hope you feel the same. I will always remember the good things and in a way, it makes me even more sad, but I'm still going to be really thankful for memories like that. I really will be. You were my first love and I'm glad we were able to be happy and even though this all happened, you didn't mean to hurt me. I never thought of you as a bastard, even now. I really didn't. I never thought badly of you. I just want you to know that. You were the best thing in my life and I can honestly say that, still. I'm sorry when you were happy, it happened. I know it was hard for you too. I just don't fully know how I'm going to get through it without you...you've always been there for me. And even now, not sleeping for so long and thinking about you, thinking how you don't want to talk about it makes it harder for me to think we could be together again, it makes me sad that it's already Saturday and I'm not with you this weekend. Thank you for loving me, holding me at night, getti
ng me involved in new activities, being on my side when my mom and I fought. It all meant so much to me and will continue to. I really feel that if you don't want to talk, I need to leave it be. I just had hoped you would've tried to talk about it, as well. It's okay, though. I understand how you wouldn't want to. I just don't want to chase you down about it. I had hoped to get a place with you after college, but I guess you were right...not everything works out the way you want it to. It's an eye opener, really. I was so optimistic and I still am. I'm optimistic that we can be friends and I would love that if you would be my friend when you think you can be. I won't force you to do that either. I just kept trying and I hope you saw that too. You were so wonderful to me and just because of this situation, doesn't change that. I have good memories with you and a lot of them. I'm going to miss so much...I'm really going to miss our penguin joke, sharing music, being held by you, sleeping in your bed, and takin
g care of you. Just know that I have always appreciated you and what you did for me. Thank you for being with me for so long, but I'm sad to admit that maybe you were right about how we can't go back. I kept reading that message over and over and that always got to me. But I think I can understand. If we did get back together, I would want you to delete her number, never speak to her again, not even be friends with her. I'm sure you wouldn't like that. I know it's so hard for you too, and that kills me. It really made my heart sink when you said you were sick over this. I just wanted to take care of you when I heard that, but I know there must be a reason for this to have happened...I just don't know what it is yet. So in the meantime, I'm going to do some soul-searching and continue to remember good things and probably wish it was different now, but you don't want to talk about the issue, so I cannot and will not force you to. I want you to be remember good things too. In all honesty, I want you to miss me
and wish this was different too..but I think you do. Thank you for telling her there couldn't be an "us" between you two and that you loved me, when you did. Even though I had wished you would've done that sooner. I still have so many unanswered questions, but that I can't make you tell me anything if you don't want to, so I'm letting it go. I'll try always to be there for you if you still need me at times or if you just want to know we're friends, I'll be that. It's going to be really hard for me...but I know it is for you too. I had hoped I would've gotten that closure, but it became pretty apparent you didn't want to speak about it...or even try to. But I'm glad you sent me that message...I'm glad you said something. I just hope you don't hurt yourself or stop caring about yourself. I will always want you to be safe and happy. It would break my heart if you did something bad. Losing you has destroyed me, but I know it's been awful for you as well. I just thought I should tell you I love you one last time
because we're not together anymore and not talking about it will make it hard to be together again, even though I wanted nothing more than you and I. Sometimes you would grab my hand and look at me with a love so complete, I could want nothing more. I remember the things you told me and how you said you could see us getting married and having kids one day. I remember how happy I was about that. Ever since that day, I thought it could happen. And maybe it could have. I even remember how there was no build up to my loving you. It was an exact moment. I can still remember which one it was. But because of you, I have these memories. They're good ones. It feels like I'll never fully get over this because we didn't talk...even though I wanted you to. But thank you anyway. You did my life so much good, regardless. I feel I've tried a lot and I hope you saw that too. I know you tried a lot for me, and thank you for that. I had just wanted to be with you forever. I'm just trying to take this time to realize it's over
and no matter how much I wanted differently, you might have had a point. I had wished you would've talked...but I still care about you and your life. I won't chase you to talk anymore. I'll leave it be for good. I feel if you had wanted to talk and make it different, you would have. But it's okay, I got the feeling you didn't try to because you feel we can't go back. Which kills me, but that might be right. We may not be able to. I just hope you remember good things too. I will. Even if it harder that way...it'll be okay someday. We can be friends when you and I are ready to be. I love you...and I hope you miss me too.


........................................................


i feel it's becoming clearer to me that you really don't want to talk about the issue. and that's okay because i know how it's really hard for you too. i just had wanted you to talk to me because i was hoping that if you did talk about it and answered my questions, we could've been together again or at least i could've gotten my closure from knowing everything from you and not anyone else. i really hate how this wasn't private. i wanted no one to be involved but i can't get what i want, always. i had wished jean hadn't been all over you or how you let her, even though she knew you were with me. im just glad you told her at all that there could never be an "us" between you two and that you loved me a lot and i know you tried, so thank you. it does mean so much. even if we aren't together now, it really does. i had hoped we could've gotten our own place after college and gotten married and had kids. i remember how you wanted that too. and how you told me if we were still happy, you could see that happening. i
have so many good memories with you. i will always think about them. like our penguin joke, how we played ff together and tried to beat games together, sleeping next to you and waking up next to you every morning, how every time i rolled over, you spooned me, and watching tv shows and star trek movies together. im so grateful for being able to share such personal and meaningful experiences with you. that will be the hardest thing to remember because it breaks my heart when i do, but im so glad i have it anyway. i wish it was different, but i'd like to think you do too. i know it's been super hard for you too. i admit, when you told me you were sick over this and so depressed, i wanted to take care of you, but i couldn't. and i've read your message to me over and over about how you're so broken up the most about how we're not together anymore and we can't go back. maybe you do have a point about not being able to go back. maybe it will be different than before if we do, or that you'd be harassed more if we do
i had hoped if you talked, we could be together again...but we may not be able to go back, like you said. im so sorry for finding out. i didn't even try to. i keep thinking about how if i didn't find out, would you have told me the truth? or not? and maybe we could still be together and i could still see you on the weekends...but i guess i should've known from you, and no one else...sometimes i think about how i didn't even want to find out if i knew this would be it...but i did. and im sorry that people are verbally attacking you. i don't feel you need that and i never wanted anyone to get involved or do this to you. im so worried about you still, but i hope you know that i tried really hard the entire time. but i loved trying for you and for us. i never wanted to be with someone so much and i still want to, but if we can't go back...we can't. i will accept how you didn't want to talk about the issue, and just let you know i still love you wholeheartedly. there will be so much gone from my life without yo
u, but maybe we can friends when you and i are ready. i would love that. i remember wanting to be with you so much, i could want nothing more. and how you would look at me sometimes with a love so complete, i could want nothing more. i can't even remember my love for you building up, just that it was an exact moment when i knew. i could even tell you that moment. but thank you for being with me for so long, and even now, i still care. it's just going to be the hardest thing for me to get through. especially since you let her and she wasn't innocent about it...because she knew. and also because i have so many things i feel i should know, but i won't make you talk about it. i can really accept that, so im still trying. i just hope you don't hurt yourself or stop caring about yourself...i will always want you to be safe and happy. even if it hurts a lot now. i know you want me to be happy too and thank you. you did make me happy. im sorry for any kind of mistakes i made with you, but i loved you so much and you
loved me a lot, that you could always forget it. thank you for the good things and memories. i will miss you and our old times. i really will. i love you...and will for a long time. but one day, it might be easier for both of us. i hope you'll miss me and our good memories too...


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im so glad you'll miss me too. i just wanted you to know if you had told me, i would've gotten over it. it's okay, though. im trying really hard not to take it personally because i know you didn't want to hurt me. but it does hurt. i just...wished we didn't have to break up. i thought we were meant for each other and that we didn't need to find each other again...


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im really glad that you'll miss me too. i just all of this, i really do. im trying so hard to not take it personally, but i wonder if i was nearly perfect almost all the time, why would this happen? but that's just me dwelling because im sad. but i thought we already were meant for each other but i know things happen, so it's not always easy like that. i hope you take care of yourself. be safe for me.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: TaK1138 (199479052)
To: Erin Explosion � (87499615)
Date: Feb 28, 2009 12:43 PM
Subject: RE:


Don't take our brake up personally. I have no bad memories with you, you were nearly perfect nearly all off the time. This is nothing like sarah and I. Don't despair, if we were meant for each other we will find each other again..

In the mean time take care of yourself for me, I'll miss you dearly.



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im so glad you'll miss me too...i just hate all of this, i really do. it's been really hard for me. but i would like to be able to find you again...but i thought we already were meant for each other...and it makes me wonder if i was nearly perfect almost all of the time, why did this go on and happen? but that's just me dwelling because im sad...but i hope you take care of yourself for me too.



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m sorry im writing this...i know it's somewhat out of the blue, but i've been thinking. in the time we've been apart thus far, i feel like i've been thinking a lot about everything that happened between you and her. or not happened. how i still want to know so badly because i feel you owe it to me, even though if you tell me im not going to try to be with you again. i do believe you had a point about how we can't go back, there is just no more us. i think i have to agree with that, as well. but in the same regard, i still need some sort of closure from you. i feel yesterday was me telling you my closure. how im going to miss you, still care, want you to be safe and make good decisions since we won't be together and i can't take care of you...etc. but i feel it could really help me out if you answered all these questions...even though i told you i knew you didn't want to talk, because it was pretty clear to me that you didn't. i did mean everything i said yesterday, every word. this is just me still hoping i
can get answers, so i can fully do my best to get over this situation and not feel like im still owed closure on your part. i felt good writing all that to you yesterday because i knew i had to tell you. i wanted you to know because i wanted you to know i never want you to hurt. i know all of this is probably not what you ever wanted or intended to be or have happen...but it did. despite how much i know you don't want to tell me and how yes, i did mean that i wasn't going to force you or make you tell me, i feel like i needed to say this to you, too...how badly this one hurt. how i never expected this and how even if you just let her sit on you and touch you and how she was so aggressive, you let her and it feels the same as if you were to initiate it. the hurt is all the same. i feel you could understand that, too. i also feel like im somewhat angry too, in the fact that you didn't give me any answers, and yet, i deserve them and feel i need them to fully do my best and just remember all of our great memori
es and so i can get closure from your part. i really won't force you to tell me, but if you decide to tell me, i'd like to know this: why did you let it happen at all? i know you love me and didn't want to hurt me, but why would you give her your number if you knew she was all over you? just what all really happened with you two? why didn't you just tell me in the beginning? what was with mentioning the break if this was happening? was it because you felt guilty about this and wanted to fix it and then come back to me? or was it because you did want to mess around and then be with me again? i know you wanted to be with me, i really do. i know it's hard for you to not be with me and that we really loved each other and you felt it was that reason for not being with me anymore, that broke you down the most. but i feel like that too. i also want to know why she would need you to sit her down tell her no, there could never be an "us" with you guys? it's just me feeling like i should've known before, but i really
want to get over this and it's going to take a long time before i do, but this will help. i feel i gave you my closure to myself yesterday, because i wanted you to know all of that. and i meant every word. but i feel like it's so hard to fully even try to begin without knowing that stuff from you...i know you understand how getting closure from someone else goes...but i won't force you still. so if you decide to tell me, thank you. im really sorry if this aggravated you, but i need it. that's all. im really sorry how everything happened...i wish it was different. but again, thank you if you do this. i can still try to move on, but it'll be harder for me to without knowing.


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So don't even bother responding to this, but I felt you should know that I know about you having sex with that stupid slut, Billie Jean at Kat's house when you slept over. Kat and I are good friends now. Billie Jean has had no problem opening up her whorish little mouth to me, either. I'm glad to say you got what you deserve. I have no remorse for you fucking up people's lives and people lashing out at you. You ripped my fucking heart out, but what I have learned about you has made me realize that I don't need and/or want you or anything to do with you. You have no understanding about what love or relationships really are. Everything is about you and always will be about you and the only thing you know about love is that you love yourself more than others. That will never change. You have the inability to care for someone else or form a real fucking loyal bond. You appear to have a set of rules (I would add in morals, but you lack in that department) for yourself and a different set of rules for others. For
example, you say you're not a liar, yet you tell me the most ridiculous lies and the truth is not in you and you avoid any sort of honesty when dealing with other, even when it's someone you CLAIM to love. You also say I'm always saying hurtful things about your friends, but you had the fucking nerve to lash out at me, saying I'm a bitch, manipulative, two faced. So I'm fucking two faced, eh? Well, how's this for being two faced....you told me you fucking loved me and STILL call me by your disgusting pet names when dating your little rebound and yet, you tell Billie Jean that you will always love her, but not "in that way". Please. Give me a fucking break. And the whole thing about women being leeches? Yeah, you're the fucking leech and the bitch. You've been made a fool of. No one fucking likes you or respects you anymore. You had the audacity to ruin something good and you don't even care. You make it so obvious you didn't love or that you just didn't want to be with me anymore, by me simply knowing you we
re confused as to why people need labels as "boyfriend and girlfriend" now, when before it wasn't a big deal. You even told Billie that. It's nice to know you still care only about yourself. And by you using Athena as your rebound to make it seem like you're alright and that you don't have to be alone, you make yourself look even more like the fucking joke of a human being that you really are. You act like you're nice and have morals and integrity. Someone who REALLY has those, wouldn't ever stoop so low. I can't believe you wasted our entire relationship for a fucking whore like Jean. I don't care if you get angry, since you obviously didn't care about my feelings throughout this situation. We had so many fucking good things going on and you threw it away so easily and effortlessly. No one will ever take care of you the way I did or try to be with you after you fuck them over too, like I did. You're still stringing Jean along, I hear...from the horse's mouth. You really outdid yourself. So I will applaud yo
u on your bullshit lies and ALMOST getting away with it. But I am a better person than you overall and will continue to be. This is why no one stood up for you throughout this. You have no fucking regard for anyone but you and you will never be anything better or more than what you are today. You're a liar to yourself, which is the worst. And a fucking leech who uses people to satisfy yourself. I thought you were a good person, but this seems like the REAL you. What I thought was a good person, was merely your fucking little image. An image you manufactured to get what you want. You say I'm not bold enough to tell you my feelings. Well here they fucking are. I'm sick of being the nice one as you continue to fuck with me and string others along. If you can put yourself before ME who was claimed to be the love of your life, then I shall do the same for MYSELF. I did love you and did give you everything. A real man would never use women or put down women as an entire gender, nor would he fucking sabotage his on
ly good relationship he's ever had, take low blows at that person when they did nothing wrong, then keep up the sick mind games. I want nothing to do with you or anyone like you. I wish it didn't come to this, but there are honest, loving people and you are NOT one of them. You have shown the extent at which your actions will go to and you have no care in the goddamn world about how it affects people who you say are good people. Even me, who you claimed to be the greatest person you've been with and you fucking even told me before you left for Colorado, that you WOULD NEVER cheat on me. Looks like that went well. Ironic, much? I do not wish you harm, but I do not wish you well. I hope you get what you deserve, whether it's from you turning yourself around and doing things to better yourself and help others, not just helping yourself. Even though you are not equipped to help anyone. I will continue to miss good memories, but I am glad we're through. You are no longer a burden on my heart. The more I find out
from the fucking source about everything you did and said to Jean and me, I get more and more angry with you. I wish you luck in life and your family as well, but don't ever expect me to help you in the face of turbulent times. You are not the same person I fell in love with. Yet, I didn't change and you could walk away so easily. You are not a man. I thought you were, but you proved me wrong throughout this situation. I do not feel you are who you claim to be. I feel you are more two faced, manipulative, a leech, and selfish than anyone you've accused of those things. I hope your life is good, but I feel that it will never be more than this. The worst liar is the one who lies to himself. So good luck in life and your future endeavors. I hope you're happy with any decisions you may make in your life. And I wish you and Athena the best. I can only hope you will be honest with her and save her from the same pain you caused me.



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I do not need you to respond to this message at all...but you should know that I have found out last night from Kat, who was kind enough to confirm all my suspicions about you and Jean, that you two, did in fact, have sex at Kat's place. I always figured you two had sex, but I must say...I'm so disappointed in who you turned out to be. I really thought you had more morals and integrity than that, but you definitely proved me wrong. I know everything you told Jean, too. Like how you want to be with her but how you're not in love with her, but that you will always love her. And yes, I heard it from the horse's mouth. I just want your bullshit to end. You know you did this and it's all on you. You seem to have no regard at all, for other people's feelings. If you did, you would never have screwed me over (but it didn't work) and kept lying to me about things, lashing out at me, and then all of a sudden telling me that we shouldn't need a label as boyfriend and girlfriend, when before you just wanted that. So yo
u turned out to be everything you accused me of being. Two faced, manipulative, a bitch, a leech, someone who lies merely to get what they want. I still care about you but I am so angry deep down that you betrayed me over and over and in front of our friends, as well. You have made our relationship an entire waste of two years, and for what? I really loved you and those feelings don't go away overnight, however, I do not wish to be with you anymore. I see how you're using Athena as a rebound and I've had people tell me you admitted that she is just that to them. Then again, I was just your rebound girl too as you said, so I'm not surprised at all by this. I feel like no matter how much I care about you, you had little to no regard for anyone else but yourself. You love yourself more than you will ever love anyone else. Which is why you went to so much trouble to cover your tracks as a cheater....by lying to me. You say you love me, which might be true, but I will never understand at all why you would even th
ink it's okay and then to keep lying, while claiming you love me and telling her you want to be with her too and all this bullshit. But I truly believe you will never be more mature than you are right now. You will never be better than you are today. You will never have regard for people's feelings more than you have regard for your own. You are truly selfish. I will always remember the shit you said to me in our conversations. Every night, lashing out at me, then apologizing to me 20 mins later. You are what you say I am. You kept lying to keep getting what you wanted from someone else, yet to keep me around too. I really thought you were a good person in the relationship, but you proved me wrong about that throughout this situation. The constant lashing out, the ignoring me, putting me down with your name calling, sneaking around with Jean, not trying to be with me when we decided to try. You have to live with what you've done. You have to live with your demons about how you sabotaged me and our good relat
ionship. You are no longer the person I fell in love with. You played sick mind games with Jean and I and I'm letting you know I know more than you think I do. So please do not come to me for help, advice, guidance, anything. I feel you used me long enough throughout this situation and Jean. Now Athena. I also know you told Jean that you don't want to be with her because she doesn't make you happy, but I also know that you told me you were so happy with me and yet, you did this to me. Hypocrite. You brought on all of the high school drama and you were the reason we ended so badly. I have never been so disappointed in someone before. This makes me feel like you don't have any integrity. Much like you told me I had none, a while back. But who really doesn't have it now? I will not make your life miserable and I will stay away from you. But I know that you didn't tell me everything that night we talked and you were telling me what happened. The more you lied, the less I wanted to be with you, much less be aroun
d you. So do not call me any more pet names, like you did when asking to attend the dinner party, do not act okay with me over a text message, then not even be able to look at me in person. I know you can't face me and that you're ashamed. But you should be. I know you said you regretted what you did, yet you continued to make it worse. I only hope you do not destroy yourself anymore than what you did with this. I know you know that no one else will take care of you the way I did, nor will they sacrifice so much to just be with you the way I did. I feel you have far more to learn about in terms of love and relationships as a whole. I do not feel you are a man. You couldn't even tell me and every time you attempted, you just put me down and beat me into the dust. I owe you nothing and that is exactly what you'll get from me. I hope you make much better decisions in your future endeavors. I understand you love yourself more than anyone else, seeing all this proof makes it obvious. I don't wish you harm, but I
don't wish you well either. I hope you can take the fact that I loved you more than anything and would have forever, when the years obsess about how you've treated them. Do not screw with me, calling me "babe" and "baby" and especially when you're with a rebound girl. I'm sick of you thinking that I know more than what I do know, when in reality, you have no idea how much I have learned about your "hidden" doings and horrible decisions. I also know that you did openly say that Athena is your rebound girl to some people I happen to be friends with. There was no need to clear up any of that suspicion, though. It's obvious to me and others, she is. Then again, you admitted to me that I was merely your rebound girl too. I feel everyone has hope of changing or bettering themselves, but you did not better yourself in any way. This situation showed me who you became...or is this the real you? I will, of course, always keep our good memories in my heart, however, I regret trying so hard for someone who never tried f
or me. Had you not wanted anymore problems or talks from me about things, you should have been smarter and not have made anything public, so no one would tell me anything. I recall a moment in our relationship where you so easily put me down, saying I know nothing in terms of people or the world. Well, it seems I do know more than you in terms of both. You have amazing skills in certain areas, like math, but your math skills will never help you out in life or get you far if you can't interact with people and not think of them as inferior to you. I do not wish to be your friend. How can I possibly be when you committed the ultimate act of betrayal and kept it up? I believe everyone has good in them, but you showed me the real you. I know you can better yourself, but you have yet to do that. I hope one day you do and that you learn from decisions like this. But until that day comes, I hope you learn more about life, love, and what it means to be a man in a relationship. So good luck in life, in all areas of it
Everyone deserves happiness and honesty. I told you because you need to know I know everything and my feelings, since I recall you telling me about my so called lack of integrity and not being bold enough to say my feelings. So I proved you wrong, just like you proved me wrong. But I do wish for you to better yourself in life and to have good luck. After all this drama, it needs to end. Granted, everyone got involved, but you brought it on yourself.



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I feel I owe you nothing and that is what you will get from me...nothing. However, I wanted to let you know that I did hear it from the source's mouth that you and Jean, did in fact, have sex at Kat's place. I wasn't really surprised, to be honest. I knew you two did, especially since you'd lash out at me anytime she was mentioned and you were pretty vague about what happened. It was just a matter of who would actually say it and someone finally did.

I must say that I've never felt as disappointed in someone as I do in you. I never expected you to change the way you did...or is this the real you? Whoever you are now, you are definitely not the person I fell in love with. You changed and sadly, not for the better. I had hoped that if we ever broke up, it wouldn't be over something like this. However, I don't really care anymore. I see how you are and the person you've become and it makes me feel so happy we're not together now. I wouldn't want you to have gotten away with what you did and luckily, you didn't. You got what you deserve, for the most part.

I truly feel that you will never be more than what you are today, nor will you be more mature or smarter than what you are today, as well. I see how you're still stringing along Jean and Athena probably doesn't see it. But I do. And so do a lot of people. I know you love this attention and this drama, since you brought it on yourself, yet did nothing to even try to stop it. You're more selfish than what I thought when this situation arose in the first place. Even though I have forgiven you for screwing me over so badly, I can't be your friend. It's hard for you to even look at me in the face without looking away quickly. We don't really talk, which is the best thing for us both, I believe. I don't feel like you're a trustworthy person and you won't let yourself be honest with anyone about who you are and your intentions, let alone be honest with yourself.

A liar is bad, but a person who lies to themselves is worse. I recall moments in our relationship where you told me that you look down upon those who don't even attempt to better themselves in life. Well, it begs the question: do you look down on yourself now? I feel you do not even care about bettering yourself and it seems you can't. I believe there is good in everyone, but I don't see how this makes you remotely a good person, let alone Jean. I actually feel sorry for her because she thinks you'll love her, but she'll never know how you will never love anyone more than yourself. I do, actually, know how you told her how you will always "love" her, but you will never love her "in that way", yet you keep her around despite Athena. Whether she's a friend or more, no one would want you to keep her around at all just because of how you have no regard for others.

Speaking of which, you have zero regard for anyone else's feelings except your own. This entire situation has proved that over and over again. Had you had any, you would not have let Jean be so aggressive and then slept with her right after we broke up, or even made this a public issue. I have noticed you seem to just do what you want, regardless of others. I can only hope that one day you will grow up and mature into a real man, but I honestly don't believe you will or are capable of that. As harsh as that sounds, at least it's the truth. I do not wish you harm in life, but I will not wish you well either. I'd like to be a neutral party when it comes to you and me.

As much good as you did for me in the relationship, I feel you've wasted the entire relationship and for what? A girl who means absolutely nothing to you, she's just easy and you know you can have her if you want her. I really had thought you had more morals and integrity, seeing as how you made a comment about me one day about how you think I have no integrity, yet this proves you have none, instead. This is another example of how you don't know how to treat others or interact with them properly. You just look at them and think everyone is inferior to you, when the truth is...you're only good at math and that will never help you to interact with others in life or get you far with people in life. So I hope you can find it in yourself to change and grow up to take more responsibility for yourself and your poor decisions.

So this is my final word to you. I wanted you to know you got away with absolutely nothing and all my respect for you has been lost and so has a lot of people's respect for you. I wish you good luck in life, but I do not wish to be a part of your life anymore. I only hope you wish to be a man and more mature one day, but that is up to you and you alone.

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